faderift | [OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

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[OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

WHO: Hermione Granger and YOU
WHAT: Hermione's seen some shit and is trying to get over it.
WHEN: Mid-Kingsway through the end of the month.
WHERE: In and around Skyhold.
NOTES: Takes place after this plot, so some threads will likely have mentions of child death and/or signs of depression. Please let me know if you'd like me to avoid any triggery topics.

Library

Though the curly-haired rifter has become a staple in the library over the past six months, Hermione has been relatively scarce there lately. She has no real heart for research anymore, not after the things she'd uncovered in those journals in that cave in Fromage, and there's so much more to Thedas than what can be found in books. She'd learned that the hard way, and now instead of reading and taking notes, she finds her thoughts wandering as they rarely do. For once, she can use a distraction from her failed attempts at studying.

Stables

Avoiding people isn't always as easy as she'd like it to be. But if she can preoccupy herself with animals, Hermione can withstand a bit of small talk. There's usually a kitten or two playing around the stables, and if not, at least helping to feed some of the horses will make her feel productive as well as distracted. And if that doesn't work, there's a certain dracolisk that she'd been slowly learning to get friendly with, assuming it won't sense her dour mood and become agitated.

Battlements

The battlements are actually quite pretty. She'd never really come up here before - if she wasn't in the library then that usually means she wanted to be social, and so the courtyards were where she'd spent more of her time - but now that she's looking for a change of scenery... well, there are worse places to get some quiet with a beautiful view. She's not always alone, since there are always people passing back and forth, but most people don't seem all that keen on hassling the young woman perched in between two turrets, staring out into the mountains. Indeed, unless someone happens to recognize her or just manages to catch her as she wipes at a stray tear, most probably wouldn't even know she's there.

Healing Tents

Returning from Emprise had been difficult, for more reasons than one. Beyond the obvious, Hermione still had a few physical injuries that she'd intended to ask the healers in her group to help with on their way back, but had clearly never gotten around to it due to the extenuating circumstances. Of course, she can't indefinitely deal with waking up with a sharp pain in her back and some of the bruises had begun to look particularly gruesome, so there's nothing wrong with making the occasional visit to the healing tents. If she takes care of one thing at a time and sees a different healer each time, it minimizes the chance of any awkward questions being asked, which is all the better; she's not ready to talk about that dreadful day and is in no rush to change that.

Wildcard!

She probably won't be quite so cheery until later on in the month, but Hermione still needs to eat, drink, bathe, and presumably sleep. She may be a little awkward around those that had gone to Emprise du Lion with her, but she isn't about to actively ignore anyone or send them off. Her nerves might be a bit frayed, but there's still such a thing as etiquette, after all.

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[To that Bruce... well. He can't really say anything. He knows where she's coming from and he can sympathize, but still--]

There wasn't a choice. We were attacked first and needed to defend ourselves. [And it was clear that the demon wasn't going to leave his body, so they could only do the only thing they could do. Considering any other alternatives, that had been the best they could do.

But was it mercy? It was hard to say. And Bruce doesn't think he's qualified to really make a judgement call.]

It could have, yes, but now it won't. [Or at least, now there might be better warning signs instead of what transpired with Highwind.] Dwelling on it isn't going to help - all we can do is make do with what we've learned and prevent any future incidents from happening.

He wasn't an incident! He was a person, a person who'd had everything ripped away and and did what he'd thought he had to do to survive because no one ever taught him any other way to survive in this world!

[She... may or may not still be talking about Kain, or the rifter who she assumes is Kain, or the young boy she'd watched her team murder before her eyes. It's hard to tell at this point, even for her, but she has to force herself to remember that none of that is Bruce's fault.

... even if he does imply that he'd been part of the group that had needed to defend themselves against a possessed rifter. She tries to look past that, eyes downcast as she softens her voice a bit.]

No one knows nearly enough about the shards to know what could and couldn't happen now. Not even Solas.

[It doesn't matter if she blames him or not, because Bruce is certainly blaming himself either way. There hadn't been a choice in the matter, but still--its still something he blames himself for. Times like these he wishes he didn't make the decision to come here, instead just staying low like what he originally planned. But here he was no a year later and perhaps in too deep with so many things here, for better or for worse.

