faderift | PLAYER PLOT | Forgetti Catchall, now in the right comm

Clarisse looks up from her plate at the sound of Abby's voice, and for a split second she can't help but feel hopeful.

She can tell herself the truth of the situation over and over but it doesn't erase the fact that she misses Abby so much it makes her feel sick. She hates taking the ferry across the harbor at the end of each day and crawling into bed in the dockside apartments, and going to sleep knowing Abby isn't lying in a bed across the room from her. She hates waking up and eating breakfast without her. She hates that every time she walks onto the training yard she thinks about her.

But the look on Abby's face is, while maybe not as hostile as it was last time they saw each other, still guarded. It still looks like she's talking to a stranger. Clarisse's stomach sinks and she feels herself going tense all over.

"What is it?" Get it over with.

Abby folds her arms across her chest.

Yeah she wants to know more now that she's interested but she doesn't want to get snapped at either; Clarisse looks like she's ready to have another fight.

"Relax," she says and takes a seat, propping her elbows up on the table between them. "I just wanna ask you something." With the full knowledge that she may not even get an answer, "You said you already know me. Can you prove it?"

She should have asked this from the start. It's basically the same as the demon invasion when they were all vetting each other across the crystals so everybody could be vouched for. Security question.

Relax? Clarisse mouths in silent disbelief as Abby takes the seat next to her. Fucking relax?

They're both quiet once Abby's settled next to her, elbows on the table. Clarisse feels like there are so many things she could say to prove she knows her—so many that for a few long moments her mind can't settle on any of them. Which definitely makes her look like a liar.

Finally, "You guys used to go out in the fields in Seattle when they flooded and tie plastic lids to a car and surf on them. There were like eight of you altogether." She pokes at a few spilled grains of sugar that are lying on the table with the tip of her index finger, trying to get them to stick to it. "The 'Salt Lake Crew.'"

Yeah it's not looking good for her. Abby is weighing up how long she should sit here and wait for Clarisse to make something up before she gets up and leaves. She's about to do the latter when Clarisse opens her mouth — and makes her freeze up with what she says, mouth slightly open in disbelief.

After a moment she's able to close it and swallow.

"... Okay." That was a good thing to pick. Nobody else here would know that except for — well, Ellie, so that makes this girl at least as close to her inner world as Ellie was. And Abby only found out her name a day ago.

She's still staring, searching for something else to say. Clarisse is poking the table, not looking at her, moving just to move, keeping herself busy. So if what she's been insisting is true, now is a time to be more sensitive with the situation than she has been thus far but Abby finds herself asking, "Who are you?" anyway. She's turned her body toward her without thinking, swivelled in her seat.

Clarisse can't help it. "What the fuck kind of question is that?" She's only been trying for days to tell anybody who'll listen exactly who she is. Maybe that's the problem. Nobody is listening.

She takes a breath. No. Okay, this isn't fair. The whole situation's not fair to her, but at the same time this reaction isn't exactly fair to Abby, either, who's only reacting like any sane person would if a stranger broke into their room and started acting like they should know each other.

At least she warned Clarisse that she'd kick her ass first. Clarisse, if the roles had been reversed, probably would have opened the interaction by simply going for it.

"I'm a rifter," she says, trying again. "I'm from Arizona and I got here a little while after you did. And we've been roommates since a few weeks after that. We stayed together even after we couldn't use our old room anymore and we had to use a tent all summer. With Ellie. Think about it." Why would Abby have shared the space with Ellie for those last few weeks on her own? What would have made her decide to do that?

"I'm your friend." Like if she says it with enough sadness in her chest it's going to knock all the memories back into Abby's head.

Abby shrugs a shoulder and says nothing, swallowing against the unease prickling up the back of her neck. It's... strangely invasive to sit here and watch her question play out over Clarisse's face, note every strand of frustration and unhappiness in her reply. This is difficult for her. She's upset with what's going on, with Abby, but try as she might she can't connect any of this information together.

Even though it makes a weird amount of sense.

When she thinks of sharing that tent for weeks with Ellie after the destruction of the tower, how they stuck firmly to either side of it — was that really to keep from, even accidentally, touching? Or was it because somebody else was there the entire time with them, occupying the middle?

All that stuff in her room. The extra bed, the clothing that isn't hers; the shield bearing Clarisse's name. Abby's frowning, jaw set. Teeth pressing together at the back, a firm, familiar pain until she realises it and releases a breath to try to relax.

"... Okay." This is hard for her too. She's not saying I believe you out loud but it's definitely implied when she continues, "Then why don't I remember that? What happened?"

Clarisse shrugs a shoulder, because this is the part that's hazy for her, too, and she's tired of trying to untangle it. It makes her head hurt.

"We went on a mission to fuck with some Venatori experiment. Something happened. We weren't ready, but..." She trails off. It's like trying to see through fog. Something happened. Someone did something.

