If you go down to the woods today

[hlif]

WHO: Asher Hardie; open
WHAT: Hunting bears!  And maybe other things but mainly bears.
WHEN: Pre-dragon attack on the camp
WHERE: Emprise du Lion
NOTES: Language most likely.  Bear slankets will be on offer from the spoils upon returning to Skyhold.

It's the cold in Emprise du Lion that spurs Asher into action, that particular sort of cold that gets into your bones and can kill someone if they're trapped for too long.  There are plenty of problems to be dealt with, Red Templars chief amongst them, but Asher can let others with more of a personal grudge deal with them first because the wildlife here is bold, maybe because of hunger, maybe because of other reasns because wolves tend not to have bright green eyes.  Whatever the reason, someone has to deal with the other threats that might get bold and decide to come down to the camp and it's what he's spent most of his time doing so far, when he's not propping up the bar in the tavern that is.

Hunting's more fun with company, and so he puts the word about the camp, that he's looking for a few others to come up high into the hills with him where the game is thickest.  The promise of pelts might be an incentive here - it's one of the coldest places he can remember being and he's used to the cold, even one that's come on as hard and fast as winter has here.

The crew isn't the typical hunting party but everyone tagging along wants to be there, and Asher's in good spirits as he leads them all off just as the sun is coming up over the horizon.

Hopefully it'll just be bears and wolves they're fighting today and nothing that's going to fight back with more than claws and teeth.

Comments

[hlif]

Honestly he’s missed this since the world had gone to shit and the Boneflayers had all spent so much time since Kirkwall only hearing about dead friends, going to wakes and funerals when they could or sending word. Even his mother had been worried until she’d seen Asher with her own eyes and there wasn’t much love lost there. Asher can laugh and joke about anything and look like he means it but well, it’s been a while.

“Look, if Mal doesn’t one day marry himself into nobility by accident or as part of a scheme I’ll be disappointed. And if I’m not escorting him down the aisle then I’m crashing the wedding anyway. You better remember that too.” As for him? Expert in avoiding being wrangled into marriages because he slept with someone.

[gatheringstorm]

Mention of weddings causes Korrin to chuckle, not truly thinking along those liens yet, but it's a pleasant diversion from bear carcasses and frozen landscapes. "If I do get married, you'd damn well better be there. The other Valo-Kas miss their 'only slightly shorter Avvar friend' and it just wouldn't be the same without your bragging, wrestling and attempts to get everyone as drunk as you."

It's nothing worse than what the rest of the Valo-Kas will do, after all, so Asher's in good company. "And Mal should know enough to expect it, too. He might give those long-suffering looks but that's just the way he is. I'd expect any wedding he'd be a part of would be the most Ferelden thing ever. Mabari everywhere. Right, Bronson?"

[hlif]

Wow Korrin rude, the bear carcasses are about the only thing this place has going for it, Asher would never hear of such slander were it voiced to him. "What I lack in size compared to some of your monsters, I make up for in other ways, they're just jealous I can go to an Avvar hold where 'anyone who'll have me' actually does mean pretty much everyone, even the thanes."

There's no better way to gain the approval of a thane than to give them a night they'll never forget.

"Honestly, most Chantry mothers have faces on them like dogs chewing a wasp so I doubt anyone would notice if you just shoved an actual dog into their fancy frocks."

[gatheringstorm]

Korrin snorts in amusement at that image, thanks Asher. "They'd be more prone to being appeased by belly rubs, so I'd say do it. ...I'm going to see a dog wearing Chantry robes when we get back to Skyhold, aren't I. Better have it in the chapel where everyone can see."

It'd give them something to talk about other than reciting the Chant of Light over and over again. "And they're not that jealous, you know. For every person who calls us an 'ox' there's also someone attracted to the huge, horned type. They get more than their share of bedmates."

[hlif]

Imagine if you will, tummy rub rubs for the bitchiest old ladies that with more wrinkles than a bogfisher’s balls. Just imagine. Asher does and that’s why he’s a big dirty heathen. “How much of a fuss would it kick up if I decided to repaint that statue in Skyhold’s Chantry the way Avvar warriors paint themselves for battle?” So yeah, Bronson’s going to get kitted out and Asher can sing Andraste’s mabari really loudly from somewhere when he’s not too busy laughing.

“Like your new girl. But I get it, the amount of noble wives and daughters, or sometimes sons, maybe odd times the husband or a chevalier that want to bed some big wild mercenary is off the charts, it’s wild.”

[gatheringstorm]

"Hey, it's the allure of the exotic. It's like those awful romance serials that you sometimes see, with the untamed, sexy savage kidnapping the noblewoman/farm girl/whatever and unleashing her wild side. If you're not on a few of those covers, I'll be much surprised. Though they'll still get it wrong and leave out best parts, you know. You'd probably all 'tamed' and unrecognizable at the end."

Korrin rolls her eyes at that, wondering why stories in which Asher's wild nature is diluted would be more seen as more interesting than the time he wrestled a bear or pick any number of crazy feats. "As for that statue, you'd stir up a huge fuss and you know it. And I'm so not the person to discourage you. Do it and have it be done in time for morning prayers at the chapel."

[hlif]

“I am absolutely on the cover of one, I bedded an author a couple of years back. She had ideas.” He couldn’t really walk straight for a few days but it was absolutely worth it. “I never bothered to read it but I keep hoping I don’t find it when I go home, books get passed around and just the thought of my sisters or worse, my mother, reading it brings me out in a rash. Isn’t that what everyone wants to do with a wild thing? Break it like a stallion?”

Except he’s grinning because well, he could make many jokes about stallions. Most folk don’t want a man that’s likely to come home bleeding all over them from bear wounds though, they want that potential that Asher has, even more since going the Reaver road. “People must do the same too you and you’re a mage, plus how many people have actually seen Qunari or Tal-Vashoth or Vashoth up close, they don’t know what’s going on with you.” A beat passes before he’s grinning. “Do I give Andraste nipples then?”

[gatheringstorm]

Hearing about the author has Korrin snorting with laughter, unable to contain herself. She almost wants to hunt down that piece of stirring literature, despite having a thousand and one more important things to do. Thanks, Asher. Now it'll be on her mind until she can seek it out.

"Hell, yes. She deserves a magnificent pair and you know it. Nothing's more offensive than reminding them Andraste had a great rack, you know." And if it wasn't true then, well, it is now. "Oh, I get plenty of that crap. Even you won't believe some of the pick-up lines I've gotten; they're that bad. It's either about the horns or asking about what mages can do in the bedroom, like I'm about to show anyone who sees me as a thing to scratch off from a bucket list. So don't go spreading around that thing about the lightning, alright? I like to keep some surprises for people who actually earn them."

Besides, there's no one else she wants but Araceli, and from what she said earlier, it's a fair bet that trick won't be welcome in bed.

[hlif]

It's a great read for a long, cold, lonely night. Asher might even read his parts aloud.

"People are arseholes, sad that it's a girl from another world that's not all about that but what can you do." Well you can do what Asher does but that's really not for everyone. "C'mon, let's get this back to the camp and you can show off your girl to me, I'll make all the right noises."