WHO: Tav, Cosima, and Stephen Strange WHAT: Tav fights his demons, with help WHEN: late August WHERE: The Gallows, specifically Tav's room NOTES: Blood, gore, etc.
[ For all the import of the situation, Doctor Strange sounds distracted, perfunctory, as if they’re about to head out for groceries together. It doesn’t mean the situation isn’t important. He works very hard to achieve that confident flippancy. ]
Are you well-rested? Well-fed, well-watered? Good to stay hydrated before heading into the Fade to battle your demons both literally and figuratively.
All of the above, yes. I've been preparing for most of the week.
[Despite the steady tone, there is a slight shake to his words. Tav is still afraid of being unraveled, unmade, no matter how he has reframed and recut what he's about to do.]
I’ve been practicing my protective glyphs as well, in the hopes of keeping the various magical energies contained both in your room and in the Fade itself. We’ll be watching over you from out here.
Niehaus, let me know whenever you’re also ready for the attempt and I’ll be by shortly. [ A beat. ] And I’ll bring a medical kit.
I can ... [A pause, a small shuffle of paper.] I think I can rearrange a few things and be free by midday. Is that alright? Obviously this is a high priority, but you know. Robbing Paul to pay Peter. [A beat.] Sorry. Expression from home. But I don't want to keep you waiting longer than I have to.
[Tav takes several deep breaths after sending out the messages to Cosima and Strange. Going into the Fade could cause him to disappear entirely and yet Tav knows he must do it. His most recent camping trip with Strange proves that he cannot simply wait and hope for the Urge to disappear on its own. Distance from Faerun has not helped, spending time in the garden has not helped, and not even being back out under the stars has helped.
No, he must go into the Fade now or risk hurting more people.
He decides on staying in his room with the multiple locks, in case it is not him but the Urge that emerges victorious this day. Here, Strange or Cosima should be able to signal for help and physically kill the Urge for good.
Tav looks up at the sound of footsteps and focuses on remaining resolute.
He’s here to defeat the Urge, nothing more nothing less.]
[ After Cosima— no, she’s Provost Niehaus today, they’re in work mode — gives the all-clear, Strange heads to Tav’s room.
He nods to the elf as he enters, and then immediately starts working on the room, pulling on the threads of magic to draw the shape of glowing runes on the floor in a circle. Back home he would have called this spell the Guardian Vishanti; here, it’s more like attempting to reproduce a native’s warding glyph. He’s been studying. He’s been purposefully working on his magic the last few months, trying to mould the shape of his magic to that of the locals.
They also have a lyrium potion. With it, they’ll send Tav to the Fade physically, more corporeal than the way everyone experiences in their dreams, and more like going in via the Crossroads. Hence the risk, but: nothing ventured, nothing gained.
While the sorcerer works to prepare, quietly attentive, he shoots Tav a glance. ]
So. Run me through the plan. What will you do when you’re on the other side?
‘Take down’, [ Strange repeats, neutrally, as he paints another corner into the glyph. He lets that beat sit for a moment, before: ]
‘Take down’ is vague, non-specific. I find it helps to be concrete when picturing what you have to do. I know you don’t like to fight and hurt others. Are you prepared? To fight — and specifically, kill — some sort of spirit that looks like you?
[ He’s pushing the matter, pressing on it to be sure. To be certain.
Because Strange remembers the way he’d recoiled in his own early days: horrified to have killed a man, the blood on his hands, the betrayal of the oath to do no harm, until he’d had to adjust and accept it. Sometimes it’s necessary.
The fact that the Urge isn’t entirely a person as such should at least make it easier. ]
[Cosima knocks on the door frame before letting herself in, steering well clear of the paint on the floor. She has a small bag of supplies: what she and Stephen had discussed in advance, plus a few other things she thought of. (This is worth using some of their paper supply to record in detail, for one thing.)]
Hey. What'd I miss, anything big?
[She seems calm but serious, her usual capacity for jokes tamped down by the seriousness of what they're about to attempt. She's also not wearing her gloves, the anchor shard clearly visible in her left palm. She doesn't expect to need the shield it can create, but it's still a bit of a comfort to know she's been practicing recently.]
[Has she missed anything big? Oh just the existential question of can Tav kill a part of himself. A part that looks exactly like him, speaks like him, moves like him. He sucks in a breath and looks from Strange to Cosima.
This is it, this is the time, the moment when he will either be cured or reduced to another piece of the Fade.]
I will kill it. [Tav says resolutely, but his hands shake, his knees continue to bob.] I want to be rid of it.
[ He keeps his attention riveted on finishing the glyph, finally connecting the last dots and then infusing it with magic — a warm golden glow, the hum of the arcane in the back of their teeth — before he turns to give Cosima a wry smile. ]
Y’know, just normal stuff. Making sure Tav has the emotional fortitude to kill a part of himself.
