[open] I'm learning to live

[altusimperius]

WHO: Benedict and you
WHAT: November catch-all
WHEN: Firstfall
WHERE: the dungeon
NOTES: will update as needed

It's getting cold.

Which is to say, it's gotten cold. The dungeon doesn't allow for a lot of natural light, the sun appearing through the window only for a little while in the morning, leaving the rest of the day shrouded in gloom. Now that the winter draws ever closer, Benedict finds himself in shadow most of the time, and has determined that he would gladly sacrifice the light entirely if it meant the wind no longer blew straight into the cell.
He has taken to sleeping under the cell's bench at night, if only to block the wind.

It doesn't help that he's lost some weight off his already skinny frame, though it's difficult to see when he's so frequently wrapped up in the thin blanket he's allowed. It's not uncommon for a visitor to peer into the cell and just see what appears to be a lump of fabric, only for a dirty foot or greasy head to emerge from within it as he either looks to see who's arrived or fails to contain his lanky form in his sleep. His face has accumulated a layer of scruff that will never quite become a beard (not that he ever wanted one), but serves only to itch constantly.

All things considered, it hasn't taken too long for Benedict to reach a miserable state. But he has books now, and he has watercolors, and something in him seems much more alive than it had previously-- he no longer lies staring at the ceiling, finding respite from gnawing boredom only within his own mind.
When not reading or painting, he can often be found working on a straw mat that, at some point, he began to weave out of the contents of the cell's floor. It has slowly come to take the shape of the window.

Still he asks for nothing, speaks only when spoken to, and seems to have settled into a sort of peaceful hopelessness. If this is his life now, at least he's alive.

Comments

[keenly]

When Colin appears, a guard follows him and takes out a key to open the cell door. Colin says nothing, only holds up what he's carrying: a bucket of steaming water and a bar of soap. A towel is thrown over his shoulder and there's a bag at his side. He is permitted to enter the cell long enough to deposit these things on the cell floor. Inside the bucket, Benedict will also find a sponge. From the bag, Colin takes out a basic change of clothes: a clean shirt, a loose-fitting wool banyan, and trousers that will definitely be too short for Benedict but still wearable.

He wouldn't say it, but this is as much for him as it is for Benedict. Visits have become increasingly difficult, with the smell, though Colin is too polite to have mentioned it.

[altusimperius]

It's extremely rare that the cell door opens at all, let alone someone coming inside it, and Benedict watches Colin in wonderment for several moments before realizing what he has.
His face lights up, but he also glances toward the window, and then the guard, concerned.

"No one's..." he mutters sheepishly, "no one's going to watch, are they?"

[keenly]

A slight wink.

"Don't worry. I've got you." He steps out of the cell and the guard shuts and locks it. Quickly, he unclasps his cloak and hangs it across the cell for privacy, pinning it in place on each side.

[altusimperius]

A little smile follows Colin. Then, once left alone, the only sound Benedict makes can be attributed to the various tasks required by basic hygiene, which he's so neglected for so long. Not entirely thrilled about the puddle of water now on the floor, which will no doubt freeze overnight, he mops it up with the towel and the dirty clothes he's been wearing, which he then loads into the bucket and scoots to the edge of the cell to indicate he's finished.

He looks much happier now, a bit of life back in his eyes where it'd been fading, though he also shivers from the inevitable chill of wet hair by an open window with winter oncoming.

[keenly]

That refreshed look is what Colin hoped to see, and he grins when he steps into the cell to take away the effects. First things first, though. He reaches to give Bene a proper hug, not through the bars, while they have the chance.

[altusimperius]

Bene grips him tightly, the first real human contact he's had in months, which he is now experiencing with the same desperation as a child might with a beloved stuffed toy. He even rocks Colin back and forth lightly, stopping only when the guard raps impatiently on the bars for the latter to come out.

[keenly]

It's a good hug, but the guard does look a bit impatient. Colin gives Bene a pat on the shoulder as they break away. The guard closes and locks the cell behind him.

"Better?" Colin asks when the guard has taken his place again.

[altusimperius]

"Much," Bene says quietly, pushing his wet hair back out of his face with a little shudder. He's glad to have had a good scrub, less so for the cold. But there are rules, which he set himself, for engagement in this place, and that means no complaining.

"I feel," he murmurs, rubbing his upper arms, "...I feel like a person."

[keenly]

"Hate to break it to you," Colin says lightly, "but you are a person. And there is a bare minimum, for being a person. I know you're trying this new thing where you don't ask for anything, but you can always ask for something to wash up with, out of respect for yourself."

