faderift | and there's a glass on the table, they say it's gonna ease all my pain

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and there's a glass on the table, they say it's gonna ease all my pain

WHO: Mia Rutherford and OPEN
WHAT: She spends a lot of time taking care of everyone else. She needs a drink or five to unwind before getting back to it.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Herald's Rest
NOTES: Alcohol? Bad decisions?

She's not proud of herself for this. But there are breaking points, and she's nearing one, and it's better to deal with them pre-emptively than not, and have a fuss be made later. There are things that are completely out of her control, Maker knows, and she needs to make her peace with them.

Wine helps. So does the ambiance of the tavern, even if she sits alone. There's a homesickness that claws at her, though she refuses to let it take root too deeply. There's work to be done here, after all--

No. No work tonight. Just...relax. Listen to the music and the noise and the banter and try to let it go.

Easier said than done, but she'll muddle through it. Stubbornness is a Rutherford family trait, apparently.

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"It's all right. I think it would help others to understand the Dalish better if we talked of ourselves more." But her people keep their secrets close. Ellana would never reveal the really secret things, but the more they hold back, the more others will make assumptions and pass rumors off as truth.

She smiles faintly and nods. "That we do." Because yes, she is both Dalish and a mage.

Oh my. Well. She's really stepped in it now, hasn't she? Realization hits quickly and she straightens slightly in her seat. "You...wouldn't happen to know of a young woman named Pel, would you? I don't wish to assume that you all know each other, of course..."

But maybe she could get some sort of insight here. Pel'd made a poor first impression, but perhaps Dalish ways were simply different enough that she'd seemed something she wasn't? Maker, she'd take any silver lining she could, at this rate.

"I do," Ellana answers. "We belong to the same clan. She's First... or she was." It occurs to her that humans might not know what a First is; at least regular humans. Templars have probably kept abreast of the makeup of mages in clans.

"She was apprentice to the Keeper, but then she came here. But there is a Second still at camp, so we are not without a backup." And then there's Ellana, who was a Nothing, at least in the lineup of mages.

"We share a seat on the Mage Council." She feels that's important to note, because she has a sneaking feeling that people automatically think of Pel when they think of the Dalish seat on the council. And why wouldn't they? She has a bearing built for leadership. But if no one knows Ellana is on the Council, then no one realizes they can come to her with concerns too. It would benefit everyone if she were to spread the word more.

"Yes, I've heard about this Council. A push from the mages for self-accountability. All the more difficult in the wake of this business with the abomination, I'm certain," Mia murmurs, not without sympathy. She'd known Pel was mixed up with the Council. Few didn't. And it was no surprise that she'd held some position of authority in her own Dalish clan. The woman did have the bearing of one used to being in charge of things.

"It's wonder she seems so terribly occupied as of late. Or perhaps she's just not very sociable. It's difficult to say, I hardly know the woman."

Ellana can only nod along with that. Things have been stressful lately, not to mention upsetting with the loss of the young mage who became an abomination and those the abomination killed.

"That's her way, I think," she answers. Which might seem strange seeing as they come from the same clan, but Ellana hardly thinks she knows Pel well enough to reveal exactly what she's like. "She's occupied with things on the Council, and doesn't really act sociable at first." Pel thinks Ellana is the sociable one, but really, all Ellana does is listen. She wants to know so much about the world around her and the people in it. She wants to hear stories about places she's never seen and events that she's never heard of before.

Now she shrugs, readjusting herself in the chair by crossing one leg over the other. It's hard to know what to say about Pel. There's always been a tiny bit of jealousy on Ellana's side, because of how they were raised. Pel had a clear path to leadership laid out before her; she learned their history, how to be a Keeper, all of it. And the Keeper's mage son Sorrel received the same. But Ellana didn't. Mages in clans are meant to have a purpose, but she's never had one, and so things with Pel have always been awkward. She can't outright dislike her, because Pel has given her no reason to, but Ellana can dislike the situation the grew up in.

"Ah. Here I thought it might have just been me."

There's nothing inherently wrong with being aloof. Some people would just rather not be bothered, to stay focused. She understands well enough. It still stings to think that she feels like she's being shut out--

Not important. Another swift drink is taken from her glass before she shakes her head. "Forgive my melancholy. I promise you, I usually have my wits about me," she remarks wryly. "I suppose I'm simply more accustomed to knowing people. Grew up in a small village, you see. Everyone knew everyone, that's simply the way it was. Impossible to do here, of course."

"Oh, I'm sure she just had a lot of things on her mind, if she was short with you or seemed unfriendly." Ellana resists wincing. Pel, were you rude to the perfectly civil shem?

"Please don't apologize; I understand. I knew no one outside of my clan before I came here. And of course not everyone can be friendly, or good company, or what have you. I am sorry if Pel caused you to doubt yourself. I know I'm enjoying talking to you, and I'm glad you asked me to sit with you."

Mia's hand lifts, waving gently in dismissal.

"Oh, nonsense. It'd take more than that for me to doubt myself." The corner of her lips curls upwards. "But I'm glad I'm good company, even in this dire mood of mine."

"Tell me of your clan, then. As much as you care to, of course. I don't mean to pry, but I wouldn't deny being a little curious as to how things are where you're from. We had a Dalish clan somewhere to the forests east of us, in South Reach, but I'd never seen any myself before coming here."

It's a topic that has been on Ellana's mind lately, so she's happy to speak of the clan. She misses them, and even finds herself homesick despite her desire to see the world. The urge isn't near strong enough to send her packing back to the clan, but she finds herself thinking of them.

