(open-ish) out of the slumbers of my head

[fightingale]

WHO: Leliana & open-ish - see notes
WHAT: FREEDOM. talks about freedom/the Chantry/wherever it takes us.
WHEN: throughout late-late-late Drakonis and early/mid Cloudreach, can be after hearing some rumours.
WHERE: Default setting will be the Rookery, others possible on request.
NOTES:
1. Likely referral to imprisonment and torture in narrative, others to be added if they come up.
2. It's not exactly open-open because I'd like to be able to keep the different threads unique and avoid burn out on the topic, but if you are interested then just shoot me a pm or talk to me on plurk and we can figure it out!
tldr I am flexible with who/when/where and such, but hammering out some info first would be greatly appreciated.
3. Prose or brackets are totally fine, I'll match style :]b

Too long has she stayed her hand. First it was her ignorance that silenced her, and then it was loyalty, the belief that Justinia wished to make the world better, stronger. A more just world, where all would benefit rather than a rare few. As time has passed, though, and as the Inquisition grows, Leliana has realised more and more that Justinia's peace and her vision for the Chantry were not enough. For all that Justinia had once been a worldly woman she had not fought in the Blight, had not fought side by side with mage and elf alike. She had moved as a player of the Grand Game must, small moves, small changes, and stability had always been her first thought. It was Justinia who had threatened to deny aid to Celene in the settling of mage and Templar if Celene did not cease the elf rebellion simmering in Orlais before the burning of Halamshiral. Justinia was a good woman, a good friend and teacher and mother, and she had great vision. Even so she had been blinkered by the prejudices that ran rife throughout Thedas, the small mindedness that seemed to define each country in different ways. No one should be enslaved or punished simply for being; no one's personhood should be compromised by the simple facts and circumstances of their birth.

Most often she is in the Rookery and must be sort out between scouts and ravens bringing reports, or meetings with the other Advisors. The tower is cold, and candles flicker from a shrine to Andraste and make shadows dance. (And, if visitors come late in Drakonis and early in Cloudreach, they may find evidence of Dorian's prank, for which there will be dire consequences.)

Comments

[fightingale]

"They were lost to an Exalted March," Leliana agrees, though the words taste foul on her tongue. "After they were gifted to the elves by Andraste's own sons as thanks for their part in the war. There was a sermon after the Exalted March that claimed the elves were guilty of grave sin, of turning their back upon the Maker and condemning all Thedas to being deprived of his presence." Her voice is cold - angry. "In the same breath they spoke of showing the elves mercy, for that was Andraste's will."

Leliana shakes her head and stands, abruptly, because she finds herself uneasy simply sitting, when so much of her work as the Left Hand felt like inaction, or worse still, action to the opposite direction of her own beliefs. "You are not wrong, Ellana. There are good Andrastians, but what is goodness when it is coupled by inaction? Ignorance is one thing. Inaction despite knowing what is right?"

That is unforgivable.

[serannas]

"And what do your stories say about why your Maker created the elves?" she asks. "If the Chantry thinks my people turned their backs on him, they must also believe he created them. But why would we agree when we have our own gods?"

She shakes her head and leans against a nearby beam. She's never begrudged anyone their religious beliefs, as long as they didn't try to convert her to them. Why would she need the Maker when she reveres Mythal and everything she values? When she has Sylaise, whose footsteps she walks in whenever she lights a fire? Ghilan'nain to remind her that the halla are her brothers and sisters? All of them are locked awy, but they would be there watching over the People if they could. Better than a Maker that abandoned them.

"It sounds like they were just looking for someone to blame. The Maker abandoned humans, but surely that can't be their fault. No, that has to be the elves' fault too."

[fightingale]

"I would not put it past many of my fellow Andrastians to dismiss and belittle the beliefs of others. After all, if the Maker is the one true god and all others are false, what credit should the Creators be granted?"

Leliana shakes her head, sighing as she contemplates it. "Truthfully, I think you are likely right. Anything to take the blame from ourselves and to belittle others. The Qunari who do not bow to the Maker, or dwarves or elves - all are accountable, except for ourselves and our own actions."

But there is a faint shadow of a smile there, even if it is quickly gone. "I do not believe the Maker has abandoned us. I believe He is ever present, and those who insist that He is absent simply wish to make themselves feel all the more important when they feel His presence."

[serannas]

Ellana inclines her head just a little at being told she's probably right, but doesn't feel the need to press the point any further.