[ There’s still that offhand nonchalance to his demeanour, but that’s exactly how Doctor Strange treats even the most dire of emergencies; even in the middle of the operating room, he’d been cracking jokes with his hands inside another person’s skull. This is how he copes. ]
I don’t know precisely what you’ll face in there, Tav, but be prepared for anything. Spirits can be tricky and duplicitous, and never moreso than in the Fade. We’ll be watching out for you here, but that’s their home turf.
I think there's a kind of therapy that's about that.
[OK, maybe one or two jokes. She pulls a chair to one of the corners of the room, well out of the way, and perches on it to draw a few things out of her bag.]
The doctor's got the magic stuff on lock, but we've learned a lot about rifters, and native mages already knew a fair amount about the Fade. While we're breaking new ground, we've got good reasons to think this should work. But do you have any particular questions before we get really started? I'm not sure I can answer all of them, but whatever I can.
[Tav nods. He's done his homework, read as much about the Fade as possible, and is as ready as he will ever be to enter it. He can only hope that he comes out the other side, whether in one piece or not.]
No questions, just time to test everyone's theories, I suppose.
[He lays back on his cot, eyes wide for a moment before he closes them. He has fought General Kethric, cured the Shadow Lands of their curse, he can do this. He must do this.
For a moment, though, his fear snaps his eyes back open.] If... If I don't come out the other side, I want to thank both of you for trying.
What’d I tell you about the power of positive thinking? You’ll come back, don’t worry.
[ The wards are in place, a gentle comforting thrum underfoot. He moves over and hands Tav the potion to drink; the lyrium mixture which will put him into a magically-enhanced stupor, blur the edges of reality, and assist his drifting over into the Fade.
He looks over to Cosima, to whatever she’s pulling out of her bag of tricks. ]
[It's not the entire contents of the bag, but for now she pulls out a small, portable hourglass for them to keep track of how long Tav is in the Fade, as well as the aforementioned stack of notes and a pencil. When Tav speaks, she gives him a small smile.]
There's every reason this should work. And we'll be with you, even if you're not conscious of us while you're in there.
[It's not that there's nothing to worry about, but they've done all they can to control as many variables as possible. She glances at Stephen.]
Unless you've got anything else you need me to help set up, I'm ready when you guys are.
[Tav accepts the potion and offers a small smile to both of them before he drinks the lyrium in one swig before laying back on the cot again. There truly is every reason for their plan to work, but it also hinges on him. He has to go in there and kill the Urge, not simply bury it to be dealt with later, but kill it.
Fighting himself is not something he's done every day, but today he must.
The potion starts to take effect as Tav's vision blurs, his eyelids begin to droop and Tav focuses on not remaining connected to his current body, but another one within. He blinks a few more times before his clenched hands drop down to his sides and he dips into the Fade.]
[ In the past, it’s been Doctor Strange entering a dreamwalking fugue state while others watched over his body — Tony guarding him, Christine guarding him — but now the tables are turned. Strange settles on a chair in the other corner of the room, seated diagonally across from Cosima. The door is locked with its many locks. The ward is holding strong; when he reaches out his senses, he can feel its protective shielding presence around them. If he focuses, he can practically sense the moment Tav’s consciousness simply slips away, like someone vanishing beneath the surface of still water; a thread he could probably grasp, if he truly tried hard enough, but he’s staying here.
He draws his legs up beneath him into lotus position, surprisingly flexible, meditatively patient, and settles in for an indeterminate wait. He tilts his head at Cosima, rueful: so, the places we wind up in. ]
Yeah, don't love nothing we can do to help right now either, but so it goes. I mean, I guess a mage could have gone in there with him, but.
[They'd already talked this problem over so many ways before arriving at the details of what they're doing now. It feels, in fact, a bit surreal that they're finally making the attempt.]
Is the shielding something you can explain to a layperson, or should I just note "complicated-looking magic warding" for posterity? [It's rueful, but on the other hand, if it's something he can explain it'll give her something to think about other than what Tav has to face in there.]
[ He and Cosima had weighed the pros and cons back and forth, sizing them up, before settling on this plan of approach. Sending in a mage might have given Tav some backup, more firepower in the Fade, but it also increased the stakes, the potential of drawing in more spirits or demons like moths to a flame. Best not risk them having to fend off another run-of-the-mill demonic possession in addition to this strange rift-crafted one. ]
A glyph of warding, [ Stephen explains; his voice academic, conversational. ]
It’s actually fairly standard and rote for the native mages, so there ought to be plenty material to cross-reference in the archives. I wasn’t sure if it would make a specific difference here, but presumably any bit helps. And it should keep him restrained and us protected if, y’know.
