faderift | OPEN | so much to learn, so little time

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OPEN | so much to learn, so little time

WHO: Finel and YOU
WHAT: February catch-all
WHEN: Beginning a few days after Kirkwail
WHERE: Various
NOTES: Finel has lots of people still to meet - starters available on request or hit me with anything and I'll roll with it

I. The Library

The library has quickly become his favorite place in the Gallows, and as such he finds a reason to be there nearly every day for several hours. Some times, he's bent over a large volume at a table, a small leather bound notebook open to the side with pen and ink as he takes notes on different magical techniques - mostly healing magics, but also digging into the histories of Thedas, and on occasion some more esoteric volumes on the Fade.

Other times he just wanders through the rows, marveling at titles and enjoying the relative quiet. Even though the room is densely filled and surrounded by stone, he feels settled and safe, here.

On one occasion, he happens to have overstayed himself. Head pillowed on one arm, arm resting against the open book, Finel appears fast asleep at the table.

II. The Wounded Coast

The stone of the Gallows and the bustle of Kirkwall at times feel like all too much. Unused to the constant closeness of a city, he seeks a more open place when he feels overwhelmed and has the time to get away. He's only been on a ship a handful of times, but there's something about the rhythm of the waves, the endless expanse of the horizon that can erase his thoughts and worries, if only briefly.

He's settled on a piece of driftwood washed up on the beach, staff leaning by his side as he takes up a smaller branch, drawing idle words and shapes in the sand. Before long he sets that aside too, and begins practicing some small spells, pulling and shaping the Fade with his hands, forming ice and fire, calling a stone on the ground towards his hand and dropping it again. The anchor shard is dull and numb just below his thumb on his left hand, and he frowns a little as he looks at it.

III. Wildcard!

Request a starter or start your own - feel free to go with any other time you might have run into him in the Library.

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"I hope there is not another time where you might need such assistance again, but I am glad to provide it."

Solas tilts his head, curious. He doesn't attempt to take the book or investigate it too much - that's for Finel to do. Instead, he adjusts his stance, settled, comfortable.

"I am glad to see that you are willing to learn." That is true, at least. "There is much to learn about the Fade and the Veil, depending on what person wrote it. I am sure the library has a great wealth of information for you, but you might enjoy requisitioning some from Skyhold as well."

There's a moment where it seems as though he might have something else he wants to say, but he holds it back, letting the conversation turn in another direction. He perks up a bit at the suggestion.

"I didn't realize that was an option - I'll certainly look into it, particularly if you have any recommendations, although I often feel as though I could read all day for years and still never work my way through it all. My clan had very few books or scrolls, and we never ventured very close to human cities, let alone into their libraries. I wish I could have discovered them sooner."

Finel pauses a moment, then: "I heard you were at Skyhold when the Inquisition started, aiding the Inquisitor. Was it easier to do your research there?"

It's not in Solas nature to push without cause or reason; he might nudge, here or there, or question, or demand, but only when there is a purpose to it (or when his anger has got the better of him, in some cases). In this moment, he is content to give Finel the time and space he needs to focus on himself, to develop, to push.

"I am sure I can come up with a list for you." It's not as if he doesn't have one in his mind already; it's second nature to him now. He knows too much and not quite enough all at once. "It's a good thing that you've found the Inquisition, then. We have enough books to keep you occupied for a very long time."

That question makes him pause, however, and Solas tilts his head, thinking before he answers.

"Not easier, perhaps. I was given far more time alone than I am here, but there are benefits to being at the heart of the Inquisition."

There may be a time, later, when he can gather up the courage to ask for help again. As it is, he feels too much like a burden for most people still, as he yet has much to learn and acclimate himself to in his new home.

Finel brightens at the thought, even if his smile is somewhat bittersweet. "At the very least it helps during the times when I feel homesick." He's in the library nearly every day, so: often. But even if he misses the familiarity of the clan, Finel does not miss their self-imposed isolation.

"What was it like?" he asks, and then suddenly realizes that the conversation is drawing out longer than originally intended. "That is - if you have time, would you sit with me? I don't want to keep you if you have other matters to attend to."

"I have heard that said before," Solas admits, voice soft. "There are enough books here to remind anyone of home, or to direct elsewhere should their mind demand it. The Inquisition is there to guide and teach, as much as it can be." It's not something that everyone is interested in doing, of course, but Solas has a great respect for those who do take advantage of it.

Motioning to the tables, Solas takes a seat, making himself comfortable. It's nothing that's going to harm him for too long - it's been long enough since he had a comfortable, pleasant conversation that he welcomes it, content to have it even if it might end up veering into something he's less inclined to discuss.

"Are you asking about Skyhold, or the Inquisitor?"

"I feel as though I have truly understood only a little about the rest of the world. There's so much more than I could have imagined...and to read about it from those who actually wrote it- there are so many things I would never have known otherwise."

The Dalish wandered, but so few of them had truly seen or witnessed certain events in their history, stories passed down generation to generation, occasionally written on one of the few books kept, precious and fragile. Having so much new knowledge right at his fingertips has become the most incredible thing for him.

Finel can't quite keep a quietly delighted look from his face with Solas joins him. Although he's been here a while longer now, there aren't many that he's had much repeat company with so far. Perhaps it's simply a lingering gratitude of Solas coming to his aid, a slight tingling of hero-worship, but Finel finds himself especially drawn in and curious.

"Skyhold, actually."

It would be far too easy to make some commentary on the nature of the Dalish; Solas can understand their desire for isolation, why they keep themselves distant from other races, but the impact is limiting. Coming together only to share falsehoods and fables, stories they think are their true history... It is not something that he can fathom. He had gone to the last gathering and he had been shunned for it; he had tried.