"I can understand how you feel. Though the Evanuris are trapped where they can no longer reach us, I feel their presence in the gifts they've left to us. Our view of the world and our way of life comes from them." There's a brief smile on her lips too. "I may not follow all the ways of my clan anymore, but I will never forget what it means to be elvhen."

[fightingale]

It has not been her central focus, immersing herself in elvhen culture. Some things felt like they were not for her to know or understand, others were simply beyond what she needed to know to carry on, but her respect is sincere, all the same. She thinks, for a moment, lapsing into silence rather than offering a quick response.

"May I ask you about that?" she finally settles on, soft spoken. It is truly a question rather than a veiled demand, no matter of her position in the Inquisition. "I understand if it is a wholly private matter."

[serannas]

"You can ask," Ellana replies. "I've always thought that maybe humans would understand us better if we were more open about ourselves. Obviously there are some secrets I can't share, but I can tell you some things. What would you like to know?"

[fightingale]

"Actually, I was curious as to why you no longer followed the ways of your clan, as you put it."

She has other questions, ones tied to history and culture and a better understanding when she speaks for the freedom of a people to whom she does not belong, but better to start with one thing at a time.

[serannas]

"Oh, well most ways have to do with living in the environment of the clan, and I won't be returning, at least not on a permanent basis. There's so much of the world I want to see." There's a pause as she looks thoughtful, before she smiles.

"I was the Hearthkeeper in the clan. That means I was responsible for lighting all our campfires. I would ask Sylaise the hearthkeeper for her favor before lighting each one, and when I extinguished it too. But I never asked for her favor when using a fire spell. Those fires were for different purposes." She shifts a little against the beam. "But even outside of the clan, I'll pray to Sylaise when I light fires. I won't abandon all our ways."

[fightingale]

So much of the world to see - for a moment Leliana's heart aches for the sake of a girl who was a delusion and who had wanted so badly to see and experience the world without Marjolaine's shadow of the Blight shaping her. She hopes against hope that she does not discover truths of herself that Leliana had, just as she hopes that Araceli and Beleth are not sculpted into becoming beings not-so-different from the Nightingale. "I understand," is all she has, and perhaps it is a little gentler than her tone before.

It is good to know, to note, and she nods her understanding. "Your faith is your own. No one has the place to judge you for it, so long as you are true to your heart and the tenets of your faith."

[serannas]

"It is good to hear you say so. And likewise. I hope that your faith brings you peace, even if the state of the Chantry at the present time does not." It must be frustrating to believe in something that has become so warped. The elves have their gods who they have held onto through the long years of exile, slavery, and the lose of their empire. They don't argue over exact interpretations of what Andruil meant here, or what Falon'din was trying to accomplish there. Their stories are known to every Dalish elf by heart, whether they choose to show reverence to their gods, or have broken away from their clan and that life. The Dalish Grey Wardens Alistair once mentioned to her come to mind. Whether or not they pray to their lost gods, everyone knows the stories and they don't spend time trying to reinterpret them.

[fightingale]

It has been a long time since her faith brought her peace. Not since Lothering, she suspects, and even then there are times when she wonders if she truly found peace, or if she was just bored. The bright girl of optimism and innocence was, she has realised, a delusion. In the darkest hours when she doubts the Maker and herself, Leliana cannot help but consider if her own faith and belief is something she has fabricated to soothe herself.

None of those are things to be voiced aloud. "Thank you."
That, at least, is simple - genuine - though the moment is interrupted by a scout jogging up the stairs, pausing and moving to the side when they spot Ellana. They have a report they have immediately started writing, but her gaze flickers to them.

"Is there anything else you wished to speak on?" She can speak more, at least for a little longer, though her work looms ever present.

[serannas]

Ellana straightens when the scout enters, and she looks back at Leliana to shake her head no. This talk has helped Ellana understand Leliana's position much better. She knows the woman can't overrule the other advisers on her own, but the fact that she's open about her views and that news is spreading gives her hope.

"No. But I do wish to say I'm glad you're here as a part of the Inquisition, now that I know more of your views. Ma serannas." She dips her head a little in thanks and will take her leave if Leliana has no more to say.

[fightingale]

Perhaps they have too much hope - faith - in her. Leliana hopes not. She will fight to earn it, to keep it, and to see their faith justified.

"And I am glad for your presence, as well, and that of your people. We cannot reforge Thedas with human hands alone."

She nods, respectful, and her gaze lingers on Ellana in quiet assessment before she looks to the scout, holding out her hand for the report.