(open-ish) out of the slumbers of my head

[fightingale]

WHO: Leliana & open-ish - see notes
WHAT: FREEDOM. talks about freedom/the Chantry/wherever it takes us.
WHEN: throughout late-late-late Drakonis and early/mid Cloudreach, can be after hearing some rumours.
WHERE: Default setting will be the Rookery, others possible on request.
NOTES:
1. Likely referral to imprisonment and torture in narrative, others to be added if they come up.
2. It's not exactly open-open because I'd like to be able to keep the different threads unique and avoid burn out on the topic, but if you are interested then just shoot me a pm or talk to me on plurk and we can figure it out!
tldr I am flexible with who/when/where and such, but hammering out some info first would be greatly appreciated.
3. Prose or brackets are totally fine, I'll match style :]b

Too long has she stayed her hand. First it was her ignorance that silenced her, and then it was loyalty, the belief that Justinia wished to make the world better, stronger. A more just world, where all would benefit rather than a rare few. As time has passed, though, and as the Inquisition grows, Leliana has realised more and more that Justinia's peace and her vision for the Chantry were not enough. For all that Justinia had once been a worldly woman she had not fought in the Blight, had not fought side by side with mage and elf alike. She had moved as a player of the Grand Game must, small moves, small changes, and stability had always been her first thought. It was Justinia who had threatened to deny aid to Celene in the settling of mage and Templar if Celene did not cease the elf rebellion simmering in Orlais before the burning of Halamshiral. Justinia was a good woman, a good friend and teacher and mother, and she had great vision. Even so she had been blinkered by the prejudices that ran rife throughout Thedas, the small mindedness that seemed to define each country in different ways. No one should be enslaved or punished simply for being; no one's personhood should be compromised by the simple facts and circumstances of their birth.

Most often she is in the Rookery and must be sort out between scouts and ravens bringing reports, or meetings with the other Advisors. The tower is cold, and candles flicker from a shrine to Andraste and make shadows dance. (And, if visitors come late in Drakonis and early in Cloudreach, they may find evidence of Dorian's prank, for which there will be dire consequences.)

Comments

in my sleep haze i misread "hug nate" as "nug hate" and was just like ANDERS PLS

[fightingale]

His voice is distinct, though once as hyper aware as Leliana did not need to hear it to identify him - not when he made no moves to conceal himself, and especially not when there is enough light filtering into from the tower roof that it catches on anything or anyone who has been tarnished by the damnable glitter. It is unfortunate that her general feelings surrounding Anders tie into frustration and anger and betrayal (not all his fault, though he has become a symbol for all manner of things as a result), otherwise she might have cracked a joke.

Or she might not. The appearance of Leliana's humour has become less and less in past weeks, and it was rare enough already.

"Not yet," she replies, rather clipped, and perhaps that is a glint of humour baring its teeth despite herself, even if it isn't terribly obvious or direct. She will celebrate once Dorian's destruction is complete, and she already has a plan forming in the back of her mind.

"What do you need?" Both her default response, these days, and an observation on the reality that he probably wouldn't be here without a very good reason.

LOL. Yes. Glittery nugs are made to be hated.

[justice_is_blond]

Not yet. There's an inside joke there, he's pretty sure, but he doesn't have the familiarity with her or the situation to make a guess of it. It's put to the side because her question is far more interesting.

"What do I need?" At this point, one might say that technically all of his needs are met. He has shelter, food, people who give a care about him, and a way to keep Justice feeling fulfilled and content. It's a good thing he's not here for himself alone.

"That's not quite accurate, but it's close. The mages have a council, and that's a good start. But until mages are generally seen as people and not objects, they won't have much of a voice." It's something they have no control over. Only by being around people, free, out there, will they have a chance, and only also if they have someone who isn't a mage who can vouch for them because a lot of non-mages are horrible idiots.

"They do not need further oversight, but they could use an assisting voice. Legitimacy. Rumor has it you might be seeking to be that on their behalf and on the behalf of the elves. I came to find out if it was true."

[fightingale]

If she were in a less generous mood, were her temper more volatile, she might be more prickly. And truth be told she is hardly friendly, but she watches Anders with a critical, careful gaze before taking a seat at her desk, gesturing for him to sit, if he is so inclined. (She cannot quite bring herself to say it. She has made many compromises over the years, and she is still struggling some of those surrounding Anders, even if she would not act to counter them.)

"I agree," she starts, and this is the painful reality - that she agrees with Anders on so much, even as she reviles his methods, as she is angered by the way his actions have made mages more feared, rather than less. "Mages should be treated as equal, not as subordinate, and so too the elves. However, this is not simply a matter of elf and mage - it is a matter of all peoples being treated with love and respect. I do not wish the degradations suffered by elves and mages to be inflicted on any person for the apparent crime of simply being born as they are."

