faderift | [OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

Entry tags:

[OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

WHO: Hermione Granger and YOU
WHAT: Hermione's seen some shit and is trying to get over it.
WHEN: Mid-Kingsway through the end of the month.
WHERE: In and around Skyhold.
NOTES: Takes place after this plot, so some threads will likely have mentions of child death and/or signs of depression. Please let me know if you'd like me to avoid any triggery topics.

Library

Though the curly-haired rifter has become a staple in the library over the past six months, Hermione has been relatively scarce there lately. She has no real heart for research anymore, not after the things she'd uncovered in those journals in that cave in Fromage, and there's so much more to Thedas than what can be found in books. She'd learned that the hard way, and now instead of reading and taking notes, she finds her thoughts wandering as they rarely do. For once, she can use a distraction from her failed attempts at studying.

Stables

Avoiding people isn't always as easy as she'd like it to be. But if she can preoccupy herself with animals, Hermione can withstand a bit of small talk. There's usually a kitten or two playing around the stables, and if not, at least helping to feed some of the horses will make her feel productive as well as distracted. And if that doesn't work, there's a certain dracolisk that she'd been slowly learning to get friendly with, assuming it won't sense her dour mood and become agitated.

Battlements

The battlements are actually quite pretty. She'd never really come up here before - if she wasn't in the library then that usually means she wanted to be social, and so the courtyards were where she'd spent more of her time - but now that she's looking for a change of scenery... well, there are worse places to get some quiet with a beautiful view. She's not always alone, since there are always people passing back and forth, but most people don't seem all that keen on hassling the young woman perched in between two turrets, staring out into the mountains. Indeed, unless someone happens to recognize her or just manages to catch her as she wipes at a stray tear, most probably wouldn't even know she's there.

Healing Tents

Returning from Emprise had been difficult, for more reasons than one. Beyond the obvious, Hermione still had a few physical injuries that she'd intended to ask the healers in her group to help with on their way back, but had clearly never gotten around to it due to the extenuating circumstances. Of course, she can't indefinitely deal with waking up with a sharp pain in her back and some of the bruises had begun to look particularly gruesome, so there's nothing wrong with making the occasional visit to the healing tents. If she takes care of one thing at a time and sees a different healer each time, it minimizes the chance of any awkward questions being asked, which is all the better; she's not ready to talk about that dreadful day and is in no rush to change that.

Wildcard!

She probably won't be quite so cheery until later on in the month, but Hermione still needs to eat, drink, bathe, and presumably sleep. She may be a little awkward around those that had gone to Emprise du Lion with her, but she isn't about to actively ignore anyone or send them off. Her nerves might be a bit frayed, but there's still such a thing as etiquette, after all.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

His head felt fuzzy and in a haze. Ever since they had returned home and he had slept, his head had felt to full, the insides pressing against bone. He should have probably sought out a healer for it, but he was to stubborn. Old habits died hard, it seemed, and besides - he was still sorting through the cause. He knew it, even if no one else believed, and the best way to take care of a headache? Distraction.

And petting a lovely undead horse.

That was the plan anyways as he came into the stables, some carrots and apples in a sack for the living creatures. One of which he pulls out to hold out to Hermoine as he approached her.

"Needed some time away from the masses too, huh?"

He looks up from the work he's doing as soon as someone opens the tent flap, standing to get ready to help... and sees who it is. Anders swallows, studying her, hesitating, before gesturing to the table with a questioning look.

"Can I help you?" he says as soon as he finds his voice.

Christine has come to the decision that she needs to learn how to ride a horse. Master Dennet is a wise man, and tells her she can't slap a saddle on a horse and expect to ride it. She has to get to know the animals first, and that's why each day she can be found in the stables petting a couple of the gentler mares. These will be the ones she'll take lessons on, and it's not so daunting a task to spend time with them.

But today she sees Hermione feeding one of those mares and she gives the young woman a smile.

