[closed-ish] all you can do's try to know who your friends are

[eolasemah]

WHO: Sina and close CR
WHAT: Explaining an upcoming experiment. It might make her better, it might kill her.
WHEN: late August
WHERE: hither and thither
NOTES: Warning for mention of death/sickness, possibly body horror?

Sina has a lot of ground to cover, and has requested that Adelaide hold off on meeting Fenris until she can make sure she's gotten a chance to put her affairs in order, as they stand.

She looks deceptively healthy for the news she's about to give, and this is why now is the time: not after there's another accident or illness, but now, when she's at what is potentially her peak health with the shard present. They might have a solution, but if they should go through with it, it will be risky.

Each friend she approaches gets the same explanation, before they can interrupt or ask questions: she and Adelaide are going to meet Fenris, and explore the possibility of whether he can use his lyrium tattoos to extract the shard. There's no way to know how it will react, but if this works, she has a chance at a full life and the Inquisition will be armed with more knowledge on how to help the Rifters.
She could also just die from it, she concedes with shaking hands and a distant look, but they'll be conducting some tests first to lessen the chances. This isn't goodbye, or even approaching one, because goodbye means there's no hope, and hope is what brought her across the Waking Sea and half of Ferelden to meet all of you.

(variations in her approach:)

Nari is asked to be present for the meeting, having been Sina's constant companion and source of strength in all things.

Ellana is approached with some amount of awkwardness, but perhaps it's time to put all that aside.

Bruce, Anders, Vivienne, and Pel are told in the context of seeking additional insight or knowledge on how it could go more smoothly, or any other factors they might need to keep in mind.

Araceli and Samwise are told somewhat gently, and perhaps with additional reassurance, being that they are in general quite sensitive people who share Sina's fear of the shards.

Beleth, Korrin, and Jamie are told more directly, with the implication that she finds her own strength and humor in theirs. She feels safer knowing them.

Additionally, there is a note to Leliana explaining the purpose and potential of what they're doing. She is asked to be circumspect and not discuss it with any other influential figure until the procedure is completed, for better or worse. She is also thanked for her help and encouraged to continue fighting for the Elvhen, even if Sina should be absent in the future.


[if I missed anyone please speak up!! I definitely didn't omit you on purpose, I'm just doing this off the top of my head]

Comments

[gatheringstorm]

"...you're serious. You really intend to through with it." Upon hearing all this, Korrin's eyes widen in alarm. Asher's loss is still so fresh in her mind; the wound his passing left hasn't had time to heal yet and now this? But the thought of losing Sina isn't entirely foreign; ever since she learned about her shard and where it was placed, Korrin feared for the future of her Dalish friend. She can't blame Sina for wanting it out of her, preventing a worse fate down the road.

But would it work? If it didn't...then they would lose her. That she doesn't doubt, after Sina's last shard flare-up. Oddly enough, Sina's direct approach is calming in a way; the Vashoth woman found find dancing around the risks more alarming than anything else.

Korrin takes a deep breath and rests her hands on Sina's shoulders, eyes dark with concern. "You're an adult and you know what's at stake. I can't tell you not to do something I would probably attempt for myself, if it were me. Just please tell me you'll gather as much information as you can before going forward. I'm sure you will, you're too smart not to, but...I need to hear it."

[eolasemah]

Sina meets Korrin's eyes squarely when the woman's huge hands rest on her shoulders, but although she's clearly afraid, it's not of Korrin. She smiles gingerly, giving a soft nod.
"You know me well enough," she says quietly, the smile becoming a bit wider-- Sina's a total nerd who overthinks everything, she's not likely to go into any situation unprepared. "I promise, falon. I do not take for granted your love. I won't betray it by being careless."

[gatheringstorm]

Hearing that puts Korrin more at ease; the tension won't entirely vanish, not when the risk is strong and nothing Sina says can diminish that. Still, being open and honest about what she's doing is very much appreciated, and she won't return that by denying Sina her right to decide for herself.

A small smile forms, even as that concern lingers in her eyes. "I'm glad to hear it. If there's anything I can do to help, you have but to ask. I know it's not my area of expertise, but if this is happening soon, I'd still want to find some way to make it easier on you."