And, incidentally, for the respect of the people coming to visit him. Bene smells like soap now, rather than...whatever it is Colin's going to carry away in the bucket.

He's also about 46% sure Benedict assumed the answer would be no and didn't think to ask.

[altusimperius]

This merits a sheepish smile, and Benedict holds himself still for a moment, considering. Then, he nods.
"Do you think I could," he murmurs, "...shave."

[keenly]

"I doubt it," Colin says truthfully. "Well. Maybe if I did it, and a guard was watching." He doubts Athessa knows how to do it. "I'll ask next time."

[altusimperius]

"Someone else can do it," Bene says quickly, sensible enough to recognize that he's not going to be allowed anything sharp anytime soon--
not that he's in for any form of violence, but he understands how these things work.

He seems like he's about to say more, taking a breath to do so, but just stops and sighs faintly through his nose instead. He nods, a bit distractedly, and looks down.
Baby steps.

[keenly]

Colin reaches out with a hand; if he can't reach Benedict's hand, he at least nudges it with a finger.

"Talk to me."

[altusimperius]

"It's nothing," Benedict insists, looking at Colin's hand and then gently taking it, swallowing hard. Then,

"What are... what are people doing," he asks in a low, apologetic voice, "...these days?"

[keenly]

Ah. Colin can only imagine the kind of toll this isolation is taking on him. He squeezes Bene’s hand. “Well, a few months ago, Byerly married Sidony in a tavern so her parents couldn’t force her to marry their choice of groom. Right after, she was kidnapped and he got stabbed. It was pretty exciting.”

[altusimperius]

Benedict's nose wrinkles in a familiar sneer when Byerly is mentioned, but even he seems impressed by the story, especially since it involves the man being stabbed.
"I assume he didn't die," he says, vaguely disappointed, but behaving himself.

[keenly]

“No deaths,” Colin confirms, “and they got Sidony back. Hm, what else? Nevarra started a war with itself and then the enemy raised the entirety of the Necropolis, so now it’s been taken over by corpses.”

[altusimperius]

"Oh." His eyes go wide at that. "That's."

A pause as he considers what it is.

"...challenging."

[keenly]

"Little bit. There's...a lot. And I'm not the best authority on what people are doing, really, but there's a lot happening. You might ask Athessa instead."

[altusimperius]

"Maybe I will." Benedict bites the inside of his cheek, looking a little self-conscious; he likes Athessa, but has a hard time getting a read on how she feels about him.
"...but she'll just call me a walnut again."

[katabasis]

It's a pale, wet day. While the thick old stone of the Gallows provides a buffer against the chill, the damp passes down through that narrow little window high in the wall of Benedict's cell and drains downward where it forms a puddle of sludgy mud at the rear wall. They are, admittedly, somewhat grim accommodations. But if the mud wasn't there to be moaned about, then the contentious subject would be the lack of natural light, or the quality of the bread being served to the cell's occupant, or the unevenness of the floor and how the poor man had only last week stubbed his toe on a paving stone. Bleeding hearts will inevitably find some nettle to stab themselves with.

There is a heavy bang and clack as a key is turned in a lock. Suffice to say that as Flint comes through the door - armed with sword and belt knife, a stool and a half empty bottle of wine - he sees no issue with the state of the cell. He rights the stool, then sits down on it. The door closes and summarily locked again behind him.

"I find myself having arrived at an impasse.” There is a shallow bowl just inside the cell. He fetches it up, uncorks the bottle and pours a measure of the dark red wine into it. "As I’m sure you can imagine, it is not a state which I enjoy."

[altusimperius]

The footsteps traversing the hall don’t belong to Colin or Athessa, which means it’s time to stash his weaving under the blanket Benedict isn’t currently wearing over his shoulders. He does so hurriedly, and is glad of it when he sees who’s coming.
Slowly, he straightens off the floor and goes to sit on the bench, both so as not to be on the floor while Flint looks over him, and so he can be as far away as possible.

He watches the man fill the bowl with wine, but much like with Eshal, isn’t about to presume that it’s for him without being told so. Until that point, it’s decoration.
He slowly raises his gaze to Flint when the man speaks to him, feeling his insides clench at the mere sight of him.
Benedict is afraid, deeply so, especially of Flint, but now’s the time to keep it together.

“An impasse,” he says politely, prompting him onward.

[katabasis]

Flint hums a low noise in reply. "I'm growing tired of this - the part where we have you in a closed room and are pretending like if left to your own devices long enough, you may be inspired by some useful purpose instead of just making piles of dirt or counting every stone in your cell wall. Let us say that I have my doubts with regard to how inspirational this place is."

