Open Post

[killedwithlove]

WHO: Cole and anyone who needs or wants him
WHAT: The move is official and starting and Cole is Not Happy.
WHEN: This month
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Not at present

Before it was official, Cole was getting twitchy.

Now it is official, Cole is decidedly unhappy. Even the name Kirkwall sends jarring ache through him, a thousand lines of suffering going taut straight through him.

He's still trying to help people, but he's decidedly more absent than he has been and can often be found hanging out near the stables, above the tavern or down near the hot springs (though never in the water).

But, if you hurt or need him enough to be heard over the name Kirkwall... He'll still come and do his best.

Comments

[killedwithlove]

"No. It isn't like that. People don't remember me whatever I tell them, whatever they know."

But he knew it wasn't entirely true. People could remember him with repeated interactions. But was it exposure? Was it Cole letting them remember? He didn't know.

"Maybe. I don't know. But people get hurt and upset when they know who and what I am."

[not_the_question]

The Doctor didn't mean to cause Cole distress and his expression shows it when Cole speaks. He really was trying to help, but like everything else in this place for him, he's just making things worse.

"Then they're idiots. I'm not saying that people won't be sad when they hear your story. But if they get angry or afraid? Idiots."

Which is how the Doctor feels about most of the universe, but it seems especially rampant in this place.

[killedwithlove]

"They're afraid of me because I was the killer of White Spire. Because I'm a spirit. Most manifested spirits only want to hurt people."

Most. Because really... he's the sole exception.

"You think a lot of people are idiots."

[not_the_question]

He nods once. "And they're afraid of me because I'm a Rifter, don't talk like them, and don't think like them. It's prejudice and foolish."

He chuckles grimly. "No. I know a lot of people are idiots. I only think the rest of the universe is."

[killedwithlove]

"You're very hard on everyone," Cole said quietly. "They're not like us. They don't have lifetime after lifetime of knowledge and experience. They only have whatever they've managed to scrape out in Thedas."

[not_the_question]

"Yes I am."

Hardest on himself, though. Not that anyone ever cares about, or even sees that.

"It's because they know more than us. They know how precious life is because it's fleeting. They know how to see and appreciate the tiniest little detail without any effort. And yet, they squander it. They get caught up in how differences make people better or worse than them. More trustworthy or less."

[killedwithlove]

Cole can see it. But talking about the Doctor directly is like talking about himself directly: it doesn't help, it's alarming. You weave around the topic, side step and nudge in. Grandmother's footsteps.

"They have to be more selfish to survive Thedas. We can be generous enough for them. Care in the spaces they've cracked through their souls."

[not_the_question]

Pretty much, it's the only thing that works with the Doctor. Unless he's really completely out of line. In the moment calling him on such can sometimes help. Or make him worse until he gets whatever it is out of his system. And that actually helps in a different way.

"I'm not sure any of the natives are interested in whether or not I care."

He does. Probably too much where a few are concerned. And he's not even going to address the Rifters. They seem to hedge entirely on how long they've been here. No. The Doctor's decided it's something about this place that... changes people. And he's not sure that's for the better. Oh wait, he should

"War does that to people, though. It permeates them. Changes them. Turns them into something they're not."

[killedwithlove]

"It's not just the war."

He can hear the poison int he heart of the world. "It's the Blight, I think. It's always there, singing, Calling, whispering. It's music, but I don't like the song. It wants to crawl into your bones and sing until you forget anything but it."

[not_the_question]

The Doctor tilts his head at that. It stirs something a vague memory because he hadn't been paying attention...

He mutters. "White Hole."

Then he looks at Cole and realisation dawns.

"You weren't just muttering to yourself. You were... That's... That's how you see things. How you see me..."

Whoa, it's going to take the Doctor a minute to wrap his head around that. But back to the point. Because he's not sure he wants to have that conversation.

"What does it sound like? Can you describe it?"

Because maybe if he could understand it, he could find a way to counter it.

