Open Post

[killedwithlove]

WHO: Cole and anyone who needs or wants him
WHAT: The move is official and starting and Cole is Not Happy.
WHEN: This month
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Not at present

Before it was official, Cole was getting twitchy.

Now it is official, Cole is decidedly unhappy. Even the name Kirkwall sends jarring ache through him, a thousand lines of suffering going taut straight through him.

He's still trying to help people, but he's decidedly more absent than he has been and can often be found hanging out near the stables, above the tavern or down near the hot springs (though never in the water).

But, if you hurt or need him enough to be heard over the name Kirkwall... He'll still come and do his best.

Comments

[conqueredhearts]

Iskandar could be found in the stables more often right now since he was looking after two other horses besides his own. At his side (well technically one of them liked to ride on his shoulders) were a small cat and a mabari puppy. They were interested in everything he did and loved the horses. It was like a fun game for them and he laughed softly as they looked at the large animals with such curiosity.

"You are still so curious about these animals, Hephaestion Alexander? You have been around Bucephalus for weeks now!"

The kitten mewled in response and he laughed softly, pausing when he saw a familiar face. "My friend! It is good to see you again! Come here and you can help me give treats to my beast while I brush him."

By beast he meant the gigantic black horse he was currently stroking.

[killedwithlove]

Cole emerged slowly. he looked paler than before, the blue veins on his jaw and cheeks visible through his nigh translucent skin. "Hello, Iskandar."

He came a little closer, gripping onto the beam of a stall. "Why do you give him treats while you brush him? Hello, little one, we've met before, you were chasing that mouse in the hallway on the full moon, your belly was round with milk and dinner."

[conqueredhearts]

"Why? Mm...I would say because we are partners and I wish to gift him with good things to show my appreciation to him."

He noted the look of Cole and lifted a brow as he gave a long stroke to the horse. "Oh? You have found the courage to chase mice now, Hephaestion Alexander? Good! You must be practicing to handle Achilles Alexander."

At the mention of his name, the puppy gave a bark. Iskandar chuckled then nodded to a bag nearby. "The treats are there. Bucephalus loves them. You can use this time to perhaps think about other things than whatever has you in such a state."

[killedwithlove]

"Well... it was a pile of fluff blown by the wind, but in his mind, it was a mouse." He drifted a bit closer to reach up to the kitten, offering a fingertip for investigation.

"Is Alexander their family name? Like... Rutherford is Cullen's?" It was the first example he thought of. He moved with a flicker of smoke, barely appearing before appearing back at Iskandar's side with the bag in question. "Are you going to leave?"

[conqueredhearts]

"It is my name actually." The large man didn't even react to what Cole had done. Likely because he'd seen Assassin to something like that in his own world so it wasn't really that new for him. As for the cat, he certainly seemed intrigued by Cole, jumping onto Bucephalus' head so he could look down at him from that perch.

"Hephaestion Alexander is named after my oldest and dearest friend and myself. Achilles Alexander is named after my favorite hero from my world and myself." He gave pause then laughed. "Ah I forgot that you may not know. Iskandar is the name Alexander in another language. I took in on when I conquered the lands of Persia."

He smiled at him then nodded to the bag. "Go on, you can feed him. And I will but I am going to be one of the last to leave. I dislike the idea of keeping my animals on a ship for that long. I'd rather they travel then be able to get off immediately and stay off."

[killedwithlove]

Cole looked at the bag and back up again. "Why did you name them after yourself as well?" He can understand wanting to remember a beloved friend by naming a beloved companion the same. Or naming after someone you respect. But naming it after yourself seems... weird.

"I don't know how. Usually I just see horses eating from the trough. Or eating grass."

[conqueredhearts]

"Why not? I like my name. It is a strong and noble one. I named cities after myself as well." He laughed, obviously seeing nothing odd about this even though everyone else he'd ever met seemed to think otherwise.

"Ah you don't know how? Here, I will show you!" Setting the brush down, he went to fish out one of the treats and gently took Cole's hand. Placing it there, he brought it before Bucephalus then made sure his hand was out flat. "Keep it open and flat like this. He will take it gently from you."

Sure enough the horse moved forward and lightly took the food, munching on it with joy.

