faderift | [Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

Entry tags:

[Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

WHO: Anders and, at last, fully open!
WHAT: Anders is back in Skyhold after the revelation and Warden mission
WHEN: Around mid-Drakonis
WHERE: around Skyhold
NOTES: It's Anders. Beyond that, if someone does swing for him, he will be defending himself or we can have a handy-dandy Warden NPC Joeth Smithicus step in, up to you!

1. The Healing Tents

He's more quiet than he was before as he works, trying to stay out of the way while still being available. The atmosphere isn't a pleasant one, and he knows there's a lot of anger, but how is he going to help out if he's sitting in the Warden camp all the time? Even more, how is he going to keep Justice in check if their hands are figuratively tied?

The fact of the matter is that staying somewhere safe where people don't loathe him isn't an option so he's here. He only wishes it wasn't putting a weight on the shoulders of someone he's directly hurt.

Whenever someone comes in he looks over, focusing on the fact that it's all right however many times he hears no as the answer to his question - "Can I help you?"

2. Wardentown

It's not the most glamorous setting, but the life of a Grey Warden rarely is. There had been nights at Vigil's Keep... but those are long gone, and now it's tents and fire pit and keeping snow from piling up.

a) Magic-

Anders is currently kneeling near the tent that he shares with Nate, working on creating a pair of small walls of earth - one around the tent, and another small, circular one nearby. Earth isn't something he struggles with, but keeping them level and not causing any extra dips in the surrounding ground is a challenge. His lips are pressed together as he works on precision, and an approach gets a sharp glance and no words, but he's not annoyed someone's come over. A moment later he'll raise an eyebrow, but he's not starting this conversation.

b) Kitten

No matter how many times he has to keep drying her off and warming her up, Hero of Purrelden doesn't want to stay in his lap today. She's insisting on pouncing on snowbanks, batting at ice, and attempting to climb tents. The latter she's pulled away from each time while protesting loudly, but there's a little smile on his face as she misbehaves. It's nice to have a cat again, no matter how much more difficult than Ser Pounce-a-lot she is.

"Still better than a mabari," he'll say to anyone who comes close.

c) Foraging

He's not alone, which sometimes puts him on edge, and sometimes makes him feel a little safer. All the same, Anders is in the area outside the Warden camp with another Warden, looking to see what foodstuffs can be found to add to the pot. They're not in danger of going hungry but it's best to be prepared and know what's growing out here. There's no telling how long the Wardens will be near Skyhold, after all.

There's also no telling who he'll run across out here, and he's more on edge and defensive due to the fact that he doesn't know how someone might react if they come across him when not anticipating that he might be around.

"Watch the snow back that way," is what he says, though, tilting his head in the direction he's come. "There's some hiding a nasty drop. I've marked it with stones." Let them react to that how they will.

3. Wildcard me!

[[ooc: Come at me bros! Skyhold, Warden camp, whatever. If you've got a question about a scenario, feel free to private plurk me @ Nadat or PM this journal.]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Has anyone else seen it?" Does anyone else know? It is bad enough that her own name is marred by their association- to drag her family through this as well however well meaning Gregoire might have meant the gift?

Her mother would never forgive her.

She'd never forgive herself if this fell back upon them.

"Yes that- I will walk with you to fetch it." She can excuse it as handing him back to the wardens or make an excuse to check in with Sabriel or- any number of things. Anything but what it actually is.

There's an urgency to her response that has him deliberately not looking over at her to prevent his annoyance from showing. He's offered the crest up, attempted to make this easy, and she's rushing because Maker forbid anyone think someone in her family had responded kindly to something he'd done. Maker forbid someone think not everything he's done has been murder.

"No one." He begins slicing herbs with possibly a little more force than needed. At least it's being made very clear where he stands with her, so there's no room for anything as idiotic as false hopes of repairs or whatnot. Speaking of stupid, he's even half-tempted to ask her why she doesn't just run down to the camp right now if she's so worried that anyone think there'd been something there. At least he can resist saying that.

Nate had been wrong. Anders isn't a person in peoples' eyes now despite how he finally has legal rights. He's just changed into another Thing for them to fear. He needs to stop being so stupid as to hope for anything.

Thank the Maker for small mercies. The anxious tension in her goes loose in an instant. This is on her shoulders and hers alone after all. Though.

Now she will have to write Gregoire and-

No, someone might intercept the letter. Explain in code? What code- they didn't have one worth working through- writer he might be but that? was not ow he worked. He couldn't read her shorthand, no one could. Explaining what went wrong and why sending the crest was a foolish idea isn't entirely possible between who might read it on this end and have thoughts- who might read it in transit, and who might read it on his end. The more she winds her way through the possibilities the finer she grinds the paste until the herbs are all but creamy in the mortar and pestle.

Silence will have to suffice.

It'll make the inevitable asking all the more complicated.

...she could simply never write home again that was an option- no, no it wasn't. Merde.

"...the cast- was there a hole drilled in it at the top, or was it just the crest?" Less anxious, more flat- resigned. One is recoverable. The other is damning. If Gregoire sent his personal crest...