[killedwithlove]

Cole looks up at the Doctor, with that strange, detached gaze and pale eyes and nods slightly. He hadn't realised that that wasn't understood.

"The Blight? It's a song, it wants to make you part of it, it's brilliant, bright, so bright it's destroyed the light and so soft that it deafens." Cole's sense aren't human senses. Neither are the Doctor's, but it doesn't mean there's common ground in them. "It's like the magic, but nothing like magic at all."

[not_the_question]

The Doctor nods. He can understand it a bit.

"If you heard it again, would you recognise it?"

He holds up a hand, because he has another question.

"And does it sound the same as the red lyrium song?"

[killedwithlove]

"I always recognise it. It Calls."

Cole is a very disjointed little creature at times.

He wrinkles his nose as he thinks. "No. Yes. Not really. Sometimes? They don't have the same colours in their songs. Lyrium and red lyrium don't touch the same. But they are. Especially where they're not. Am I making sense?"

[not_the_question]

An idea was forming in the Doctor's head.

"Cole, you said you were going to come down to Kirkwood, but you didn't want to. What if you could help me? I know a bit about music. And... if I can figure out the songs... I might be able to find a way to use that to help everyone."

Or it might blow up in his face. Or he might be completely wrong, but it's probably a method no one else has tried and, well, that's what he does. Tries things no one else can, or would.

[killedwithlove]

"Kirkwall," Cole corrects softly. "There's no woods. Just walls. And suffering." He looks at the Doctor and stares blankly. "I don't understand."

That was the mun's fault oops.

[not_the_question]

"Oh. Right. Sorry. Walls. Kirkwall."

He knew that, he'd been held in the Gallows.

"I mean, you can hear the song, without being infected. I can't. And people who are infected... they're not lucid enough to describe it properly. I mean if you could sing the song to me. Teach me how the music sounds, I might be able to write a different song to counter it."

Sorry ^^;

[killedwithlove]

Cole keeps looking at the Doctor and then shakes his head. "It's not that sort of song. I can hear it, but it's more than hearing. It's feeling it, trembling, fluttering on the edges of my outside self."

It's like how magic sings, but there's no sound to anyone else. And Cole doesn't hear it with his ears, anyway.

[not_the_question]

The Doctor offered a gentle smile.

"To me, all music does that. Someone once told me that maybe sometimes memories become songs when they're forgotten. I think in this place, she might be right."

[killedwithlove]

"I haven't heard a lot of music. Except in the Chantry and the Tavern." Hymns, chants and bawdy bar songs.

[not_the_question]

The Doctor looked up at the sky and a sad sort of expression crossed his features.

"I used to be able to hear the music of the universe. Well, I had a... tool... that helped me. I used to play along with it, when I had my guitar."

[killedwithlove]

"... which universe?"

Cole only dimly understood the idea. He knew there was lots of realities.

[not_the_question]

"My universe...."

He sighs a bit sadly.

"Can't hear it here, though. I can hardly even feel it turning."

He pauses a long minute and then looks up at Cole.

"You see and hear things a bit poetically. I see and hear things scientifically. The Universe, it works like the cogwheels of a giant watch. It ticks and moves in a similar way. I usually can feel it..."

[killedwithlove]

"... the only watch I know is the sort that stands guard. Night watch, third watch, that sort of watch. You don't mean that. But I can't see what you mean. There's too much- you."

[not_the_question]

"You don't have watches here? No way to keep time? How do you know how time passes when it's cloudy?"

He supposes he hadn't see any clocks per se, but... He sighs.

"It's hard for me to be in a place like this for more than a few days. I'm sorry my comparisons don't work well enough for you to understand."

[killedwithlove]

"... because time keeps passing in the material plane. It passes whether you watch the sun or not."

Cole shrugs. "I don't mind. I don't understand a lot of things about the material world. Cogs..." He throws his mind back, through stories and memories. "Alberta's bird lives in a box and when she winds the key it pops up and flutters its wings, golden wings, so shiny, but it's not soft to touch and it never stays long."