faderift | [OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

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[OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

WHO: Hermione Granger and YOU
WHAT: Hermione's seen some shit and is trying to get over it.
WHEN: Mid-Kingsway through the end of the month.
WHERE: In and around Skyhold.
NOTES: Takes place after this plot, so some threads will likely have mentions of child death and/or signs of depression. Please let me know if you'd like me to avoid any triggery topics.

Library

Though the curly-haired rifter has become a staple in the library over the past six months, Hermione has been relatively scarce there lately. She has no real heart for research anymore, not after the things she'd uncovered in those journals in that cave in Fromage, and there's so much more to Thedas than what can be found in books. She'd learned that the hard way, and now instead of reading and taking notes, she finds her thoughts wandering as they rarely do. For once, she can use a distraction from her failed attempts at studying.

Stables

Avoiding people isn't always as easy as she'd like it to be. But if she can preoccupy herself with animals, Hermione can withstand a bit of small talk. There's usually a kitten or two playing around the stables, and if not, at least helping to feed some of the horses will make her feel productive as well as distracted. And if that doesn't work, there's a certain dracolisk that she'd been slowly learning to get friendly with, assuming it won't sense her dour mood and become agitated.

Battlements

The battlements are actually quite pretty. She'd never really come up here before - if she wasn't in the library then that usually means she wanted to be social, and so the courtyards were where she'd spent more of her time - but now that she's looking for a change of scenery... well, there are worse places to get some quiet with a beautiful view. She's not always alone, since there are always people passing back and forth, but most people don't seem all that keen on hassling the young woman perched in between two turrets, staring out into the mountains. Indeed, unless someone happens to recognize her or just manages to catch her as she wipes at a stray tear, most probably wouldn't even know she's there.

Healing Tents

Returning from Emprise had been difficult, for more reasons than one. Beyond the obvious, Hermione still had a few physical injuries that she'd intended to ask the healers in her group to help with on their way back, but had clearly never gotten around to it due to the extenuating circumstances. Of course, she can't indefinitely deal with waking up with a sharp pain in her back and some of the bruises had begun to look particularly gruesome, so there's nothing wrong with making the occasional visit to the healing tents. If she takes care of one thing at a time and sees a different healer each time, it minimizes the chance of any awkward questions being asked, which is all the better; she's not ready to talk about that dreadful day and is in no rush to change that.

Wildcard!

She probably won't be quite so cheery until later on in the month, but Hermione still needs to eat, drink, bathe, and presumably sleep. She may be a little awkward around those that had gone to Emprise du Lion with her, but she isn't about to actively ignore anyone or send them off. Her nerves might be a bit frayed, but there's still such a thing as etiquette, after all.

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"I see," Cassandra says, her eyes narrowing. Something has certainly changed. When last they had spoken, Hermione had seemed to want nothing more than to learn Theodosian magic - and not only its theory.

"The Fade," she repeats, and tilts her head curiously. "Were you part of the team, then, that entered the Fade and fought the Nightmare?"

It's clear that Cassandra seems to think that Hermione's behavior is due to that particular mission, and while she doesn't want to mislead her, she's also not in any mindset to correct her.

"I was," she answers carefully. "I wish I'd been able to find my way back to where I came from while in the Fade, but since I hadn't, it's probably for the best to be more reserved in my magic usage. At least until I can get certain questions answered to my satisfaction."

"I cannot fault you for being cautious," Cassandra says. "It would be a serious undertaking to attempt to learn a system of magic so different from your own. However, there may not be reason to give it up altogether. What questions do you wish to ask?"

Hermione hesitates, remembering how Cassandra had reacted to her and the other rifters when she'd first arrived. The last thing she wants to do is give her reason to believe that her initial fears and suspicions had been valid, but... what if they are?

After a moment, she reluctantly replies, "I wanted to learn more about... I think you call them abominations?"

There's a subtle shift in Cassandra's expression. Just a moment where she stills completely, before she looks up to meet Hermione's eyes.

"Of course," she says steadily. "What is it that you wish to learn?"