"Hello, Hermione. I have not seen you for some time." Since the Fade, she thinks, and what a trial that had been.

Had this been a normal situation, Hermione might have greeted Kirk with a joke. Seeing the way he held out an apple towards her would have had her commenting that she wasn't a mare, thank you, before grinning and asking after how he's been. Instead, she barely glanced up from the horse she'd been petting, sparing the apple a moment's consideration before slowly reaching out for it.

Her hand hurt. That was what happened when she kept it clenched in a fist to keep from crying in front of people. At least she was able to focus on that absent, throbbing pain rather than allow the sight of Kirk to stir up any unpleasant memories.

"You could say that," she murmured softly, voice barely above a whisper. The horse seemed incredibly interested in the piece of food in her hand, and she had to shift a little so as to not bump heads with it as it tried to make for the apple. "Are you all right?"

Oh. She supposes she should have expected it, sooner or later. There aren't that many healers that she could keep coming here and avoiding a select few she'd been trying to avoid.

Except... she hasn't been trying to avoid anyone, not really. Or, at least, not consciously. It's not until she sees Anders and experiences a rush of unbidden and unwelcome memories that she realizes he's among the last people she'd really wanted to see.

"No," she says automatically, glancing away. The look on her face shows that she's well aware of how stupid she's being, and she tries not to wince as she gingerly brings a hand to her side. "I'm just a little bruised up." The bruises are the worst of her injuries, really, and if she's going to concede to anyone looking at them, it might as well be someone who'd been there.

Korrin's often on the battlements whenever she doesn't have anything better to do, simply to enjoy the view they provide. It gives her a sense of peace, sometimes more needed than others. She doesn't do it to be alone, though, and upon spotting Hermione, the Vashoth woman decides to be social. They haven't spoken in a while, after all, not since going on separate missions.

"Hey, you. I wanted to--Hermione?" Korrin's friendly tone quickly grows alarmed upon seeing that stray tear, quickening her approach. "What's wrong?"

Only a blind man would miss how this was affecting Hermoine, miss how the normally bubbly (in his estimation) girl was subdued and quiet and seemed far away. He couldn't blame her. What had happened was harsh, cruel, and for someone who had never been exposed to that most likely shocking and even devastating. He hated to see her like this, but he couldn't change what had happened or what she had seen.

He clucked his tongue at the horse and reached out, tapping its nose to get it to leave her alone and fed it a carrot for its troubles.

"As well as a person can be," he said. "Still tired, mostly. I don't think I'll be heading out of Skyhold for a little bit, at least." He focused his gaze back on her. "Did you sleep at all?"

Hermione has no interest in riding horses. Any time she rides anything, it usually means that she's running for her life, so she'll be perfectly happy to keep both feet on the ground until such a time comes that she can get on a train or car or other automobile. But they're sweet animals, and they clearly don't mind the attention, so Hermione has been using them as her main distraction since her return to Skyhold.

Seeing the way the mare messily bites at the carrot in her hand almost puts a smile on her face, but not quite. Some of the softness goes out of her eyes, though, when she hears a voice behind her; she's not quite tense when she realizes who it is, but she'd still been marginally more comfortable when it had been just her and the horses.

"Christine," she greets softly, voice a little rusty from lack of regular use lately. "I hope you've been well."

While she's been aware of the presence of people around her, Hermione's still surprised to hear a familiar voice approaching, and she tenses visibly as she turns her head just enough to glance up at Korrin. "Nothing," she says automatically, glancing back over the landscape. She doubts she can actually carry on a conversation without crying, and that's not something she should be doing. After all, most of the others that she'd gone to Emprise with had already made it clear by their actions that Hermione's too soft for her own good.

"What did you need?"

Hermione felt a bit bereft of the horse's attention when Kirk came in to distract it, but she didn't say anything about it. It wasn't as though the apple was for her, after all, but having Kirk there made it a little difficult to focus on feeding the horse. Between that and attempting to carry on a conversation, she wasn't sure she had the attention span for such strenuous activities.