This'll fall on her anyway. "Andraste save me from meddling siblings."

Edited 2016-03-21 07:11 (UTC)

He exhales, getting too annoyed for complete civility anymore.

"You're welcome, by the way." There is nothing about the restrictions placed on him that says he needs to be treated like this. "And perhaps you should consider that some people would be glad to have siblings at all."

Gregoire had meddled, certainly, but he'd done it because he cared. Anders had no siblings who would write friendly letters if he somehow wound up happy, no family period. If his mother were still alive, how would he find her without even knowing his name or hers?

"If I remember right there's a hole in the top. I didn't study it." He'd spent more time with the letter, honestly, but that's done as of now

"If you wish for a younger brother you are welcome to him. When my mother discovers he's 'lost' his personal crest- for all that he enjoys writing fiction he is a terrible liar and he would lie about something like this- she may very well disown him." For such things are not done or- something to that effect.

Maker forbid a LeBlanc be flawed and human.

She sets her hands on the table for a moment and again, weighs her options. Reasons she did not try to get overly entangled with them afterward- all the vague, unwritten rules. And now there's a political nightmare caught in the middle. Lovely. There was a headache pounding at her temples already- with a gesture she nudged the coals in the nearest brazier to life and started a pot of tea. Simple, familiar gestures to undercut the tension.

"I do not remember her well, but I do recall she took such things, pointless things, status things, or anything resembling an 'unprofitable gesture of compassion' seriously. I doubt three decades has changed that. Thank you for-" She makes a vague, inelegant gesture- she is not skilled in this. In working alongside someone she once cared for that she isn't certain how to feel about, in dealing with sensitive emotions, in dealing with her family. Any of it. "This."

Whatever in Andraste's name 'this' is. Maker knows she has no idea.

This. At least it's not said sarcastically. She means it, despite all of the distraction, and he nods stiffly.

"I'd take him. But that's not how families tend to operate." There's a pause as he frowns at her. "Do you truly think she'd disown him for that? It's..." They'd sent Adelaide away to be in captivity for nothing more than what she was born with, but there's a chance that had been more of a fear reaction. Fear and hatred, like his father.

This mess, though, this side of it, isn't his fault. It isn't. He had never asked her to write to Gregoire, he hadn't asked Gregoire for anything, and he's giving back the crest.

"Maybe she's mellowed in her old age and isn't cruel enough to abandon a second child. Or perhaps I'm giving too much benefit of the doubt to someone who thought it find to send one of hers off to armored-boot wakeup calls. She might be due aggravation."

"I am not arguing about the Circle with you, the point is moot." That would be a long discussion of ideals that would likely rouse Justice and neither of them truly wish to endure his company at the moment.

Anders has no choice. Adelaide? Would rather do without.

The kettle whistles, the tea steeps between one ground herb and the next, and she pours them both cups three quarters of the way full. A flask from under the side table of apple brandy is used to fill the remainder. She does not bother asking if he wants it or not. Enduring Orlesian Nobility bullshit calls for brandy. "The one thing I shall say is this: I did not have to endure any of this...family crest, arranged marriage, public appearances at soirees nonsense. Mages cannot hold land or titles; I was grateful for that."

Not for the first time he's reminded that by all accounts, White Spire was a great deal kinder than Kinloch Hold. The dark look that appears for a brief moment in his eyes isn't directed at her but at how such inconsistency served only to help the Templars and divide the mages. They would find a balance. And freedom. One way or another.

"There's always running away," he points out as soon as he's got his thoughts under control. "If it truly became unbearable, your family wouldn't have access to phylacteries." Unless a mage started making them and giving them out. The point of the matter, though, was that no one had to stay noble if they didn't want the perks and position.

"If there's something you don't want to be... don't. You owe them nothing. If you don't want to deal with it, you're an adult." Arranged marriage, no less. And she's clearly trying to step back into her family. Maker. Even if he'd truly just been Detlef he'd never stood a chance, had he? But that doesn't stop him from taking the offered glass. Especially when there's brandy involved. Justice can shut up - there's not enough here to get drunk, just take a little edge off and he needs that too.

"Because running from one's problems solves everything. The problem does not go away simply because you leave, and eventually it will catch up with you, likely when you aren't prepared to handle it. Better to do as you did in this. However awful this is-" She gestures with her teacup at Skyhold at large and the valley beyond. "You faced it on your own terms. The problem is not solved so much as it has changed but that is the way of things."

He could have kept lying forever- or been uncovered before he had a plan. That it worked out so awkwardly is a miracle in and of itself. He by all rights should be dead. It could be worse.

"If it were only my life that I was concerned over? I would. It is not. Currently the mages with the most political influence in the Orlesian courts are Morrigan, with her own ideas of how things should be done, and Vivienne." Who, honestly, is not someone she would have charm the courts on her behalf if she could help it. They would be charmed, certainly, but part of the larger problem is that mages are feared. Playing on that? Is not helping. "I was asked to be a voice of reason for my fellow mages. Not using every avenue at my disposal to do so simply because I find them frustrating or strange or uncomfortable is childish. I have a responsibility to them that goes beyond my own desires."