Leliana might shrug, if she were not so tense and rigid by default, if she did not hold herself as a statue might. "I only offer as much legitimacy as the Left Hand and Seneschal can. Much work must be done to win more support and influence."

Pity you weren't the Divine, Alistair said, and it made the hairs on the back of her neck prickle with discomfort.

[justice_is_blond]

There's a part of him that wants to stay standing, a stiff-necked, prideful, stubborn part. Getting that part to bend is not the easiest task at all times, but at much as Justice does not believe in compromise, Anders knows there are some places they need to ease up. He sits.

"That is more support than either group has had in some time." His posture is as stiff as her own before he takes a breath. Patience. He doesn't have a lot of reason to trust her, but she has just as little to trust him. Just because she went to protect Elthina doesn't mean that what he's hearing she's saying is false. There is a chance, and seeing as he and Justice had spent seven years seeking peaceful alternatives and chances in Kirkwall, they can certainly spend an equal amount here.

It's time for him to bend just a little more, be the one giving way here.

"I will be straightforward, and venture into topics that we likely both consider exceedingly complicated. You went to Kirkwall to protect one of the strongest examples of people who clung to the Chantry, a woman who despite pleas for help and detailed descriptions of what was going on inside the Gallows gave Meredith more power by not appointing a new Viscount after the Qunari took out the old one. But now you're saying this. Even further, people say you're saying that the Chantry is tyrannical. That it doesn't stand for what Andraste did. I don't know if that's true, and I don't know what to believe, but I do know that people can change."

There's a beat, and he takes another breath.

"We, the mages, as I cannot speak for the elves, have a little momentum now. People are meeting us, and more have to concede that we are actually people as well. But it is vulnerable and can be undone. If you actually believe what I'm hearing, then you could be a great ally." And if she does not, if she's setting mages up just to betray them, then she's a greater enemy than even Vivienne. "You speak of equality, for all. That is part of what I wanted to hear from you rather than simply through rumor and whisper. Your stance on the Chantry is the rest."

[fightingale]

For a long while she is silent. Perhaps it is not so long in reality, but it feels long to her, filtering through his words and weighing them up. This is a fragile conversation at best, and the shared ground between them may not be enough for either of them to make it through such a dialogue uninjured when they care so much. That is one thing she will give Anders - he cares where so many do not.

Part of her wants to baulk, to stonewall him and deny him any insight into her actions. She just not need to justify herself, except that at the root of all this is her nagging awareness that she struggles to justify things even to herself.

"I did a great many things in my service to Justinia," she starts, slowly picking through words to give them voice. "Not all of them ones that I would have chosen, but ones that I carried out because I believed in her vision for peace, and that she was the best chance the mages had. I believed that, as the Left Hand, I was playing a part in the Maker's Plan, and that Justinia's wisdom could guide Thedas to a brighter future. A better one. I believed that a master player of the Grand Game could change the fate of mages through negotiation and gambles with nations."

But Kirkwall had happened. Justinia had been one of the powers forcing Celene's hand and that tipped her towards the torching of Halamshiral, even if the Divine had not ordered it directly, and Justinia had died before peace could even have a chance to be really considered.

"It was for nothing." Sacrificing her own beliefs had been for nothing, and all along the way more people had died because she had believed that the long game Justinia played to would create a more stable, more permanent peace. "And for the rest? The Chantry is corrupt. It is in the hands of those who have no understanding of the world, or who would manipulate it only to the benefit of the few rather than the many. It has condemned and punished and sought to bring people to feel with violence and fear, rather than with love and acceptance. This is not the work of Andraste. If the Maker has truly turned His back on us, it is because of the horrors that have been done in His name by those who would claim to love and serve him."

Leliana does not shrug, but leans back in her seat and looks to Anders. "That is the truth. I do not know if any of it will satisfy you."

[justice_is_blond]

It would be easier if there were holes, or gaps, or if there was defensiveness. But there's not, and it isn't like he came into this conversation expecting things to be easy. The whole situation is complicated. When he speaks, his words are equally slow.

"There is little satisfaction in the state of things. Or even in believing that you mean what you said. If I thought you'd lied, then there'd be some sort of... something. But I don't." Anders exhales and rests his elbows on his knees, looking down for a moment. There isn't any winning here at all, really, but at least this conversation isn't about that. She'd made choices she wasn't proud of and didn't get anywhere; he'd made choices he's not proud of but without Kirkwall, there likely wouldn't have been any votes. The Circles probably still would be whole, and the Templars would have joined the Inquisition with captive mages. The world is messed up. More messed up than many, if he's to judge by people who have come here.