Too many of them are unwilling.

At least Finel is curious, and interested, and willing to learn. Solas can respect that if nothing else - he wants to learn, is willing to listen, is willing to study. Perhaps he will be more willing to hear what Solas has to say, if he dares to mention it. He is not prepared to be painted with the brush of heresy again, not after settling so comfortable in Kirkwall.

"It was a marvellous place to stay. I had my own rotunda, that allowed me my own study, close to the library. It was busy, with people from all places and many different races coming to offer their aid and support to the cause. It was... Perhaps unique in its nature, in its position."

The truth is that Finel feels a much less strong connection to his heritage than most of his kin. His questioning of Dalish legend and history had always earned him looks of frustration from his Keeper, who couldn't afford to dismiss her first simply because he lacked faith and conviction and asked too many questions at times. Others, less generously, have even gone so far as to delcare him unfit for vallaslin, let alone to be the leader one day.

But with such a wealth of knowledge at his disposal...how could he not be fascinated by all of it?

A wistful smile comes to his face as he looks around the Gallows Library. It's become his favorite place to be, but he could only imagine such a space that Solas describes.

"That sounds wonderful," he murmurs softly. "Do you miss it?"

"Sometimes. It was a suitable place for the Inquisition to grow once tragedy befell Haven, but I'm uncertain if it would ever be a permanent home."

Not for him, at least. It had been once; there's a reason he had been able to guide the Inquisitor to Skyhold, why he had been able to show them the way, but now? There are so many haunting memories, so many things he wishes he could undo or replace or reshape that he's not entirely sure what to do with himself or how best to handle it all. There are other things that require his attention and, for now, being in Kirkwall is the most logical place.

Shaking his head, he lifts his eyes and looks back at Finel.

"I would take the chance to visit, were it possible, if I was in your shoes. It might be a wonderful experience to have."

Perhaps he imagines it, but there is something sad about the way Solas speaks of Skyhold, or at the very least something sad at the idea of not having a permanent home. He tilts his head when Solas looks back at him again, offers him a soft smile.

"I should like that very much, I think. There's so much of Thedas I still want to see."

Finel pauses a moment before continuing. "It seems like you have traveled to many places. Have you never wanted to make a home in any place in particular?"

Edited 2019-02-24 03:39 (UTC)

It is a little sad, a kind of nostalgia that he cannot quite obtain here - it had been his, completely, once, but now? He has handed it over to an organisation far beyond his means, wishing he had the strength to make use of it but not being willing to do it. It's enough for Thranduil and Galadriel to know who he is and what his plans are; he has no need to make the situation more complex.

"The Inquisition will certainly give you that chance."

Pausing, Solas hesitates for a moment before he speaks softly.

"I am home in the Fade, always."

There's something about the way he says it that discourages the lighthearted comment that comes to mind. Finel falters a moment, feeling as though he's come up against something that's not quite his place to ask more. To travel so extensively both in and out of the fade, and yet to feel more comfortable there, away from the rest of the world and most other people seems so terribly lonely. Had something happened, once, for him to feel so at odds when he is awake?

It isn't something he understands, but at the same time, if not for Solas' expertise and experience, he may very well have been broken by the spirit that night.

Finel regards him quietly, his expression softening.

"That is where you are happiest?"

Solas' desires when it comes to Skyhold are mixed up and confused. His emotional attachment to it isn't what it had been once, and there's something like longing inside of him - he wants to go back to when things had been easier, to the world before, but he knows that it will never be the same. All his plans, all the things he had decided to do...

Turning his head, he looks over, hesitating for a moment before he breathes out softly. This is not going the direction that he had imagined it to, which is a touch more complicated.

At least the Fade is easier.

"Sometimes. It depends on the place, the memory."

The last thing Finel wants to do is force anyone to impart things that are too painful or too personal. They still don't know each other that well, after all, and there's nothing to be gained from pushing himself in where he isn't wanted. It's clear there's something Solas would rather not say, so he tries to bring it back to something else.

"Is there a happy memory you would be willing to share with me? But if you have other matters you'd rather attend, I won't keep you any longer."

"There are many memories."

Solas pauses, hesitating as he considers. There's a brief pause before he gathers his thoughts and then he leans forward. There's something almost like a smile on his face, something calming and soft and gentle.

"I was friends with a spirit, once."

Finel shifts, settling a little more comfortably and setting aside some of the more distracting things in front of him to give Solas his sole focus. There's a pleasantness to his voice, the same tender warmth that had broken through a tumultuous horror to calm and settle his heart. He leans in a little as well, eager for this seemingly small gift.

"What sort of spirit?"

"A spirit of Wisdom."

It's still something that pains him a little, to think of what happened to it. His friends had tried, with a great deal of their strength, but it had not been enough. They had not been able to save it and it pained him, just a little, to think about what had been taken from them both.

"It was transformed."

Finel leans his chin onto the curl of one hand, already enraptured.

"How so? What sort of things could you learn from the spirit."

"Mages summoned it and forced it to act against its will. That killed it."

It's said with an extreme kind of bitterness, the one that comes from not quite being able to have his vengeance - he was stopped. Idle fingers touch the bone necklace around his neck, the golden hair twined around it.

"Spirits are content to share all the knowledge they have gained with anyone who is willing to ask."

His expression falls, a small ache in his chest rising in sorrow and sympathy. Finel notices the touch, and it's hard not to lift his own hand to the pendant hung from his own neck in a similar fashion.

"I'm so sorry..." he offers softly, knowing that it's nearly meaningless. But even so, it deserves acknowledgment, at least. But still, he knits his brows together curiously.

"Are all spirits like that?"

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OPEN | so much to learn, so little time

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