"That's different." In a way. Somehow. He's not quite sure what he means by that, but he keeps going.

"Just balls, just family crests, just dealing with that for being related isn't the same as dealing with it for a reason. I wasn't saying run from problems, but someone who doesn't want to be nobility and has no reason to stick around for it can simply walk away once they're an adult. You are choosing this. And for good reason, by the sound of it, but it's a choice."

Keeping talking feels like it's working for once. It's even a topic he's interested in.

"You're staying nobility to use it for a reason. But at the same time, you've power with it now. Your family has accepted you back is the impression I've gotten? Have it on your terms. You'll do specific things for them, but not other things, because you've now gained authority on your own terms as well. You could even have them move in return, having their powerbase in roots as Orlesian as the two you've named. Not that I know how exactly they could accomplish anything. It's got to be mages choosing to not go back to the--"

He breaks off. "Right. Not talking about the Circles right now. Especially because I am a supporter of running away when it comes to them. Repeatedly."

She downs most of her glass without flinching, topping it off with more tea- and a splash more brandy. Not as much as the first cup, but enough to get her through the day. "There are nobles and then there are LeBlancs. There is nothing more complicated and difficult to escape, aside from how I assumed I'd managed to do so, than an overly ambitious matriarch with hopes of becoming the next 'mother of Thedas' through convenient political marriages."

Such was her sister's fate, even if they've managed to claw some semblance of happiness out of their spouses. Found something worthwhile to do. Found a cause- whether or not that was their choice or yet again the urging of her mother in an attempt to make them remarkable, to make them relevant-

Well. No.

It would be that, wouldn't it?

"Gold, influence, and a name can get one quite far in the right circles. Between my own blood and my sister's marraiges? We can reasonably pull from Nevarra, The Anderfells, Rivain, Antiva, The Marches, and Fereldan in goods if nothing else. They've all written their support of the Inquisition, quietly. The more stable we become, the louder too shall their voices be. Whether or not I might use that, whether or not they might find it worthwhile for me to use that- depends upon compliance and negotiation. I'll not move on the point of marriages. The world is ending. I've no time for it. My mother knows this. In return- balls, appearances, letters." So many letters. So.

So many letters.

"It is a moot point for they do not exist any longer. The last act of the College of Magi was to dissolve them. They are dissolved. Keeping to that, now..." She shakes her head.

A second drink. Clearly this is a lot more than he'd really thought about. ...Not that he'd exactly spent much time thinking on her family. He'd expected to be dead; families weren't something he'd done any looking into.

"Keeping to that is the true challenge." He's still nursing his own drink. It's delicious, and the topic is not as stressful for him as it is for her. Or so he's telling himself. "Whether it's fear at being outside and having so many choices they have to make for themselves, or greed due to losing a comfortable position, there are those that want them back."

Anders takes a sip, considering. "These people with pull. If they can get Kalli a comfortable appointment, could they find serving positions for the mages who are afraid at all of the unknown before them? There's a security there that wouldn't restrict everyone else. And then the LeBlancs have a great many mages who feel secure, safe, and above all, thankful."

There's nothing really to be done about Vivienne except hoping very desperately that a dragon eats her, but at least they can help those who have a reason for wanting the Circles back that doesn't require so many to suffer. ...She. She can, Adelaide can. He can talk with her, but his name has to stay far away from anything. It's exhausting, being alive and trying to contribute when so many want him dead. But he's alive, which means he'll still try.

"Consider again what we've been told all our lives, what others have been told of us. We are dangerous, and this is true. We are. Reconciling that without the supposed saftey of a Circle's walls, the fact that we might choose to be more than students and teachers and researchers, to be more than the hand that heals or wounds at the behest of those that send us into the world alongside our minders?" It is...she herself has had a difficult time of it, even with how she throws herself into her work.

"There is a reason I fill my schedule as I do. This is what I know. Healing, teaching, research. This is familiar. A wide world, full of choice? It is terrifying." Without known limitations there are greater risks for failure, for danger, for possession. "Possibly, Though I had not considered that as an option. Such an open display of support for mages, specifically, will take groundwork to make possible. If we were taught more than spells for combat- mm. It could be possible."

He hurts a little for her, for her fear, and it tugs a place in his heart he'd been trying to deny was still there. Choices were all he'd wanted, were available to so many, but being exposed to them so late made them intimidating for so many.

"We are as dangerous as those trained with crossbow or sword. Generally speaking. The only difference is that they've a choice in picking it up. We don't. But a variety of spells..." Anders gestures at the little fire.

"You've applied haste to cooking. Those who are strong with Earth could raise a full wall together, with work. Fire can cook, cauterize, heat water for a bath. Creation magic isn't healing or shielding alone. Pel had me sprout a seed in my hand - imagine what that could do for a farm. I've... I've not helped as far as perception goes, but it can be changed. I believe that. We can have choices and they will be good choices. Our lives can be as ours as anyone's are. Not without danger, or hardship, but without the walls that are not safety, but a cage."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject