#morale || OTA

[the_cleric]

WHO: Jester + 9 lizards + "Alistair" + YOU.
WHAT: omg lizards, you guys, there are lizards. have lizards infested the Gallows? no! this is a mission of morale! come get your new pets, and if lizards don't do it for you--then at least come and help the Inquisition figure out how to help you feel more inspired. you'll get a piece of pastry for your trouble.
WHEN: late Kingsway
WHERE: the Gallows
NOTES: I hope you like lizards, because there are a lot of lizards.

i. Lizards, lizards everywhere!

There's a lizard on your boot.

In the hall, eating a meal--in the library, reading a book--in the garden, working that green thumb--in your quarters, getting dressed for the day--you feel a strange brush of something against the top of your foot, through the leather of your boot, and you look down and there, blinking up at you, is a lizard.

Small, no bigger than the length of an average forefinger, and green, with an off-green stripe down its back and black markings around its black-button lizard eyes. And a black tongue, when it licks its own eyeball, either in greeting or out of nerves. Otherwise the lizard stares, fixedly, up at you.

After a moment, it cocks its head.

A giggle interrupts the scene, and when you look up--there's Jester, watching from a safe distance, making no real attempt to hide herself. If you're in the hall, she's three tables away, holding a croissant over her mouth to hide her smile, like a demure lady might hold a fan. If you're in the library, she's peeking around a bookshelf, with her own sketchbook held to cover half her face, right up to her nose, so that only her eyes are visible. They have a certain mischievous sparkle to them. And if you're in your room, she's actually got the door cracked open, and she's peeking in that space between doorframe and door.

"Ohhhhhh--" Full of barely-contained laughter. "Oh, my gosh, wow, looks like you have got a new pet--"

ii. The Prayer Garden, featuring: "Alistair"... and more lizards.

In the prayer garden, beside the Templar tower, the smell of paint is sharp in the air. Usually it smells like dirt, like warm grass and stones when there's sunshine--or damp and green after a rain--or a little bit of the salt sea-smell that drifts over the walls when the wind picks up. But today it has the smell of paint.

Also, there are lizards. Five lizards, to be exact, green and off-green, one with a yellow stripe down its tail. One of them is wearing a tiny hat, fastened with a tiny, tiny bow.

The paint smell is from a large sign that has been--you guessed it--painted right on the wall of the templar tower. Bright pink, still tacky, if you go up to touch it. Big bold letters, about two feet high:

WELCOME TO THE TRAVELER'S TEMPLE. THE TRAVELER LOVES ME AND ALSO YOU. TAKE A LIZARD!

And on his knees, holding up a tiny hoop of grass for the lizards to jump through--

Well, it's Alistair. Or at least, he looks like Alistair. Like, the Alistair. And he's wearing Alistair's clothes, and he looks more or less like what Alistair would look like, if he was coordinating an amateur lizard circus.

And when Alistair notices that he is no longer alone in the garden, he drops the hoop and points, at the wall. "Hey, look!" He sounds, kind of, like Alistair. A little funny, like maybe he has a cold, and acquired a slight accent. "Look, what someone did! That is crazy, right? But check out these lizards--they are cute--"

On your way out of the garden, you may notice the large dick that has been painted above the door. Because of course.

iii. The Morale Booth: some lizards, mostly lizard-free.

There is a booth set up the main courtyard. Festooned liberally with ribbons, and chains of painted paper links, with flowers tucked everywhere, it is crowned by a large sign.

M O R A L E!

The O has been painted to look like a sun, with a smiley face. Jester is sitting behind the booth, with ribbons looped tastefully around her horns, drawing in her sketchbook and eating pastries from a small bag. A plate of cut-up pastry is beside her. Little colorful toothpicks skew each piece, hors d'oeuvres for the taking. There is also a big piece of paper, with a pencil, titled HELP ME HELP YOU, and decorated with smiley faces all along the borders. Some dicks, too, of course--and one dickbutt, the universal constant.

Curious? When approached, Jester drops her pencil so she can give greeting, with a smile.

"Hello, my name is Jester, and I am a Rifter, and a tiefling, even if I look like a qunari--and also, I am the morale officer of the Inquisition! It is very, very important. And if you tell me how the Inquisition can improve your morale, then you can eat one of these little pastries, and I will draw a picture of you!"

She holds up the plate of pastries in one hand, and her sketchbook in the other, open to a full-page illustration of a giant lizard destroying the Gallows. The act of hoisting these items makes her biceps flex, inadvertently, in her cute blue dress.

Above her, perched on the sign, is another lizard. This one is wearing a tiny pink bow. It stares down at the scene, with judgmental tiny eyes.

Comments

I!

[rathercommon]

"Hm?"

