All we do is play it safe [Open]

[wearyallalone]

WHO: Vanya, assorted visitors
WHAT: Vanya has a Bad Time getting off lyrium
WHEN: Various points during Kingsway (feel free to handwave relative to mod plot if you'd like your character to be there for a certain portion)
WHERE: Various points in the Gallows
NOTES: Content warning for themes related to (fantasy) drug use and withdrawal. Medical stuff possible but definitely not required, especially in the infirmary starter; if you want to hit that one but not have anything medical in it beyond what's mentioned in the starter itself, just let me know oocly and I can avoid it.

I. The Infirmary

Permission obtained from Commander Flint, Vanya approaches the infirmary staff with his intentions. He intends to burden anyone else as little as possible, and part of that is making sure the relevant staff know of his plans and have input (within reason) as to his approach. The upshot of this is that, despite his protestations, the early days of the process are spent in the infirmary, under supervision.

It's best that they insist. The cravings and the thirst would be hard enough to endure without the disorientation that accompanies them. Depending on which day Vanya gets a visitor or a colleague in the infirmary for their own reasons, he may or may not recognize them. But he does his best to talk to anyone who engages them, regardless of how lucid he is or isn't.

II. Former Templar Tower — Vanya's Room or Communal Lounge

Eventually, the confusion ebbs. He's still thirsty and tired, and his head is splitting more often than it's not, meaning he's not yet fit to resume his exercises in the training yard, much less his duties. But he's not bed-ridden. He can fetch his own food and move about the Gallows as long as he gives himself enough time and doesn't push himself.

Mostly, though, he sticks to his quarters or nearby. His instinct is to hide, but he doesn't fully give into it; if nothing else, the infirmary staff checks on him often enough that it feels only polite to leave his door ajar in case he falls into a doze.

He wonders, more than once, if someone would give him lyrium at this point if he said he'd changed his mind after all.

He doesn't ask. That said, he gives the impression of a man who would be grateful for a distraction. At night, his neighbors may be unavoidably aware that he's having nightmares, though that's not as rare in the Gallows as it might be.

III. Aftermath

One day he reappears, resuming his usual routine as if nothing had happened. Someone has cleared him, presumably, but he seems to be going through the motions in part by pure force of will. He seems a bit gray and peaky, but he reports for training, duty, meals, all as usual.

Occasionally, though, he finds himself staring into the middle distance, unsure why he walked into the room or how long it's been since the person sitting next to him at dinner last said something.

Comments

[tender]

It's a very kind gesture.

Derrica still tenses up upon hearing it, conflicted in the face of this transparent sincerity. It is more than she's ever been given. More consideration than she's ever known a templar to give.

Former templar. With Vanya, that label can truly be applied.

"Thank you," is the simplest answer, less weighted down by all the complicated, difficult emotion that's come rushing to the surface. She twists the sodden cloth between her hands.

Has she felt unsafe? When she considers it, Vanya has comported himself with the least malice here.

So when Derrica says, "You never lied," it isn't absolution, or forgiveness. But there is some give to the words, a lessening of tension by a few scant degrees.

[wearyallalone]

The expression that briefly twists his mouth gives the impression of chewing something tough. (Perhaps the words what a low bar I've set, which he doesn't say.)

Instead, he takes the thanks as graciously as he can. It may have been more than he expected, for all Derrica's never hesitated to treat him in any visible way. "We're all colleagues, here," he says, "and I have tried to ... once the war against Corypheus is over, I will have to think about restitution, but until then, I have tried at least not to do further harm." It's not her to broadly forgive him, and he knows it. But he can at least offer an explanation, if she is open to hearing it.

[tender]

Restitution.

What would that look like? It certainly isn't within Vanya Orlov's power to give, or at least, not for him to give to her. There may be mages somewhere in Thedas who would welcome apology, would know what he could do for them that would ease some of the damage done. But Derrica is not one of them, and what she wants is so much bigger than both of them.

"I know you're trying."

He's already done more than most.

"Do you intend to fight against the Chantry, if there's a need when Corypheus has been dealt with?"

[wearyallalone]

He pauses, not because the question is one he's never thought of, but just because it's one he's never had to articulate to anyone else before.

Finally, he says, "If it comes to that. Though I have to wonder if I'd do more harm than good, if those I fought beside never trusted me fully. If they spent some part of their attention on whether I'd betray them." It would be the same problem as Riftwatch, writ much larger, in a worst-case scenario.

[tender]

A stretch of quiet follows after this answer, while Derrica weighs it. Tests the edges for sincerity, rather than excuse.

Watches his face as she questions, "Would you?"

[wearyallalone]

Under the circumstances, the question doesn't not sting, but he can't blame her for needing to ask. Still, this is an easier one to answer than some of the others.

"I know we don't know one another well. But while I have many faults, going back on my word is not among them. If I am with an ally, or an organization, I feel I can no longer fight beside, I will tell them so outright and take my leave. I have no stomach for betrayal, and I never have." He exhales. "I grant you. Not everyone defines betrayal the same way." He knew what bonds he was breaking, when he left the Templars. To a lesser extent, when he left the Inquisition. "But I hope my actions continue to demonstrate that no one need worry that my loyalties are not what I say they are."

Thus, in fact, the withdrawal he is currently experiencing.

arrives late to offer a bow to this

[tender]

"You're very candid about all of this."

Apart from Redvers, who made no secret of himself and his opinion. Vanya Orlov distinguishes himself only in demonstrating some understanding of injustice, and his role in perpetuating it.

That quality, Derrica holds in high esteem. Honesty matters. It doesn't move her to forgiveness, but it softens her slightly. Makes it easier to look at him.

"And I'd rather have your actions than pretty words," she tells him, gently, lifting the basin as she rises to her feet. "I hope you are well soon."