"Everything," Hermione replies, hardly pausing at all to think it over. She notices the shift in Cassandra, and had indeed expected something a little more explosive than that given her tension when she'd first met Hermione.

"More specifically, about my chance of becoming one, relative to the chances of those native to Thedas."

Cassandra's silent for a moment, simply thinking as she looks down at the young woman. Perhaps it would have been better if she had explained everything from the start, but it is too late for that now. She'll simply have to make do.

"It is possible, of course," she says. "I do not know how your magic might compare, or whether you are more or less at risk than mages of Thedas, in the general sense. But it is true that weaker mages are in more danger of becoming abominations than strong ones. And I do not know that refraining from doing magic will do you any good. It is the mage's ability to do magic that gives an abomination its power. Though some forms of magic are inherently dangerous, and will do more to attract demons."

If nothing else, Hermione is grateful that Cassandra isn't the sort to sugarcoat things. It allows her to focus on the gravity of the situation while in the presence of someone with enough knowledge and experience in the ways of this world to help point her in the right direction. Not that Hermione doesn't trust her mage or rifter friends, but... well, they can all be incredibly biased when it comes to the inherent danger in being a mage or rifter. Surprise, surprise.

"Then I should stick to simple parlor tricks like refilling a glass of water?" Hermione asks, somehow liking that solution even less than the prospect of never doing any sort of magic again. "And learn to be really, really good at it, to strengthen myself while also making myself too dull to attract a demon's attention?"

"Not at all." Cassandra leans closer, looking at Hermione intently. "This is why I advised you to train under a senior mage, Hermione. It is possible to resist demon possession. To become strong enough, disciplined enough, to keep yourself safe. But you must work at it. You must prepare yourself." She pauses.

"Letting fear dictate your actions will do you no good at all."

"Nor would letting rage, or despair, or pride, or any other emotion dictate them, apparently," Hermione mutters, looking down. She's seen what had happened firsthand to an innocent child who'd had everything taken away from him and had succumbed to rage. It hadn't been a pretty picture.

"Emotions are part of what makes people people, and we can't always fight against them. If I'm to lead an emotionless life while in Thedas, how am I expected to lead anything resembling a normal one?"

Cassandra thinks, immediately and undeniably, of the Tranquil, and she's silent for a moment, gazing at Hermione. She does not want to see such a thing happen to the girl. It may not even be possible, for a Rifter.

But certainly, it should not be necessary, not for Hermione.

"I did not say an emotionless life," she says at last. "Think of the mages you have met since you arrived in Thedas. Do they seem emotionless to you?"

"The mages I've met here have had an entire lifetime of training before dealing with the sorts of things the Inquisition regularly faces," Hermione points out matter-of-factly. "I can't catch up to where they are, especially not when I'm faced with demons and Red Templars every time I step outside of Skyhold."

Glancing back down at the book she'd been trying unsuccessfully to read, she murmurs, "So it's probably for the best that I either stay here until a way back home is found or I limit the use of my magic until such a time comes that I can be reasonably sure I have the sort of control I'd need to keep myself and the people around me safe."

Cassandra can't help but be somewhat disappointed in Hermione. At their first meeting, the young mage had been so eager to learn everything about magic in Thedas - so much so that Cassandra had worried she would attempt too much, and put herself or someone else in danger. Now, she seems afraid to attempt anything at all.

But she does have a point. How can anyone be expected to properly learn magic and the ability to control it in circumstances like this? If only the Circles had not been dissolved...

"You must make that decision for yourself, of course," she says. "It is a prudent measure to take, and perhaps the wisest course. But I hope you will not limit yourself forever." She pauses, adding gently, "You must prepare yourself for the possibility that you may never return home. Think about what life you would like to build for yourself here in Thedas, and work towards it."

It hadn't been an easy choice for her to make, and it probably isn't anything she'll stick with indefinitely. She isn't reliant on her magic, but Cassandra and others have made it quite clear that some of the spells she can do are uniquely useful, and she wouldn't deny the Inquisition something as simple as water in the middle of a drought, or a non-extinguishing flame during a cold spot.