He wishes he were a better person, though.]

It's why knowing every bit helps. [He moves past the first part, now - there's no resolution to that, and all they can do is to move on. Move on just as Bruce himself had to do eventually.] The more we know, the better prepared we can all be, and nothing like this can happen again.

[He's a good enough person, of that Hermione's sure. Most of the people who'd come to Skyhold are generally good people, trying to do what's right in the world. It's just the world itself that isn't fair, or easy, but... well, she supposes she can say the same for her own.]

You know that's not true.

[Her voice is quiet as she looks up at him, her eyes having seen too much and knowing all too well that they still haven't seen the worst of it.]

If there was a way for something like this to never happen again, someone would have figured it out by now. Abominations still happen, and now with red lyrium being a factor, never mind rifters, and certainly never mind rifters with magic....

[Hating how defeated she feels, she shakes her head.]

How long does someone like me have before the world at large decides we're too big of a risk?

[Of course he knows its not true, but--at the same time dwelling on that isn't going to help. These Rifters have suffered enough as it is, being pulled away from what they knew and thrust into this place that was so against them. He honestly wishes it wouldn't be this way for them, but yet...

If only, indeed.]

Abominations happened because people keep trying to push things beyond the boundaries of what should be done. [Old memories pass through his mind then - late nights at the Harlem Circle, arguments with First Enchanter Amsel, all leading up to that day.] And red lyrium... none of us really know a lot about it too. There's still so much we don't know, honestly.

[He wishes he had better things to say, really. But he's never been the best at this.]

I can't guarantee anything, but you and the other Rifters are here in the Inquisition, helping to make a difference. That's better than what we can hope to ask for, and that means something.

No one seems to know much of anything.

[She doesn't mean for it to come out as bitterly as it does, but she can't help it. Maybe Thedas is simply a comparatively new world compared to her own, and so that explains why technology and basic social civility isn't quite up to par. But that just makes it that much more frustrating when she comes across several people like Bruce who do understand just how flawed the world is, but it's not nearly enough of them to make a proper difference.]

I don't know that I can say the rifters are helping much of anything. If we're not preoccupied with finding a way home, then we're trying to make it through the day without someone thinking we're a threat to the Inquisition and to the world at large. [She pauses, glancing down at her hand again for a split second before looking away.] Not that I can blame them, I suppose.

[He can understand her bitterness. In a way he shares those same feelings too - not knowing enough is what landed him in his own situation after all. One that he can never come out from now. A destiny he's stuck to and without anything to change that. There was only one way once one became what he is now. At least there was a simplicity in that which he could appreciate.

Unconsciously he rubs at his wrists, a habit more than anything else when the uncertainty rises up within him, at times threatening to overwhelm. He wishes he could know more, had the knowledge to help... but the fact is that is not much he can do as much as he wants to otherwise. What can one like him manage besides the worst?]

Uncertainty and the unknown has always been what drove people to fear. [A fact Bruce knows all too well.] And I suppose understanding the unknown has never been the best trait of people here. They're more inclined to beat it dead first before actually trying to understand.

[Given what she'd seen in that cave, Hermione has a different sort of viewpoint on abominations than most others in Thedas might. They're dangerous, yes. But they're also people. They have family, friends. And she could easily become one of them. That's what scares her the most, really; the idea that she could turn into something that would mark her as a target for those who'd once looked at her as a friend.]

Like rifters. And mages. So I should be thankful just to be alive, never mind for having never seen the inside of the dungeons.

[Another moment of silence passes before she looks up, meeting Bruce's eyes once again.]

Or is that an inevitable next step? Lock up all the rifters and kill the ones who can do magic before they have the chance to turn into monsters?

[That... was not what Bruce was implying at all, or even saying for that matter. He really was bad at this.

He tries, but the frustration shows through a little still nonetheless, Bruce rubbing the back of his neck as he frowns. It's too easy to understand all her feelings and her bitterness and all that negativity, but he certainly can't add to it with his own feelings on the matter. It wasn't going to help either of them one bit. Being an abomination, having a demon lurking inside you, ready to strike at any moment--death would be a mercy for monsters like them.

