and there's a glass on the table, they say it's gonna ease all my pain

[lettersfromhome]

WHO: Mia Rutherford and OPEN
WHAT: She spends a lot of time taking care of everyone else. She needs a drink or five to unwind before getting back to it.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Herald's Rest
NOTES: Alcohol? Bad decisions?

She's not proud of herself for this. But there are breaking points, and she's nearing one, and it's better to deal with them pre-emptively than not, and have a fuss be made later. There are things that are completely out of her control, Maker knows, and she needs to make her peace with them.

Wine helps. So does the ambiance of the tavern, even if she sits alone. There's a homesickness that claws at her, though she refuses to let it take root too deeply. There's work to be done here, after all--

No. No work tonight. Just...relax. Listen to the music and the noise and the banter and try to let it go.

Easier said than done, but she'll muddle through it. Stubbornness is a Rutherford family trait, apparently.

Comments

[foxsays]

Frowning, she dares to carefully set a hand on Mia's shoulder, because this isn't home where you can usually be as tactile as you please even with near strangers.

"Such are the burdens when one cares about the work that they do," she murmurs carefully, a touch guilty to be relieved that she doesn't have to shoulder any heavy burdens here. "Is there anything I can do to help? Both my ears are here to listen to whatever troubles you have, do they say a trouble shared is a trouble halved here?"

[lettersfromhome]

Rather than stiffen under the touch, Mia appears to relax a few degrees, reaching up to pat the girl's hand where it rests against her shoulder. Maker bless her sympathetic heart.

"Alas. I fear sharing the news would only increase the trouble. It's just that sort of trouble," she remarks with a faint huff, and a look that says she's very weary of thinking about any of it at all. "Loose lips and wagging tongues may have well put someone I care about in harm's way, and it seems there's little I can do about it. That never sat well with me."

[foxsays]

When her own role within the Inquisition is so small, how can she sit by when she can at least try to do something, even just trying to brighten the end of a day?

"The gossips strike again?" Somewhere like this is just as bad as a palace or the darkest corners of a tavern for the rumours that breed and multiply, having been the subject of some of it herself. "Did you truly put them in harm's way? Because guilt is a very ugly and irrational beast with long claws that either shouts so loud we hear nothing else or it whispers and still drowns out all else. You have seemed a good woman of scruples to me so far."

[lettersfromhome]

"I don't traffic in gossip," she replies, almost immediately. "But I'm not blind to the damage it can cause. I did not start the rumors, nor do I intend to fan the flames. But I fear my influence in the matter is insignificant at best."

Of course, she had come here to make a difference for the common people, not shield her brother, fully capable of defending himself. She'd only thought being closer might mean--

She shook her head, quickly taking another drink of wine. "I'll manage."

[foxsays]

"Only gossip is always currency to many, and something that won't hurt them the way reports from other lands might. Sometimes a thief is paid to learn a thing or two and let them slip for a price." Or rather, sometimes a guard has to go skulking but that's not public knowledge though in this instance that set of skills might actually be of use.

Her own drink is set down and she uses it to buy a moment of time, trying to count the number of times something similar has plagued Leandra or the other guards.

"Just because you can doesn't mean you have to. Do you wish for me to duel those with wagging tongues?" It's just joking and teasing though it's been too long since she's had a duel, the practice yard just isn't the same. "Or distractions can be arranged though I only hear the kitchen and tavern chatter, the wind up on the battlements drowns out anything interesting from below."

[lettersfromhome]

"You have far more skill for those sorts of games than I, my dear." Mia sighs, one hand fluttering dismissively. No. No more rumors, for the sake of the Maker.

"Politics give me a headache. This...gossip, this foolish back-biting and secret-keeping, it doesn't suit me. But I suppose it was bound to be an issue sooner or later. You hear about these things happening in large organizations. I just hoped--"

She shakes her head, one hand pressing against her temple. "Well I suppose it doesn't matter what I wanted, does it?"

[foxsays]

"We all hope for different because that is the nature of those with big hearts and goodness in them, to strive to be better, to not be like something was before. Unfortunately for such people, there are many who like how it is or who know no other way." Nobles being one example, since the world always seems to be made to suit their whims here much as anywhere else. "Their struggle is theirs, it is of course the most important thing in the world and usually? There's so little they wouldn't do to increase their own standing or reputation. Rumours are one of their favourite currencies."

Tactfully she will keep her own stock of them to herself, she still has to do enough reading and questioning to understand key points that she has no idea of their value.

Snorting, she shakes her head and raises both eyebrows. "Of course what you want matters, are you supposed to be just some sort of statue gazing out at the world with empty eyes? Wants make us human, there's nothing shameful about the want itself."

[lettersfromhome]

"It's foolish to pine for things that are beyond reason to hope for. And I've no intention of being any more a fool than I've already been."

She sighs, hands lifting to rub against her eyes before pressing flat to the table, a breath straightening her shoulders as she shook her head. "No. I've spent quite enough time moping as it is."

More or less an attempt to will herself into not worrying about it any longer. Which might work in the short-term, at least...

[foxsays]

“Why foolish? Pining comes from the heart, not the head, hope from that same place. They’re hard things not to listen to but foolish and fool are not always the same thing.”

Often they are but some people are too practical to make a habit of it and everyone she’s met from Ferelden thus far seems to fall reliably into that category of having an almost obstinately pragmatic view of the world and how things go, just getting on with it all.

So if she can’t help her talk it out…”A distraction then? Those I can offer in spades.”