CLOSED - When the dark night seems endless

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WHO: Anders/Detlef and Nathaniel Howe
WHAT: Nathaniel visits Emprise du Lion and checks up on Anders.
WHEN: Present.
WHERE: Emprise du Lion
NOTES: General Anders warning.

It's not that long a trip, compared with the ones Nathaniel has been making of late, and it's rather earlier than he expected to be headed back into Orlais, but he has to do something besides hang around Skyhold waiting for Corypheus to be found. So he arrived in Emprise du Lion last night. Only now is he trying to find Anders, though, and check up on him. It's good that Anders is getting out of Skyhold, so long as Justice isn't pushing him to exhaustion.

He finds Anders doing some chore or another and says nothing, only giving a smile.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

He shouldn't lean back into this hug as well, he should try to establish some distance, but Anders craves far more contact and affection than he ever gets. One of his arms loops around Nate as well as he returns the hug and relaxes there.

"So if we are to escape, we'll simply need to make sure our path takes us through rooms full of distractions. Nothing empty, nothing unused."

Anders' voice is a little muffled due to the hug, but he doesn't want to pull away. He'll let go when Nate does and not sooner.

"And then I need to somehow not be entirely hopeless. I've not the first idea when it comes to how not to get caught." The light amusement then leaves his voice after he takes a breath. "If it comes down to it, though... If it does, I know someone who likes big boats who will likely let us board."

Contrary to his earlier inclinations, Anders straightens a little. That's another person he'd be asking to help him, another he'll be getting in trouble. Likely Isabela won't mind, but it's not about the minding. It's about him bringing other people down with him. Maybe if they choose execution they'll kill him quickly and no one will have time to ruin their lives further for his sake.

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Oh. Well. Nathaniel wasn't offering to go with Anders, just to help him escape. He prays quietly to the Maker to never let it come to that. Now really isn't the time to go over the fine details of their contract.

A hand rubs up and down Anders' back. Maybe it's all his exposure to Bethany, but Nathaniel isn't minding the prolonged hug.

He gives a faint huff, though.

"The trophy room was where I used to hide when I was a boy. I used to imagine myself riding into battle in my father's armor, carrying my great-uncle's sword. Seeing it empty, I...sort of lost track of time."

[justice_is_blond]

"I used to hide in the family barn when I was small. The loft, specifically. It was cooler up there, and I could dream about all sorts of things."

And then one day he'd been angry while up there and set it on fire. It's a sort of metaphor for his life, really.

"I could lose whole afternoons there. And now neither of us are even close to the positions we expected to be in when we became adults." Howe is no lord, and Anders is no farmer. "I can't say I blame you for getting distracted by the change. But I'm still sticking to the plan. As simple as possible. No cows, no trophy rooms."

The backrub is soothing, and it lets him imagine that maybe there's still a chance of survival. He likes imagining that. Justice does not. If they're fully on the run, there's no room for the spirit to fulfill his purpose. The thought of what Justice might do if this doesn't go well is frighting, and one he doesn't want to confront.

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"Don't borrow tomorrow's trouble for today." Man, Anders really needed a hug, didn't he? "We'll consider our escape when it looks like it'll be necessary.

"And it wasn't the change, it was..."

...Yeah, gonna let this one go. Have to divert the subject away from death and stuff. The present is dour enough without dredging up the past. Nathaniel breaks off the hug and nods toward the frozen river. Or more specifically, to the small island in the middle of the ice, the one with a ruined tower.

"Were you much of an explorer as a boy? Wonder what's over there?"

[justice_is_blond]

He had needed that hug. Striding into the Gallows, knowing what was coming, had mostly been Justice. The certainty of the spirit had made everything feel fitting and natural, and then it was over and it was time to await judgment. Now he's planning on walking in and it's entirely him.

It's not right this moment, however, and a distraction is entirely welcome.

"I was, actually." He gets up and stretches. "Nearly drowned as a small child, so my mother took the time to teach me to swim." A small smile comes back to his lips. "The Templars never saw that one coming. And then they got reminded of the fact that they wear metal suits when a couple jumped in after me. That was a nice head start."

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Nathaniel starts walking him toward the island in the middle of the river, the ice easily thick enough to support their weight. Little steps, though. A smile glows on his face at Anders' story. That's the Anders he used to know.

"My father took me to the Wending Wood a couple of times. We traveled the trade routes. I was learning how to be a lord. I always wanted to dive into the woods and just walk until...whenever I decided to stop. Never really got to do it till I was in the Free Marches."

[justice_is_blond]

"You should try running sometime until you decide to stop. It's rather invigorating. ...But definitely skip the pursuers. They don't truly add to the experience. Go for a simple run."

He's inspiring a smile. Anders refuses to dwell on how few he's caused of late. It's a lot easier to not dwell when something moves up ahead of them, on the island, and he pulls out his staff.

"...If that's a dragon, I'll show you how to run." Far more likely it's some small animal, but it's better to be sorry and look dumb wearing a barrier as a bunny hops at you than have a bear's jaw clamped around your leg, so he quickly shields them.