[eolasemah]

The smile on Sina's face remains, but diminishes some as she nods. "If an opportunity should arise, I'll let you know," she says softly, "...and for now, all we can do is have patience. Serannas, Korrin."

[amygdalae]

This... wasn't what Bruce had been expecting to hear when Sina approached him. The shard embedded on her wasn't exactly something new, of course, but to hear what she was going to try and do, and the reasons why she was going to do it...

It'd be a lie to say that part of Bruce does want her to not go through with this. There are far too many unknowns here, so many things that could easily go wrong and there wasn't even the possibility of this being able to go right. He needs to be rational and logical about this, but Sina was still somebody he had come to know fairly well, and its never easy, seeing anybody willing to put themselves in harm's way.

"...I understand," he says after a few good minutes of silence, nodding once. "I can't say I'm entirely comfortable with it... but its your choice, and I can't stop you from trying." Especially considering how important this could be for the others affected - the Rifters as well as the others who had these shards embedded in them as well. "I'll do whatever I can to help."

[eolasemah]

"That means a lot," Sina says quietly, looking at her hands; they're on their bench in the garden, sheltered from the sun by the dappling leaves. "And I wouldn't have told you if I didn't think... you'd offer another perspective. Further insight. I trust your knowledge." Bruce is, after all, among those who brought her back from death.

[amygdalae]

Bruce isn't so sure when Sina had come to trust him as such, but he wasn't going to take that lightly. Right from the start she was in a perilous position, and the months after that had not been kind to her. She was strong, to still keep herself going like this - and its something he respects. It would be a crime to turn against that now, when she needed the support of the ones that she trusted.

"I'll do my best," he reassures her again, wanting to give her that much, at least. "But you have to take care of yourself as well, alright? If it becomes too dangerous..." He trusts that she'd know her limits, but at the same time he also understood that immense desire to have something succeed at all costs. He had been down that route before, once. It had not ended well.

[eolasemah]

She nods, her brow knitting in what almost seems to be mild exasperation-- Sina knows it's dangerous, and it's disheartening to see how many people feel the need to warn her anyway. And yet... she also recognizes that it's because they care about her. She can't take too much offense.

"I will," she says, a bit more softly than she feels.

[serannas]

When Sina finds Ellana, she's carefully sketching something in her notebook, taking care to do the lines lightly so she can go over them with a firmer touch later once she's confident it looks all right. She's been focusing on the visual medium of elven history -- wall paintings, mosaics, statues, and architecture to name a few -- but her lack of art skills means it's been a struggle to reproduce what she sees.

Her gaze lifts from the page to see Sina, and immediately Ellana smiles, closing the book to ensure Sina doesn't think she's interrupting. This is the meeting she's longed for ever since the day Sina ran away. Ellana has tried several times to approach Sina, but with the latter spotting her and running off, Ellana let her be. There are some she would pursue and force to speak with her, but she could never put Sina on the spot like that.

However, what Sina has to say causes Ellana's smile to slip away. She reaches out for her, hoping she'll come sit with her. This plan sounds like it could be what her friend needs, but at the same time, it's the very thing that might take her away from all of them.

"How long have you known that this might be an option?" she asks gently. If it's been some time, Ellana won't waste words asking Sina to take time to think it over first.

[eolasemah]

Sina hesitates only briefly before taking Ellana's hand, coming to sit beside her with a sheepish but otherwise trusting demeanor.
"...not long," she admits, "not before I read Varric's book. And about the lyrium marks that can..." She shudders a little. "...push effortlessly through flesh and bone. It was used for violence, but perhaps, if the bearer agrees, it could be used for healing as well." She purses her lips. "Perhaps."

[serannas]

Ellana watches Sina carefully and sees how unsettled she is by what she's considering.

"It's such a dangerous thing to do," she says. "I do want a solution for you, but this doesn't seem like something that should be rushed into. At least not until you're sure there are no other options." She worries her bottom lip and squeezes her friend's hand. "The world shouldn't lose you."

[eolasemah]

"I'm not going to rush into it," Sina assures her quietly, looking down at Ellana's hand and, gently, squeezing it back. "You know me, lethallan. I don't take decisions lightly. Or consequences." She looks briefly up at her friend's face, then blushes and drops her gaze again. No, none of that right now. "...it has to come out somehow," she adds in a whisper.