For monsters like him.]

I can't--nothing I say can be a guarantee, or can make you feel better. [Because reality is harsh and Bruce is the last person who would try to sugarcoat something like this. He's never been one for false hope.]All I can say is that I know a good number of us are trying to help in whatever way we can. You and the other Rifters are something new, and new things mean change, and change is something that--Thedas doesn't do well with, most of the time.

[See what happened the last time somebody wanted to 'change things'. A blown up Chantry was a result.]

[It isn't Bruce's fault. This just hasn't been a particularly good month for Hermione. Or for rifters in general, it seems. She knows that he doesn't mean to imply anything so drastic towards rifters or anyone at all, but she can't help but feel as though the vast majority of Thedas would much prefer it if rifters were kept out of the picture. They have enough complications to deal with, after all.

As much as Hermione doesn't like to have things sugarcoated, she sort of wishes that Bruce or anyone else she's spoken to on this matter would just tell her that she's overreacting, that things will be all right, and that really, Thedas isn't nearly as bad as it seems right now. But it's as though she's only just discovered the true nature of the world she'd landed in, and no one has the heart to wrap her in false security anymore. She's not sure if she should thank them or begrudge them.]

Then maybe Thedas needs to change that. Because I can't imagine any place where everything will always stay the same. There will always be surprises, and variables, and general unknowns. If Thedas isn't equipped to deal with them as they crop up, then I'm almost more worried for the world as a whole than I am for myself.

[Almost.]

[Sort of a helpless shrug here. Really, there's not much he can do or say to make this better.]

When change happens here it tends to be-- [A wry twist of his lips here.] --explosive. Slow and steady is what is probably needed here, except I guess not a lot of us know how to do slow and steady.

[They're all too rooted in... this whole mess that the Dragon Age has been in general, really.]

Maybe after this fight is over something can be done. [But until then.... well, there's Corphyeus and his people to deal with.]

Slow and steady has been going on since the beginning of time, given what I've been reading in the library.

[She doesn't know if his choice of words is intentional, but it does remind her of what Anders had told her he'd done that he'd thought had been necessary to incite change, in a moment of desperation. From the looks of it, it had changed the state of the world, but certainly hadn't changed the mindsets of most. If anything, it just made more enemy for mages and widened a schism that had always been there.

Even so... she can still sort of find herself agree with it now. And that scares her.]

People have got to want to change. Not for their benefit, but for the benefit of everyone. Otherwise, it's just a lot of screaming into the darkness.

That's the whole point - you need to make them want it. Right now, there's not much of that going around.

[Which, again, Bruce can understand. And in a way he agrees too, though he knows this certainly isn't the way. But sometimes some things are there for a reason, and going against it was just going to cause trouble.

...and he knows his view is biased, but it is hard to break out of that too. Not when his life just tells him everything else that perhaps can be 'good'.]

Maybe after this fight is done, and people have time to fully digest everything that's happened... maybe something can finally change.

[Hermione's read enough about Thedas' history to know that there have been plenty of fights in its past, and remarkably little has actually changed. She's just pessimistic enough to not believe for a moment that Bruce is right and that Corypheus' defeat will help usher in some sort of golden age, but she's not quite so much of a pessimist that she'll blatantly say as much.

Instead, she's quiet for a long while, looking back down over the battlements again.]

Perhaps. I don't see how not everyone can want change when things are as bad as all this - aside from most of the Orlesians, I suppose, since they seem to be happy enough with their "Game". But war does have a way of bringing people together that wouldn't ordinarily team up with one another. I just wish it didn't seem to be doing the opposite here and driving people further apart.

[He's not that naive to think that she would believe him - especially when Bruce himself is never the hopeful sort either. But his own negativity is his own, and he'll do his best to say what he can let himself say to help others feel better, to an extent.]<

Everything about this is all pretty messy. [A helpless shrug.] All the best one can hope for is that with enough time during this war, people will start to see things differently.

[Again: not hopeful, but hey. That's just how things are.]

[If she'd known him better, Hermione would have answered Bruce's comment with little more than a Look, because he knows that she knows that neither of them really believe that. But they're beating a dead horse, and there's only so much false optimism she can rightfully handle, anyway.]

