When she was just a girl, she expected the world

[notathreat]

WHO: Abby, Ellie
WHAT: The conclusion of Cuntgate
WHEN: End of Bloomingtide
WHERE: The Gallows
NOTES: They haven't spoken since, y'know, this

Ellie's back from a mission. Sweaty. Tired. It's late, and all she really wants is to soak her feet. She's still too keyed up to properly go to bed.

Once the kettle's warm enough to take off the brazier, she pours the steamy water into a basin next to her bed. Pulls her boots off one by one. Eases her feet into the water and lays back on the sheets with a low groan.

"Fuck," she mutters under her breath. Deep breath in, let it all out.

A snuffly-nosed overgrown puppy lets himself in. Noses around her fingers until she moves her hand to scratch him behind the ears.

"Hey, buddy," she mutters, but doesn't get up to play or properly pet him. He licks at her fingers, whines softly, then fucks off for something much more interesting -- one of her boots.

"No, don't-" Ellie mutters as Wags scoops up one of her boots in his mouth, then takes off excitedly running down the hallway. Ellie stares after him, considering, then lets out a deep sigh and lets it go.

She's due for new boots soon, anyway.

Comments

[notathreat]

There's a swirl of different feelings involved in this, so much so that Ellie barely knows what to listen to. They have a fragile peace here, but there are still so many open wounds, and those will never close.

They were enemies, and they wanted each other dead, and that's a fact. No peace will ever fully bridge that gap. No matter how much the both of them wish that things were different.

But she can see Abby trying, and hurting, and Ellie is trying to learn to keep her teeth in her own goddamn mouth instead of in a throat. She's done with burning herself alive in order to hate her, and that means done.

She knows what kind of person Abby is. Because she's the same.

"No," she says, the word barely more than a breath.

"You?"

[armd]

She really thinks Ellie is going to push the subject. She's tense and unhappy with it, but a question doesn't come even though the air between them thrums with unease. Abby takes in that no, little more than a puff of air. Because they're both already back in the dark red light of the theater basement she says, quietly, "Yeah. What happened to the woman who was with you?"

The one who was pregnant. Abby has barely thought about her since but she thinks she'd like to know if she made it out okay. If Ellie will deign to tell her about that, anyway.

By now Wags has slumped good-naturedly against Ellie's leg, leaning bodily into her, nosing at her hands. Immune to the mood in the room.

[notathreat]

From Ellie's perspective, Wags might be the only one dialed in. She gives him the good scritches, the kind he can lean into all he wants, not minding his slobber or doggy groans. She thumps the side of his barrel chest like a drum.

"She's fine," Ellie says quietly. "Concussion. Of course. But okay otherwise."

A lump rises in her throat. She can't talk about JJ to her. She just can't. Not with this phantom saltwater in her nose and bile in her throat, blood pooling in the slickness of an algae-spotted floor, the scent thick with rot and copper.

Her skin prickles. Ellie makes herself breathe.

[armd]

Abby grunts, both hideously uncomfortable and relieved to hear. In retrospect she is actually glad she didn't kill her, because Ellie was right when she said she had nothing to do with it. One less red mark on her record. It's fucked to think of it like that but–

"Good," she says, like a confession. She closes her eyes, and lets her head bump gently back against the wall. Ellie is obviously upset about something that's been left unsaid but that's fine with Abby. She doesn't want her to say it. She doesn't want to know the specifics any more than Ellie would want to know more about the couple she murdered in the aquarium.

Opening her eyes, she says, "D'you want me to go." She's probably gonna to go anyway, but it weirdly feels polite to ask, like she's giving Ellie a say in it.

[notathreat]

It's a good question, and Ellie holds it in her hands, turns it this way and that to try to find all the nooks and crannies and crevices of it. She's exhausted, yes, but there's something satisfying about this exhaustion and pain.

It needed to happen. She feels better.

"Yeah," she decides, after a long pause. "But I'm not mad that you came."

[armd]

That's a good way to describe it. She feels the same way, like they've bled something close to bursting. It doesn't feel nearly as tense as disengaging from Ellie used to feel.

And her honesty is appreciated. Abby pushes herself upright, and glances at Wags who has all but plastered himself to Ellie's leg while she rubs his ears. He hasn't moved, so, "You can send him back later if you want."

She's not gonna make him leave if he's happy here, and not causing trouble. He knows where home is.

[notathreat]

"Sure," Ellie murmurs, and doesn't entirely wait until Abby leaves to press her face into the back of Wags' shoulders.

Abby's kinder than she knows.