But Cassandra's last comment is enough to make Hermione jump as though she's just been struck. "I can't build a life here," she says immediately. The shock on her face almost makes it seem as though she'd never considered the possibility of being stuck in Thedas forever, but the uncertain tremor in her voice says otherwise. "I have to get home. We all do. Thedas-... it's not where I belong. I have family, friends. I'd just been starting to get my life back."

Cassandra looks surprised, and vaguely guilty. She hadn't meant to make Hermione upset. It had never occurred to her that the young rifter might not have even considered the possibility that she might not get home.

"I am sorry," she says gently. "It is...it is still possible, of course. It is always possible." She pauses. "But denying the fact that it might not happen will do you no good. And preparing to remain here, even if you do find a way home before it becomes relevant, can only benefit you."

"There's no life for someone like me here," Hermione insists, her voice still shakier than she would like. She feels the same sort of creeping panic she might feel upon hearing that an exam will be covering the one portion of her notes that she hadn't studied, and that's never a good thing. So she tries to take a deep breath, and then another, shaking her head as she does so.

When she thinks she can speak normally again, she lowly adds, "Most of Thedas isn't kind to anyone connected to magic or anyone who isn't human. Combine that with the fact that there are still some who consider me a demon, especially when they see I can do things that most mages can't, and you can't possibly believe that I'd survive very long. I won't, not without the Inquisition's backing, and I don't think you'd want your mission to go from defeating Corypheus to babysitting a group of people with glowing bits in their hands."

"Our mission is to protect whoever comes to us in need of it," Cassandra says, her voice low but firm. "That includes you and your fellow rifters, for however long you remain here." She shakes her head. "We will defeat Corypheus. Do not think, however, that your life is less important than anyone else he has threatened or put in danger."

She falls silent, uncomfortable in the face of both Hermione's obvious distress, and her refusal to consider any alternative to returning home.

"I did not mean to upset you, Hermione," she says. "And I hope you are able to return to your world. But there is a life for you here, if you are open to it."

Hermione knows that Cassandra's only trying to help her, but it's hard to keep that in perspective when the prospect of never seeing her parents, of never getting back to Ron or Harry or any of her other friends, is such a strong one. What kind of job would she be able to maintain here? Would she even survive long enough to make herself useful to the world as a whole? She could hardly convince anyone in the wizarding world that elves deserved to be free; how could she convince anyone in Thedas to reexamine their treatment of elves and mages and other such people?

"There are some who don't think my life is important at all," she replies levelly, not quite looking at Cassandra. "But that isn't your fault. I'm not upset at you. I just... don't exactly know that I can survive here years down the line. I don't like not knowing."

The major milestones of the rest of her life had already been planned out: finish school, get a job within the Ministry, and eventually probably marry and have children, once she's settled enough. But school and work aren't quite as defined here in Thedas, and marriage and children seem to be out of the question. What else can she really do?

"I have every faith that you will be able to survive," Cassandra tells her. "But I understand that it is difficult. A frightening prospect. I do not envy your position."

She stands, sensing that Hermione might want some time alone - or at least that she can offer no words that might help. "For now, know that you are safe within Skyhold's walls, and that you have friends here. People who will help you to survive, and to be happy, if you require it."

Hermione is sort of used to people trying unsuccessfully to make her feel better or else trying to disregard her feelings entirely, both of which can usually get her to snap at them and at least momentarily forget her troubles. But Cassandra doesn't do that. She's seen the Seeker while angry and overly suspicious, yes, but ultimately Cassandra is level and reasonable and not one to make enemies without a just reason for it. The irrational part of Hermione's brain sort of begrudges her for it now. She can stand to get a little angry.

Deciding to take the statement as it's meant and not bring up that her "friends" are now among the people Hermione feels most certain would kill her if things start going wrong, she nods slowly. "Thank you," she replies lowly. "I don't know what I require right now aside from general answers, but I appreciate the consolation."

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[OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

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