closed | I walked through fire to save my life

[keenly]

WHO: Barrow and Colin
WHAT: Colin has a favor to ask.
WHEN: Early Wintermarch
WHERE: The Gallows
NOTES: Warnings for anxiety/panic and PTSD.

He thought about it shortly after speaking to Byerly about switching divisions. Somehow, finally laying the problem out for someone helped him to see it clearly for the first time. He doesn't need to change divisions. He needs to change himself.

Barrow was the only one who had seen him choke during battle, and had acted well. He's also clearly no longer a Templar. Even if he were, well. Templars are no longer the enemy. It's a deeply unsettling thing to think on for any length of time, but Colin's mind is made up. This is the right thing to do.

Comments

apothecary

[keenly]

When Barrow arrives today, his lyrium is already waiting for him. Colin looks up at him with a smile.

"Afternoon. Um." He gestures at the package all prepared. "And there was something I wanted to talk to you about. A, um. A favor I need to ask of you."

TIME TO STOP FORGETTING YOU MADE THIS

[thereneverwas]

Barrow's expression is pleasant when he sees the lyrium there, and he pockets it while handing over the coin in the same gesture, his eyebrows raised as Colin continues.
"A favor?"

gee you sound so excited

[keenly]

Colin puts the coin away. One hand flexes nervously at his side.

"I...need you to Silence me. Not now, but sometime, preferably somewhere where it's just the two of us. And I'm going to need you to do it more than once."

I'm just dumb

[thereneverwas]

For a moment, Barrow isn't certain he heard him correctly. He blinks a few times, glances back over his shoulder to the door-- as if everyone and their dog don't know by this point-- then looks back to Colin with a slightly more serious expression.

"Do I want to know why?"

nooooo

[keenly]

Colin rather wants to back out on this already. Somehow, trying to offer explanation is a more daunting task than facing one of his worst fears. His mouth opens some time before words leave it, gaze turned away from Barrow.

"Ssssso I don't, um. Freeze in battle again, like I did." Wait, that sounds completely crazy. He flinches. "When you...hit me. With your abilities. You hit me with it and I know you were trying for the enemy but I panicked anyway? So now I want to train myself not to...do that."

That seems like it should suffice without delving into a more detailed backstory. Regardless of specifics, that sensation has connotations for any Circle mage.

[thereneverwas]

"...ah."

Clearly uncomfortable, Barrow rubs the back of his neck, gazing into the middle distance for a moment or two. "...that... seems only fair."

[keenly]

"You don't have to," Colin says quickly, readily giving Barrow an out.

[thereneverwas]

"No, no," he says with a wave of his hand, a bit of joviality returning to his face, as uneasy as he is about the topic. "I mean, you're the one who'll get the shit end of it, is all, based on how the battle went."

[keenly]

"Yes," Colin agrees, sucking in a breath through his teeth. It's going to be the worst. "When would be a good time for you?"

[thereneverwas]

"Any old time. I'm usually out on the practice field in the afternoons." He shrugs one shoulder. "You can come find me, or I'll meet you somewhere."

[keenly]

So they're really doing this. Colin's not sure if he should do it near mealtimes, but he definitely needs not to do it until after business hours.

"Evening work? Maybe just...start with evening tomorrow and I can reevaluate after that?"

[thereneverwas]

"Evening works fine." Barrow turns to leave, but glances back at Colin, trying not to show too much concern and mostly failing.

"Just come find me, yeah?"