❰ except clearly that isn't the case, because adalia is still angry. just because his plans didn't end up needing to be enacted doesn't mean there weren't any. iorveth told her to go to thranduil, which he wouldn't have done if he hadn't thought there might be a reason to. there were plans, and she was shut out. it doesn't matter that nothing had come of them in the end. ❱
You want me to feel safe, you don't want me to feel lonely, but only so long as you get to continue to hold yourself apart and so superior, because you're a million and the rest of us might as well be five. All I ever wanted you to do was let me fit and I don't know why that's such a terrible thing to want!
❰ which is, maybe, something she should be saying to solas more than to thranduil, but it's not entirely unfair. thranduil has always been distant from her when she's wanted to be let in, to find the puzzle her weird little piece fits in, so eventually she stopped trying with him.
the angrier adalia gets, the more her anxiety rises. anger gets people hurt, anger doesn't help, but sometimes she can't help herself. adalia's grip on her chair is so tight her knuckles are beginning to bleed white, the tension just enough to keep her from shaking. ❱
( now, that is for thranduil—but she can already hear the stupid words that are about to come out of his stupid mouth, so gwenaëlle holds a hand up to stop him without looking, reaching out her other (with no visible hesitation, no, that came the moment before she made the gesture at all) to very gently lay over adalia's white knuckles.
gentler than she usually is: )
Adalia, you've never said that before.
( she thinks she might not know. that she might not know they didn't know; that she thought she was bleeding behind glass, and not brick walls. that everyone simply didn't look. )
It isn't a terrible thing to want, but you've never said it. The appallingly old get less intuitive, not more. If I can't see that that's what you're looking for, when I'm about five minutes— ( give or take five years ) —older than you are, someone who last tried to learn belonging from his elders before my culture was born doesn't have the perspective.
[ obedient, he keeps his mouth shut while his wife untangles adalia for him, saves them both from stumbling back down paths they've already trod. he's halfway done with his meal, and she hasn't even touched hers. when she's finished: ]
I cannot be both your teacher and your peer, Adalia. I would ask that you choose one.
[ and gwenaëlle's right. his perspective, honed as it is, allows him to miss things that others catch easily. but he cannot discard the wisdom or his time without ceasing to be. it is who he is. nearing three years in thedas had shifted his approach without wearing away too many of his edges. spun the looking glass, not reground it. ]
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❰ except clearly that isn't the case, because adalia is still angry. just because his plans didn't end up needing to be enacted doesn't mean there weren't any. iorveth told her to go to thranduil, which he wouldn't have done if he hadn't thought there might be a reason to. there were plans, and she was shut out. it doesn't matter that nothing had come of them in the end. ❱
You want me to feel safe, you don't want me to feel lonely, but only so long as you get to continue to hold yourself apart and so superior, because you're a million and the rest of us might as well be five. All I ever wanted you to do was let me fit and I don't know why that's such a terrible thing to want!
❰ which is, maybe, something she should be saying to solas more than to thranduil, but it's not entirely unfair. thranduil has always been distant from her when she's wanted to be let in, to find the puzzle her weird little piece fits in, so eventually she stopped trying with him.
the angrier adalia gets, the more her anxiety rises. anger gets people hurt, anger doesn't help, but sometimes she can't help herself. adalia's grip on her chair is so tight her knuckles are beginning to bleed white, the tension just enough to keep her from shaking. ❱
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gentler than she usually is: )
Adalia, you've never said that before.
( she thinks she might not know. that she might not know they didn't know; that she thought she was bleeding behind glass, and not brick walls. that everyone simply didn't look. )
It isn't a terrible thing to want, but you've never said it. The appallingly old get less intuitive, not more. If I can't see that that's what you're looking for, when I'm about five minutes— ( give or take five years ) —older than you are, someone who last tried to learn belonging from his elders before my culture was born doesn't have the perspective.
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I cannot be both your teacher and your peer, Adalia. I would ask that you choose one.
[ and gwenaëlle's right. his perspective, honed as it is, allows him to miss things that others catch easily. but he cannot discard the wisdom or his time without ceasing to be. it is who he is. nearing three years in thedas had shifted his approach without wearing away too many of his edges. spun the looking glass, not reground it. ]