He seems to let her words settle on him for a time, thinking through them rather than responding right away, taking the moment seriously.
"...she was the reason I went to Tevinter with Kitty. I found out she'd been sold, and I wanted to..." He twists his mouth. "...to buy her back. Maybe let her decide how she wanted to spend the rest of her life. I don't know." Can he really say his intentions were that earnest, at the time? Perhaps not, but, again with the 'what if's.
"She's free now. Kitty got her out. I don't know where, but there's that." He shrugs one shoulder, but is unable to conceal how his expression has tightened with unexpected emotion. "I'll probably never see her again. But I love her, I think... I think the way you mean. It just. Feels sort of wrong to, because she couldn't choose."
This has never affected him so deeply before, but it's difficult not to think about it in the greater context of their discussion. He furtively wipes one of his eyes, angling his head away. "--I see her in Colin, a bit. Scared to be anything but a certain way, scared of what'll happen if he doesn't. I don't. ...I don't know how to deal with that."
It's complicated. Very complicated. But...Athessa doesn't think that she blames Benedict for his nanny's position. She may not have had a choice but neither did he. His mother was the one calling the shots, the awful one. And really, isn't the woman who raised him his real mother, regardless of who birthed him?
Athessa sighs and toes the ground. "I dunno either, but I think it's good that you're thinking about it. And for what it's worth, I don't think anyone really has a choice when it comes to loving someone. Especially family. And it hurts to think you might not ever see someone you love again."
Benedict nods silently. He hadn't expected the conversation to take this turn, but here it is, and here he is feeling more than a little thrown off by it. "Well," he murmurs after a time, "if you see him, just. Tell him I'm sorry." It's not like he can go chasing after anyone. "..please."
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He seems to let her words settle on him for a time, thinking through them rather than responding right away, taking the moment seriously.
"...she was the reason I went to Tevinter with Kitty. I found out she'd been sold, and I wanted to..." He twists his mouth. "...to buy her back. Maybe let her decide how she wanted to spend the rest of her life. I don't know." Can he really say his intentions were that earnest, at the time? Perhaps not, but, again with the 'what if's.
"She's free now. Kitty got her out. I don't know where, but there's that." He shrugs one shoulder, but is unable to conceal how his expression has tightened with unexpected emotion.
"I'll probably never see her again. But I love her, I think... I think the way you mean. It just. Feels sort of wrong to, because she couldn't choose."
This has never affected him so deeply before, but it's difficult not to think about it in the greater context of their discussion. He furtively wipes one of his eyes, angling his head away.
"--I see her in Colin, a bit. Scared to be anything but a certain way, scared of what'll happen if he doesn't. I don't. ...I don't know how to deal with that."
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Athessa sighs and toes the ground. "I dunno either, but I think it's good that you're thinking about it. And for what it's worth, I don't think anyone really has a choice when it comes to loving someone. Especially family. And it hurts to think you might not ever see someone you love again."
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"Well," he murmurs after a time, "if you see him, just. Tell him I'm sorry." It's not like he can go chasing after anyone. "..please."
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