faderift | you don't own the green pines

WHO: Merrill and open!
WHAT: An open log.
WHEN: Justinian 20th - mid-Solace
WHERE: Skyhold and the surrounding area
NOTES: Some talk of violence, injuries, death.

late justinian through early solace | healing tents
[ Justice is dead, but he nearly took many others with them -- Merrill included. She's in a bad way for a few days, especially after; her cheekbone is broke, her ribs mostly intact but her internal organs badly bruised, along with various and sundry scrapes, cuts, bite marks, bruises, and burns.

Still, she's a decent patient. She stays put in the tents, at least, though they can't quite get her to stop talking when she's feeling well enough to sit up and do so. Visitors are allowed at the discretion of the healers, but Merrill isn't going to turn anyone (or anything) away. ]

early solace | around skyhold
[ When she's allowed to leave the healing tents, it's not full-time. They don't want her going down to the Warden camp to sleep, but she's allowed to wander Skyhold as long as she's careful. As a result, Merrill mostly relaxes -- visits with friends or with potential new friends, sits in the garden, watches the birds.

She likes to go visit the griffons, when she can, though she has to be careful. They're less good about watching for injuries. ]

early-mid solace | camp shady fucker
[ When she's allowed to move more, when she's more patched up between a combination of time and magic, Merrill gets to work. Sleeping in a tent isn't new, but the events at Weisshaupt have shaken her. If they need to get out, she wants to be able to move quickly.

She starts to gather supplies. Wood, mostly, but any who know much about the Dalish may recognize what begins to take shape or the plans that Merrill checks every once in a while: an aravel. ]

wildcard
[ you know what to do ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What?

[ As far as Merrill is concerned, there's nothing Anders needs to apologize for. Merrill had volunteered -- insisted, actually -- that she be allowed to help. She had known what Justice was capable of, had known there was the potential for it to all go poorly. Perhaps she knew better than most of the others there, even. ]

No- no, it's not you at all. I just miss seeing different things, you know? Wandering.

[ And the stables are, luckily, close enough that it's difficult for her to get lost between them and the healing tents. ]

Well, and saying that he wanted to take you and me and Nate. But yes -- he was desperate.

[ Desperate enough to even consider her as an alternative. Ugh. ]

I imagine it must be... quite different for you, now.

[He blinks before looking down.]

I... missed that. Him saying that.

[There are gaps. He's not that surprised, but each one he finds out about makes him feel more tired.]

And it is. It's... strange.

[This is still Merrill. He doesn't know how much he wants to open up to her. She's still a blood mage, probably feeling very satisfied by Justice's transformation as if it would prove her right but it hadn't. Justice had lost himself, and Anders doesn't want to hear anything about how she believes there hadn't been a change. Justice is dead, and that's a loss. Vengeance had been different, and it was no loss.

On the other hand, Herc's death brings back to mind the way she'd cleansed the eluvian, and he's caught. Anders grasps for any topic that's safe while he tries to figure out how wrong it would be to ask if she's pursued the blight-cleansing further.]

Did you actually mean to visit the griffons, or was it an accident while wandering?

He told everyone else they could go, if he got to have us.

[ It's better for Anders to know, she thinks. Better for her to tell him too, as opposed to Nate. ]

Sleeping must be quite odd, isn't it? Or, I suppose- dreaming. I remember when we went in the Fade for Feynriel, he was right there. I can't exactly do the same, since I'm not a spirit, but maybe there are some things you could do to help you sleep and keep spirits away from you when you do?

[ He doesn't necessarily have to open up about everything. She is a mage, and she's known Anders for a long time, now. She never liked Justice because he never liked her, but that doesn't mean she can't understand that Anders feels a loss. ]

No, I meant to. The stables and the healing tents are easier to navigate between.

[If he got to have them. Anders closes his eyes, feeling sick and wishing that just by shutting out sights he could fix something, somehow. He'd known Justice hated Merrill and Nate, but the story illustrates it even more. It also makes him wonder, for the first time, how much of his hatred of Merrill is his. That's far too complicated a tangle for him right now, though. Especially with the issues in his head.]

It's not the spirits I have to worry about. It's the demons, when I haven't had to deal with them in some time.

[And he can't even sleep next to Nate right now, which is also making sleep hard.]

Have you considered making a list of things that are easy to navigate between? Tents to stables to... I don't know, whatever you normally come across from there.

You know what I mean.

[ Spirits, demons -- two sides of the same coin, and either one could be unwelcome when one was tired, vulnerable. Justice had been a spirit too, after all, and had mocked her with the same 'distinction'. ]

Yes, but not everything has something it's easy to navigate between. I still think Cassandra should let us paint all the doors in Skyhold itself so we can tell them apart.

And you know what I mean.

[He's got enough questions. Some things he needs to cling to certainty on. And sometimes he needs distractions.]

What if we paint pictures? On... little posts. Illustrated signposts? Then we don't deface Skyhold and some people aren't always lost?

Posts can be moved. Doors work better. But they could be little marks.

[ Skyhold can be repainted, Anders, gosh. ]

And little marks could be covered up. Posts at least won't anger people who care about the bare, plain look of this place. Can you really afford to have angry people looking too closely at you?

[Because somehow they haven't. Somehow they don't know. That can't last forever, though, and it would break Varric and Bethany's hearts to lose her.]

They'd have to know I did it in order to be mad at me. But I really don't think people will be that upset.

[He's quiet for a few moments before shaking his head.]

They're nicer to Dalish around here. I'll give them that. And you've your... skill at generally being liked. Maybe they wouldn't be. I still don't think you should make yourself any more visible than you have to. Imagine how upset Varric, Bethany, Aveline, and Carver would be if someone who wasn't incompetent investigated?

you don't own the green pines

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