Makes sense. And truly, I was relying on "both of us being able to make shields of some kind long enough to call for help on the sending crystal," which is not the worst plan, but a little bolstering doesn't hurt.
[A small, tired smile.]
I hate that Tav has to take all the risk, but I'm glad we're doing something. It's been a long road.
It was unsustainable, [ Stephen says, crisp like he’s pronouncing a diagnosis. ] I’d hoped the situation would improve by itself over time — the influence lessening — but evidently that wasn’t the case.
[ The memory of Tav’s hands around his throat, the tent stake stabbing wildly at him, blood in his robes, needing to tie up the druid in glowing eldritch restraints. It had been the last straw for both of them: Tav deciding that he was willing to risk being unmade just to have this stop, and the doctor acknowledging that this needed fixing. They don’t have the resources to monitor him permanently. A threat. A liability, which might in fact be worse.
So, here they are. The Provost and the Head Healer sitting in a room, watching Tav’s motionless body. For a while there’s the scrape of Cosima’s pen against paper, before even that ceases and they simply settle in to wait,
[Waking up in the Fade feels like nothing else Tav has ever experienced. First of the strange experiences is being upside down. Of course, as soon as Tav realizes he's upside down, he falls and the world seems to orient itself again. He stares out into the strange ebb and flow of muddy greens and browns, blacks and yellows as he turns in place, looking for the Urge.
According to what had been explained, the Urge could be right here in front of him, or he'd have to search a bit. Luckily, or unluckily, as soon as Tav turns himself in a complete circle, the Urge is waiting for him, a doppleganger with the exception of a few notable scars.]
You're going. [Tav declares, uncertain of how to rid himself of the Urge if not by speech. When the Urge does nothing but stare, Tav assumes this will go down in a fight.]
You are leaving my... head? Forever. You will no longer ever haunt my shadows. [Tav says more firmly and yet the Urge doesn't move.]
I will kill you if I have to.[Tav's voice echoes, despite the groaning surrounding him.]
You have underestimated me. [The Urge finally speaks, a crooked smile taking over his face.] The only one who will die is you.
[Before Tav can say much else, the Urge transforms. Now a monstrous creature with long claws, it leaps across the distance between them and slashes at a flatfooted Tav. The claws cut through Tav's shoulder as the creature flattens him to the ground. No, this can't be happening, he has people counting on him outside of the Fade. It takes a reflex Tav didn't realize he had to murmur,] voco vinae [And the Urge is pulled off its feet by a twisted black vine]
[Tav looks down to his shoulder and attempts a healing spell with a near silent te curo but the wound doesn't even begin to close.]
[Tav attempts the healing spell again, but once more he finds himself unable to stitch up his wound. He doesn't dare attempt a third time as the Urge tears through the vine with its claws, spilling ichor all across the rocky terrain. Instead, he prepares one of his few offensive magic spells with a loud,] Ignis!
[A fireball shoots from Tav's hands, sears across the Urge's flesh, but does not slow down monster in the slightest. It scoops Tav up by his leg, dangling at eye level with the creature.]
You are too weak to fight me. [The creature snarls at Tav.] You have resisted too long, your killer instincts have dulled.
[Tav performs probably the stupidest stunt he could by reaching into the very sharp, toothy mouth of the Urge and casts fire bolt again, ignis! The Urge's jaw snaps shut on Tav's arm, right on top of the anchor. The combined effect shears the Urge's body nearly in two and Tav drops back down to the ground, holding his arm close to him.
Fuck, fuck, hells that hurt. His arm burns without a fire and Tav can't help but sit and clutch his pained arm to his chest, despite the Urge climbing to its feet once more.
Tav's will to fight diminishes with each moment his arm burns, but he sucks in a breath to focus on the Urge through blurred vision. He has to kill it, he must kill it or others will suffer on the other side. He takes a breath and pushes himself to his feet, only to be knocked to the ground once more. The stench of burned ichor fills Tav's nose as he tries to crawl away. He can't think clearly with the pain and the odour weighing him down. However, the Urge is on top of him again, clawed feet holding Tav down by the wrists.
This is it, this is his final moment, and as the Urge's jaws dive down to rip Tav open, Tav shouts,] Incendē!
[A burst of light burns through the Urge from both of Tav's hands, catching the creature as it groans and cries in pain as it squirms in the dirt. Tav sits up, trying to put room between himself and the Urge, watching the monster flail and screech while coated in a white fire before falling still.
Tav takes his breaths in short gulps of air, still watching the Urge's corpse bleed out. Is it---? Is it truly gone? Or is this some kind of sick joke? Tav realizes, though, that he feels no violent urges, no need to kill and a desperate sob empties him of all the rest of his energy. He looks past the Urge and realizes a door now sits, inset to a boulder. Is he--? Tav stands, clutching his arm and moves past the crumpled corpse of the Urge toward the boulder. He reaches for the door knob and turns it.]