[wontforgetyou]

"You want to do what?"

Any strength or humour that Jamie might bring to help might take him a few minutes to muster, as right now he's in that stage where he's not entirely sure he's heard her correctly. He's a bit startled by the idea...and worried, as well. He knows as well as anyone else that something's got to be done, or the shard'll kill her. But even without knowing what will happen - or even how it could be done, if he's honest with himself - he knows that she's taking a very large chance here, and he winds up biting at his lower lip almost unconsciously as he looks back at his friend.

"Look, are you sure that's the only option? It's awfully risky, Sina."

[eolasemah]

Sina smiles weakly, hunching her shoulders as though she's just told him she's going to try flying off the roof with paper wings, not the actual game of life and death she may be entering into.
"It is risky," she agrees, "and we're not... we're not sure yet. There are so many factors..." She chews her lower lip for a moment. "...but if it works, Jamie, think of what that could mean. For everyone." The Rifters would still have to worry about getting home, but perhaps they could at least be free of the pain in their hands.

[wontforgetyou]

"Aye, but-"

She does have a point. Having a way to take care of the shards would be for the best for all of them, but does it have to be her that goes and experiments with it? Out of all of them, she's the one that'll be in the worst position if something goes wrong, and the thought of something happening to her because of it is a thought he doesn't care for at all.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Could one of us not try it instead first, to see what happens?"

[eolasemah]

That's...

...not the worst idea, actually. Sina blinks at him, and her look of surprise gradually becomes something of a smile. "...that might be wise," she admits, "though it wouldn't be right to ask it of anyone." Just because it was Jamie's idea doesn't mean he's volunteering.

[nadasharillen]

For months, Nahariel had chafed under the idea that there was nothing to be done about the Shard in her Clansister's chest. Then the chafing had ignited into the blind grief and anger had raged through her at Sina's near-death by Rift energies.

As Sina had recovered, however, and the tumult of emotions faded, Nari had retreated into something else. She had wanted it to be relief, but it wasn't. Even as Sina reached out a strengthening hand toward the sun of the garden, the older elf had taken to the shadows of the Undercroft to fill her mind and hands with the monotonous work of keeping an army equipped. Anything to replace the quiet, empty certitude that the young and fragile First was, indeed, a spirit walking.

That it was true--there was nothing to be done. Sina tread in time borrowed from the Creators, and Nari could hardly look at her fair skin without thinking she could see a bit of the Beyond trailing alongside it.

She stopped looking.

For the first time in her life, she purposefully ruined wood. Carved it wrong, against the grains, making what could have been strong brittle. Snapped the little misborn halla along the fault lines that she had created and tried to weep but couldn't. Thought about whether or not it would be better for the clan if she simply returned to their shared tent in the dark hours of the night and ended both of their suffering.

Adelaide trusted her. It wouldn't be too difficult to get herbs for Sina's pain and overbrew it. Siuona Dahlasanor could sleep peacefully and never feel the blade. What was borrowed would be returned. And then the parapet for her, she thought. Into the cold darkness, far from home.

--

Such was Nahariel's mind when Sina approached her hesitantly with her ideas for testing, for the removal of the shard.

She did weep, then. And tried not to let her clansister see that it was out of relief, not worry. Relief tinged with the terrible guilt that she'd hoped for something like this. One way or another, they'd be free of it.

"Anything you need, da'halla," she'd murmured hoarsely, pulling the younger woman into a tight hug--the first she'd felt honest giving in weeks.

[eolasemah]

At the sight of Nari's tears, Sina couldn't help shedding a few in empathy, but was all the quicker to hug her tightly. "You've done so much for me already," she shakily whispered into her friend's shoulder, "I almost hate to ask it of you. But perhaps..."
She pulled back, smiled tearfully, and extended one pale hand to wipe the moisture from beneath her clansister's eyes. "...perhaps we can find something, Nari. Perhaps the nightmare can end. And we can go home."
She was reassuring herself of this as much as if not more than she was Nahariel, but it was all she had. "The road is before us," she said softly, "we must follow it until we can't anymore."