"I've slept," she replied simply, trying not to be curt. "Sleeping isn't the problem." It was the things she saw behind her closed eyes as she slept, but she wasn't about to say as much. Not when Kirk was likely smart enough to be able to guess as much for himself.

"My ass, it's nothing. No one's up here in tears for no reason. I don't need anything, I swear. So you're not cutting into plans if you explain." Korrin tilts her head, brow furrowing and a worried frown on her lips. If something's making Hermione upset enough to show it, she's not going to let it go easily. "You know I'm not going to judge, right?"

Kirk reached down to his hip, tugging out his knife and holding out his hand for the apple that Hermoine still held. He had meant for her to eat it, but she seemed unfocused, so perhaps might need a little prodding on that front. Though honestly it would give him something to do - he talked better when he was doing something, he found, working off the energy. Even three years stuffed into his head, and he still had that particular quirk.

"I know," he said quietly. "The way I always dealt with it was to tire myself out somehow. Exercise, mostly. If my body was tired enough, I didn't dream." He had other methods than exercise, but that seemed an ill advised topic to take up with a young, teenage girl.

Ow. It feels like he's been slapped, and when she moves with pain it stings all the more.

"Please let me help. I... I'd like to help." But he's not stepping forward. He's letting her choose whether to come further in or go, not crowding her, despite how deeply he doesn't want to lose her friendship or see her walk back out.

Inessa still tries to make the library a regular habit, though it's not as extensive as before. Sometimes, she finds the stacks comforting, reminding her of her old Circle. And sometimes, that's exactly the problem. She'll look at them and remember the abominations lumbering down the halls, the demons everywhere...and then she needs to leave and get some air.

This is one of the former situations, at least for now. Inessa's seated at a table, Garahel sleeping while she tries to read her page for what seems like the tenth time. Realizing that she's not in a mood to absorb anything, the young woman moves to stand and return the book to its place in the stacks. It's then that her gaze slides over to Hermione, wincing a little at the memory of their mission, and her own subsequent meltdown after the abomination's death. Maker knows what Hermione must think of her now, but seeing to her fellow teammates well-being now that she's not mentally shutdown seems more important.

"Hermione...how are you?" It's not an idle question.

Hermione huffs out a small breath that would have almost been a laugh, if she could remember how to do that. "You can; I'm sure others already do." It's an unfair accusation to make against certain members of the Inquisition, but she can't really bring herself to believe otherwise.

Quiet for a moment, she looks up at the sky, feeling raw and empty and hating every moment of it. "Why do people blame horrible things on 'the greater good'?" she finally whispers. "What does that phrase even mean, when it gets thrown around repeatedly in this world and in mine?"

Hermione automatically handed him the apple again without really thinking about it. She was only half-listening to him, but it was enough so that she knew he didn't quite grasp the enormity of the problem. It wasn't just dreaming that she had an issue with; she kept seeing things she didn't want to see every time she closed her eyes, whether or not she was trying to sleep.

But she didn't bother saying that much to him. There was nothing to be done about it, no therapist or sleeping aids or anything like that to help her through this. There was no sense burdening someone else with it, too, especially since she was fairly sure he was of the same mind as her.

"I'll try that," she lied, not caring that she wasn't a particularly good liar. "I don't know that it would help, though."

The way you'd helped that child?

She's aghast at how close she comes to actually saying that, to the point where she needs to press her lips together in an effort to keep the bitter words from spilling out. It's unfair, especially to Anders of all people, but she isn't sure if his particular circumstances should grant him some sort of leeway or make her judge him all the more harshly, and as terrible as it might make her feel, one of those is significantly easier at the moment.

"It's just a bruise," she tells him once she's sure she won't say anything she'll later wish she could take back. "I just need a salve of some sort."

