faderift | [OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

WHO: Hermione Granger and YOU
WHAT: Hermione's seen some shit and is trying to get over it.
WHEN: Mid-Kingsway through the end of the month.
WHERE: In and around Skyhold.
NOTES: Takes place after this plot, so some threads will likely have mentions of child death and/or signs of depression. Please let me know if you'd like me to avoid any triggery topics.

Library

Though the curly-haired rifter has become a staple in the library over the past six months, Hermione has been relatively scarce there lately. She has no real heart for research anymore, not after the things she'd uncovered in those journals in that cave in Fromage, and there's so much more to Thedas than what can be found in books. She'd learned that the hard way, and now instead of reading and taking notes, she finds her thoughts wandering as they rarely do. For once, she can use a distraction from her failed attempts at studying.

Stables

Avoiding people isn't always as easy as she'd like it to be. But if she can preoccupy herself with animals, Hermione can withstand a bit of small talk. There's usually a kitten or two playing around the stables, and if not, at least helping to feed some of the horses will make her feel productive as well as distracted. And if that doesn't work, there's a certain dracolisk that she'd been slowly learning to get friendly with, assuming it won't sense her dour mood and become agitated.

Battlements

The battlements are actually quite pretty. She'd never really come up here before - if she wasn't in the library then that usually means she wanted to be social, and so the courtyards were where she'd spent more of her time - but now that she's looking for a change of scenery... well, there are worse places to get some quiet with a beautiful view. She's not always alone, since there are always people passing back and forth, but most people don't seem all that keen on hassling the young woman perched in between two turrets, staring out into the mountains. Indeed, unless someone happens to recognize her or just manages to catch her as she wipes at a stray tear, most probably wouldn't even know she's there.

Healing Tents

Returning from Emprise had been difficult, for more reasons than one. Beyond the obvious, Hermione still had a few physical injuries that she'd intended to ask the healers in her group to help with on their way back, but had clearly never gotten around to it due to the extenuating circumstances. Of course, she can't indefinitely deal with waking up with a sharp pain in her back and some of the bruises had begun to look particularly gruesome, so there's nothing wrong with making the occasional visit to the healing tents. If she takes care of one thing at a time and sees a different healer each time, it minimizes the chance of any awkward questions being asked, which is all the better; she's not ready to talk about that dreadful day and is in no rush to change that.

Wildcard!

She probably won't be quite so cheery until later on in the month, but Hermione still needs to eat, drink, bathe, and presumably sleep. She may be a little awkward around those that had gone to Emprise du Lion with her, but she isn't about to actively ignore anyone or send them off. Her nerves might be a bit frayed, but there's still such a thing as etiquette, after all.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I have people here who want to know if I'm a threat at any given moment," she murmurs before she can help herself. Meeting Christine's eyes, she tries to set her jaw to keep herself from crying, though she can feel a tear breaking ranks and trailing down her cheek. "I know you're not one of them. But I've seen enough to know that not everyone is so kind to rifters, especially not rifters who can do magic. There's fear everywhere, even here in Skyhold. I had enough of that during the war in my own world. I'm not entirely sure I have the fortitude to deal with that all over again."

"I know, and I am sorry for it. I may not be in your situation, but I know what it is like to have people see you as a threat." When she was young and had first come to the Circle, she was determined to stay strong and be useful. She wanted to learn everything so she could never be caught off guard, and never be thought weak enough to be made Tranquil. Of course it was a slippery slope. If she was too strong, too willful, she would be seen as a problem and made Tranquil, which was exactly what she was trying to prevent.

"A mage's life is learning to walk along the precipice without falling in. People are not kind, and the world is not kind, but you are strong and there are individuals who are kind. I cannot offer you a safe world, but I can offer you my help, whenever you need it."

Hermione isn't asking for encouragement or help or anything of the sort. She just wants to make sure that she can get home safely at some point, without having to worry about being taken in by a demon and subsequently forcing the people that she'd come to think of as friends to put her down. She hadn't spent all those years surviving the war back home just to become a casualty of a war someplace that she'd never heard of before her arrival.

"I appreciate it," she says again, nodding slowly as though to indicate that Christine's words are indeed sinking in. "I'm just getting tired of feeling as though I always need it."

"Well," Christine begins, looking thoughtful. "It is not always a bad thing to need others in your life. Otherwise life would be quite lonely. But you are hardly helpless. Remember, I first met you straight from the rift, when you sent a demon flying through the air."

"That had been pure dumb luck," Hermione counters lowly. "I should have been able to paralyze it, but instead...." She knows she's coming off as fatalistic, and she doesn't mean to, and so she sighs deeply and looks down. "I don't mind needing others. It's being unable to return the favor that pulls me ill at ease."

Christine debates telling Hermione to give it time, but thinking of herself being here longer than she wants to be isn't something Christine wants to remind Hermione of right now.

"You give yourself too little credit," she replies gently, though she pushes no more than that. Hermione is set on feeling this way, it seems.

Looking up at Christine, Hermione offers her a small, wan smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "I gave myself too much credit and thought I had things under control. And now I've realized how long I've been here, and how many terrible things I've seen and had been unable to stop...." Sighing, she shakes her head and wonders how she got to feel even older than she usually acts. "I don't know how people can survive lifetimes here. A few months has already felt like a decade."

"Because we are born to it, I would imagine," Christine guesses. "But I will grant you that the world is far from comfortable. It is always about survival, every day."

"Life has to be about more than mere survival," she murmurs softly, remember the year she'd spent on the run with Harry and Ron and hoping that the wrong people wouldn't find them or betray them. "That's not living at all."

"I quite agree. That is why we have festivals, and parties, and celebrate the joys of life despite our struggles to survive. We endure in the face of that struggle." And she's seen so much more of the world -- the good and the bad -- since leaving the Circle. She never wishes to go back where she's locked away.

She doesn't really realize it, but Hermione's shaking her head gently at Christine's response. "I'm not sure that I'll be able to enjoy another festival or find much joy in anything anytime soon. Not for a long time. I don't suppose that will make me overly popular around Skyhold." There. Some semblance of a joke. Maybe she's not that far gone yet.

"You'd be surprised," Christine replies. "You'll fit in with the people who have never warmed to the Inquisition welcoming all. But I wish there was something I could do to ease your troubles." Maybe she's not as comforting a person as she thought she was.

"You're fine," she assures Christine immediately. "This just... isn't something that can be fixed. I'm not sure I want it to be fixed. At least, not in the sense of my feeling awful about it. If I start forgetting how awful the entire situation is, I'll come to simply accept it. Acceptance is all well and good in some cases, but it doesn't really bring about change."

"And change is what this world desperately needs." Christine smiles sadly and squeezes Hermione's shoulder before making to move past her. "You know yourself best and what you need, but if you ever need an ear, I will lend mine."

Unfortunately for now, she must return to the healers' tents to resume her duties. Otherwise she would stay.

Hermione nods slowly, though it's anyone's guess as to whether or not most of that had really sunk in. Self-examination isn't really easy when so many of her circumstances are so far beyond her control, but it isn't Christine's job to help her figure herself out.

"Thank you, Christine," she tells her as the woman moves away. "I appreciate it."

[OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

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