faderift | [Open] The same old fears

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[Open] The same old fears

WHO: Hermione and OPEN
WHAT: Hermione comes back from the dark future and sees that she's short one best friend and has gained a whole lot of headaches.
WHEN: Backdated throughout Drakonis
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Sad things. If we didn't get to play out something in the dark AU but you want it to have still happened, let me know and I can handwave it.

To the Library

The library is, first and foremost, a place of refuge for Hermione. After returning to Skyhold and seeing her injuries seen to, she spends the majority of her first few days back in a place that could give her some semblance of normalcy. Of course, "normal" is a matter of perspective, given that things won't be normal until she's in her proper home, whether that means her parents' house or Hogwarts.

Still, she pores over various books to see what she can find on time travel, hoping that she and the others have indeed done the right thing by opting to return to the present and doing what they can to fix matters before they become unfixable. She'll have to be excused if she's, understandably, a bit distracted if she's interrupted.

Throughout Skyhold (or Hermione Granger and the Search for the Boy Who Lived)

More so than worrying over the morality of fiddling with time, Hermione comes to worry over how long it's been since she'd last seen Harry. She assumes at first that he's out on a mission, but when she finally brings herself to use her sending crystal to try and contact him, she receives no answer. But she'd only ever used it once before, and never for a private message; perhaps she'd done it wrong?

So she begins focusing more and more of her time walking about Skyhold, asking around to see if anyone has seen him. At first she doesn't seem concerned, but as the days wear on and she doesn't hear about him having gone off on any sort of mission, she begins to worry. People go missing all the time, but they weren't Harry. Where could he be?

Throughout Skyhold, Post-Kirkwall Announcement

Though her name isn't marked off as one of those who are being ordered to go off to Kirkwall right away, the fact that she's being forced to go at all doesn't sit well with her. She doesn't have a high impression of the place, but then, she'd only ever been there during a grim future that will hopefully never come to pass. Maybe the Seeker's disdain for it had been nothing but theatrics or a personal opinion.

Regardless, Harry's name isn't listed among those being forced to move, and that only makes her that much more determined not to go. After all, what if he returns from wherever he is and can't find her? So though her behavior doesn't change and she continues to search for Harry, there's also a side of steely determination and indignation in her eyes as she goes about her business, particularly whenever someone mentions the impending move.

Wild card!

Choose your own adventure (so long as it's somewhere in Skyhold)!

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There's a part of Hermione that feels badly, because she feels as though she's cornering Jamie and trying to force a confession out of him before he leaves. That's not what she wants to do at all. She just wants an inkling that there's something to confess, that what had been said and done in the future hadn't been part of an entirely alternate universe but of something that just hadn't unfolded yet.

This is why wizards are warned against time traveling. They do things like this that interfere with the natural progression of time.

Annoyed as she might be at herself, Hermione's breath still catches in her throat a bit when Jamie admits that he's fancied her. That's good. The way he said it makes it seem as though she hadn't just put the idea in his head and he was going along with it. That's what she'd most been afraid of.

"You wondered for a long time. Five years, actually." And Ron had wondered about the same amount of time, leaving Hermione to absently wonder if the fault lies with her. But at least she's trying to make this right, to make it work out sooner, even if she still feels conflicted about it.

Slowly, she withdraws the small pendant she's been wearing from underneath her shirt, glancing down at it as she leaves it in full view. "I feel as though I'm cheating, honestly," she admits softly. "I've been to the future. But I just had to know for sure. We're from two different worlds, Jamie, and two different times. There are going to be... complications. But...." Even knowing what she wants to say, Hermione still hesitates before taking a breath and looking up at him again, meeting his eyes.

"But I think you're worth it. You're brave, and loyal, and you're one of the few reasons I have to smile here. So while I can't make any promises as to the long run, I'm willing to give this a try. More than willing, really. If you are."

It's funny how just a few simple words can have such an effect. When she says she's willing - no, more than willing - for just a second he swears he can feel his heart skip a beat. Deep down he knows that's not technically true, but it doesn't change the feeling of that or the faint thrill that follows moments later any more than it stops the broad smile that crosses his face. He doesn't expect any promises, not at this point. Just the fact that she's willing to try is more than enough, and he gives her a small, but pleased nod.

"I am."

He's not entirely sure yet where to go from here, mind, but that's something he's fairly sure they can figure out together. For now, taking her hand seems like a good start, and he reaches out to try and do just that. Even as he does so, though, his eyes drift towards the pendant around her neck. The jacobite rose in the middle is unmistakable - and any thought he might have had that she'd just picked it up somewhere disappears the moment he gets a good look at the carving.

"I made that for you, didn't I? In the future. Is that- is that why you feel like you're cheating?"

Hermione hadn't exactly been expecting a negative response or any such thing, but the brightness of Jamie's smile still takes her a little by surprise. She'd assumed that any feelings he might have had were new, that he'd only felt the way he did for her in the future because he'd gone so long without seeing her. But looking at him, at how happy a simple non-promise has made him, she has to wonder just how blind she'd been to his feelings before this moment.