For what it's worth, Hermione has no memory of Inessa's meltdown, or of any of the smaller details of that day at all. What she does remember is probably a warped account of events brought on by her own feelings of guilt: she'd trusted people to comfort the child, they'd instead antagonized the demon that had clearly been living just below the surface, and the only way to get themselves out of the corner they'd painted themselves into had been to....

But that's the bit she won't let herself remember, despite her brain sadistically attempting to replay that particular reel over and over again. The books don't help, not unless she gets a paper cut that brings her back into focus for a few moments. It's during one of those few moments that Hermione hears that familiar voice at her side, and she frowns a little before turning to look at Inessa.

There are any number of ways she can answer that question that will minimize further conversation. Instead, her defenses are down and she's weary, instinctively opting for the truth instead. "I've seen better days. But then, I think it's safe to say we all have."

He bit his knife into the apple, cracking it open and began turning the halves to trim. For a moment he glanced at the nearby horse, as if seeking wisdom in those large, dark eyes - but found only quiet and an interest in the apple. Greedy creature.

"You can talk about it, Hermoine," he said to her, putting his knife away and handing her half the apple back. "It's okay to talk about it."

Ah, 'the greater good'. She's always hated that phrase, which has excused far too much, in her opinion. Sighing, she crosses her arms. "Good fucking question. A lot of times, I see people do it to justify whatever they do so they can sleep at night. Sometimes, it's pure lazy thinking, not willing to consider a harder road even when that means less 'collateral damage'. It's not happening to them, so 'the greater good' is acceptable.

And sometimes, less often, it seems that there's there's no good decision to be had at all, no real way out. So they pick the least horrible, hoping to mitigate the damage. The end result is still awful, but no one could live with making it even worse."

The tight smile she gives in response may be answer enough, but Christine then turns her attention to the horses. "I have decided to take riding lessons. I foresee that I will be quite sore soon." Which doesn't really answer what Hermione said. She's not the only one avoiding things.

"You have been nowhere to be seen in the library lately. Have the animals caught your interest over books?"

"Quite true." Inessa sighs, shoulders sagging a bit. The usual stoic mask just isn't there; she doesn't have the energy to uphold it. There's no hiding the deep dark circles under her eyes, evidence of her valiant struggle to stay awake and not succumb to the horrible dreams she knows are awaiting her. It only works sometimes, thanks to Ciri's interference and Garahel being a dirty traitor.

"...I'm sorry you had to see that, all of it. I've lived with the memories of an abomination attack for some time. It's not anything I would wish upon anyone else, even my worst enemy." And that the abomination this time was a child makes it even worse. Knowing what he went through, that in the end there was no saving him, twists her stomach.

Edited 2016-09-13 15:57 (UTC)

The sight of the offered apple caught her eye again, and Hermione looked at it for a moment before gingerly reaching out for it. She still hesitated for a moment before accepting it, though, frowning as she shook her head and pulled her hand away.

"There's nothing to talk about." Another lie. Amazing, how easily she could actually do it when she was too worn down to worry about whether or not she was doing it well. But she wasn't doing it well, and she admitted as much at least to herself as she added, "What would I even say?"

Fighting for the "greater good" had, arguably, been the start of the Wizarding Wars, since everyone's idea of the greater good is different; whose idea is correct is another matter entirely.

"... funny," she says after a moment, not sounding the least bit amused. "When people talk about it, that's usually when there's the most collateral damage. As though it's an acknowledgement that yes, horrible things are happening, but that somehow, terrible decisions are being made to protect others. But there's no way of really knowing, is there? Once it's done... it's done."

"I've been taking riding lessons as well," she remarks, albeit a bit more hollowly than she usually might. "I've been learning to ride a dracolisk. It's been... daunting."

It doesn't answer Christine's question either, and she hesitates as she decides whether or not to be slightly more direct with her. Finally, she decides that she should and yet shouldn't, offering, "I've been... distracted lately. Has anyone been looking for me?"

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 19

[OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

Stables

Healing tents

stables

no subject

no subject

Battlements

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Library

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject