I thought that I've been hurt before.

[quietblade]

WHO: Taas + Open
WHAT: Catch-all for February
WHEN: After his return from the Crow event and the rest of the month.
WHERE: Mostly Skyhold, Herald's Rest
NOTES: CR for new and old characters alike!

Tavern

It was usually early in the evening when Taashath lumbered towards the tavern. He usually had an ale or two, maybe something to eat and chatting with friends and newcomers alike. After the rescue of Zevran in Antiva, however, he was drinking more, eating less and rarely talking to people.

He had lost control, forgotten his name, tried to kill a member of the Inquisition, no matter how loaded the issue of a Ben-Hassrath was. He wasn't safe when his rage took over like that... and the possibility of hurting someone he cared about was eating him up inside.

Was he squandering everything Yshae taught him by trying to be a hero?

It was easier to just drink and forget.

Courtyard

Taas was a common sight in the courtyard, talking with people, maintaining his weapons somewhere in the rare sunlight or even chopping a training dummy to pieces now and then. He had stopped offering to spar with people, however, just smiling and shaking his head each time someone asked for a hand or when he saw someone struggling with their guard.

Instead he spent a lot of time going over breathing techniques and different means of relaxing, loosening himself from all the madness etched into his bones. He was Taashath.

It became like a mantra to him. He could push through this.

Wildcard

Hit me!

Comments

[gatheringstorm]

They're all dangerous. That's something Korrin learned early on in her career; as a mage, there are pitfalls she must guard against, but mages aren't the only ones in danger of losing themselves. Battle-scarred warriors can succumb just as thoroughly, and she's seen it happen in other Tal-Vashoth. Which is why she'll do her best to remind Taas of who he is, and wants to be. Waiting until those eyes are open again, she nods.

"Of course. I'll keep everyone safe, including you." And she closes in to rest a hand on his arm. "Everyone slips up, at some point. That's why we have each other's backs. And I know it went to hell at the end, but you still held out for a long time until then. You were there when we needed it."

[quietblade]

He can see it in front of him. Them, fighting together, and then him, turning on her. Him, having to be watched over like the tamassrans would have if he had stayed under the Qun.

"Korrin... I appreciate it, but I can't have that strain put on you to look after me all the time. I don't know how much this affected me, if I'd do it again." It would kill him, to end up hurting someone here. Especially a friend. Who knows who he could have turned on if the Ben-Hassrath hadn't been there?

[gatheringstorm]

Korrin just shakes her head, unfazed. "It doesn't mean I'm going to give up on you, though, and you shouldn't give up on yourself. Keep trying. Believe it or not, you've come far. I've met -and grew up among- Tal-Vashoth who were never able to pull themselves together in the way you have, no offense to them. They must have endured a lot, and so have you...but I think you can overcome this. Call it a gut-feeling.

If it'd help, I can ask my company. Plenty of them have had similar issues, and the ones who've stayed are now the most stable folks I know. They must have found a way. Whether or not it'll be yours is another matter, but we can still find out."

[quietblade]

He listens with a thoughtful look on his face, and then sighs again. She had a point, of course... and he's grateful to hear that she believes in him so strongly. Yet he's a danger that the Inquisition didn't need; he could jeopardize things.

Learning how to handle himself might be something he shouldn't be around the Inquisition for. They didn't need his issues.

Still...

"I would... appreciate that, actually. I'm willing to try anything to just... find that core of peace again. I feel a little lost without it, like I'm not 'Taashath' any more." He admits with a tired look. It was his name and his goal in life, and he couldn't afford losing that.

[gatheringstorm]

That tired look breaks Korrin's heart; Taashath has worked so hard to get to where he is now, and he doesn't deserve to have it ripped away from him. Not that she wants to see anyone else endangered, but there has to be a path between 'do nothing' and 'send him away'.

"I know. We need you back out there, but regain your center first. Step back from missions, focus on yourself. The Inquisition's goal will take time; when you're ready, I'm pretty confident that the threat will still be there. And I want you at my side to help kick its ass, alright?" She taps that maul, definitely eager to see it in action beyond a few practice swings.

[quietblade]

He smiles a little at her words and nods, fingers gripping tighter around the maul she had given him. When he's ready, she says. He better work on that, then... he didn't want to miss all the fun and 'kick ass'. He's here for a reason, after all.

"...thank you, kadan. I appreciate that," he says with another small smile, hoisting the maul to lean on his shoulder. "....and this. Dragons are a better fight than horrific blood magic beasts any day."

[gatheringstorm]

Kadan. Well aware of the term and its meaning, Korrin's expression softens even as she echoes the smile. She won't cry on you, Taas, honest. But hearing that from him, someone who she'd started off with on a cautious note due to her mage status, means more than she can say. Ignoring that lump in her throat, the Vashoth mage nods. "You're welcome, kadan. I know you'll more than do it justice."

[quietblade]

They had gone far together, these past months, and she was the person he trusted the most in all of Skyhold. Including himself. It was a bit strange to think that he had been suspicious and careful around her once.

He had been wrong about many things.

Hearing her say it back made him smile whole-heartedly for the first time since he had come back from Antiva, and Taas raises his new weapon in a soldier's greeting. "Nehraa ataash!"