Open | If you forget, is it like it never happened?

[killedwithlove]

WHO: Cole and anyone who needs or wants him
WHAT: Cole's back. If he ever left. Who really knows?
WHEN: Now until end of February.
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: If you want a personal starter, drop me a PM or find me at jemisard

Those sensitive to such things might notice that Cole is back. He's hard to remember at the best of times, and after such a long period, Cole himself expects virtually no one to remember who he is or that he's allowed to be here.

But it doesn't stop him doing what he does. Moving about, helping those he can.

Comments

[killedwithlove]

Too many things at once and Cole rubs at his face and twists his fingers together. "I don't know about cohesion. I just know people. What will help them."

He rocks on his feet again, head hanging and hiding his face with the brim of his hat. "Solas said I was unique. I know other spirits when I see them. I knew Justice. We know each other. I know every demon we have to destroy."

[circleprodigy]

Inessa's expression softens, about to apologize for asking too much. She didn't want to overwhelm him, after all. But mention of Justice gets her attention, and she stares at the ground, eyes shadowed.

"...ah, yes. I've heard of Justice, though Anders had been freed of him by the time of my arrival. It's a shame there was no saving him, no peaceful parting. Still, the fact that it could be done at all...it's notable."

[killedwithlove]

"Justice isn't gone. Maybe, that shape of Justice is, but Justice remains. In memories, in emotions, in people. In the Fade."

He rocks on his feet again. "It was best. Here was bad for him."

[circleprodigy]

"Being in Kirkwall couldn't have helped. The Veil is so thin there, I felt it when the Inquisition sent me earlier." Inessa's lips form a thin line, wondering how much worse it was when Meredith was alive and the Gallows was active. No wonder Justice went mad. "So when spirits die...they return, in some sense?"

[killedwithlove]

"No. Kirkwall hurt. Kirkwall makes me ache, when people talk about it, I can feel the net, thin wires, cutting into the soul."

He shrugs. "Solas says... our concept still exists. Justice still exists. That Justice, those memories... they still exist in the Fade. Spirits don't die. Not like mortals."

[circleprodigy]

"Sorry, I won't mention that place again. I'm not fond of it, either." Glad to move on from it, Inessa nods thoughtfully. "Is that reassuring? To know what if something happens to you, that what you are won't be lost? Andrastians are told we will go to the Maker's side, but...." Well, they have no way of verifying that.

[killedwithlove]

"Why would I need reassuring?"

Cole doesn't want to stop being. But he doesn't fear it.

"I don't know what happens when mortals die."

[circleprodigy]

"I thought as much. No one does." Inessa would rather know for certain, but since there's no means of that happening, she'll take comfort in the idea of the Andrastian version. "Has being on this side of the Veil changed you, aside from physically? Have your perceptions changed at all?"

She then notices Garahel hasn't been back yet and glances around for him, sighing when she notices him gobbling...something offered by a child. It figures he'd befriend someone who has food on them. But that stare gets his attention and he rushes off to scoop up that ball. "...I suppose it's not quite fair to only ask you questions. I'm far less interesting, but I have been here for a while, so if you need to catch up on what you missed, I can make the attempt."

[killedwithlove]

"I had to be something else to be here. Cole's memories stopped me from... going bad. Insane. Lost. Time and space don't make sense to spirits, having to follow rules about how to move and be."

Cole watches the dog as well, gaze distant. "But I know about you. I knew about you when you spoke to me. I don't need to ask anything."

[circleprodigy]

"So, memories serve as an anchor. That makes sense, I suppose. That sometimes helps us mortals from losing our way as well, you know." Other times, it just makes everything worse, but Inessa's not one of those people and she doesn't want to speak for them.

As she watches Garahel approach, Inessa glances back, caught between curiosity and self-consciousness. Though polite to all unless there's a reason not to be, she isn't exactly the short to let others peel back the layers without getting to know them first. The sudden notion that Cole might have done it anyway is a rather unsettling one. "...how much do you know, exactly? Can you stop yourself from knowing, or does it happen regardless?"

[killedwithlove]

"It let me understand."

Cole shrugs, aware of her sudden discomfort. "Can you stop yourself from hearing a scream? From feeling ice pressed against your skin?" He knows what he needs to to help. He knows a lot more, but he doesn't want to admit that now.