"Clan Ashara roams across the Free Marches," she begins. "We are a bit unique, as we had more mages than we should have." Her fault, really, though she supposes becoming a mage isn't something that's worthy of blame. "Which is why you see Pel and I here, with one to spare in addition to our Keeper. We have plenty of hunters, a warleader, storyteller, healer, craftsman, halla keeper. I was hearthmistress, but someone else does that now. It's not a difficult job. We live off the land and the hunting. Sometimes food is thin, but no one has ever starved. We were once a much bigger clan -- one of the largest, I think -- but there was a plague when I was young and many died." She stops for a moment, giving that its necessary weight. She lost both her parents to that plague.

"Beyond that tragedy, we haven't had it too hard. We move whenever the humans start getting angry at having us nearby, but we've never really been close to a human settlement before. I never even saw a human until I left to come here, though some of our hunters did."

It all seems so simple, so idyllic in a way. Living off the land, relying on one another, constantly on the move but caring for one another in good times and bad. Really not so different from any human family trying to make it. Maker knew she'd had to pick up house and home and make her own escape across country, in the wake of the Blight.

"And home would have been wherever your clan was." There's a brief nod, a glimmer of understanding there. Not sympathy perhaps, but empathy instead. "Do you think it's easier or more difficult, having so many here with you?"

It's a question that no one has asked her before, and it causes her to lean back a little in her chair, considering it.

"Well, I guess in a strange way... it's both. For a long time, I wanted to leave the clan and travel. I knew I couldn't on my own, being an elf and a mage -- it would be so dangerous. But then we talked of joining this Inquisition. The others wanted to make sure the shems didn't screw it all up, and Pel wanted to research elven artifacts, but I just wanted to help save the world. And, well, I've always wanted to meet humans before."

She smiles with a hint of embarrassment, but it's true.

"So when we arrived, I was irritated at how my clan was acting. Merrick picks fights, Beleth takes offense at a human even daring to speak to her..." Ellana stops and shakes her head. "Back then, it did make it more difficult. I felt like they were judging me for making friends with humans. I thought they would call me a race traitor." She shifts in her chair again, this time leaning on her crossed arms against the table top. "But now they're getting to be friends with humans too. And I don't feel so alone with my feelings." Of course, Gavin had always shared her feelings and was worried about being labeled a race traitor too, but Gavin always ran and was never there when Ellana needed him. So she had felt alone.

"I'm sorry; that was such a long-winded answer to your question. But that's why it's been easy and difficult."

"No no, you're quite alright," Mia assures her, lifting a hand to placate her worry. It was actually simpler, letting someone else vent than trying to do so herself. "I'm sorry to hear things were so difficult to begin with...I know elves have no reason to feel fondly towards us, Dalish least of all, but it's good to know that we can come together for a greater cause."

She smiles gently. "And I'm certainly glad they're not giving you as hard of a time."

"Oh, they've never been unkind to me, really," Ellana rushes to explain. She doesn't want Mia thinking they have said things to her face. "It's just the impression I had at the time." She would reach out and get to know others, and she had a feeling that a couple of the other Asharas were probably discussing it behind her back.

"And learning about other people can only help us, I think. I don't have any ill will towards humans in general, and I think my clan has been looking at them differently now too."

"There are certainly humans who would cause trouble for you if they could. But they'd be as likely to cause trouble for their fellow human beings." Mia shook her head. "Kindness is not something you can divide by the race of a people, I feel. Anyone who can be kind to one but not the other isn't truly doing it out of kindness."

That could go both ways, she supposed, but she'd seen the sentiment towards elves, heard the stories people would tell, the awful way they'd been slandered as lazy, criminal, or savage. None of the elves she'd met thus far had measured up to the tales people could spin, not even Pel.

"That's a beautiful sentiment," Ellana replies. Kindness is not something you can divide by the race of a people. She believes that too. "And something people should strive for. Why are we fighting to save the world if we refuse to show kindness to the others in it?" Of course, some people prove they don't deserve kindness: slavers, Venatori, Red Templars. But overall, most people deserve to be shown kindness, as they've done nothing to deserve suspicion or scorn.

Ellana is so glad she sat down with Mia. The woman has sense. And that's something they all could do with a little more of in their lives. Ellana thinks she could do with a little more herself. It can only help her grow.

"I wish others were as easy to talk to as you are."

At that, she has to chuckle. "Truly? That's very kind of you to say."

'Easy' was not a word often applied to anything she did, and in truth she'd somewhat resigned herself to the fact that she intimidated some by doing no more than standing firm and speaking her mind. Perhaps she was simply in a more vulnerable place, today. Still, a new friend was not a terrible exchange for that small moment of softness.

"I may not always be easy to speak to, in truth, but I like to think of myself as honest. You'll never question who you're dealing with," she continues, straightening somewhat in her seat. "I ask nothing of others I would not first give myself."

"I like honesty. Love it, in fact." When you've been duped by someone you thought you could trust, it leaves a scar, and Ellana's crosses her heart. She would rather take the harsh truth than to be led on, for any reason. Even if someone was trying to spare her pain.

"I'll always speak honestly with you too. On that, you can rely."

"To honesty, then."

With a faint smirk she lifted her glass in mock salute, emptying the wine in one long, slow drink and setting it down again with a soft 'clunk'. "I needed that, I think," she remarked at last, brow furrowing in something like surprise. "The drink, the company, candid conversation...something feels as though it's been missing, lately."

Ellana grins, lifting her glass in the toast before drinking it down. There wasn't much left in hers anyway.

"Then I'm glad I could help, even a little. I've been feeling out of sorts lately myself. It usually starts small, doesn't it? One little thing bothers me and I try to ignore it, but then more and more pile on top of it and suddenly I find myself in a strange state of mind."

Done with her drink, she moves to stand. "Whatever it is you're missing, I hope you find it soon, Mia."

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