THE SKULL IS IN

[skulltasm]

WHO: Eshal, Haku, Laura, and anyone else!
WHAT: Catch-all threading
WHEN: During this heat wave, of course! But not during Monster Madness.
WHERE: Everywhere!
NOTES: Bad advice.

I. ESHAL

It is an ongoing mystery how Skull ends up where he does. He is frequently decorating some surface in the Seneschal's office, in the library, in the dining hall, or propping open doors, or being a perch for some damned raven, or being used to crack open hard-shelled nuts.

It's all very demeaning. Particularly when it forces you to depend on the kindness of morons.

"YOO-HOO, OVER HERE!"

II. HAKU

This time, he's in the storeroom, right next to a jar of pickles. Leering would work so much better if he weren't on such a low shelf.

"YOU'RE A LONG WAY FROM HOME."

He says it to a set of ankles. It's a safe enough assumption even for one who isn't fairly sure those ankles came from a different world.

III. LAURA

And then there's this one, with knives for bones and all the trappings of a feral child.

"AN ODD DUCK, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE."

IV. OTA - WILDCARD

[[ Feel free to godmod where Skull ends up. He's bound to turn up literally anywhere. ]]

Comments

[saam]

She clacks her teeth back at him, it, whatever. Mocking.

"Funny little head in a jar. Can you do magic, head? Or are you magic?" An idea is forming.

[skulltasm]

"...I DON'T LIKE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES, MORTAL."

[saam]

Fear is good. She can work with fear. She kisses the glass of the jar, more for effect than genuine affection. Obviously.

"I don't like that you don't have eyes. Can't be picky, hm?"

[skulltasm]

Oh but he can! One by one, two eyes pop into existence in Skull's sockets. Too-round, too-mobile, and moving independent of one another.

"BETTER?

[saam]

She cackles, delighted.

"What else can you do?" She shakes him a little, sloshing the goo in the jar about.

[skulltasm]

As if jostled loose, one of the phantom eyeballs rolls out of its socket and bounces once on the glass before disappearing like a popped soap bubble.

"STOP THAT! STOP! THE INDIGNITY!"

[saam]

Time to shake even harder, then. "Answer my questions, then."

[skulltasm]

"AIIIIIEEEEEEE! A-AM MAGIC! CAN'T DO ANYTHIIING!"

With luck, Bartimaeus won't be around to overhear this admission. Skull would never hear the end of it. Bad enough he always shows off by walking.

[saam]

She stops shaking the jar abruptly enough that the mystery liquid inside it sploshes about abruptly. Still smiling.

"Figures. But you're still useful. Tell me, head: what do you like most of all?"

[skulltasm]

The skull clunks gently against the bottom of the jar after being shaken, not stirred, so vigorously. It may be an indestructible jar, and a deathless haunted skull, but it can still be rattled.

"WOULD YOU CARE TO BE MORE SPECIFIC, OR WOULD TOFFEE BANANA SUFFICE?"

How is it the Skull can remember the taste of a toffee banana but not its own name? Ah, the mysteries of life-after-death.

[saam]

She rolls her eyes. "I am offering to give you things you like, idiot. If you want to be a coward about it, you're of no use to anyone, and belong in the stables. Behind the horses."

In short.

[skulltasm]

What. This is suspicious. Skull is silent for a moment before chattering its teeth at the madwoman again.

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MATERIAL POSSESSIONS? I DON'T HAVE HANDS. ARE YOU PROPOSING FAVORS? NO-ONE HAS TRIED TO PLY ME WITH FAVORS BEFORE. AND PLY FOR WHAT?! WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE?!"

[saam]

"I've never been a skull, perhaps you enjoy your jar placed among pretty things. Perhaps you like it hidden from bright lights. I have hands, remember." She taps the jar for emphasis.

And then rolls her eyes. No one has ever tried to use this thing? How stupid is this organization? Ugh.

"I can think of several ways to use a creature such as yourself. If it can be trusted. If it can't, there's no point in letting it in on my plans."

[skulltasm]

[skulltasm]

[skulltasm]

”PLANS! WELL WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO SOONER, I LOVE PLANS. BEING AMONG PRETTY THINGS IS FINE BUT GIVE ME A GOOD PLAN AND I’M HAPPY AS A CLAM. DID YOU KNOW THAT CLAMS DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE A CONCEPT OF HAPPINESS?”

[saam]

She taps her fingers on the glass of the jar, playing at idleness. "Then you know plans are worthless without collateral, hm? What needs to be promised to ensure you don't turn on me?"

She doesn't believe for a second a cursed (it's got to be cursed) skull in a jar actually loved plans for the sake of plans. Not even she likes those. How idiotic.

"...But, no, I didn't know that about clams." Is happy as a clam something people say in Trade? What is wrong with them...

[skulltasm]

"WELL, I WOULD RATHER LIKE TO STAY OUT OF THE OCEAN. I'VE BEEN THROWN INTO THOSE DEPTHS BEFORE AND I DIDN'T CARE FOR IT. YOU DO REALIZE THAT WHAT YOU'RE ESSENTIALLY ASKING IS FOR ME TO PROVIDE BLACKMAIL ON MYSELF?"

Probably the only way to ensure the strictest confidence would be to keep the jar under lock and key, but he's hardly going to suggest that.

[saam]

"Blackmail is threats. I am making promises."

She looks far too satisfied with that phrasing (she stole it off a sea captain she fucked two years back).

"Here. I will promise to keep you far from the sea, and with a good view of... things..." She waves her free hand vaguely. They'll hash out those details later, apparently. "And if I, perhaps, need the preserved skull of a great philosopher mage to speak prophecy... or a strange voice coming from the wall to prove a place is haunted... you see?"

[skulltasm]

Aha, now that is the sort of chicanery Skull can get behind.

A pinprick of light, flickering like some distant green flame, appears deep in the dark, empty eye sockets of the Skull. The green liquid surrounding it shimmers, and the reflection of Eshal's face on the glass warps to look like someone older, more hunched, with glasses. And then, in his best impression of that crusty old philosopher who saw Skull as a mere paperweight:

"THERE IS A KING WHO WILL COME FROM THE SOUTH. HE IS THE SON OF A WOMAN OF THE LAND OF THE BOW, HE IS A CHILD OF THE HEARTLAND OF FERELDEN. HE WILL TAKE UP THE WHITE CROWN, HE WILL RAISE UP THE RED CROWN, HE WILL UNITE THE OLD GODS, AND APPEASE THE MIGHTIEST OF THEM."

He drops the theatrics.

"LIKE THAT?"

[saam]

She smiles, pleased. She could give him notes, sure, but why cut the enthusiasm. "You have a knack. I see a beautiful working relationship in our future."

More tapping on the side of the jar.

"Where should I place you, Serah Head?"

[skulltasm]

The start of a beautiful friendship. Finally, some respect!

"SOMEWHERE AT EYE-LEVEL OR HIGHER, I HATE HAVING TO STARE AT THE LOWER HALVES OF MORTALS."

[saam]

She pauses a moment. "You don't want me to hide you in one of the washrooms, right?"

[skulltasm]

"AS HILARIOUS AS THAT WOULD BE--"

That'd be even more of the lower half than he usually has to look at.

[saam]

Groooan. "I hate working with perverts. You don't even have a cock."

(She does. It's in a box under her bed.)

"A windowsill? You can look down on everyone."