"The Inquisition could change things. It has accepted many, perhaps not yet with love, but with necessity." He looks back up and meets her eyes. "In war there's little love to be found, but there's a great deal of need, and better emotions can grow out of alliances."

Politics are not his strong point. Justice wants to make grand proclamations and clear dramatic stands, which would serve nothing, and Anders never wanted to be a leader, to have people following him or opposing him. He'd just wanted to be free. The ground he's walking is unfamiliar and difficult, but it doesn't mean he's about to stop.

"We do not have to hate each other." It would be easier to do so, again. He no longer has the luxury of the easy way. Not when the Wardens have put themselves on the line for him, along with others who he cares about. "I do not know if this will satisfy you, but our desires are similar."

Who would like to know they had something in common with him, at this point in time? Who would want to accept that? He may as well dig himself in even deeper while he's at it and go all the way.

"I have gone too far, crossed lines, in the pursuit of liberty and equality. It sounds as if you believe you have as well. And I don't know that this offer holds any value to you, but from what I have heard, I would prefer to work with you toward a better future than stand at odds with you."

The future of mages would, at the very least, be influenced by what happened with the Inquisition. It may even be decided here. There is no way he can stay at a distance.

[fightingale]

The Game is never easy, and for all that this is removed, they remain moves within the Game. Everything comes back to the Game, once you begin to play, once you understand. This is about changing the world, though, rather than grabbing for power and influence. It is about changing the lives of so many and resculpting Thedas into what Andraste had always wished it to be.

"Your dedication to your cause and to the freedom of those wrongfully oppressed and harmed is not without merit. In other circumstances I might have allied myself with you easily." In another world, perhaps, in a reality where cruelty had not tempered both of them. As it stands there is part of her that thinks their lives would have been easier with him dead, though there are more factors beyond her own anger to be wrestled with. Doubtless he is familiar with the ever lingering and yet which must hang over almost every interaction he has, akin to a blade swinging in a torture chamber, ready to drop. She pauses a moment longer. "I would sooner not jeopardise freedom for mages by risking you undermining my efforts, and I do not wish matters to become such that I ever need to act against someone who shares that belief in freedom. But neither is it so straightforward as simply... setting aside those innocents who died on either side. The mages that died as the Divine worked towards a slow peace cannot be anything but fresh in my memory, as must those innocents who have died since Kirkwall - directly and indirectly. Their pain and loss cannot be forgotten."

Her tone is not combative, her rage is turned inward, but neither it is warm. She must remember, has to remember it every day and keep her focus sharp upon that whetstone. Taking apart so many things piece by piece, these past weeks, has yielded little satisfaction. Nothing adds up as it should, as she had believed it had at the time. And Anders, this man whose life she argued for and who had caused such pain and betrayal for so many within the Inquisition and beyond-- he was a firebrand, tied in with hope and rebellion and such anger as might destroy a person, all in one. Such anger as might destroy thousands of people.

"I would sooner not work against you," she says, before slowly exhaling. I want to know what you are doing before matters spiral out of hand might be more accurate. I do not want more blood lost to our cause through Justice's machinations. "But an open alliance between us will undermine what sway and influence I might have to appeal to those within the Chantry who might follow and support reform. I will not undermine the chance to change the Chantry itself into a force for good, rather than see those that support the status quo gather more allies through the fear that the mere mention of Kirkwall strikes in so many. And just as you have your reasons to distrust me, I am not content to welcome you with open arms." You should be watched, she thinks, and she does not trust any of those who betrayed her before with their silence over his presence not to be silent again if some threat should emerge. They are so optimistic in some cases, or ambivalent in others, that their opinion is worth little when it comes to the mental state of Anders.

Ironic, no? That they are so invested in a shared cause, and yet they have so many reasons to find the other entirely despicable. It did not bode well for their ability to win others to the side of freedom. But at the end of the day, they were both responsible for so much pain.

And yet, there are those who might never trust the Left Hand, or anyone tied to the Chantry itself and who believes the Chantry is key in grasping and keeping that freedom. "I will not dismiss the idea outright. Your being tied to any cause openly might cripple it before it has a chance even to stand on its own. Any semblance of dealings between us would demand utmost discretion, if ever we were to work together more actively, rather than simply agreeing not to stand in opposition to one another."

[justice_is_blond]

Not too long ago, a matter of a couple of years, her words would have had him pointing out every part that could be a barb, intentional or not, and firing things back. Rational, calm approaches had entirely failed, and all he'd seen before him was a path that needed to be cleared with great force. The Chantry had made it so. She had helped make it so, backing those who saw mages as pawns, sacrifices to be made on the great board of the world.