[Coming back with his wounds takes longer than Tav would like. The wounds are not entirely physical, they should not slow him down, but he feels as if they will scar all the same. He wakes up, glances around and makes eye contact first with Strange and then Cosima. Blood begins to stain the shoulder of his shirt and more along his anchor on his right hand.
And then he realizes he no longer has the urge to hurt either of them. No desire to pluck eyes from their sockets, rip limb from limb, or bleed them dry. No, he feels free for the first time in a very long time. He sits up from his cot, tears in his eyes as he can hardly believe that he can think clearly for the first time in almost a year. Sure, his memory of his life before a year ago remains shaky, but now he is no longer a threat to those around him.
Warmth slips down his cheeks as he laughs. He’s free, he’s free.]
It’s gone, [Tav says at long last. ] It’s gone, the Urge. I’m free.
[ Strange had eventually entered a half-drowse, head tipped back against the stone wall of the room, ghosting along in that half-aware state where time slips easily away.
When Tav returns, however, the other two jerk back to attention. Strange unfolds his limbs and straightens up out of his chair. His expression is more wary, cautious, not instantly jumping to match Tav’s happiness. He’s a paranoid man; they’ll have to monitor the situation for a little while, because what if this is some kind of new trickery? But if it has worked… ]
What happened?
[ How was the Urge vanquished? How can Tav be so sure? Strange’s gaze has honed in on the blood seeping into his shirt, and he goes for his doctor’s bag. ]
[Tav can't help but continue to be emotional regarding what feels like freedom from a plague that has isolated him from the rest of the riftwatch, from a monstrous shadow that followed him everywhere. Still, he nods and wipes his face with his non-anchored hand.]
I saw myself there. It taunted me and then it transformed into some creature I've never seen. I... That apparently was meant to be what I also eventually transform into if I kill again. Only my nature magic worked, I couldn't heal my shoulder or my arm.
[Tav holds up his anchored arm, which is also bleeding through the fabric of his tunic.]
We fought and I wasn't entirely sure I would survive, but I did. And then I found a door and now I'm here. I don't feel any urges to hurt either of you. They were near constant before.
[Cosima is just as cautious as Stephen; they had demons running around the Gallows as four Riftwatch members for weeks, not that long ago, for one thing. But she does manage a muted, cautious smile at what initially seems like good news. She also jots down notes about what Tav describes.]
Did you just escape it, or did you ... did the creature you saw seem to be defeated?
[Possibly immaterial, given that the Fade can be nonliteral frequently enough. But it might be a hint as to whether there are loose ends to tie up.]
It seemed to be defeated; I burned it with two different spells and the second blast tore it to pieces.
[The pain of his injuries is starting to catch up to him, though, and he reaches up to his shoulder and murmurs te curo. However nothing happens at first. Tav blinks and tries again, but only on the third try does some turquoise light illuminate his fingers. However, his wounds do not heal.
He glances between them, his happiness melting into worry.]
[ Dousing a rag with some water from a bottle, Strange approaches Tav with the rag and a towel to clean out the wounds, some herbs to pack into the cuts (are those claw marks?), but he pauses instead as that te curo does nothing. The light sputters like a failing battery.
He knows the sound of Tav’s healing magic; has seen it used to help out around the infirmary enough times. ]
Perhaps you’re drained from the fight? [ he suggests, his brow crinkling too. ] Low on mana.
Could be, but it-- [He holds up his right hand, where the anchor also sputters beneath a set of teeth marks. Tav's fear burns through his gut; if he loses his magic he would lose his connection to nature, his connection to people he heals.
Tav sucks in a breath and tries for a fourth time with a more urgent te curo. His fingertips flicker with turquoise light and then it fades away.]
Perhaps you're right: I am simply taxed from the fight.
[He tries to think back to the last time he used Sunbeam and how he passed out in front of several templars. Could using such a strong spell have spent too much of his magic?]
I used Sunbeam to kill it; last time I used that spell here, I passed out.
I'm probably the least qualified person in the room to comment on magic, but I know enough to know fatigue can affect it. I think it's soon to draw any long-term conclusions, considering what you've just been through.
[She sits forward on the chair, trusting Stephen will ask for her help if he needs it.]
There's things you can try and people you can talk to about your connection to magic, eventually. But I think you're going to have to let yourself rest first, regardless.
[ He exchanges a quick look with Cosima, before the response comes unhesitatingly: ] Yes. For a time.
[ Then the rifter mutters a bit more cryptically, ] Gift horses, mouths, [ while he works on wrapping up the cuts on Tav’s shoulder. In terms of position, the injury’s almost a match for the healed scabs on Strange’s own shoulder. Fitting.