[nadasharillen]

Nahariel nodded, intercepting Sina's hand as it withdrew with her own and giving it a squeeze.

"Better to have a road than wander lost without one," she said, giving a second soft squeeze before releasing it, "even if it leads to..." Green eyes flickered away for a second, the hunter still unable to say the words, despite what she'd been thinking. "Hardship," she finished, lamely. "At least we can be sure we're not trudging circles in a dark forest anymore."

"Where you go, I go, da'vhenan. Whatever happens, you won't be alone."

[foxsays]

If it had been prior to the Western Approach, Araceli doesn't want to think what her reaction would have been because she knows what it would have been. That there would have been a lump in her throat tight enough to make speaking nearly impossible, that her smile would have been frozen and brittle. That she would have tried nearly every trick in her arsenal to have Sina reconsidering.

(That she would have been very drunk at some point. The sort of mess where you can't even articulate what's wrong because there's too much, and she would've been up on the roof in some corner no one would've been able to reach.)

So she owes Martel her thanks, again.

Still, she flexes her hand in the only sign that might give away what she's thinking when Sina tells her, breathes slow and deep after she swallows carefully but the mask stays on. The mask has cracked too often and that...she does not wish to be hard, there is nothing terrible about being soft but there is much to do be done, this is yet another reminder of that. A hand is not a chest, did she not say as much to Korrin months ago when she cried in a tent, when her tears froze to her cheeks?

"You and Madame LeBlanc, you will examine as many possibilities as you can, yes? A thief that does not wish to be caught takes her time to watch the guard patrols - she knows when the watches change, if they at their lightest or at their heaviest then - and how many ways she might get in and out, all the ways she might get home, how many friends they might have who would help them chase the thief." That is to say, you will be careful without saying it, because she doesn't know if she can say that right now, when it's easier somehow to treat this as a mission, as a job, as an assignment. A thing to be broken down into parts and pieces.

[eolasemah]

Sina has taken Araceli's hands in hers, and actually grins sweetly in response to her question. "You and Korrin are so well suited," she observes, "she said nearly the same thing. And I shall tell you what I told her."
She gives Araceli's hands a little squeeze. "We will leave no stone unturned, no possibility unexplored. I will not be careless with your heart, da'manaan, as it means everything to me."

[foxsays]

Absently running her thumb across the back of Sina's knuckles, she takes a careful breath to the count of three, holds it for three, then exhales for three. "Perhaps all the politics is rubbing off on her." It honestly surprise her that she can make a joke right now when it feels like she's swallowing sand.

"My heart isn't the heart that matters, Sina." Careful to keep her voice level and soft even as she tries to get her point across, she gestures to where Sina's shard is. "Yours is the one I worry about. You are a very dear friend, I cannot imagine seeing you hurting as you have already hurt before..."

And after watching Korrin grieve for Asher, after trying to do what she can for that as it never felt like it was close to enough, she doesn't know if she could shoulder the grief if it were to come to the worst.

[colecomfort]

Her pain has been calling to him less these days. She still hurts, and on nights when her chest is too sore for sleep, he'll visit and whisper-sing songs from home with her. But that's the most he can do, and it's become a constant.

Until something shifts. Until it's no longer static, tempered by something new. Hope.

"Fragile as a small bird with tiny bones, and just as precious. Your hands shake, but you hold it still."

He's crouched by a wall, speaking as she passes. That she can see and hear him is the only indication that he's talking about — to — her.

[eolasemah]

Sina slows her step as she passes the wall, and she looks around distantly for a moment before her eyes settle on Cole. Then she smiles warmly, and a bit sadly.
"It could go either way," she says quietly, and comes to sit beside him, leaning against the wall and enjoying the coolness of the stone against her back. "It may fly, it may not. For now, I relish not knowing which." She closes her eyes and sighs.

[colecomfort]

"You've been feeling better." He looks toward her, toward the shard. He can always hear it in there, singing, sharp. "...but not better enough."

As usual, there's little he can do except to help her bear it — but this time, at least, he can hold the hope with her.

"Adelaide thinks it's a good idea. That it could work." Therefore it must be worth it to try.