faderift | [Open] The same old fears

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[Open] The same old fears

WHO: Hermione and OPEN
WHAT: Hermione comes back from the dark future and sees that she's short one best friend and has gained a whole lot of headaches.
WHEN: Backdated throughout Drakonis
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Sad things. If we didn't get to play out something in the dark AU but you want it to have still happened, let me know and I can handwave it.

To the Library

The library is, first and foremost, a place of refuge for Hermione. After returning to Skyhold and seeing her injuries seen to, she spends the majority of her first few days back in a place that could give her some semblance of normalcy. Of course, "normal" is a matter of perspective, given that things won't be normal until she's in her proper home, whether that means her parents' house or Hogwarts.

Still, she pores over various books to see what she can find on time travel, hoping that she and the others have indeed done the right thing by opting to return to the present and doing what they can to fix matters before they become unfixable. She'll have to be excused if she's, understandably, a bit distracted if she's interrupted.

Throughout Skyhold (or Hermione Granger and the Search for the Boy Who Lived)

More so than worrying over the morality of fiddling with time, Hermione comes to worry over how long it's been since she'd last seen Harry. She assumes at first that he's out on a mission, but when she finally brings herself to use her sending crystal to try and contact him, she receives no answer. But she'd only ever used it once before, and never for a private message; perhaps she'd done it wrong?

So she begins focusing more and more of her time walking about Skyhold, asking around to see if anyone has seen him. At first she doesn't seem concerned, but as the days wear on and she doesn't hear about him having gone off on any sort of mission, she begins to worry. People go missing all the time, but they weren't Harry. Where could he be?

Throughout Skyhold, Post-Kirkwall Announcement

Though her name isn't marked off as one of those who are being ordered to go off to Kirkwall right away, the fact that she's being forced to go at all doesn't sit well with her. She doesn't have a high impression of the place, but then, she'd only ever been there during a grim future that will hopefully never come to pass. Maybe the Seeker's disdain for it had been nothing but theatrics or a personal opinion.

Regardless, Harry's name isn't listed among those being forced to move, and that only makes her that much more determined not to go. After all, what if he returns from wherever he is and can't find her? So though her behavior doesn't change and she continues to search for Harry, there's also a side of steely determination and indignation in her eyes as she goes about her business, particularly whenever someone mentions the impending move.

Wild card!

Choose your own adventure (so long as it's somewhere in Skyhold)!

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For a moment, Hermione wondered if he was still in pain and didn't want anyone to know, which was why he'd looked around. So she wasn't sure that she could entirely believe him when he claimed to be all right, but she wasn't going to press it. If memory served her correctly, he'd be on a ship before too long; he should be able to stay out of trouble on the open sea.

... in theory, anyway.

"Fine," she replied automatically, though they both more than likely knew that wasn't entirely true. "I've been... preoccupied with getting re-acclimated lately, so I apologize for not checking in on you more frequently. I did stay with you until you were out of the danger zone, though, and I'm glad you seem to be all right now."

His voice is gentle when she mentioned that he 'seems' to be all right. "Hermione, we talked about my ability to heal. I am all right now. I promise."

The Doctor isn't one to make promises, because too often they are too hard to keep. But a promise that has already been achieved? That he can do.

"I'm very glad that you helped me. Not sure what would have happened had... Well, might have regenerated, maybe. So many things seem to be different here though, who can say...."

He shakes his head. That's not really what he came here to talk about.

"You on the other hand, I don't think you're as fine to be as you're pretending. I would stay, if I thought I could..."

But in this case, the Inquisition doesn't seem to be giving people options.

"And I have at least some ability to heal others," she points out simply. "That doesn't mean it works while I'm here."

If nothing else, the Doctor should understand that magic - or science or whatever else he might refer to his regenerative abilities by - doesn't always work as it should here. It's as though the laws of the universe don't apply... which would make sense, she supposes, if they're in an entirely different universe. She supposes the Doctor would also know more about that than she would.

He seems to understand that there's no guarantee that he would have regenerated if he'd died, but Hermione doesn't see it as having helped saved his life. She'd been helping herself as much as anyone else; if the Doctor had died, she couldn't very well have forgiven herself. Especially not when it comes to telling Jamie what had happened.

The thought of Jamie along with the Doctor's reference to not being able to stay makes her remember about the way the Inquisition is suddenly forcing them all out of a place that most of them had come to see as home for the past year, if not more. She resents it, especially since she still hasn't received a definitive answer concerning Harry, but now isn't the time to bring that up. For whatever reason, the Doctor seems worried about her, and so she does what she can to force a small smile on her face, even if it's quite obvious that it's forced.

