( closed ) one track mind, one track heart

[fightingale]

WHO: Advisers (Cassandra, Cullen, Josephine, Leliana), some Grey Wardens (Herc, Bethany, Nathaniel) and that other Grey Warden problem child (Anders); closed
WHAT: Leliana informs the Advisers she discovered Anders, the Wardens call dibs, everyone is grumpy and stressed.
WHEN: almost immediately following this with some timeywimey in the middle, before Cassandra and Leliana's epic disagreement
WHERE: War Room? War Room.
NOTES: AHHHHH
Not sure about warnings so I'll edit here as necessary, however! If a warning-worthy thing pops up in a tag, pls warn in the subject line!

More ooc notes, I think I got this all correct from our discussion but prod me if I got this wrong:

Leliana's initial starter - open to all the Advisers, Anders reveal, discuss
Grey Warden starters - individual starters for Herc, Bethany and Nate, advisers feel free to thread individually as you see fit or as your whims/character stuff guides you, no need to tag all wardens unless you are keen to :]b

and then freestyle discussion threads, basically :Db

And finally:


How everyone is going to feel after this, probably

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

The raised fist hadn't surprised him. A mage talks back, of course a Templar is going to strike. And then Leliana steps in and forces Anders to realize he'd sold her so very short... and then Cullen lowers his fist. Anders can't bear to think that maybe she's right about Cullen. Not yet. She hasn't been that right about him, after all, so he'll take comfort in the denial he can still hold on to.

Every mage he'd cared about save one had nearly died at Cullen's urging, and then the one he'd cared about most had died where Cullen had authority. It's still something he can't accept yet.

All the same, some of the tension leaves his shoulders. She's the first person who isn't a friend to call his anger justified and it steals away his fury's momentum. Anders studies Leliana's eyes when she looks at him, and while he doesn't know her well enough to read her, he does believe she means what she says. After the study, he looks down. Here he is, with people standing with him for the first time who fully know what he is, and he's letting his hatred get away from him.

"It does not." There's a pause the length of a few breaths before Anders looks back up. His voice is level, calm, Justice receded back to weigh her words and contemplate where true justice lies in all of this. "For as little as it is worth, I do regret, and feel guilt for, the deaths of the innocents I caused." Not Elthina. Not Meredith. Not the templars that died that night. Everyone else, though, and there are so many.

"I've one question of Cullen, if he'll answer it." His gaze shifts from Leliana to the man in question. "Did you have anything to do with the fate of Senior Enchanter Thekla?"

He could ask about his network, on whose orders they'd been slaughtered, too, but they've already established Cullen acted in anger against people. What happened to Karl had been cold. Planned. Alrik had the most to do with it, but there's no way he would have gotten as far as he did without the support of someone in power. And Anders doesn't know if it can be a coincidence that the one mage taken from Kinloch Hold to Kirkwall suffered like that.

[fightingale]

"We all struggle with the world." What it is, what it makes of them. Her hand lifts from Cullen's arm, and she draws back from between them, so they can talk. Cullen needs no forgiveness from her, certainly, and Anders temper at least appears to have cooled. They are adults, all of them, and it will not allow progress is she looms and hovers like... well. Like a reprimanding Chantry sister, in some of her experience. (They hadn't liked her very much, either. Too radical.)

Though she was not obviously holding her breath, she just feel the space between her shoulder blades ease when Anders agrees with her, though her posture remains upright.

Rather than immediately pull away, or linger unwelcome, she looks between them both.

"If you would both prefer, I can allow you space to speak more privately on these matters," she starts, careful in her wording - she has no intention of making Anders feel he is being abandoned to some dreadful Templar, nor Cullen feeling unsupported in the face of such an emotional evisceration. It is never easy to face what you have done. "Or I can remain."

Because maybe they will need an intermediary. Life as the Left Hand was unpredictable, though she is not sure this is the sort of adventure she'd ever had in mind when she began life as a bard.

[perseverances]

"I'll answer it." He nods to Leliana. She's done more for him in these few moments than she might know - stopping him from being that Templar stereotype he had been so long ago. He shouldn't lash out just because Anders spoke like he did. He would have proved everything Anders had gone on about, proved that in the end, Templars can't do anything but harm and oppress mages. "Stay, please."