He pauses in the middle of his task, though. His expression is still careful, neutral. He wants to let the elf celebrate. It would be very nice to get a win. He doesn’t want to rain all over Tav’s parade. So: ]
This does look and sound promising; I would like to think that this succeeded. If this succeeded, I’m buying you a drink at the tavern. But I don’t want it to turn out to be a case where the Dark Urge is laying low until our guard’s down and then it’ll return. But I think if we monitor you for a time to confirm, and the absence continues and you’re still not plagued with any— presences— then I believe we’ll eventually be able to pronounce you cured.
Does that sound reasonable, Provost? I’ll let you decide what timeframe makes sense.
[ There’s not really a standard, agreed-upon incubation period to conclude that you’re free of possession. ]
We should probably loop in the Commander. Or Baudin, I know he was watch captain when this started, so I'm not sure if he delegated this to her when he got promoted. But whoever's been overseeing safety should know what we accomplished and that we're taking some time to be more sure.
[A bit kinder, to Tav:] I think everyone involved hopes this is exactly what it looks like and you've resolved it. But this exact situation has never come up before, at least as far as I can find or have heard of. There will come a point where absence of evidence will have to be practically good enough, but I'll want the doctor's sign off before I tell Forces you're cured. That's for your safety as much as everyone else's.
[Tav listens to both Strange and Cosima as they explain both their hope and holdouts for the Urge’s defeat. It makes sense to monitor him for a time— a month or two or three— before properly releasing him from his guard. Still, he can’t help the relief building in his chest. To finally be free? What a miracle that would be.]
I understand. I’ll alert you if I have any violent thoughts.
[He turns to Strange.] I’ll take you up on that offer when the time comes.
[ The healer’s work is brusque, to-the-point, finally finishing wrapping Tav’s shoulder while the other two speak and elf tilts his head to look around at them both. After one last check, Strange finally considers the cuts clean enough, the immediate harm addressed. This part of the experience doesn’t even faze him; of course Tav could carry real-world injuries from a battle in a dream. Dreams can kill, both here and back home. ]
Come on by later in the week if you need this cleaned and re-wrapped. I know shoulders are hard to get at.
[ But at Tav’s mention of the drink, his professional demeanour finally cracks for a moment, and he shoots the gardener a flicker of a smile and claps Tav’s uninjured shoulder, a companionable pat. ]
[It would be an extremely promising sight to have his magic back and still cured of the Urge. He's already deeply enjoying the lack of murderous thoughts that were once a litany in the back of his mind.
The pat to his shoulder is just the beginning of his new life, one spent with people and not guards.]
Good. I look forward to it.
[Tav looks between both of them.</small]
I will alert you if I have a single murderous thought or anything worse.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
[MESSAGES]
no subject
I'm ready.
no subject
[ For all the import of the situation, Doctor Strange sounds distracted, perfunctory, as if they’re about to head out for groceries together. It doesn’t mean the situation isn’t important. He works very hard to achieve that confident flippancy. ]
Are you well-rested? Well-fed, well-watered? Good to stay hydrated before heading into the Fade to battle your demons both literally and figuratively.
no subject
[Despite the steady tone, there is a slight shake to his words. Tav is still afraid of being unraveled, unmade, no matter how he has reframed and recut what he's about to do.]
I'll be in my room; it has locks on the door.
no subject
Niehaus, let me know whenever you’re also ready for the attempt and I’ll be by shortly. [ A beat. ] And I’ll bring a medical kit.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[PREPARATION]
No, he must go into the Fade now or risk hurting more people.
He decides on staying in his room with the multiple locks, in case it is not him but the Urge that emerges victorious this day. Here, Strange or Cosima should be able to signal for help and physically kill the Urge for good.
Tav looks up at the sound of footsteps and focuses on remaining resolute.
He’s here to defeat the Urge, nothing more nothing less.]
no subject
He nods to the elf as he enters, and then immediately starts working on the room, pulling on the threads of magic to draw the shape of glowing runes on the floor in a circle. Back home he would have called this spell the Guardian Vishanti; here, it’s more like attempting to reproduce a native’s warding glyph. He’s been studying. He’s been purposefully working on his magic the last few months, trying to mould the shape of his magic to that of the locals.
They also have a lyrium potion. With it, they’ll send Tav to the Fade physically, more corporeal than the way everyone experiences in their dreams, and more like going in via the Crossroads. Hence the risk, but: nothing ventured, nothing gained.
While the sorcerer works to prepare, quietly attentive, he shoots Tav a glance. ]
So. Run me through the plan. What will you do when you’re on the other side?
no subject
[Tav sits on the edge of his cot, fingers tangled together. His knees bob with his anxious energy.]
