[Closed] The best part of leaving

[justice_is_blond]

WHO: Anders, Nathaniel Howe
WHAT: Coming back to Skyhold from Halamshiral
WHEN: Nowish
WHERE: Kestral House
NOTES: Probably sap, possibly heavier themes, probably adult content WTG TORI.

There'd been a few things to drop off at the healing tents, a couple of reports to make, but as soon as those are done Anders is headed straight for the Kestral house. He's missed Nate. And while missing someone is nothing new, there is now a hope every time they're parted. He'll see Nate again.... like right now, as he ducks back into the sleeping are and finds the curtained portion that's theirs.

"Where's Purrelden? I've missed her." The mischief in his smile says a lot, but the fact that he's reaching for the archer instead of the cat that's currently sitting on Lady says the rest.

Comments

[pinprick]

You're not weak. You're the strongest person I know. You escaped the Circle of Magi seven times and the last one was for good. You beat Templar after Templar who tried to abuse and kill you. You stood against the Broodmother. You helped beat the tyrant of Kirkwall and end the qunari invasion. You hosted a violent spirit in your body for years, kept it in check, and then defeated it when it grew corrupt. Just one of those things would make you a hero to me, and you have been through them all.

Nathaniel thinks all this, and also thinks that he has probably overloaded Anders with words, as if by saying the right ones he can make this pain go away. They just had that conversation, though, reversed. Nathaniel has just said that there aren't going to be words that do it. He presses a kiss to Anders' brow and silently promises that he will tell him all this tomorrow, when he is less overwhelmed and more grounded.

"Of course I'll come with you. But I don't think you're weak. I think we're both stronger together."

[justice_is_blond]

He's very overwhelmed. He has no idea how tomorrow is going to go, forget all of the rest of time to come. It's too much to think about, all of it.

Instead he works to narrow his focus down to right here and right now, and the kiss on his forehead and Nate's words. He makes Nate stronger instead of simply taking all the time, and that's a thought he needs to hold onto. He helps Nate. That's one person he's helped more than hurt. Kalli makes two. Bethany, three. Isabela, four. He needs these names, needs to remember that they don't excuse him but they do mean he's not just hurting others. Maybe he'll be able to make the list longer in time.

Slowly his breathing gets easier. Four people. He'll work on it.

He shifts so he can kiss Nate's lips briefly, tiredly. Words are hard right now, but he can manage a kiss and Nate deserves that at the very least.

[pinprick]

Nathaniel returns the kiss, but doesn't press. Doesn't deepen or lengthen, just offers what is to be taken. He feels Anders' breath ease, and thanks the Maker. His hand rubs soothingly up and down his back.

"I love you so much," he sighs, feeling exhausted himself, like he has been helping Anders through some spell of illness. It will get better from here, though, now that there is truth.