Cullen takes a deep breath, settling his anger deep within his chest to physically calm down. Of course Anders had a right to ask that. He knew Senior Enchanter Thekla from records, and from the way the templars had reacted toward him were appalling. "No. I had nothing to do with what happened to him." He pauses, finding the right words. "What happened to him was wrong. Tranquility shouldn't happen to anyone unless under the direst of circumstances. It was used to draw you out and I am sorry it happened."

[justice_is_blond]

He flinches at the last. Not the apology, but that the man knew why they'd hurt Karl. That was something he'd told absolutely no one. He hates being vulnerable more than nearly anything, hates how often the Templars had stripped him bare emotionally and broken him down, but in front of him stands someone who knows more than anyone else and he's a bloody Templar.

And Leliana will now likely know in mere hours, and how far will it spread?

Anders crosses his arms without even thinking about it. It had been stupid to ask in front of her, but he'd needed to know. He doesn't even have the comfort of suspecting Cullen is lying, not when the man is saying he's sorry. If he'd been involved he would have said he didn't know. It leaves a bitter taste on his tongue and a tight feeling in his chest, the latter of which is reflected in his voice when he speaks again.

"I..." Maker, he hates all of this, and the hatred and anger are so much safer than whatever this is. They can't hurt him ever again if he gives no more openings. "I ask," and there's some bitterness there, "that the details of that are not repeated. They hold no danger to Skyhold, and therefore are not relevant to anyone else."

[fightingale]

For the most part she remains silent, only nodding at Cullen's request and taking a half step back so she is not still posing a physical barrier between them.

She watches and she listens, for that is what Leliana truly excels at, and only speaks softly when Anders voices his request. "So long as I deem that information is not pertinent to some threat, they will not pass me."

That is the best she can do, really, though her tone is not entirely cold. Sometimes things can be a risk in ways that cannot be anticipated. For the present moment, at least, Leliana cannot imagine how that information would be necessary to share. Disliking the man did not warrant cruelty.

[justice_is_blond]

He raises an eyebrow at her, straightening, himself turning cold.

"You deem. So this man you call good, this man who commands your troops, you don't trust to make that call? You question his intelligence and his ability to make that choice? The question wasn't for you."

Pertinent. The points she's earned with him are nearly lost, now. This is his. It's the secret he's held closest out of all of them, and it's bad enough Cullen may know the full context of it.

"If you've actually placed faith in him, then I'd think you'd allow him to answer."

[perseverances]

"She is allowed to make that call. It is her duty to do so."

Cullen's tone is sharp, defending the Inquisition's Spymaster. It's not often that they defend each other; more often than not they are arguing until they are all blue in the face. But there is something about the Advisors that despite the amount they argue, or if they are angry with one another, they are a tightly-knit bunch that will protect one another just as fiercely they would protect the Inquisition.

"If Leliana needs to know, then I will tell her. But no one outside the three of us will know, and you have my word.

[justice_is_blond]

He'd always suspected Cullen was an idiot. At least now he has proof.

"Her duty to question your judgement. Your authority. Well. That does make the whole structure of the advisors' 'council' that much more clear." Cullen's a handpuppet, Leliana moving his limbs. Josephine is the moderator, and Cassandra is... Cassandra. Anders' arms cross in front of himself again defensively, because the world of hurt that could be done to him at the hands of these people has never been so clear and threatening. Killing him would be a mercy compared to what else they could do. And might. He'll have to keep his guard up at every possible moment.

"And you should well know your word has no worth to me. Keep it, and perhaps there will be value the next time you give it. Currently? I trust you as far as I can throw an Ogre."

[perseverances]

"Why do I even bother? This is useless."

He tried to be reasonable, tried to be nice with Anders. He tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, allowing himself to be brought here in front of everyone when they could just certainly call for his head on a pike. But again, like a petulant child, Anders continues to throw a fit.

"If anything happens and you step out of line? Don't expect the Wardens to save you. There are plenty here who want you dead."

[pinprick]

Nathaniel has been watching this fall apart quietly, but now, he can't stay silent. He approaches, eyes narrow.

"Are you, Commander, threatening to permit such chaos in the ranks that will allow the rabble to murder a man? Or are you saying it would be an organized assault, with you at the helm?"