I know what the Fade should look like, I’ve practiced my spells, I should be ready.
no subject
‘Take down’ is vague, non-specific. I find it helps to be concrete when picturing what you have to do. I know you don’t like to fight and hurt others. Are you prepared? To fight — and specifically, kill — some sort of spirit that looks like you?
no subject
I’ll start by grappling it with a vine and from there I can determine exactly what I need to do next.
[Tav looks up at Stephen.]
It’ll look like me, yes, but I won’t have any qualms of hurting it.
no subject
[ He’s pushing the matter, pressing on it to be sure. To be certain.
Because Strange remembers the way he’d recoiled in his own early days: horrified to have killed a man, the blood on his hands, the betrayal of the oath to do no harm, until he’d had to adjust and accept it. Sometimes it’s necessary.
The fact that the Urge isn’t entirely a person as such should at least make it easier. ]
no subject
Hey. What'd I miss, anything big?
[She seems calm but serious, her usual capacity for jokes tamped down by the seriousness of what they're about to attempt. She's also not wearing her gloves, the anchor shard clearly visible in her left palm. She doesn't expect to need the shield it can create, but it's still a bit of a comfort to know she's been practicing recently.]
no subject
This is it, this is the time, the moment when he will either be cured or reduced to another piece of the Fade.]
I will kill it. [Tav says resolutely, but his hands shake, his knees continue to bob.] I want to be rid of it.
no subject
[ He keeps his attention riveted on finishing the glyph, finally connecting the last dots and then infusing it with magic — a warm golden glow, the hum of the arcane in the back of their teeth — before he turns to give Cosima a wry smile. ]
Y’know, just normal stuff. Making sure Tav has the emotional fortitude to kill a part of himself.
[ There’s still that offhand nonchalance to his demeanour, but that’s exactly how Doctor Strange treats even the most dire of emergencies; even in the middle of the operating room, he’d been cracking jokes with his hands inside another person’s skull. This is how he copes. ]
I don’t know precisely what you’ll face in there, Tav, but be prepared for anything. Spirits can be tricky and duplicitous, and never moreso than in the Fade. We’ll be watching out for you here, but that’s their home turf.
no subject
[OK, maybe one or two jokes. She pulls a chair to one of the corners of the room, well out of the way, and perches on it to draw a few things out of her bag.]
The doctor's got the magic stuff on lock, but we've learned a lot about rifters, and native mages already knew a fair amount about the Fade. While we're breaking new ground, we've got good reasons to think this should work. But do you have any particular questions before we get really started? I'm not sure I can answer all of them, but whatever I can.
no subject
No questions, just time to test everyone's theories, I suppose.
[He lays back on his cot, eyes wide for a moment before he closes them. He has fought General Kethric, cured the Shadow Lands of their curse, he can do this. He must do this.
For a moment, though, his fear snaps his eyes back open.] If... If I don't come out the other side, I want to thank both of you for trying.
no subject
[ The wards are in place, a gentle comforting thrum underfoot. He moves over and hands Tav the potion to drink; the lyrium mixture which will put him into a magically-enhanced stupor, blur the edges of reality, and assist his drifting over into the Fade.
He looks over to Cosima, to whatever she’s pulling out of her bag of tricks. ]
no subject
There's every reason this should work. And we'll be with you, even if you're not conscious of us while you're in there.
[It's not that there's nothing to worry about, but they've done all they can to control as many variables as possible. She glances at Stephen.]
Unless you've got anything else you need me to help set up, I'm ready when you guys are.
no subject
Fighting himself is not something he's done every day, but today he must.
The potion starts to take effect as Tav's vision blurs, his eyelids begin to droop and Tav focuses on not remaining connected to his current body, but another one within. He blinks a few more times before his clenched hands drop down to his sides and he dips into the Fade.]
no subject
He draws his legs up beneath him into lotus position, surprisingly flexible, meditatively patient, and settles in for an indeterminate wait. He tilts his head at Cosima, rueful: so, the places we wind up in. ]
I guess it’s up to him now, huh?
no subject
[They'd already talked this problem over so many ways before arriving at the details of what they're doing now. It feels, in fact, a bit surreal that they're finally making the attempt.]
Is the shielding something you can explain to a layperson, or should I just note "complicated-looking magic warding" for posterity? [It's rueful, but on the other hand, if it's something he can explain it'll give her something to think about other than what Tav has to face in there.]
no subject
A glyph of warding, [ Stephen explains; his voice academic, conversational. ]
It’s actually fairly standard and rote for the native mages, so there ought to be plenty material to cross-reference in the archives. I wasn’t sure if it would make a specific difference here, but presumably any bit helps. And it should keep him restrained and us protected if, y’know.
