And the lights, they glow, Like I just lost the world war

[fightingale]

WHO: Leliana & Brosephine; besties bruh it's a log for besties
WHAT: listen we're both drunk don't expect much Leliana being a paranoid jerk because of EMOTION although she doesn't have feelings because she is PROFESSIONAL
WHEN: time is a concept imposed by man and thus irrelevant
WHERE: josie's quarters
NOTES: I hope this still makes sense tomorrow tbh


Leliana is not at ease. Leliana is rarely at ease, these days. Betrayals from those she would deem most trusted. Zevran, though, would seem no more than the assassin he was raised to be, though she believed to be so much more. Alistair absorbed by the Wardens, though always they had been bound by their fights and their experiences, if not their beliefs.

Josephine is someone who she might trust better, for knowing her before she fled to a Chantry. Equally so, perhaps, because she met Josephine when she was still a bard, when Marjolaine still guided the beat of her heart and she was still truly hers. When someone shaped you so completely, could you be anything but?

(And on some days, the darkest ones, those that she did not care to give voice or acknowledgement. She met Leliana when she was so enchanted by Marjolaine, when she could talk for hours about how she was strong and beautiful but never pretty nor delicate, and sometimes she has those moment of dread where she wonders if Josephine has any true notion of who Leliana is, or if she knows only illusions warped by circumstance.)

And so she finds herself sitting in Josie's quarters, waiting for the diplomat and the Inquisition's true voice to arrive.

Only when Josie is in her room does Leliana speak, never mind the light or much else.

"Josie."

No one ever accused the Spymaster of being anything other than 'dramatic.'

Comments

[theproperglove]

"Such malevolence indeed, healing the sick and injured." She does not mean it as a barb but it comes out that way; she tries and tell herself it is a natural response to being forced to respond to a situation that everyone around her has strong, conflicting feelings about. Frustration at needing to defend a man that she does not particularly care for. "For all of his previous crimes, he has little to destabilise the Inquisition, except for what the revelation of his presence has achieved. Certainly, perhaps that would have changed, should he have been allowed to hide himself for longer, but that is my understanding of the situation as it is. Unless your investigations have uncovered anything further?"

She takes another breath, for she finds her throat becoming quite dry. She wishes she'd had the foresight to have her water jug refilled before retiring for the night. "Many innocents have lost their lives in this war, and I fear that many more will before it sees its resolution. Who are we to judge which lives are more worthy than others? I do not defend Anders's actions, but I can see why people might sympathise with him. Anders did what he thought best to protect the people he cared about. As did his friends."

Which brings her back to the other point: the dispute with Cassandra and Cullen. "There is no doubt that Cassandra acted brashly, but again, she acted as she thought best. None of us are perfect beings. We all make mistakes. Some mistakes are bigger than others," she concedes, well-aware that she does not want to walk down the slippery path of pretending that the situations with Cassandra and Anders are even remotely alike.

"If we stand divided, it means we are giving all the potential issues the thought and consideration that they deserve. It means that we are representatives of varying opinions that have currently taken hold in Thedas. Perhaps in the present climate, these different backgrounds are one of our weaknesses. But, given time, I think it could become one of our greatest strengths. Our people would be diverse, but united with a common goal.

"That is the Inquisition I wish to see."

[fightingale]

That makes Leliana look to Josephine more sharply.

"And what proof might we have to assure us there are none that Justice deemed dispensable and unworthy of proper treatment? Templars, perhaps? I cannot prove it was done, and yet that does not ease my mind of the possibility."

On the topic of Justice, there were so many concerns to consider. She does not yet mention to Josephine that there are possibilities being considered of separating him and Anders, more because she does not want the weight of that secret on Josephine, especially if it does not come to pass.

"What certainty can we have that the spirit which more than one of Anders' companions has claimed to have altered him so massively and guided him past the behaviour he might have chosen himself, will not take issue with our present situation, as divided as it is? What if it deemed Galadriel's imprisonment, for example, unjust? What if that were a basis for fresh attacks within our very stronghold?"

Just because he had not yet struck does not mean he was not corroding us from within. Leliana stalks the length of the room, frustration demanding that she move. She is not sure if she is aggravated by Josie's words, by Cassandra, by her own mind and thoughts.

"The strength of the Chantry and the Magisters, in any group lies in their unity." She shakes her head, stopping at a window and gazing through the wrought iron and glass, eager to train her focus anywhere but on Josephine. "I cannot even reconcile myself to my advocating to spare him. How can we expect the Inquisition, or even those we would ally ourselves to, to do so? Diversity is our strength, that I grant you, but for now all i see are the injured and outraged." To even begin to think beyond that seemed so impossible.

"I understand what you are saying, and yet..." And yet it is not so simple. But, when has it ever been so?

[theproperglove]

"And yet? Is it really so hard to believe that we might one day be victorious?"

Josephine can sense Leliana's discomfiture, can feel her path of movement perhaps not quite as much as she would like, but enough to tell that her friend is restless. Shifting slightly on the bed, she finds herself smiling sadly. "I know that I am an optimist. Mostly because it is simply too exhausting to be anything else. In any case, I would like to think that we made the right decision. What would executing him have achieved, other than to spread disunity even further? People will be angry, yes, but this was the best compromise we could reach, given the circumstances. You know the Game as well as I do, Leliana." Her weary smile starts to curl into a frown. "It is impossible to please everyone, and it is always those who are most dissatisfied who are the most vocal. I fear you will not get the recognition you deserve for the part you have played in current events. And yet... I hope beyond hope that the end results will be satisfactory enough."