"That's quite all right. You have to go. Someone has to keep an eye on Jamie and keep him out of trouble, after all."

The Doctor knows that better than anyone. The amount of time it took to heal felt like months although it was just days. Such is the way when you have rapid healing abilities.

He offers a small snort when she mentions watching over Jamie. "I think we both know it's the other way around. That said... how are things between you? Do you want me to look after him, for you?"

If nothing else, the Doctor should count himself lucky that healing from a wound like that had only taken him days and not weeks or months. She doesn't know how privy his people might be to infections or if there are any limitations to what they can heal from, but she's glad that he seems to be in more or less perfect health, from all appearances.

His question makes her blink at him a few times, trying to figure out what he means by that. Does he know something? Had Jamie told him something? And if so, which Jamie: the one at Skyhold or the Jamie from the future? More importantly, just what had been said?

She hadn't really had much of a chance to talk about this with anyone, what with Harry being gone, and so she doesn't quite know how to respond. Instead, she only replies, "I'm... not sure what you mean. Of course I want you to look after him; I expect you to regardless, given your history with him."

Well, she could ask him how he knows. Of course, he's the Doctor and he probably wouldn't tell the truth. But, she must think he is blind if she thinks he hadn't noticed. He lives in the same tiny cubby as Jamie, after all.

He offers a small smirk.

"All of that is true. And of course I'd planned to keep an eye on him. But Jamie is your favourite, so I was wondering if you wanted me to watch him for that reason..."

Nope, he doesn't sugar coat these things. Especially where companions are involved. He's also trying to suss out her intentions. Which might be a little harder for her to realise, because he's rubbish at these sorts of things.

She blinks a few times in surprise at his frank assessment of the situation. She's heard of over-simplification, but this is a bit much. "My favorite? I don't... I don't have favorite people, Doctor. I have friends, and I'm closer to some than I am to others, but...."

Of course, Hermione understands that that's just a matter of differing semantics, and she frowns a little in thought as she looks the Doctor over. "I'd like the both of you to watch over one another, to keep each other safe. I care about you, too, even if I haven't known you as long as I've known Jamie."

She just... doesn't care about them in the same way. Still, she doesn't say as much, not wanting to incriminate herself when she doesn't even understand her own feelings at this point.

"I'm not offended, Hermione. There's nothing wrong with liking him more or differently than me. In fact, I usually just avoid such things for myself."

How does he say it without making it more awkward than it already is? Right. There isn't a way for that to happen.

"You just have to be one thing. Good enough for Jamie. That's it."

Hermione doesn't mean to offend, and the Doctor doesn't come off as the sort of person who would be offended simply because he isn't liked. But she'd meant what she'd said; she does care about the Doctor, even if he doesn't always make that easy. Sometimes the challenge is part of the fun, if she's perfectly honest with herself.

But at his last statement, Hermione blinks again, pretending for all the world that she doesn't feel the color slowly rising to her face as she realizes what he's saying. All the same, she eventually clears her throat and opts for clarity before saying anything potentially foolish.

"You're... not talking about being friends with him, are you?"

He grins as the penny drops. "I wasn't born yesterday, far from it. Just... I don't want to see the two of you get hurt. You're from different universes. And while it can work, it takes work for that to happen."

Not that he can just come out and say that he goes a bit 'papa bear' on anyone wanting a relationship with anyone else. But he does. And Jamie would win his side no matter what.

Considering that nothing has officially been sussed out as to whatever this is that's between her and Jamie, Hermione shifts a bit uncomfortably with the Doctor's words, though knowing that he'll be scrutinizing her to decide whether or not she's "good enough" for Jamie doesn't really make things much better.

But if nothing else, she sees no benefit in being dishonest or downplaying the reality of it, as much as she wants to believe that everything will resolve itself in time. "I'm no stranger to hard work, but it's... complicated. As you say, we're from different universes. And even if we weren't, we're from different times. And even if we weren't... there's sort of someone waiting for me back home."

Sort of. Except it's not really sort of, is it? All of her friends seemed to know about her and Ron even before she and Ron had known, and the pair of them had simply decided to wait until she'd finished school and he'd finished his Auror training before taking the next logical step. They'd just... never exactly gone over what that next step would be.

And at the same time.... "But I've been here over a year now. And if anything from that future we saw still holds true, it doesn't look as though rifters had found a way home even five years down the line. That might not seem like a great deal of time for you, but it's far too long to expect anyone back home to wait around... isn't it?"

He hums quietly for moment. Neither in agreement nor disagreement. He relates in more ways than he cares to admit. But her last remark is the one thing that catches his attention the most.