That doesn't mean the war should go on until people open their eyes. I've learned from experience that some people would rather fight to keep their blindfolds on than see precisely what's in front of them.

[Minister Fudge, for instance, and much of the Ministry of Magic before Voldemort had revealed himself. But politics has never been her favorite subject, so she lets that much go with a small, hapless shrug.]

I just hope that whatever part I and the other rifters have to play in all this doesn't act as a detriment to the people who really will have to live out their lives in Thedas.

[Bruce certainly doesn't hope that the war doesn't go to that extent too, but well... its hard to really hold onto that, considering history in general.]

I'm sure it won't be a detriment. [That part, he thinks, is something that one can be a bit more confident about than most.] You and the other Rifters might be different, but we're all facing the same threat now. And you're helping, like I've said. That is something others can't deny.

[Hermione isn't so sure that the rifters are helping, not when they all have a piece of a shard that can act as a homing beacon to demons. A lot of good it does, closing rifts to keep demons from pouring in when what's likely helping them to escape is the power in the shards in the first place.

But she's no expert on those sorts of matters, and it could be that she has things entirely wrong. After all, Bruce and the others wouldn't tolerate rifters' existence here if it's really all that bad.]

They can. They do. But I suppose that doesn't mean they can't be proved wrong.

[For Bruce, the Rifters are more or less people too - people stranded from where they came from, thrown into a place beyond their control. He supposes in a way he pities them and feels empathy for what they have to go through. As far as he can see most of them have been good people, and he wants to try and help them however they can... make them feel less... victimized, he supposes. There are enough groups out here who go through that already to need another.]

All we can do is to do our best and prepare for whatever the future holds. [Whatever it is... they just have to be ready.] It's not much, but every little bit always helps.

[Most of the people Hermione's met have been extraordinarily accepting of rifters, but a rifter who can do magic always seems to strike then as significantly more dangerous. She can understand, given the stigma even local mages have to face, but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier to deal with.]

That's not always easy. I agree with you, but Heaven knows it isn't always easy.

[Her words come out in a small whisper, and she eventually glances back at Bruce again, looking him over.]

Please, don't let me keep you from whatever you came up here to do. I'll be all right.

[Bit of an overstatement, that, but she'll at least be able to slink away silently and brood elsewhere, if Bruce needs the space to himself to do his work.]

[It's never going to be easy. Nothing in Thedas truly is. And to be something completely different... well, Bruce can relate to that, just a bit. It stings that he can't do much for them, but whatever he could do, he would try if the chance arose.

Part of him wants to keep her company just to make sure she's alright, but he also knows that sometimes giving others space is the best option. He gives a small nod.]

You're not keeping me, don't worry - this is just recreation for me. [The potion making that he's doing, that is.] But I'll let you be. Try not to stay up for much longer, alright?

[In another state of mind, Hermione would have asked after just what he's doing, and why he's doing it, and whether she can help with anything. Potion-making, after all, is one of the few branches of magic with which she's familiar and can actually still accomplish with relative accuracy, compared to the way the Fade seems to interfere with other areas of her magic.

But now doesn't feel like the right time to attempt to play the amateur apprentice, and so Hermione only nods, silently telling herself that there will be other times. Bruce has, after all, seemed agreeable enough to prearranged meetings between the pair of them. So for now she only nods, glancing back out over the edge of Skyhold and deciding that she'll only stay out a few minutes more, sneaking away after Bruce is likely to be most engrossed in his work.]

Thank you for letting me talk with you a while, Bruce. I won't be long.

It wasn't a hardship in any matter - I'm just glad I could help somehow. [Not as much as he hoped he would have, but the whole Rifter thing is pretty complicated from the get-go; pretty words will never be enough to fix things like these. But at the very least, he hopes that it could help ease her worries, even if only for a moment.

He gives one more hum to show that he's heard her words, then returns fully to concentrate on his own stuff. If she wants to stay or leave, its her choice. He just hopes that now she's in a better state than she had been earlier.]

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[OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

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ugh sorry i kinda crashed and burned for majority of nov

It's okay; I've been doing about the same for December, whoops.

/lies down

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