She's grateful he takes her hand, since it gives her something else to focus on besides feeling foolish. Giving it a gentle squeeze, she nods and replies, "You gave it to me just before you helped us all get back to our proper time."

But that's not why she feels like she's cheating. Jamie's feelings had been unmistakable in the future, and so there had been little guesswork on her part as to how he feels in the present. "You also gave me something else that told me how you felt, shortly after you'd first found me."

His fingers curl around the side of her hand, squeezing it in return. While he doesn't know what happened to him in the future, there's still been some talk about some of the general things that'd gone on - stories and rumors, mostly, but with bits and pieces that seem like they'd be plausible. If things were half as bad as what he's heard, he thinks he can see why he might have decided to carve something for her. Something to remind people of what they were fighting for...or something to remember him by, should worst come to worst.

That he can understand. But the fact that apparently there was - is? - something else winds up confusing him, at least a little bit. Had he made her something else? Had there been enough time for him to do something like that? Try as he might, he can't figure out what that might be, and his brow furrows together in a decidedly baffled way.

"I did? What could I have given you that would've done that?"

She can see the confusion on his face, and Hermione instantly wishes she hadn't said that last bit. She'll either have to tell him now... or show him. And while that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's always a bit awkward to make the first move, except in the cases of spontaneity.

So she only smiles up at him for a few moments, though she doesn't expect him to understand. Finally, after letting out a small breath for courage's sake, she leans in towards him, reaching up and lightly pressing her lips to his. She hardly expects him to pull back, but she keeps the kiss light and gentle, giving him every opportunity to do so if he wants.

It's not their first kiss, but at the same time, it is. That's why she's cheating. It as though she'd flipped ahead several chapters of a book and happened to have read something about the characters that she hadn't meant to, and so can go into the present situation with that knowledge that things were going to work out for them. Life isn't usually that simple and neat.

Maybe she has skipped ahead a few chapters, but for Jamie it makes for an unexpected twist. Sure, he's had idle thoughts about what it might be like to kiss her - more than once - but even with admitting how he feels, it's not something he's expecting to happen right at that particular moment.

That's not to say that it's an unwelcome twist, however. In fact, it's far from unwelcome, and even though there's a few seconds where his surprise at what she's doing shows, it doesn't take long for him to return the kiss at all. Admittedly, his kiss is a little tentative at first, almost as though he doesn't quite believe this is happening. But as the last of the surprise ebbs way he lets himself get caught up in the moment and just lets himself experience the kiss for what it is - something gentle, and sweet, and something he finds himself enjoying very, very much.

His fingers curl around her hand again, holding on briefly before they slide part of the way up her wrist, his fingers brushing lightly over the skin there - but that, too, is something gentle, and ultimately up to Hermione to decide if it's something she wants to continue or not.

She isn't used to being the one to initiate a kiss, not unless she's so caught up in the moment that she just doesn't think about it. So Hermione fully intends for it to be little more than an answer to his question, a way to show him just how it was that she'd known he had feelings for her. Even then, it's still a gamble whether or not those feelings had yet developed to that point, but it's too late to really withdraw.

She still considers doing just that, at least until he takes it upon himself to be an active participant in the kiss. It's obvious that Jamie isn't entirely sure of this yet, and so she doesn't take the fact that he's reciprocating as encouragement to get ahead of herself. After all, all she's really aiming on doing here is putting it out there, so that things can be a little less strained between them when he leaves for Kirkwall. She doesn't want to keep avoiding him, especially not when she finally does see him again and will undoubtedly have missed him.

As it is, she's found that she's sort of missed this, even if it had been something of a surprise when his future self had opened up to her. His touch to her wrist is light, gentle, and Hermione realizes that she's shivering a little in response. To the cold. She's shivering because she's cold. Right. And Jamie is just going away on holiday.

So as long as Jamie isn't stopping her, she'll lean in closer, tilting her head a little as her free hand comes up to gently cup his cheek. She's still conflicted about this, will always be a little conflicted about this, but that won't stop her from enjoying herself for as long as she can.

Jamie might not have missed this, simply because this is all new to him - but he's certainly not complaining. Or stopping Hermione, for that matter, because even though there's that part of him that's still figuring all of this out, he certainly doesn't want her to stop. Especially not when it seems that she's enjoying this, too, and when she leans in, he gives in to the temptation to explore just a little bit more, letting his fingers skim over her wrist and up her arm before they come to rest somewhere just below her shoulder. That's more difficult to do than he'd imagined - a part of him wants very much to keep exploring, to see if those shivers are from the cold or maybe from something else. At the same time, however, he doesn't want to push things too far, not for something like this. The last thing he wants to happen is to upset her, especially when she's just opened a door for them he hadn't even expected her to open.

Besides, they've time. Maybe not right now, but he's heard that all the rifters are going to wind up in Kirkwall, sooner or later. It's hard for him not to give into his impulse to keep exploring, even knowing that, but for the moment he manages to do just that.

That's not to say that he intends on stopping the kiss just yet, however. That he's much more reluctant to break, at least right away. Hermione may still be a little conflicted, but Jamie's not - and he's determined to enjoy this particular moment as long as he can.

It's hard for Hermione to simply believe that they have time, after everything she's seen so far in her short life. She'd thought she and Ron had had time, all the time in the world, and here she is a year later, in a completely new world and with her one friend from home missing. And that's to say nothing of the time traveling and of the mess that she's seen Thedas become in just a handful of short years.

So no, she and Jamie might not have much time at all. Which could just mean that this whole thing is a ridiculous mistake. But if it is, at least it's a mistake that helps her feel just a little less lonely. She needs that right now. She thinks they both do.

Eventually, she needs to take a breath, and she reluctantly breaks the kiss, though she doesn't back up so much that her lips aren't still brushing against Jamie's. Her face is warm and she can't quite bring herself to meet his eyes at first, but eventually she manages to sheepishly look up at him, hoping that she hadn't just been imagining that he'd been eagerly returning the kiss. After a moment, she quietly asks, "I assume that answers your question?"

While he might not necessarily admit it out loud, she's not wrong. For all that he's been able to adjust to life here well enough, he's still a rifter, still someone who'll always be just a little bit out of step with the rest of Thedas. In some ways he's used to that as well, thanks to the way things were before coming here. But since he's never stayed in one place for very long, he's never wound up having it to deal with it as much - until now. Even despite making friends and generally getting along here, there's times where he needs to feel a little less lonely, too. And if it does turn out they don't have the time...well, he still won't regret it.

Maybe it does take her a few moments before she can look up at him, but he doesn't mind. She's so very pretty, and he can't help taking the moments to gaze back down at her with admiration - and maybe a little bit of wonder, as well. How he's gotten so lucky that she fancies him back too, he has no idea. But he's not about to complain, and when she does look up, he gives her a slightly lopsided but very happy smile.

"Aye, it does. More than one of them, to tell you the truth. I, ah, might've been wondering what that might've been like, too. Only I'd not imagined it happening in the stairwell."

Hermione had thought that she was the only rifter who didn't quite fit in, owing to her unique circumstances. After all, not only had she fallen into Thedas through a rift, but she can also do magic, which just gives many people of this world two reasons to automatically hate and fear her. She's lost count of how many times she'd been getting on with someone who knew of one of those things, only for them to turn away from her upon finding out that she's also the other.

But really, everyone who's found their way into Thedas has their own unique circumstances, so she's really no different. And if she were to really think about it, it makes perfect sense that she'd feel herself drawn to another rifter, especially one who often reminds her of someone she'd cared for back home. That inner conflict will never entirely go away, but when Jamie looks at her like that and smiles at her like that, she can at least quiet that self-doubt enough to feel properly flustered.

At his comment, she lets out a laugh as she looks around them, shrugging a shoulder. "Well, to be fair, it's much more romantic than the middle of a battle or while hiding out in a depressing thaig in the future." She really doesn't have much luck when it comes to romantic first kisses, all things considered. A stairwell, at least, is a little on the more normal side.

Looking back up at Jamie, she takes a deep breath and finds herself feeling calmer than she has since returning from that dismal future. "But I suppose we'll just have to see to it that it happens again in a more appropriate setting."

He hadn't really considered that a certain place might be more romantic than others, to be fair. His imaginings had focused more on what it'd feel like to kiss her, rather than where - but he supposes he can see why the other places might not have been such good choices. If they'd been in the middle of a battle, they'd have other things to worry about. And the thaig in the future...well, he may have never seen one, but given how bleak everything sounded, depressing was probably a good way to describe it.

Still, it also sounds like maybe she'd not mind something a bit more romantic in general, and while he doesn't really consider himself an expert on what makes something romantic, he's got a few ideas that might just work. Assuming he can pull them off, anyway, but that doesn't stop him from giving her what he hopes is a confident sort of nod.

"Aye, I think that could be managed."

At least, at some point. For now, there's other concerns for the time they have left. They've that got Harry to find, whether he's in that cellar-level library or not, the and he offers a hand out for her to take if she wants to do so.

"Come on, let's keep going for now, though. See if we can't turn up Harry first, eh?"

Hermione's smile twists into a wry smirk at Jamie's assertion. In her experience, most men wouldn't know romance if it hit them on the nose, and she doesn't expect Jamie to be any different. But the fact that he's at least willing to try for that - and that he'd want to be romantic towards her - is more than good enough for her.

She takes his hand automatically, giving it a little squeeze. She can't help taking a bit of a shaky breath at the mention of Harry again, but she nods in response anyway, trying to get herself to focus more on her concern for him than on her previous fretting over whether or not to tell Jamie about what had happened between the two of them in the future. There's no reason to fret now. Well, there probably is, but it's a new and undiscovered reason, and she's willing not to think on it for too long, not when they have other things that need taking care of first.

"Thank you, Jamie," she tells him as she continues to walk. "I appreciate you helping me to find him. And... I appreciate you in general most of all, of course."

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[Open] The same old fears

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