Josephine finds herself growing restless, but she fears if she joins Leliana in her pacing they will bump into one another in the dark. "Do you mind if I put a light on?"

[fightingale]

"Recognition is not what I want," she sighs, weary, though she doubts that is what Josie actually meant.

What she does want is far more than that, something far greater and far more difficult to achieve. Her name could be filth, mud, and she would not care, so long as Thedas were in peace. True peace, one where people were not beaten down simply for being elf, qunari or dwarf, where the Chantry inspired goodness rather than punishing what it deemed against its teachings. The Chantry was a source of fear, and for what? For the pride of men, and the corruption of the Maker's will.

She is so consumed in her thoughts, however, that Josephine's request surprises her, and she looks over in surprise, and only offers a quiet sound of confirmation. Why Josephine felt the need to ask was beyond her, in the present moment.

"The end will be worth it. It is only a matter of reaching those goals." Oh, is that all?

[theproperglove]

Josephine reaches over to her bedside table, where she keeps a tinderbox and a lamp. After some fumbling, she manages to get it lit, and the light is enough to illuminate her face, tired circles under her eyes and all, although it does not truly penetrate the depths of the room. Josephine still cannot see Leliana clearly. Perhaps it is better that way; now they can both have what they want.

She leans back slightly against the pillows at her headboard, and picks at some imaginary thread on her skirts. "I feel it important that we do not lose sight of our path on the way to those goals." She cants her head, shadows playing across her face. "We might save the world, but in the process, make a world not worth saving."

It is a odd thought for Josephine to express, as an eternal optimist, and she herself is surprised she's voiced it aloud. She's allowed her worry and fear to grip her too tightly as of late. She is worried about this world, certainly.

But most of all, she is worried about Leliana.

[fightingale]

The flames cast a flickering pattern on Josephine's clothes, warm orange and yellow against the rich cloth. Leliana, herself, hangs back in the shadows of the room, but does not fully evade the light, so that it catches the texture of her chain mail and her greaves. It is not good to see Josephine looking so tired. It occurs to her that she could get sick if she overexerts herself, and Leliana frowns at the realisation that these are some of the scant hours the Ambassador has to sleep. Even so, this cannot simply be left unacknowledged, undiscussed.

"Is that not what the Chantry has tried to do?" Leliana's voice is bitter; she makes no effort to hold it back. "Andraste's movement against tyranny has established itself as the new home of tyrants. The Chantry would reduce the elves the nothing, see mages shackled and abused. The Chantry lost its goals long ago. They have condemned Thedas to selfishness and cruelty."

Her voice grows softer, when next she speaks. "The change Justinia wanted was not enough," she admits, very soft. The ultimatum she gave Celene had damned the elves of Halamshiral. The peace for mages would never have been as much as what was truly necessary, truly deserved. "It feels sometimes that we must see it unravelled completely, and to what end? To create more instability? But-- would that not be justified, for the hope of making a world where all could be free? Where all could live unafraid, not dreading what may befall them simply for their blood or their gifts."

[theproperglove]

Josephine can see the truth in what Leliana is saying, although it does make her wonder what has happened to her in the years that they have been apart to change her like this. She is certain that Leliana understands the extent of the method she is proposing, and it worries Josephine to think that Leliana might have thought through all the flaws and yet considered them justified.

She decides that she must know for certain, and thus asks the question that is now on the forefront of her mind. "What of the people alive now? Do they not deserve to live life unafraid, free of tyranny? If it meant a brighter future for Thedas... would we become the tyrants?"

[fightingale]

"I do not see why the people in Thedas now should endure the discrimination and cruelty," Leliana replies, moving a little closer, voice turning more pensive. She is so used to crafting her conversations, her tone and her expressions. This is not so simple as being genuine. It is an assessment of what she could do and how she would act if she were simply open, and acting in such a way - it is not so impulsive as being genuine and open, outright.

"No life is without value, but no great gains can be made without great risk. None should suffer for change, but it if changes are not made then the suffering will only amplify."

Her voice is low and rough - tired, perhaps. "I would not see us become tyrants." And yet... what if that is what they are doomed to be, some horrifying cycle of behaviour? "We can weigh and discuss and deliberate all day, and all we might have to show for it are opportunities and ground lost."

[theproperglove]

"And what is the alternative? To act rashly, without thinking of the consequences of our behaviour?" She's not looking at Leliana as she says this, her eyes instead trained on the opposite wall, because she is not thinking of Leliana at this moment but of Cassandra, whose recent actions had mostly made everything more difficult.

She droops slightly, trying to quell the anxious tension that is now crowding her chest, thrumming in her blood. "Surely there must be another choice, another option, something we have not yet thought of."

Looking up at Leliana properly now, Josephine's gaze hardens and her fingers bunch in the sheets beneath her hands; she feels so angry but so useless.

"I refuse to believe anything else."

[fightingale]

"Perhaps." But she does not believe it, and she does not doubt that it is given away in the schooled neutrality of her tone. It seems too easy, that there is simply another way. More and more she wonders if anything that is worth achieving in this world can be done without blood and brutality.

It is no good to see Josie so tense, so harsh, and she steps forward to lay her hands, gloved and armoured as they are, on her friend's shoulders. For Josie she can be kinder, gentler, than she can be with others. Josie deserves the better things in this world, not all its burdens. "If anyone could find such a way, it would be you. And you will not be alone in your search."

She is not sure of it, but her friends are rare - rarer, now - and precious. She cannot see them suffer for their ideals, or her own.