But as Justice had opened his eyes to a greater scale of matters, the aftermath of Kirkwall had forced the both of them to face the scale of the matter at hand. There's still anger there. It will likely never be gone; too much has been suffered, too many have died, for there to be no lingering effects. It's tempered now.. He is only one of the several causes for strife in Thedas, but he's seen the refugees, healed them, fought for some of them, fought against others. Beyond that, though, are the people who still have faith in him. He's not worth it. They think he is, and that holds him to a higher standard.

So she speaks, and he sorts her words for meaning rather than wounds, for the future rather than for present satisfaction.

"I can agree with that," he says finally, words slow, gaze distant. After a moment, his eyes focus on her. "Just the same, those that see me as..." Anders trails off and shakes his head. "As someone to gather behind would not care to see something open with the Left Hand of the Divine."

There's work to do there as well. Having extremists on one's side is as difficult a tightrope as any he's walked over the years, and if he's to temper them as he's been tempered, he has to have their trust. There are so many ways things can go horribly wrong there, especially when there's still so much fear everywhere. Justice believes that anything done in the name of freedom and what is right is, well, just. Anders no longer can.

He can do this, though. Take tiny steps forward, seek the best possible future for mages. True, lasting freedom won't make everything worth it. Nothing will make up for what happened to Karl. But it can mean the next generation of mages will never see or go through what his has, and he would give all he has and more for that.

"And you are correct. I have reasons to distrust you. This is a new side of you from what I know, and that's a risk for mages as well. We cannot put our hopes behind someone who has just joined the cause, who may decide there's an easier path to general peace and it requires the sacrifice of our people yet again."

No one will ever know the full death toll of mages who have paid for the Chantry's power in blood. Circles annulled, mages who vanish, those made Tranquil or killed for mere slights, the Chantry has wronged mages for so long. Not to mention stripping them of anything even close to a family or loved ones whenever close bonds formed or a child was held, nor the physical, emotional, and other variations of abuse. To trust is such a danger.

"However. For so long as you appear to be working toward your claim, freedom and equality for all, I can easily agree not to stand in opposition to you. Anything further, if it follows, can follow in time. The Wardens are not seeking a reason to leave; I've little doubt our paths will cross here."

He also has very little doubt she's having him watched. She's the Spymaster here. He has his history, and he knows he's been watched often since his identity came out. It's not all her doing. But there's a reason he hasn't so much as glanced in the direction of her desk. There are most definitely reports about him among what's there, and he'd rather not make that a subject of their conversation. It would serve nothing.

"You know where to find me should you need assistance in aiding the cause of freedom. It would not be difficult for me to be discrete; all I need to is look furious after and rant about the Chantry, and none will suspect any sort of cooperation. And I know where to find you."

Ranting would cover for that as well. His anger is a defense in more ways than one, just as his sense of humor used to be.

[fightingale]

“We both of us are problematic at best,” she replies, rather wryly, summing up their situation and their distrust - both justified, perhaps. “But at least we would sooner see something done than not.”

It means little that her eyes were first opened in Kinloch, those many years ago, that she had thought mages were kept in worse conditions than she would see an animal live in, when it had taken her so long to raise her voice. But now she had the strength and position to use that voice more fully, more powerfully, and that is something. She has learned more facets of the game, become better at what she does, and perhaps that will make her a more valuable ally than she would have been even when she went to Kirkwall. Leliana loved Justinia still, but she wonders now if love and loyalty had… blinkered her to the brutal reality of Justinia’s tactics and their dire lack.

“Words mean little, and that is why I will be pressing harder, henceforth. Too many sacrifices have been made of mages and elves alike. Their lives cannot be cast as less worthy and less precious.” It is still just words, that she know, but the are sincere. “I will make you no vows. People have heard enough of those, I think, and suffered for them all the same.”

However, she does disentangle her fingers, flexing her hand so it it balled in a loose fist, before leaning forward with her shoulders back and offering him her hand to shake. It is not much, but it is… something, at least. Respectful.

[justice_is_blond]

If she means any part of what she has said, mages (and elves, and potentially even rifters,) have gained here today. If she does not, they have not lost anything as no vows are being asked for just as they are not being given.

Anders exhales and takes the offered hand. His grip is easy. There's no competition in it, no attempt to squeeze or crush because he's never seen the point in such empty gestures. True actions have meanings. This shake? May in time, depending. Those who still know how to hope can do so.

"I'll make you no vows either. Deeds will cover the ground needed, and seeing how the other furthers their goals. Until we speak again, Leliana." He releases her hand and steps back, glancing around and taking a breath. Politics are not easy, he's going to have to get better at them, but at least now that move's been made. "I should say I'm glad you never took me up on having a cat around your tower, considering the havoc glitter would cause in their system after they clean themselves. I personally intend to go wipe all of this on someone I know it will annoy before bathing, before holding my cat."