[not_the_question]

It was the day before he was due to get on the boat and the Doctor was... well, he wouldn't say worried... Conflicted. He didn't fit in here and couldn't understand why he'd be sent. Or why the Inquisition hadn't told him to leave and find his own way through all of these things. It's not like he'd die.

He was walking near the hot springs. Mostly because right now, for some reason, it was the least populated area. He didn't want to be around people. He just didn't think he had any friends here. Even if he wanted friends. He was rubbish at them anyway.

Hence his conflict. Should he say good-bye to anyone or not?

He wasn't really blocking his thoughts, since he had found very few people had any ability to sense anything about him, he decided it wasn't worth the effort. Besides, he had gotten used to leaving some things open because of his bond with... his wife. He missed her. He missed his friends. He missed his TARDIS. He missed his universe...

[killedwithlove]

"The heat doesn't make it be less empty, but it helps the emptiness be less cold."

Cole was sitting in the shadows of a small pool in the corner, only his eyes gleaming from the darkness. "They want me to go as well. Or, they do when they remember me. But I don't know if they really mean 'to Kirkwall' or just 'go'. They mean to Kirkwall for you. Lots of shards together, anchoring, adrift but not untethered."

[not_the_question]

The Doctor smiled at the familiar voice. But it was a sad sort of smile. Cole had mention his fears...

"I don't know. The emptiness is pretty cold for me in this place. Hello, Cole."

He turns to see if he could see the lad. It took him a few long moments and he gave a nod of his head. He wouldn't move closer, if Cole didn't want, the Doctor understood the need for space and kept his. He found a good rock to sit on, though. He would be glad for some company.

"I don't forget you, Cole. I don't go looking for you, but I haven't forgotten you either."

Maybe it was the shard, or his Time Lord Abilities, or his experiences with the Silence. Whatever it was, he didn't forget.

"If you end up going to Kirkwall, I'll be glad to know you're there."

Or maybe they could run away together. What an ironic pair they'd make.

[killedwithlove]

Cole hums softly, his chin resting on his knee which are hugged to his chest.

"I know you don't. It's strange, but it sometimes happens. Rhys never forgot me. Or Leliana. But the Rifters don't either. Maybe because they don't belong here, like me." He watches the Doctor sit down, gaze slightly unfocused.

"It still scares me. I still think I might become Despair. But, I remember what we talked about. About Kirkwall. And... bravery."

[not_the_question]

The Doctor sighed. It was a heavy sound. He was weighted down with his presence here. With what he saw in the future. With wanting to change it, but knowing such attempts practically always make things worse.

At Cole's last words, though the Doctor's gaze drifted toward the lad.

"If there's anything I can do to prevent that, I promise I will."

He might be able to. He and Cole could touch. Maybe one of his telepathic abilities could help Cole.

[killedwithlove]

"I know. Thank you. That means a lot. I am Compassion but- a lot of people don't like a spirit being in this world." People don't see him, don't remember, don't help him. When people want to help him, it makes him glow inside.

"Knowing you want to help... helps. Is that strange? I don't know. Compassion is like that. Its existence lessens the need for it."

[meds4sale]

The Medicine Seller didn't really frequent the tavern for a myriad of reasons. The smell, for starters. Even the cleanest inns and taverns had a certain stale aroma left by the multitudes of drunks expelling an overabundance of alcohol from one end or another. Noise was another factor. And drunks. Especially drunk soldiers.

But it was a day before they'd be heading out to Kirkwall, and the Medicine Seller wanted to get some supplies for the trip there.

Namely, wine and snacks for the off-chance the trip there would be uneventful and he'd need to occupy himself with the Swords and Shields series.

After getting the goods, he headed upstairs to go find a quiet spot to pack them away, only to spot Cole who seemed a little... out of sorts. He couldn't really put his finger on it, but the young man looked oddly distracted.

"Hello again," he greeted.

[killedwithlove]

"Hello," Cole responded, but his gaze stayed somewhere else. Oddly fixed, in fact. "You're going too. So many people are going and I don't know what to do. Hello. Oh, no, I said that already."

Finally, he tore his gaze from whatever he was watching. "Will you miss the hot springs?"

