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That is lucky.

[And lucky, too, that he will have Derrica with him. If it comes to that. When. She's not wrong. He will have to heal someone else, it can't all be this. And if he cocks it up in the moment, when he's alone--that would be worse.

Matthias looks down at the stem.]

You never worry that you'll-- I dunno. Make it worse? Healing doesn't work that way, I s'ppose. It's--undoing something what was done. Repairing it. You can't repair something so it's worse. Only better.

[ Derrica's hand lifts to pick a bloom for herself. The urge to gloss over her own fears is present, and it takes a moment for her to decide against it.

She can't shield Matthias from everything. In a lot of ways, it would just be a waste to try. He's lived through as much awfulness as Derrica has without any reprieve. He is asking her with the same expectations she'd once had for her teachers. She owes him honesty. ]

I worry that I'm not strong enough, [ She says. ] Healing wouldn't go wrong for me the way lightening could. The spells would just...fizzle in my hands. It still happens sometimes, if I'm too tired, or if I've spent all my ability on other things.

[ Every mage spends their life learning, endlessly gaining new understanding of their capabilities. Derrica's grown stronger with time, but her strength isn't boundless, no matter how she wishes it was. ]

But you're right. You can't make anything worse. I think healers are more afraid of not being able to make it better.

[ She taps his shoulder with the flower. ]

Not that you should be worrying about that right now.

[He nods, first, accepting the wisdom of that fear. Not unknown to him, either, though coming at it from the other end. The soft tap on his shoulder makes him look around, and smile at her.]

Yeah, my spells'll be so titchy by comparison. Couldn't tire out a kitten.

[He grabs for the rose, like to snatch it away from her.]

You're strong. You ought not to worry about it either. You're one of the strongest people I know, swear.

Hush, [ Derrica says softly. ] I do alright. I'm still learning, the same as anyone else.

[ The rose is yielded after a cursory attempt at keep away, with only a few petals lost in the scuffle. There's a little scratch on the center of Derrica's palm that she feels when she closes her hand, flexing past the minor discomfort. ]

Leander told me about the lessons, [ she offers, eyes on Matthias' face. ] is this part of them, or something you want for yourself?

[Matthias gives a little shrug. Now that he has the rose, he twirls it between his hands, the way someone might rub a stick to start a fire. A few of the petals drop off, landing soft on the lawn.]

Both. Sort of. I mean, it was my idea and I told him, then he said it was a good one, that it'd be good practice and all. So.

[The little spark of pride that he feels--the lessons--becomes momentarily too much, and Matthias drops his gaze for a second to collect himself. And Derrica knows. So she might think a bit less of him, untested and untrained that he now clearly is--but likely not, because she's known that already, probably. Guessed it from just the way he's acted and spoken around her. Of everyone at the Gallows, it's Derrica that he would confess such a thing to, without much hesitation. She would like him anyways.

Still, there's some shyness in the way he peeks back up at her.]

It's brilliant, isn't it? Enchanter Leander and all, I was-- I thought maybe he'd say no, 'cause I know it's a lot to ask, but he was all right with it. He said it was an honor. Teaching a div like me seems hardly that, but I don't mind him saying it. And I'll finally know things.

You aren't a div.

[ The slang is unfamiliar to her, but the denigrating ring of it is easily recognized. She crosses her arms to keep the impulse to coddle Matthias from emerging in some tangible way, veering from something she thinks might be humiliating for him. No one likes to be fussed over. ]

I would have been proud to have you as a student at Dairsmuid, [ she says instead. ] Passing knowledge on is an honor. The Senior Enchanters always said as much to me, and I think they were right.

[ And if Leander hadn't said it was an honor, Derrica would have had to do what she could to correct that. Her head tips, considering, before she adds— ]

We're all always trying to learn, Matthias. Even Leander. Even Marcus Rowantree. We never know everything we need to no matter how long we live.

[He looks around at her, his grin surprised and pleased.]

You wouldn't have been proud to have me as a student. Not before. I was bad at it. I'm better, now.

[He twists the rose stem between his fingers again, looking back to it, a glow of pride still bright in his face.]

Thanks, though. I dunno. It feels like everyone has got it all worked out, you know? And I'm always just keeping up. They used to let me hang about, the other Enchanters, during the war--I didn't have to always stay with the kids and the apprentices--but I know half of 'em thought I was an idiot. Maybe more'n that. I was amusing so they let me stay. But this is different. This is real. Learning things from Leand-- Enchanter Leander-- and Knight-Enchanter Voss is showing me some spirit magic, can you imagine--her-- I dunno, even if you're right, that everyone's always learning things--I just don't want to look like stupid.

[And then, somewhat suddenly--]

You're a good friend, y'know.

[ The suddenness of the compliment catches her off-guard, disrupts whatever protest or compliment she'd meant to bestow. Her expression softens, smile somewhere between pleased and embarrassed. ]

I'm alright.

[ She does her best. Sometimes she isn't sure if that's enough, but the sincerity of Matthias' praise is hard to argue with. ]

You're easy to be friends with, anyway.

[ Which counts for something in the grand scheme of things, doesn't it? ]

I'm glad I met you, Matthias. You were one of the very first people in Riftwatch who said hello to me, did you know that?

Yeah? I didn't know that.

[There's a warmth in him from her compliments, one that will stay with him for hours. He likes that thought: that Derrica is glad to have met him, that she thinks of him as a friend as well, that he made an impression on her enough that she remembers him from when she first arrived. If there were some way to bottle this feeling, save it for later, when it was really needed, he'd do it. Matthias settles for fixing it in his mind instead.]

And you still stuck around? Even after that?

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