[ If the wrong person comes back. ]
no subject
[A small, tired smile.]
I hate that Tav has to take all the risk, but I'm glad we're doing something. It's been a long road.
potential 🎀
[ The memory of Tav’s hands around his throat, the tent stake stabbing wildly at him, blood in his robes, needing to tie up the druid in glowing eldritch restraints. It had been the last straw for both of them: Tav deciding that he was willing to risk being unmade just to have this stop, and the doctor acknowledging that this needed fixing. They don’t have the resources to monitor him permanently. A threat. A liability, which might in fact be worse.
So, here they are. The Provost and the Head Healer sitting in a room, watching Tav’s motionless body. For a while there’s the scrape of Cosima’s pen against paper, before even that ceases and they simply settle in to wait,
until, finally, the elf wakes up. ]
[IN THE FADE] 1
According to what had been explained, the Urge could be right here in front of him, or he'd have to search a bit. Luckily, or unluckily, as soon as Tav turns himself in a complete circle, the Urge is waiting for him, a doppleganger with the exception of a few notable scars.]
You're going. [Tav declares, uncertain of how to rid himself of the Urge if not by speech. When the Urge does nothing but stare, Tav assumes this will go down in a fight.]
You are leaving my... head? Forever. You will no longer ever haunt my shadows. [Tav says more firmly and yet the Urge doesn't move.]
I will kill you if I have to.[Tav's voice echoes, despite the groaning surrounding him.]
You have underestimated me. [The Urge finally speaks, a crooked smile taking over his face.] The only one who will die is you.
[Before Tav can say much else, the Urge transforms. Now a monstrous creature with long claws, it leaps across the distance between them and slashes at a flatfooted Tav. The claws cut through Tav's shoulder as the creature flattens him to the ground. No, this can't be happening, he has people counting on him outside of the Fade. It takes a reflex Tav didn't realize he had to murmur,] voco vinae [And the Urge is pulled off its feet by a twisted black vine]
[Tav looks down to his shoulder and attempts a healing spell with a near silent te curo but the wound doesn't even begin to close.]
Re: [IN THE FADE] 2
[A fireball shoots from Tav's hands, sears across the Urge's flesh, but does not slow down monster in the slightest. It scoops Tav up by his leg, dangling at eye level with the creature.]
You are too weak to fight me. [The creature snarls at Tav.] You have resisted too long, your killer instincts have dulled.
[Tav performs probably the stupidest stunt he could by reaching into the very sharp, toothy mouth of the Urge and casts fire bolt again, ignis! The Urge's jaw snaps shut on Tav's arm, right on top of the anchor. The combined effect shears the Urge's body nearly in two and Tav drops back down to the ground, holding his arm close to him.
Fuck, fuck, hells that hurt. His arm burns without a fire and Tav can't help but sit and clutch his pained arm to his chest, despite the Urge climbing to its feet once more.
Tav's will to fight diminishes with each moment his arm burns, but he sucks in a breath to focus on the Urge through blurred vision. He has to kill it, he must kill it or others will suffer on the other side. He takes a breath and pushes himself to his feet, only to be knocked to the ground once more. The stench of burned ichor fills Tav's nose as he tries to crawl away. He can't think clearly with the pain and the odour weighing him down. However, the Urge is on top of him again, clawed feet holding Tav down by the wrists.
This is it, this is his final moment, and as the Urge's jaws dive down to rip Tav open, Tav shouts,] Incendē!
[A burst of light burns through the Urge from both of Tav's hands, catching the creature as it groans and cries in pain as it squirms in the dirt. Tav sits up, trying to put room between himself and the Urge, watching the monster flail and screech while coated in a white fire before falling still.
Tav takes his breaths in short gulps of air, still watching the Urge's corpse bleed out. Is it---? Is it truly gone? Or is this some kind of sick joke? Tav realizes, though, that he feels no violent urges, no need to kill and a desperate sob empties him of all the rest of his energy. He looks past the Urge and realizes a door now sits, inset to a boulder. Is he--? Tav stands, clutching his arm and moves past the crumpled corpse of the Urge toward the boulder. He reaches for the door knob and turns it.]
[AFTERMATH]
And then he realizes he no longer has the urge to hurt either of them. No desire to pluck eyes from their sockets, rip limb from limb, or bleed them dry. No, he feels free for the first time in a very long time. He sits up from his cot, tears in his eyes as he can hardly believe that he can think clearly for the first time in almost a year. Sure, his memory of his life before a year ago remains shaky, but now he is no longer a threat to those around him.
Warmth slips down his cheeks as he laughs. He’s free, he’s free.]