[meds4sale]

He'd probably miss the hot springs. But if what he'd heard about Kirkwall was true, his particular set of skills would be far more useful there than rotting away in a fortress in the middle of the mountains. It was nice to have a few months holiday, true, but it would be far better to have purpose again. Convenient hot springs were a small price to pay in that regard.

But that wasn't really important.

"You seem troubled. Did you want to go? Or perhaps the other way around?"

[killedwithlove]

Even as the words "want to go" are being said, Cole's head was shaking.

"Kirkwall... aches. From here. I don't think there's anything good left in the stones." The city might have good, but the horror overwhelmed so much.

"But they want me to go."

[meds4sale]

He'd heard the rumours. As far as the Medicine Seller was concerned, it was the kind of place he belonged. He lived to sever grudges that had lingered long after the lives of those who felt them were spent and to purify what had been corrupted by the follies of mortal men.

Cole seemed drawn to similar circumstances, so it was hard to think of a reason he wouldn't go to Kirkwall.

"...Is it, perhaps, that you fear it will overwhelm you?"

Cole had mentioned before that he feared becoming Despair - perhaps it was tied up in his reluctance to go to this city.

[killedwithlove]

Cole was drawn to suffering he could alleviate. Kirkwall's history of horror was beyond his help.

He nodded slowly. "Too much suffering, can't help, can't change it, can't do anything but suffer and Despair."

[justice_is_blond]

"Cole?" He's been searching for the spirit, worrying a little. Sure, Cole has a habit of being scarce, but it seems like it's been some time since they've spoken and Anders wants to make sure he's okay. Thankfully he's found Cole at last, and Anders crouches down next to him, near the hot springs.

"I nearly didn't look here for you."

[killedwithlove]

He hugs his knees tighter, pale eyes glowing in the darkness he's sitting in. Not hiding. Just... enjoying somewhere nice. Quiet.

"Not many people have time to be here right now. They need to move, too busy, too consumed. But the happiness lingers here. Calm, comfortable, the pain eases. I don't want to leave."

[justice_is_blond]

He takes a seat, maintaining a little distance in case Cole needs it for comfort.

"Would you like me to go? It sounds like you came here to be away from people. But if you'd like me to stay, I can listen."

It sounds like the upcoming move is the problem, and Anders can understand that completely. The orders hadn't been welcome; Kirkwall isn't somewhere he ever wanted to return to and he's nervous.

[killedwithlove]

"I don't really have much to say. I don't want to go to there. It frightens me. The Doctor said I'm brave because I choose to be Compassion, and not give in to Despair, but I don't think I'm that brave."

Not that brave. Not to face that. Not to live in the Gallows.

"You can stay. I just like the softness down here. I don't think there will be enough softness in Kirkwall to stop the Despair."

[justice_is_blond]

He can understand that fear, and it sobers Anders' mood completely. Justice had been terrified of turning into Vengeance. It had happened anyway. That line, though, had been far thinner than the one that divides Compassion and Despair. Cole still has a chance.

"I don't want to go either," Anders answers honestly. "But I've a duty to fulfill and there's someone who loves me who has put his faith in me working to be a better person." For him, it's enough of a reason. But none of that would be enough for Cole.

"In the darkness, a little light can shine bright. Kirkwall has a great deal of darkness, a great many lost who don't have hope, who don't see any chances. A kind action or a whispered word of hope would change their lives for the better, you know. Here there will still be a few people left, a couple who could use you. There? There are hundreds. Thousands. Some who have never known Compassion in their lifetime. I don't know what to suggest for a soft place to retreat to when it builds up, I don't want to see you lost, but I could work with you to bring some out of despair if you'd let me."

Between his healing and the things Cole figures out to do for people, they could make a difference. He actually believes it.

[killedwithlove]

"I have been Mercy, though. And Mercy is to me what Vengeance is to Justice. Mercy to Despair, like Vengeance to Rage."

Mercy was much more tenuous existence. Fragile and precarious and aware of Despair, so keenly, but still clinging to that need to help.

"Nate's love gives you light in your darkness. I felt that way about Rhys. Not the love. The light. His caring made me try to be better. I still try to be someone he wouldn't be disgusted with. I don't know if I do it or not."

He hugs his thighs to his chest. "You use Compassion to heal. And I'm Compassion. Could I help you heal people? I- would like that."