faderift | (no subject)

WHO: Gavin and OPEN
WHAT: Gavin getting his bearings of Skyhold as the Inquisition reels from its loss.
WHEN: Beginning of game timeline, aka, nowish?
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: He's a derp, don't say I didn't warn you. Also, as I mentioned in his app, he's spent a long time wandering Thedas - so if you'd like to have it so they've already met previous to the conclave, and want to hash out some back history, let me know.

He hadn't expected to feel such a weight of helpless loss. After all, he hadn't even met her, despite being in Haven at the time. Despite somehow surviving the mess than ensued. He'd seen her, sure, but she was something high above him and they never actually crossed paths. Which was why, when her death hit him so hard, he was surprised.

It wasn't even the hopelessness that the situation was prone to give birth to. It was honestly for her - for the individual, rather than the Mark on her hand. But how could you mourn a person you never really knew?

Mostly, it turned out, by throwing himself into absolutely anything else. (At least this sort of running from his problems was productive. Mostly.) Luckily, Skyhold was hardly without things to do. The place was a shambles - an absolute mess - so he mostly tried to tag onto whatever work group was currently working. He sort of forgot to sleep, but that wasn't strange in of itself. Nor was the fact that he wasn't actually making himself very useful. He kept getting distracted. It wasn't his fault that everything in this place was fascinating. And fascinating things were much, much better than grief.

Which was why, anyone who happened to be in Skyhold, could find him in some very peculiar places. He'd managed to nearly plummet to his death from the rookery, get tangled in cobwebs in the hidden library in the basement, climb through the hole in Cullen's roof to get distracted by a bird instead of trying to fix it, and even had spent thirty minutes trying to get to know one of the horses. Also he kept not watching where he was going - physically running into people, or backing up into them, letting out a hasty apology and a lopsided, shameful grin.

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He winced - waiting for the tongue lashing that was bound to come next - only to get the question instead. He relaxed, slightly, then offered her a small, if sad, smile.

"You really think I would have stayed otherwise?" He said, and then as soon as it was out of his mouth, realised it was absolutely the wrong thing to say. So he cleared his throat. "... They're fine. A few knife-ear, comments, of course, and some assorted slurs, but so far to be honest I've just been treated like anyone else." His face fell a little. "... I'm glad you've only come now, Pel. We - Haven cost us a lot of lives."

A lot of people he'd been coming to know as friends.

She doesn't scold without cause. Not everything in their lives is about their history together.

"When we heard, I feared the worst. I'm glad you're safe."

That's way more important than history, however ugly.

He's just well used to giving plenty of cause.

"Sorry," He said, this time the word was soft, the smile tilting lopsided. "If it's any consolation, I feared the worst, too. But here I am. And here you are." As bizarre as that was.

He didn't even think to ask if she came alone. "The clan? They'll be alright? Not having me around is one thing, but you--"

"Some of them came with me. I'm here for them, and for you, if you need me."

A faint, fleeting smile.

"You know that, don't you? If you need me, it doesn't matter what's happened in the past. I will help you however I can."

He'd never really doubted it - despite spending a lot of his time mildly worried that he was going to be kicked out from the clan, he never really thought they actually would. He loved them, and he suspected they loved him too.

But hearing Pel say it out loud, when he knew just how badly he hurt her, still made him want to choke up a bit.

That being said, he was still a bit caught up on the whole 'some of them came with me'.

"I -- I know, Pel. I'll do my best, too. But- who came with you? I had no idea any of you were coming, I thought--" Well, he thought they would do what they always did with international affairs, really. Ignore them, for the most part. But then, there was a hole in the sky.

"Cyril and Merrick, Ellana and Beleth."

His eyebrows raised.

"Three of those four almost make sense," He admitted. "But Beleth?"

It was mostly a rhetorical question and he let out a breath. "Well I - I'm glad you're all here. At least this way, if I manage to die in some painful and glorious fashion, someone will be able to tell the keeper what happened."

"Or we could keep you from dying," Pel says seriously. "Don't even joke about that. I'm serious."

He put up his hands in the universal sign for surrender.

"Alright! Alright. I won't poke fun." The smile disappeared a little, and then fully slipped from his face - a strange, brief solemnity that was so rare to his countenance. "But you're going to have to think about it, Pel. Honestly. The chances of all of us surviving... This isn't like home. I lost a lot of good friends, at Haven."

It's the most he's said about it to anyone, because he needs her to understand, even if he doesn't actually want to talk about it. "I've accepted that, here."

"Most everyone on the outside not trying to kill us? I'd say this is better than home. As least we've got four walls between us and them now."

The smile didn't come back, honest worry on his face now. It was always hard to lie to Pel. Always hard to pretend he was okay when he wasn't.

(There were reasons he ran from her.)

"I'm sorry Pel, I can't explain it," he said quietly. "But these walls - Skyhold may be safer, yes, but we won't be staying inside of these walls. We can't. Or the rest of the world burns without us."

"I know that, silly." A flash of a half-hearted smile. "But it's where we'll make our defense. I'm sorry for your friends, I really am, but they died because Haven wasn't defensible. We'll have a better chance here."

As she says it, she realizes that means absolutely nothing for the people Gavin has already lost. Her heart sinks.

"I suppose that only matters so much, now," she admits quietly. "I'm sorry."

Her words come with a sting and Gavin flinches, looking away before she continues.

The sympathy breaks him out of it, however - reminds him that he's slipped, and that he needs to put on a brave face. For everyone. Most of all himself.

So his expression twists into a kindly smile.

"Thanks," He says. "But you're right. We have to move on. And it looks like on this particular adventure I'm going to have half my tribe with me."