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Nathaniel quickly has his bow out. The bottom end he digs into a crack in the ice to keep it steady while he strings it. Unfortunately, as his knee presses against the bow so he can bend it, his feet have no traction to keep him from slipping and landing on his face.

Which he does.

I won't let anything bad happen to you, he says, and falls down.

[justice_is_blond]

He sees Nate go down and steps between the archer and whatever's coming, bracing... for a snoufleur to leap out of the bush and go running. Anders waits in case there was someone else, anything else, please, for the love of the Maker, but no. No. Nate's on his ass and Anders has staff out and barrier up against a snoufluer that's already made a break for it.

"I won't tell anyone if you don't." To think they used to fight waves of Darkspawn together. This is embarrassing.

Anders turns away from the now-empty bush and holds out a hand for Nate.

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Nathaniel looks positively steamed. And Anders' comment seems to him to be a little more directed at Nathaniel than at himself, covering up Nathaniel's spectacular fall as a gesture of kindness. But Anders seems to be embarrassed as well. So. He takes the offered hand and gingerly begins to stand up. A six-foot-two longbowman trying to move on ice is sort of like an elephant trying to move on ice. Big, lumbering, and hilarious as shit.

"Delilah used to make me slide on the ice on the creek with her. Half the game was trying to push each other down. I was scrawnier back then."

About eighteen years shooting a longbow has made dramatic changes to Nathaniel's physique. Always weird when his clothes fit his left shoulder differently than his right.

[justice_is_blond]

Nate is definitely not scrawny. He's fit and muscular, and while Anders isn't it bad shape - swinging a staff around did take strength - he's still not fully recovered from his time on the run. Anders slips and almost windsup dropping them back down to the ice before he recovers.

"That's not a game we played," he says once he's caught his breath. "The Anderfels are far too sensible to get this cold, and mages weren't allowed outside much. Our sun and exercise sessions were short-lived, for some reason." Like the aforementioned jump into the lake.

Despite the lightness he's managed to regain in his voice, Anders is still frustrated by how much power they'd had over people who had done nothing wrong. Somehow this freedom needs to be preserved.

"Maybe I should take my students..." Anders trails off. There won't be more students for him. Detlef tracing survival skills is one thing. Anders teaching them is entirely different. "...Do you think that's the base of a tower up there?" Better topic, and one that ddoesn't sting.

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"Probably." Nathaniel keeps a hand on Anders' elbow. "Wait."

A notable thought. He's not sure why it disturbs him so much. Maybe it's one thing to restrict a few kids, or just the one, but when it's a bunch of adults and they're never going anywhere...

"You're saying instead of building a fence around the island, they stopped letting all of you outside at all?"

[justice_is_blond]

He's a little surprised that Nate is surprised, but that's gone in a moment. People talk about Templars keeping Thedas safe, but what it costs even the mages that keep their heads down is rarely discussed.

"For the actions of one, everyone lost that time." Which is another part of why turning himself in scares him. What might other mages pay when his name is back in the forefront of people's minds? But he needs to do this. The longer he sticks around as Detlef, the greater the chance will be of mages being accused of keeping Anders hidden. Two even are: Bethany, Merrill.

"There were a few mages who were happy, at least? A boy named Finn was the loudest about it. He hated the outdoors." His heart isn't in the deflection, though. He has given them a chance with his actions. Please let them not lose it just as suddenly.

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It's another moment of uncomfortable similarity. Someone shrinking your world so you can move less and less, until you're hiding in the trophy room pretending that's all there is. He tries to say something, or even to keep walking toward the island, but his thoughts are caught in a loop. Those were the kinds of games his mother played, taking Delilah and Thomas places without telling Nathaniel they were going anywhere, unless his memory really was that bad and he really had told her he didn't want to go. She liked playing mama with Thomas in particular, so long as she didn't have to sacrifice anything for it. But Nathaniel didn't merit any manner of effort beyond lying. Or criticism. No, actually, not the criticism, which she relished. It appeared to give her energy, even. But Nathaniel wasn't a pretty child, he didn't make a good accessory, so she simply did whatever was cheapest for him. If she had run a tower, she would have kept him inside because it was cheaper than building a fence.

And to think an entire organization thinks this way? And the Chantry certainly has the wealth to build a fence. Who was it who decided, how many people looked at a large group of people under their care, weighed their need for sunshine and exercise, and decided it was less important than the paltry cost of a fence? Even Eliane had had the decency to pay attention to two out of three children.

"I see why you were so determined to leave," he says with a faint growl.

[justice_is_blond]

"I could never live in a cage," is his quiet answer. And if the choice is to cage him for what he's done, he doesn't know that he can take that. Better to die. For him, at least. Some thrive in captivity, with the lack of responsibility and choices. He can't understand them. And it doesn't matter. Let them go be captive as they'd like, so long as they don't drag the rest of the mages down with them.