[circleprodigy]

"...no. I suppose not." Patting Garahel before the large, muscly canine heads to Cole, she gathers her thoughts. "But I hope that lack of filter does not extend to sharing such impressions verbally, to those not involved. If you can help others, by all means, but...not everyone wants their burdens revealed publicly. That can create its own problems, however noble your intentions."

[killedwithlove]

"I only act on what will help. I understand secrets, Inessa. Part of Compassion is understanding. I understand."

He knows when to not say anything. He keeps a lot of secrets, even if he sometimes encourages people to speak theirs.

He takes the ball, hand running over Garahel's head. "I'm getting better at sorting it all out."

[circleprodigy]

"Good. I'm very glad to hear it. It can't be easy, learning about what's appropriate this side of the Veil, but I appreciate the effort." The tension within her eases at that; 'getting better' doesn't mean flawless and she'll still try to be circumspect. Even so, the fact that Cole isn't oblivious to such matters is a definite relief. As Garahel leans against him, she smiles. "Watch out, he can knock people off their feet even without meaning to do so."

[killedwithlove]

"He won't. I don't fall over easily." He leans into Garahel easily, because he can't be taken by surprise by a motion like this. "Not hurting people matters most to me."

[circleprodigy]

The affectionate, muscly brick wall that is Garahel happily wiggles against Cole for a moment longer until he looks up at him, eager to continue. Inessa, smile softening, nods. "The Inquisition is lucky to have you, then, Cole. It's easy to lose sight of compassion when fighting so desperate a war. We can't afford to forget that without such standards, we are no better than those we fight."

[killedwithlove]

The ball gets thrown again.

"Act without cruelty. Without the want to hurt. Sometimes killing has to happen, but there's no reason why it should be cruel."

[circleprodigy]

As Garahel rushes off once more, Inessa contemplates Cole's words. She doesn't disagree, though certain enemies come to mind that make compassion a much harder feat than it would be otherwise.

"...what do you sense of the Red Templars? The Venatori?"

[killedwithlove]

"Burning, it aches in my bones, but they said I'll be stronger, better able to serve, it's fuzzy and angry... I don't like being near Red Templars. The lyrium makes them bright and burning." It masks the person in the haze of the rage and heat.

"Venatori are all people. Like everyone here. Some of them are just jerks. Some of them do what they think they have to."

[circleprodigy]

She nods, not surprised by any of it, but nonetheless holding back a shudder as she listens. "I don't blame you for not wanting to be near them, especially the Red Templars. I want to pity them, knowing what the red lyrium has done to their bodies, but then I think about the atrocities they've committed and it's...difficult."

[killedwithlove]

"The lyrium acts. The person... screams silently. They're not them anymore." The person is a host for the lyrium and little more in many of them. "There are memories, but they don't have meaning. There are words, but they have nothing to communicate. Who they were is lost in what they are. Killing them is kindest."

[circleprodigy]

"...and it prevents further harm to others. I've heard what they've done in Emprise du Lion, seen a bit of it on the way to Skyhold. I wonder if it will ever be the same again." Those ominously glowing red spikes jutting out of the ground are proof enough of its enduring corruption, even as the Inquisition's forces have ousted the Red Templars.

"And your thoughts on Grey Wardens? Those who gave into the plan, and those who did not." She lifts an eyebrow, almost afraid to ask but too curious to hold back. They don't have the best reputation lately, despite their valorous past.

[killedwithlove]

"Yes. It stops them spreading the pain."

He gives an involuntary shudder at the mention of Emprise du Lion and threads flash, tug in various directions, pains he knows he can't ease but he still feels anyway. "The worst story, the best story, it's not a story, it's our lives, whispered words wriggling into warping ways-"

He shakes his head, trying to dislodge it. "They did what they thought was best. They were wrong, but they weren't bad. Just very scared and desperate. Erimond hurt them, used them.

"He was an asshole."

[circleprodigy]

"Yes, he was." Inessa's voice, quiet, is filled with an unusual amount of venom. She can spare no pity for the man who nearly destroyed the Grey Wardens in service to his master. And if a spirit of Compassion is calling him an asshole? Then she's not going to trouble herself about that fact.

"They were scared, yes, but it's going to take time for them to earn forgiveness. Blood magic never leads anywhere virtuous. I just wish they had remembered that in time."

[killedwithlove]

"I forgive them."

Without question, without anything more. "They were wrong, but they know that. They're suffering, their guilt heavier than the song in their souls. I can't help them, but I would if I could."