[closed] all my nightmares escape my head

[onlyhymns]

WHO: Cullen, Nerva, Cade
WHAT: THE RECKONING (or at least A reckoning)
WHEN: around when everyone is returning from Emprise
WHERE: Cullen's office
NOTES: it must be nice, it must be nice, to have Rutherford on your side

The journey from Emprise had been quiet and terse, cold in more ways than just physical. Nerva and Cade arrived back at Skyhold in mid-morning, where he was promptly marched to Cullen's office up on the battlements.

He stood before them both now, his boots still damp from the snow, his traveling leathers stifling in the enclosed office. He watched the floor, his eyes red-rimmed from exhaustion and misery, too ashamed to look at the Commander's face. The last time they'd met had been under similar circumstances, except in that case, Cade had already been in the dungeon. He doubted this time would end up much differently.

Comments

[perseverances]

"I have received your report, and have read over it several times."

His tone is sharp, certainly not friendly. Of all the things that they should be worrying about, this should not be one of them. He's far from happy at this point.

"Though I am still wondering why this even happened in the first place." He turns to look at Cade. "I want an explanation. Now."

[onlyhymns]

Cade felt the Commander's eyes on him, but kept his own on the floor. "Ser, I..." he began, his shoulders hunching, as if he was trying to block Nerva out of his perpihery as well. It had been several days since he'd explained the situation to Nerva, and it was no easier this time, nor did the words come to him with any increased fluency.
"...I lost control," was all he could manage. Nothing else mattered, he cautioned himself: he had attacked someone, and tried to kill her. His feelings on the subject were irrelevant. "I have no excuses, ser." His voice quavered as he spoke, and he hoped the trembling of his knees wasn't as obvious to them as it was to him.

[perseverances]

"You lost control." He repeats, stepping out from behind his desk, hand gripping the hilt of his sword to steady it. "No excuses? That's all you have to offer in your defense?"

The Commander comes to stand in front of Cade, narrowing his eyes. "And now you have been dragged back to Skyhold, tail trembling between your legs like a dog who has done wrong." A pause. "If a minor provocation causes something like this, what am I to expect if something worse happens?"

[onlyhymns]

Cade had to resist the urge to back away when Cullen advanced, instead just squeezing his eyes closed for a moment, trying to steady himself. It didn't work.

"I have no defense, ser," he blurted out, wincing immediately after. "I don't remember-- I don't remember what happened exactly." His insides roiled with the disgust and shame he felt at essentially being called a coward; worst of all, he still had no answer for Cullen, none that he knew would satisfy a superior officer of any kind.

"I don't know, ser," he answered weakly, to Cullen's last question. His knees and hands shook openly now, and there was little he could do to prevent it.

[perseverances]

"Then how are we expected to fight alongside you if you cannot control yourself?!" His tone rose to near yelling point. "We cannot trust you!"

It was a shame, really. Cullen knew Cade throughout his time in Kirkwall, and while the man seemed a bit off, he seemed level-headed enough. He trusted the man, fought alongside him during the mage rebellion, put his life into his hands. And yet, it's come to this.

His eyes dart to the other person in the room. "Where are his weapons?"

[keeperofmagi]

"I confiscated them," Nerva said flatly. "They are in my baggage, in my rooms."

A direct answer to the question asked, and all she gave - though her expression made it obvious that she was holding her tongue from saying more. There was a lot, she wanted to say, but there would be time for opinions later.

Well, maybe one opinion.

"If you require them, I will fetch them. But he should not have access to weaponry of any kind."

[onlyhymns]

Cade reacted with a flinch to each point, as though he were being physically struck, but he stood straight and tall, frowning miserably at the floor all the while. When Nerva spoke, he closed his eyes for a moment, showing the tiniest glimpse of relief at being spoken for. Even if he was alone with two people who were furious with him, that was one less answer he'd have to stammer through.

[perseverances]

"Your opinion is noted." He responds to Nerva, and then continues. "Give them to the armory, he won't be needing them any time soon."

Cullen takes a step back, turning toward his desk so he could have a moment to think. It's nearly a minute of silence from him until he turns back around. "You are removed from active duty until further notice. You are not allowed any form of weapon on your person. And you are to stay away from the girl you assaulted."

[keeperofmagi]

"Yes, ser." She looked like she wanted to continue, but his words hadn't offered an opening and she didn't want to press the issue.

When he finally spoke, she frowned, but did not argue.

[onlyhymns]

"Yes, ser," Cade echoed, deeply unhappy but not about to argue. The phrase 'until further notice' gave him hope; perhaps, with high effort, he could redeem himself. He would manage, he just had to do better. Always better.

[perseverances]

He's more than just angry at Cade. He's disappointed. He had high hopes for him, not just in the Inquisition, but as a templar. But the Maker works in mysterious ways, and if this is to be the man's fate for now, then somehow he should overcome.

He turns to Nerva once more. "Anything else to add, or are we done here?"

[keeperofmagi]

"Sir, I think he should should be actively supervised, and- perhaps time with a healer--"

Her face twisted, there, the words distasteful.

"-- Not a mage, sir, just - someone who might have some knowledge of-" She hesitated, the right words not coming to mind. "-- I do not think it is entirely... rational, his actions, and I am not sure he truly has control over them. I am worried that he will be a danger to himself, if not monitored properly."

[onlyhymns]

Cade gave a small sigh, closing his eyes for the briefest of moments. He wasn't going to be killed, or exiled, or openly disgraced in some other way for his betrayal. The adrenaline was still making him tremble, and he would still have much to beat himself up over, but he was grateful for the Commander's mercy.

When Nerva spoke up, he angled his head towards her-- his expression was wary, but also oddly curious. If he didn't know any better, he'd say she sounded concerned.