[open] where I go

[onlyhymns]

WHO: Knight-Lieutenant Cade Harimann and you
WHAT: A jumpy templar is out of the dungeon and getting his bearings on Skyhold. What horrors will he face? (by horrors I mean other people)
WHEN: Early Haring
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES:If your character met him during speed dating, feel free to assume that conversation happened IC (except Nerva) and that they're already acquainted.

Finally unleashed upon his new home, and wearing his traveling leathers with the unmistakeable flaming Templar sword emblazoned on the chest, Cade made his way around Skyhold with the intention of finding a purpose for himself.

1. The battlements. Cade was unnerved by crowds and limited sightlines, so he had taken to spending a good chunk of time up in the battlements. It gave him an opportunity to watch, listen, and grow accustomed to life below, which was so very different than how he'd come to understand the world.

2. The training grounds. Although he had first been seen in his heavy Templar plate, wielding a sword, left to his own devices Cade was more likely to use the archery range. He was an exceptionally good shot, and spent hours shooting targets with the single-minded concentration of one who was trying not to think about anything at all.

3. The chapel. He could often be found alone in the small chamber just off the cloistered garden, on his knees and with his head bowed to the altar of Andraste.

4. Anywhere! Give me a place and I'll find a reason that he'd be there.

Comments

[girlinthebox]

He'd hear. The noise frightened him, the song gnawed at him, and she remembers what it meant when he commanded silence.

There was a reflexive little shudder, and she fell further behind Cole's shadow. Her eyes trailed upwards from the praying templar to the statue above him, Andraste in cold stone with arms stretched outward.

"Pain. Shame. Coward. He fears fearing, the things the shadow holds. Monsters with men's faces," she hissed quietly, words meant for Cole alone. "He won't want us here."

[onlyhymns]

Mad. Coward. Cade realized these words weren't just echoing in his own mind anymore, he was hearing them spoken aloud in the room. He sat up a little straighter and turned his tormented gaze on what appeared to be two youths standing in the doorway-- one of whom he recognized, but her fear of him did not escape his notice. He took a breath as if to question them, but just sighed it out weakly, his expression imploring. The way they chronicled his thoughts was enough to make him think he'd go mad indeed, and he couldn't for the life of him understand why they wanted to.

[colecomfort]

She was hiding, but the man — even if he'd been angry before — was just tired. Fearful, yes, uncertain of them both, and yet there was room to speak here.

"You don't have to be afraid," Cole assured him. "But I can see why you are. You think it's secret, silent, something to suffer on your own." Why, he wondered, when there were other Templars around?

[girlinthebox]

River stayed silent, for her part. Her eyes stayed trained on Cade, even as that flicker of recognition passed through him. She'd watched until they came for him and took him away, so very tired and certain he was going to die.

It's no wonder he's exhausted. Being terrified constantly drains you.

Finally, there's a faint tip of her head, inquisitive. Curious. Not afraid.

[onlyhymns]

It occurred to Cade that perhaps only he could see these people, that he had in fact completely lost it and was now being plagued by images of dirty urchins who could read minds. He felt a sick feeling wash over him at the prospect of either one being able to glean so easily the things he kept locked inside, things that had to stay hidden in order for him to function at all, let alone contribute to society.
"What are you," he said, with cautious resignation. If he was hallucinating, so be it. If not, he wanted answers.

[colecomfort]

"I'm Cole." And with a nod over his shoulder: "This is River. But you'll remember her. So do lots of other people. You can ask them."

About River. He'd have less luck asking about the boy in the hat.

[girlinthebox]

"You needed help," she offered quietly from just behind Cole's shoulder, still peering at him from the safety of cover. But now he was afraid of them, that they weren't real, that he was still losing his grip on reality.

Never a fun feeling.

[onlyhymns]

Cade remained on his knees all the while, still in the stance of praying even as he twisted to talk to the... whatever they were. "What does that mean," he asked Cole, afraid of the answer. Why would he remember her? Or more importantly, why wouldn't he?

[colecomfort]

"River's — real," Cole responded. A short hitch between the two words, as if he knew the description was inadequate. "She hears the songs, but she's more like you. She can dream."

He was dancing around the point. "You don't have to be afraid of us." Repeating it, hoping it got across this time. "You're already exhausted. You can put it down."