"The world's such a large place. To be held in one building for the rest of one's life... It's unacceptable." His lips tighten and his expression goes wry. "Except for criminals. And that's justice." How can they insist on it for mages and hope to skip it themselves? This is a mess. He's made it, he has only himself to blame, but it's a mess anyway.

"So let's explore while the option's still there." He tilts his head toward the island, ready to resume moving if Nathaniel is.

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"So you never slid over the ice as a boy." Nathaniel considers this with a smile. If Anders is going to have a little fun while he can, he ought to do it properly. "Want to learn?"

[justice_is_blond]

Anders looks over at Nate, raising an eyebrow as the grim mood is eased a little by the question.

"...There are far preferable ways to wind up with bruises on my ass. You couldn't suggest one of them?" The Wardens have been good for Nathaniel, clearly. They've changed places, Nate trying to cheer up Anders as now the mage dwells on all that's gone wrong. "Sure. Teach me."

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If Anders was someone Nathaniel never expected to see again after tonight, that first might have him flustered and interested. As it is, he's merely flustered and pretending not to be.

"Here. Feet apart, knees bent." Nathaniel moves closer to Anders, hands on his waist to steady him.

[justice_is_blond]

Meanwhile, Anders has teased Nathaniel for so long that he figures the archer is just ignoring the comment as usual, which means the hands on his waist don't even phase him. Instead he adopts the stance as he's told.

"There are times I can almost here Oghren laughing at us. This is one of those times." The name hurts a little. Chances are he'll never smell that Dwarf again, especially not when he's resolving to hand himself over shortly. "I'd wonder if he ever thinks of us, but then I realize I should hope he doesn't."

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It occurs to him that he is touching Anders' waist and telling him to spread his feet and bend his knees. This is not what he would have expected to be doing when he said those things to Anders.

"All right. You'll want to slide one foot at a time, with your toes pointed just a little outward. What I wouldn't give for skates. Let me show you."

He demonstrates, bobbling a little over the uneven parts of the ice.

[justice_is_blond]

He watches Nate move, eyes lingering for a moment on his friend's slightly stuck-out ass, before paying more attention to stance and movement again. Tentatively he scoots his first foot out. When he doesn't fall over, it's encouraging enough to get him to try another. For a second he glides, making him jerk, startled, and almost reach out to grab Nate before catching his own balance.

"With more slide, I assume?" Though a little more surprising than the slide is the realization that every time he starts to dwell on something, Nathaniel manages to sidestep it. Hawke had been able to do that too, and Varric, and it reinforces even more that he can't simply run off and hide and be alone again. He needs people. Badly.

"Why don't you scoot farther while I watch, just to be safe?"

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"Yes, once you start moving you have to sort of keep moving. Keep in mind I haven't done this since I was a boy." And Mother screamed at him for trying to get Delilah killed.

He begins to demonstrate, but his feet soon start going faster than his body can catch up. He slips a bit as he stops, but manages not to fall down, against all odds and laws of physics. Chevalier training.

"Now come to me." He holds out his hands for Anders to take as he arrives, so he can help stop him.

[justice_is_blond]

It's ridiculous. It is absolutely ridiculous, and somehow that makes it charming. Nate makes it all the more so by holding out his hands as if that's not a recipe for disaster for the both of them.

And, it turns out, after Anders starts scooting and discovers he has absolutely no control over this, it is a disaster. Anders slips, grabbing for Nate's hands, and instead of saving himself he winds up pulling the archer down with him to the hard ice in a mess of flailing limbs.

Once down, Anders stays there for a moment, simply staring up at the sky. This is his life.

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Blam.

Now Nathaniel is on top of Anders. Again, this is not how he imagined that would happen. He's hurriedly detangling himself from the mage, blushing furiously. Whew. A faint, wheezing laugh.

"I'll have to find us skates. I promise it's easier then."

[justice_is_blond]

...Nate's blushing. Nate. Is blushing. Suddenly having a sore and freezing ass was entirely worth it, because he's not sure he's ever seen Nathaniel blush before.

"Harder can be better." He knows Nate's not blushing because of him, but oh, is he going to follow up on this with teasing. "In some cases. Specific ones. Maker knows my life's been all about being harder."

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And then he's blushing even harder. Andraste's mercy, for a frozen wilderness, it is damn hot. Harder can be better.

"Well, this should be--" Look at this, he's too flustered to keep his train of thought. "You know. Not harder."

He stands up, careful, cautious.

"This would be a lot better if we had brandy. We'd still be falling on our arses, but it would seem a lot funnier."

[justice_is_blond]

"You're not finding this amusing?" The blush looks good on Nate's face, but Anders doesn't want to push too hard. "You didn't use to fluster quite this easily, or maybe I'd forgotten how fun this could be."

Gingerly he gets up, working to not slip over again, finding a shaky balance. "I'm not sure brandy would help much." Justice wouldn't want him drunk, anyway. "But this is pleasant enough. Despite the cold. And the bruised pride. And other parts."