"It is, for you... What about for... the one waiting for you back home? What if it's the blink of an eye for them? I'm not saying it is. I don't know. But sometimes that's how the universe works. This universe might be moving faster than the other one."

He shrugs.

"And if you think I don't know about waiting, I once waited hundreds of years for the timeline to sync up between my wife and myself. And then we only got twenty-four years together."

His eyes look very sad and far off. But then, he manages a smile. "And it was worth every second."

Hermione freezes. The idea of no time having passed at all between when she'd disappeared from her bed in Hogwarts to now had never really occurred to her. Harry hadn't realized she'd been gone, after all, but she'd just assumed that was because he hadn't been in Hogwarts when it had happened. Is time really so... malleable?

The reference to the Doctor's wife gives her pause, but she still mentions, "That's very lovely, but you're immortal, or close enough to it. I'm not saying it was any easier for you to have to wait, and I truly do think it's beautiful that you value the time you spent together. It's just...."

But really, there's no way she can bring this back to her and Jamie in good conscience without addressing the elephant in the room, or at least trying to.

"Why only twenty-four years?"

A single tear is sliding down one of his cheeks. It's something he refuses to acknowledge. He hadn't intended to mention any of that. And even less that Hermione would catch it.

"Immortality isn't living forever. Immortality is everyone else dying."

Which answers her last question in a way. And is a response to her commenting on immortality. But he can't do this. He shouldn't have said anything. That tear-track remains shimmering in the light. He shoves his hands in his pockets.

"I don't want either of you to get hurt. That's all. I'll watch over him, of course I will. Asking wasn't necessary. Never for Jamie."

Without another word he turns and starts to walk away. It's not fast, he can still be stopped, maybe.

Edited (its nice when words in my head make it into the tag) 2017-04-20 22:03 (UTC)

It's not an exact answer, but given the circumstances, she doesn't feel it's right to ask for specifics. Especially since the Doctor doesn't really strike her as the emotional sort, and yet....

"Doctor!" she doesn't like raising her voice in the library, but in this particular instance, it can't be helped. Quickly getting up, she moves over to him, not wanting to grab at him but also not wanting to part ways like this.

"Doctor, for what it's worth...." Saying she's sorry sounds trite, and she's sure the Doctor would have no qualms with telling her so. So she opts for something a little bit safer, even if it's not quite what she wants to say.

"I'm glad you got your twenty-four years. Some people don't get nearly so long. Living in Thedas... Jamie and I might not. But I promise, I'll make the best of whatever time we do have."

Given their location, her crying out would be about the only thing to stop him. But he doesn't turn around until she lowers her voice. He nods in reply to what she said. And offers her the saddest smile ever.

"Everything ends and it's always sad. But everything begins again too, that that's always happy. Be happy and I'll do my best to take care of everything else."

He had said that to Grant and Lucy, but saying to Hermione in the context of talking about Jamie? It means more. He's not the most touchy-feely person. Usually opting for other expressions of his care. But this once, well, who knew what might happen in Kirkwall. He lifts his hand and gently cups her cheek. She reminded him so much of Susan.

"Take care of yourself, too. And we'll see each other again soon."

Hermione is in the peculiar position where things haven't quite ended nor begun, particularly insofar as her romantic life is concerned. That's part of what's making all of this feel so murky, and why she can't promise anything other than to try and make the best of what she has to work with. Granted, there's no instruction booklet on what constitutes the best, but... she'll manage. She usually does.

She's surprised when he cups her cheek, not really knowing what to make of it. While they'd never exactly had an express conversation about it, Hermione had always been under the impression that the Doctor didn't really do physical contact, at least not to the extent that, say, Jamie does. But then, it's already been established that he doesn't exactly look at her the way Jamie does, so that explains that much.

While she doesn't really want to be reminded that she'll be shipped off to Kirkwall herself before too long, she still manages a small smile, reaching up to gingerly place her hand over his. "'Soon' is a matter of perspective, really," she comments, surprised to find that she has to force herself not to cry. "But I will. Take care of myself, I mean. I'm more concerned for you, though. And I will be until we see each other again. Sorry; that's just my way."

Oh, well, he's the Doctor. He's allowed to touch others. It's others touching him that is always the problem. Besides, River had taught him a thing or two about affection, and how to show it.

He allows for her hand to cover his, until she's done speaking, then he lowers his hand from her face and slides it out of her hand. The moment broken and gone forever.

"Then I won't tell you there's no reason to worry."

He offers a small smile. He hates goodbyes. So, he waves awkwardly and turns to leave.

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[Open] The same old fears

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Sorry for the short at work and on iPad.

No worries! Length isn't an issue for me! ♥

thanks for understanding!

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