"We did what we were supposed to." Because they turned around and came back, and they wouldn't have without finishing the job. And the two events, the mission and everybody in the Gallows forgetting them, they have to be related, only she doesn't know how or why. She reaches up and rubs idly at one temple.

"Look," she says after a moment, "if I could just get some of my clothes..." She's not going to ask for more than that.

'Venatori experiment' immediately gets a grimace out of her, another deep furrowing of the brow as she thinks. Clarisse is certainly right that something happened. Magic? She didn't think that magic could alter memories this deeply but she didn't think that magic could turn back time either so she should probably throw that thought out the window...

"Research will figure something out." Surely. She's not sure of what else to say because, even though Clarisse knows all of this information about her, Abby is still talking to a stranger. There's no urge to comfort her like she would a friend; mostly she just wants to leave and try to stop thinking about this. Wait for it to get fixed.

So she nods and says, "Yeah," nodding distractedly. "Course. Whatever you need."

... The book? Ellie's book.

Interesting.

It's weird hearing Abby say she can come take whatever she needs. It sounds friendly enough, but not in a genuine way, more like how you'd talk to a stranger you want to leave you alone. In a way it's worse than Abby being a bitch to her was, just because it's so hollow.

Well Abby's the one who came over here and started talking to her, so Clarisse isn't going to be the one to stand up and leave first. She spears a piece of egg with her fork and brings it to her mouth, staring down at the plate.

"Okay," she says. "I'll stay out of your way otherwise." Don't worry, she won't sneak in again and crawl half-under the bed. That was dumb.

"Right."

She watches Clarisse start to eat again, thinking hard, and then she says, "You don't have to."

It's not like she can jump straight into being friends with Clarisse but she shouldn't have to walk around the Gallows avoiding Abby either. When she thinks about what it would be like if the roles were reversed — if, say, Benedict had forgotten all about her and was acting like he'd never seen her before in his life — she realises she'd be totally miserable, more than a little angry. It would be awful.

"Maybe that's what they want." She's spitballing now, hear her out. "The Venatori, I mean. We nearly stopped you guys from coming back in here — that's Riftwatch, what, five people down?" They're not very big, is the thing.

"I know I don't have to. It's not like I'm quitting Riftwatch or anything." She can do whatever she wants. Within reason, or whatever. And having beef with somebody has never really stopped her from hanging around them before.

It's not out of fear of confrontation that Clarisse doesn't want to overstay, it's out of the shittiness of being around Abby making it feel like her heart's getting ripped out and stomped on. Which Abby can't help, but which Clarisse can't snap her fingers and stop, either.

Clarisse swallows a couple times. "It's just... hard, you know? To listen to you talk to me like a stranger." She doesn't want to namedrop Ellie just for the extra pity, but thinks maybe doing it will make Abby understand more, at least a little. "I was finally getting my shit together after Ellie disappeared, and then I lose everyone else at the same time. 'Specially you."

Not a physical loss. But it feels like it.

"Okay."

But it's uncomfortable. And what she's feeling, overwhelmingly in this moment, is pity for Clarisse and her whole situation but Abby knows that she can't admit to that in any way cuz it'll only make everything worse. She should just... put her head down and mind her business, or something. Honestly she has no idea what the fuck she's supposed to do with this and it's overwhelming. She shouldn't have to deal with this. Neither should Clarisse.

She almost apologises, catching herself at the last moment. Not her fault. Not a whole lot she can do other than... wonder about rebuilding this friendship from scratch, if that's even something Clarisse wants.

"Is... there anything I can do?"

"No," Clarisse says, because it's the truth. But after a small pause, she adds, voice stiff, "This wasn't your fault. You don't owe me anything."

She pokes at her eggs with her fork some more but doesn't eat them. "Look, I'll get over it. I just need a little time. Then we can..." She exhales roughly through her mouth, blowing an errant strand of hair off her cheek. "Figure out how to be friends or... something."

Again.

It's what Abby had been thinking herself but hearing it from Clarisse makes her feel sort of shit because she's obviously resigned herself to the situation and it... isn't fair to either of them.

What else can they do, though? Yeah it's going to be awkward, it's going to feel strange, but... give it time and maybe they can work something out. Maybe they can be friends again. It's going to be more annoying for Clarisse than it will be for her.

"Sure."

Okay. Question answered. She pushes her chair back suddenly to stand, and pauses.

"I'm gonna be in the office for a couple hours." Clarisse understands what she means by this, presumably. "Room's unlocked. So... yeah."

Clarisse almost says that it's okay, she has a key. She just barely stops herself, realizing that Abby won't like hearing that about what she considers her private room.

It's not like Clarisse will still need it after she gets her clothes and stuff out of there, but she still wants to hang onto it just in case. Stupid, probably, but it's one of those little reminders that she isn't crazy.

"All right. Thanks."

PLAYER PLOT | Forgetti Catchall, now in the right comm

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