It occurs to Colin, not for the first time, that this is a man who never knew limits or boundaries as a child. It would be easy for him to misinterpret what Colin is saying right now to mean some manner of exchange or bribery. Colin shakes his head.
"Let me explain. I know the way you were raised was...insufficient. It was neglect, of a sort. But the way it works in the world, when you apologize to someone, it means that going forward, the relationship is going to be better. The problem that came between you is going to be worked on. In my case, I've...I think I've tried to control you a bit. Given you help you didn't ask for. From now on, I'll give you agency in the things I do for you. See?"
In spite of himself, Bene looks a little incredulous. 'Insufficient?' But then, Colin's not exactly wrong, it's just strange hearing it spoken aloud. But there's something more concerning than that. "How have you tried to control me?"
"...I don't know. It felt like trying to teach you. Assuming you wanted to be different than you are. I don't remember if I even asked you if you wanted to...? But I might have."
"So I need to...ask you more questions, more often. About what you want and don't want. Because I don't want to become your mother. I just, I want you to be able to come out of there and be happy."
Benedict nods solemnly, his nervousness beginning to taper. A faint smile twitches onto his face at the idea of Colin becoming his mother-- what a nightmare-- but he's trying to take him seriously otherwise.
Colin can think of two methods. He'll start with the less tedious one in hopes Benedict will stick with it and if that doesn't work, try the other one. He nods.
"All right. Whenever I visit, and I'll talk with Athessa about it as well, if you lose your temper like that, you'll get one chance to change what you said. I won't get angry if you're sincere. If you're still vile, I'll walk away until you've calmed down. If not, we'll just keep talking as if nothing happened. What do you think?"
The way it's phrased, the way it includes Athessa as well, Benedict can't help but blush with muted embarrassment-- he knows what's happening, even if he's never seen it before. But he nods again, a bit gloomily, recognizing that he will have to be a real part of this if he wants to prevent Colin from abandoning him entirely.
"Nothing," Benedict says quickly, "I mean, it-- it sounds good." He looks a little fidgety, as though he's actually afraid to say anything that could be construed as vile. After a moment, he clears his throat and admits, "...I hate it when you. When you just leave." He frowns. "It feels like I'll never see you again."
Colin's heart sinks. He reaches through the bars for a hand, a foot, a shoulder, whatever is in reach.
"You don't have to be afraid of that," he says gently. "I just...after what you said, I had to think. Make sure I was doing this for the right reasons. I didn't want you to come out of this dependent on me or something."
"I understand," Benedict says quietly, "I just-- when I can't come find you." It hadn't even occurred to him that he felt this strongly on the matter, but there it is.
"I'll try. I'll do what you say. Just please don't leave without saying when you'll be back."
Benedict nods yet again, seeming satisfied by the answer. Colin's never been known to lie to him, anyway.
With a little sigh, he rests back against the wall. "I'm sorry," he says at last, gloomily, "you just..." Wrong angle. "...I didn't mean to leave you. I wasn't really thinking about anything except what I wanted."
"I suppose I ought not to have taken it so personally," he says, "though it is appreciated. I mean, we didn't know each other that well. It's just, for someone who's been left behind as much as I have, it does mess with one's head when the latest is the only person one managed to have consensual sex with." He's not even sure if that sentence made sense.
This yields a half-smile, and Benedict angles his head sheepishly toward Colin.
"I suppose I'm not used to anyone being bothered that I'm gone," he admits, rolls his eyes a little, and gestures vaguely to the cell. "...serves me right for assuming no one would care."
"I understand. But it's important that you present yourself well, especially since you're working with Flint now. Grooming yourself as well as you can doesn't just show respect for yourself, it shows respect for your visitors. And I've noticed how much happier you are on those days. Don't discount that. You've already made the mistake of thinking people don't see you. Now that you know better, start again with a different frame of mind.
"Just...ask politely. Don't make demands. Say please and thank you, and you'll avoid the look you're worried about."
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"Let me explain. I know the way you were raised was...insufficient. It was neglect, of a sort. But the way it works in the world, when you apologize to someone, it means that going forward, the relationship is going to be better. The problem that came between you is going to be worked on. In my case, I've...I think I've tried to control you a bit. Given you help you didn't ask for. From now on, I'll give you agency in the things I do for you. See?"
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But there's something more concerning than that. "How have you tried to control me?"
It's news to him, at least.
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Teaching doesn't feel like controlling, but there are a lot of things that it seems he's been looking at the wrong way.
"...well," he muses, "I mean. I do." He scratches the back of his neck. I think."
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"All right. Whenever I visit, and I'll talk with Athessa about it as well, if you lose your temper like that, you'll get one chance to change what you said. I won't get angry if you're sincere. If you're still vile, I'll walk away until you've calmed down. If not, we'll just keep talking as if nothing happened. What do you think?"
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"What's wrong?" he asks quietly. He's noticed the man hasn't kept up his bathing in Colin's absence.
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He looks a little fidgety, as though he's actually afraid to say anything that could be construed as vile. After a moment, he clears his throat and admits,
"...I hate it when you. When you just leave." He frowns. "It feels like I'll never see you again."
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"You don't have to be afraid of that," he says gently. "I just...after what you said, I had to think. Make sure I was doing this for the right reasons. I didn't want you to come out of this dependent on me or something."
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"I'll try. I'll do what you say. Just please don't leave without saying when you'll be back."
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With a little sigh, he rests back against the wall. "I'm sorry," he says at last, gloomily, "you just..." Wrong angle. "...I didn't mean to leave you. I wasn't really thinking about anything except what I wanted."
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"I suppose I ought not to have taken it so personally," he says, "though it is appreciated. I mean, we didn't know each other that well. It's just, for someone who's been left behind as much as I have, it does mess with one's head when the latest is the only person one managed to have consensual sex with." He's not even sure if that sentence made sense.
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"I suppose I'm not used to anyone being bothered that I'm gone," he admits, rolls his eyes a little, and gestures vaguely to the cell. "...serves me right for assuming no one would care."
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"You and me both. Shit."
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"Does anyone-- no. Never mind." Knitting his brow, he shakes his head. "I don't want to know."
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"Um. Speaking of caring. Do they, um, bring you your bath bucket if you ask for it?"
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“...I try not to ask for things.”
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"Just...ask politely. Don't make demands. Say please and thank you, and you'll avoid the look you're worried about."
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