[girlinthebox]

Real. Not a phantom of his mind, as he feared. Not a hallucination.

Slowly she edged out from behind Cole's shadow, her feet cold against the stone of the sanctuary. "You thought you were going to die. Waited for it, too tired for anything but an end. Afraid of blood magic and abominations, striking out blindly. She knows too much."

Her head shook slowly. "I'm not those things. I'm not angry. I want to help. We both do."

[onlyhymns]

Cade still had no way of handing this scenario that didn't involve either attacking or calling himself a madman, but he was trying. He watched the pair with a pained look-- they spoke too sincerely for him to assume demonic activity of either, and it occurred to him that perhaps he was asking the wrong questions.
"What's going to happen to me," he asked feebly. If they could read his mind, surely they knew more.

[colecomfort]

"I'm not that kind of spirit." The kind that could tell the future. Cole wasn't even certain those existed.

He was willing to try again. He stepped forward, and so long as Cade didn't run, he would join him at the alter, sitting crosslegged rather than kneeling.

"You're worried about the Commander."

[girlinthebox]

Meanwhile, River's attention had been drawn by the statue of Andraste that overwhelmed most of the tiny chapel. Stone arms. They should have been enough to protect him, but they cast shadows instead. How could you feel anything but small?

Cole's voice echoed softly in the room, warmer against the stone than the brief flicker of candlelight that sputtered at the statue's feet. She still lingered back some distance, eyes on Cade almost wistfully.

Maybe she could learn to help them better, if she watched. All she seemed to do was unnerve him.

[onlyhymns]

Cade glanced at River, but for the time being, he focused on Cole. It was the Commander he was worried about, on some level: but more than that it was the state of things in general, how he could keep himself busy, how he could keep his head above water in the ocean of shame that threatened to swallow him. If he couldn't do his job, he was worse than useless; he was just a mad animal, worthwhile only in what he could contribute to his betters.
Cade watched Cole warily, his heart nonetheless giving a pang at his clearer view of the youth, so thin and pale that he resembled a corpse. He glanced again at River. The pair of them, he realized, weren't much older than he was when-... no. He pushed the thought back and looked away abruptly, his fingers tensing into fists on his thighs as he fought back waves of panic and revulsion.
"..um.." he stammered, but couldn't collect his racing thoughts well enough to tell them to leave.

[colecomfort]

"Who am I when the rules don't matter? What are we? Knuckles white, throat burning, Maker watches over me." Oh. That was... oh.

That same revulsion rose in him: a reflection of the man's emotions, but also a reaction to what Cole had seen before the door to those memories had been quickly shut. Not enough to see it all, to know the whole shape of things, but enough to feel the horror. To know that something — someone — had ruptured his trust this thoroughly.

"He got it wrong." The words were pulled out of him: hushed, but soaked through with his sudden conviction. This was the most important thing that could be said. "He only spoke the words. The rest was hollow."

[girlinthebox]

When--

The terror is familiar, closing at the throat, the sense of you were supposed to help me, and River feels her skin crawl all over again without knowing fully why. He'd believed the words, hidden in them like armor, a light to banish the darkness. But light guttered, faltered with his fear.

Would Cole's words find the mark? Some hurts went too deep, too buried beneath scars to be healed easily.

[onlyhymns]

"Please go."

Cade had buried his face in his hands, his fingers clawed as though he sought to penetrate his own flesh and remove it entirely. He faced fully away from them now, cowering like a beaten dog, unable to look at them again. He had no further defenses, and could only hope they would accept his plea.

Tonight would be bad. He would spend far too long in the steams, scrubbing his skin raw, but he would never be clean enough.

[colecomfort]

The words hadn't worked. If old hurts were scars, Cole had torn one open that was only ever half-healed, barely sutured and sometimes, still bleeding. It was burning in the man's mind, seeping into every corner. Unclean.

"I tugged, and it tore. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." Perhaps the words were worth something. To himself, if not to the templar, because:

"Forget." Cole spoke the word with a wave of his hand, creating a hole in the man's memory and allowing the past few minutes to slip into it, and disappear. He stood, and walked toward the door without looking back. He only paused to speak, briefly, to River:

"We should go."