It’s gone, [Tav says at long last. ] It’s gone, the Urge. I’m free.
no subject
When Tav returns, however, the other two jerk back to attention. Strange unfolds his limbs and straightens up out of his chair. His expression is more wary, cautious, not instantly jumping to match Tav’s happiness. He’s a paranoid man; they’ll have to monitor the situation for a little while, because what if this is some kind of new trickery? But if it has worked… ]
What happened?
[ How was the Urge vanquished? How can Tav be so sure? Strange’s gaze has honed in on the blood seeping into his shirt, and he goes for his doctor’s bag. ]
no subject
I saw myself there. It taunted me and then it transformed into some creature I've never seen. I... That apparently was meant to be what I also eventually transform into if I kill again. Only my nature magic worked, I couldn't heal my shoulder or my arm.
[Tav holds up his anchored arm, which is also bleeding through the fabric of his tunic.]
We fought and I wasn't entirely sure I would survive, but I did. And then I found a door and now I'm here. I don't feel any urges to hurt either of you. They were near constant before.
no subject
Did you just escape it, or did you ... did the creature you saw seem to be defeated?
[Possibly immaterial, given that the Fade can be nonliteral frequently enough. But it might be a hint as to whether there are loose ends to tie up.]
no subject
[The pain of his injuries is starting to catch up to him, though, and he reaches up to his shoulder and murmurs te curo. However nothing happens at first. Tav blinks and tries again, but only on the third try does some turquoise light illuminate his fingers. However, his wounds do not heal.
He glances between them, his happiness melting into worry.]
no subject
He knows the sound of Tav’s healing magic; has seen it used to help out around the infirmary enough times. ]
Perhaps you’re drained from the fight? [ he suggests, his brow crinkling too. ] Low on mana.
no subject
Tav sucks in a breath and tries for a fourth time with a more urgent te curo. His fingertips flicker with turquoise light and then it fades away.]
Perhaps you're right: I am simply taxed from the fight.
[He tries to think back to the last time he used Sunbeam and how he passed out in front of several templars. Could using such a strong spell have spent too much of his magic?]
I used Sunbeam to kill it; last time I used that spell here, I passed out.
no subject
[She sits forward on the chair, trusting Stephen will ask for her help if he needs it.]
There's things you can try and people you can talk to about your connection to magic, eventually. But I think you're going to have to let yourself rest first, regardless.
no subject
The thought of being free of the Urge is still the best part of having gone into the Fade.]
I assume I'll still be monitored?
no subject
[ Then the rifter mutters a bit more cryptically, ] Gift horses, mouths, [ while he works on wrapping up the cuts on Tav’s shoulder. In terms of position, the injury’s almost a match for the healed scabs on Strange’s own shoulder. Fitting.
He pauses in the middle of his task, though. His expression is still careful, neutral. He wants to let the elf celebrate. It would be very nice to get a win. He doesn’t want to rain all over Tav’s parade. So: ]
This does look and sound promising; I would like to think that this succeeded. If this succeeded, I’m buying you a drink at the tavern. But I don’t want it to turn out to be a case where the Dark Urge is laying low until our guard’s down and then it’ll return. But I think if we monitor you for a time to confirm, and the absence continues and you’re still not plagued with any— presences— then I believe we’ll eventually be able to pronounce you cured.
Does that sound reasonable, Provost? I’ll let you decide what timeframe makes sense.
[ There’s not really a standard, agreed-upon incubation period to conclude that you’re free of possession. ]
no subject
We should probably loop in the Commander. Or Baudin, I know he was watch captain when this started, so I'm not sure if he delegated this to her when he got promoted. But whoever's been overseeing safety should know what we accomplished and that we're taking some time to be more sure.
[A bit kinder, to Tav:] I think everyone involved hopes this is exactly what it looks like and you've resolved it. But this exact situation has never come up before, at least as far as I can find or have heard of. There will come a point where absence of evidence will have to be practically good enough, but I'll want the doctor's sign off before I tell Forces you're cured. That's for your safety as much as everyone else's.
no subject
I understand. I’ll alert you if I have any violent thoughts.
[He turns to Strange.] I’ll take you up on that offer when the time comes.
no subject
Come on by later in the week if you need this cleaned and re-wrapped. I know shoulders are hard to get at.
[ But at Tav’s mention of the drink, his professional demeanour finally cracks for a moment, and he shoots the gardener a flicker of a smile and claps Tav’s uninjured shoulder, a companionable pat. ]
I’ll hold you to it.
no subject
Hopefully my magic will return before then.
[It would be an extremely promising sight to have his magic back and still cured of the Urge. He's already deeply enjoying the lack of murderous thoughts that were once a litany in the back of his mind.
The pat to his shoulder is just the beginning of his new life, one spent with people and not guards.]
Good. I look forward to it.
[Tav looks between both of them.</small] I will alert you if I have a single murderous thought or anything worse.