He corks the bottle and sets it carefully beneath his chair where it will be out of the way and inconveniently snatched at in case of any disturbance. The odds present themselves as low, but desperate people are prone to desperate measures and he has made it a point to be ignorant of the man's state of mind. Maybe he is willing to be stupid.

(Maker, let him be willing to be stupid. It would solve a series of problems most conveniently.)

"But most of all, I find I am tired of being made to deal with every bleeding heart whose strings you've managed to tug on when you should be making yourself useful."

[altusimperius]

Eminently less stupid than any given person hopes he is, Benedict remains still and doesn't even look at the bottle. He's cowed by Flint's presence, certainly, but one might also say his optimism about the chances of pulling any shenanigans and living through the encounter is at an all-time low. Which, at least in his mind, is for the best.

He looks a little more frightened by the prospect of there being hearts who have been bleeding on his behalf-- he knows about Colin, and though he gets unnervingly righteous, there's been no intentional heartstring tugging that Benedict is aware of. In fact, he's been avoiding it.
He nods, eyes locked on Flint, just letting him speak.

[katabasis]

Benedict is, for better or worse, hardly the first person to make this mistake.

"Now, the trouble is that there is exactly one straight forward solution to both these problems. I don't Believe I have to explain it to you, but stop me if I've lost you. I would rather the point be made clear."

[altusimperius]

It's impossible to lean any further back into the wall, but Benedict tries anyway, the color draining from his face. He nods rapidly, adding "it's-- it's clear," in a slightly choked voice. "..ser."

[katabasis]

The man in the chair regards him with a flat expression. It cannot be described as calculating, but it must be. In any case, it gives off the distinct impression of being very aware - of the color draining from Benedict's face, of this room and how far away anyone else in the whole world is from it.

"I gather you would prefer to avoid that outcome," he says.

[altusimperius]

It's been months since he first came back to Kirkwall, and there have definitely been moments when Benedict has wondered whether he'd have preferred a quick death to this long, pathetic lingering. But here, faced with the idea by someone who would no doubt bring it all too gladly, he finds his attachment to life as healthy as ever.

"Yes, ser," he says in a small voice.

[katabasis]

A nod. Good.

"Then it would benefit you to suggest a few alternatives."

[altusimperius]

Oh.

Benedict's heart feels like it's fallen into his stomach, and both are bouncing around like fleas on a dying dog. He was in no way prepared for this, apart from the occasional flight of ludicrous fancy. But then, there's always the standby.

"I can-- translate Old Tevene," he stammers, "and-- decode letters, and," it all seems to be hurrying out of his mouth faster than he can think about it, "I'll-- I'll do anything you want." He'll even stay here, but he doubts that's what Flint is looking for.

[katabasis]

"And in what way do you think either of those things would even begin to be applicable to this organization?"

He has thoughts of his own, but that's obviously not why he's here.

[altusimperius]

That stops Benedict in his tracks, and he stares at Flint, frozen. That's what he was doing before, after all, in between his duties as a chamberlain.

"Corypheus," he breathes, "is-- is an old Magister, he operates the way the Imperium used to, he wants it to be that way again." Unless Corypheus is no longer an issue? But Colin would've said something, wouldn't he?
"Finding a way to-- to stop him might be-- as much about undermining his expectations as... as thwarting his military efforts." Bene's hands are clasped tightly, his gaze focused on the wall behind Flint.

"I met him," he adds, shoulders hunched, "the Senate thinks he'll give them even more power, that they'll be running Thedas like the Ancient Magisters with him as their figurehead. But if-- if they can be convinced to turn, or," he winces, "...or d.. dealt with..."
It's hard not to show any dismay at the idea, but his family is not only fully embroiled in the Wrong Side but are the reason he's here, and they certainly haven't sent a rescue party.
"...then his base will crumble."

[katabasis]

"I'm not discussing this matter theoretically. I am not interested in what could potentially turn families in Tevinter from Corypheus, or what we might discover in some old papers three years from now to undo them. What I am asking," he says, that bowl of wine balanced on his knee. "Is what will do it, and your plan to accomplish it. Saying you'll read letters and do translation is all well and good, but requires very little of you."

[altusimperius]

An impossible question, in particular for one with so little news out of the outside world, who doesn't know what may or may not have already happened, or what's in motion. And it's not like he had much power to begin with, all things considered.
Benedict opens his mouth, closes it again, and looks away, as miserable as he is frightened. "I don't know," he admits, his voice low, "...I don't know."
He looks down at his hands. "But if someone figures it out. I'll do it."