Kitty had been distracted. That's the problem with reading a good book - or even a mediocre book, but one that makes you think about other things - you get absorbed, and you don't even register the little tickle of a small creature crawling up your foot. And so she looks up from her book with a blink of confusion -

And then she looks down.

She makes eye contact with the lizard.

And then she shrieks - the sound muffled, not a full scream, swallowed, but definitely a little screech - and kicks out her foot hard, trying to dislodge the lizard and get it away from her right now right away gross.

[the_cleric]

The lizard, startled by the screech, tries to flee. This moment of action is arrested by Kitty's kick, and the lizard goes flying, right as--

"AAAA! HARRY JOHNSON--!"

--Right as, around the corner, Jester really does scream, shattering whatever remains of the library's peace. The next sound is the soft thud of her sketchbook hitting the floor, as she dives to try to catch the lizard in her hand. With her decent dexterity, and maybe a little help from the Traveler: she miraculously makes the save.

Harry Johnson's eyes bulge a little, as Jester's hands close around him. Jester turns an indignant look up at Kitty. "Why would you do that? Harry Johnson is your pet, and you could have killed him!"

iii

[aceso]

Christine isn't in need if having her morale boosted, thank you very much, but it's not because she's just full to the brim with it. It's because she's quite aware of the consequences should the Inquisition lose this war, and that's motivation enough to keep going. But even just walking past the booth has her being drawn in by this overly friendly person. It's a bit of surprise, since Christine's own friendliness is usually masked behind quiet politeness until she knows a person well.

"Oh, no thank you." She holds up a hand. "I can make my own pastries." Besides, these ones could have been sitting out for who knows how long. Fresh is best.

[the_cleric]

Jester gasps, loudly, and in her shock, almost drops the plate.

"You can? Ahh, no way--" Conscious of the safety of her pastry samples, she takes the time to set the plate down with care, in case her new friend has any other surprises to tell her about. "What kind can you make? Do you make them here? Are they for sale?"

[aceso]

"I can," she replies, a slight smile of amusement appearing at the reaction. "I have tried all kinds of things, but my favorites to make are pies." Christine is a self-taught baker, because she wasn't allowed to cook at her Circle. That was the Tranquils' job. Everything she knows, she's learned from cookbooks, but those books have given her a good education.

"I don't sell them, no, but the kitchens here are open for people to use the ingredients to cook what they will. I have a place outside the Gallows, else I would use the kitchens here. I used to use the one at Skyhold to practice."

[the_cleric]

This time, Jester's gasp is muffled by the hand she claps over her mouth.

"Holy balls," she says, from around her own hand. "Really? They will let anyone bake in there? I haven't even tried that--okay, so technically? Technically, I don't know how to bake which is part of the problem, okay, but--"

She leans forward, across the booth, and drops her voice to a whisper.

"Can you make tiny pies?"

[aceso]

Christine is starting to wonder if this person is a bona fide pie addict. She seems very into pies. Which Christine supposes is a harmless thing. There are worst things to obsess over than baked goods.

"Yes, if I have occasion for it. It sounds like you are very fond of them. Why not learn to make them so you can have them whenever you wish?"

i;

[foxsays]

Araceli had been having lunch in the Gallows for a change, because the thing about dashing off on a rescue mission is that there's paperwork so all her normal routines have been thrown clean out the window, and there's Lux making nuisance of himself trying to get into her lunch in the first place--

Him stopping doing that is what clues her in to the fact that there's something interesting enough going on that she should stop eating and stare right back at this little lizard who has no table manners.

"Sir or madam," she says as her fork is set aside so she can scoop the lizard up and away from her fox, from the impending comedy moment involving her leg being crushed, "we do not lick eyes at the table. Who taught you this was allowed?"

And someone can clearly hear her saying all this, head whipping round to it (she's tired, there is too much shit on her desk right now, before holding it out Jester's way. Like an offering. Do you accept the lizard what do you even do with lizards that are just licking their eyes when a woman is trying to eat her lunch that a fatty of a fox is now eyeballing himself?

[the_cleric]

The lizard makes an nrulp noise when Araceli picks it up. It blinks at her words of censure, looking bewildered, and repeats its noise with a touch more urgency (nrulllp as it is swung around to be offered back to Jester--who, now that she realizes she's been caught, drops the croissant back to her plate and puts her hands to her cheeks, in an expression of shock.

"Dixie Normus!"

She jumps to her feet, with enough force that the bench scrapes against the stone floor, and hurries over with her hands outstretched.

"You bad, bad, bad boy--" Mock scolding, mock pompous, but it all cuts off abruptly as Jester gets a glimpse of the near-by fox. Her hands fly up to her cheeks again. Her shock, this time, is entirely genuine. Her gasp is loud.

"Oh, my gosh... who is that?"

[foxsays]

What a fantastic name for a lizard, is a thing Araceli could say if she were in a place to say much because the other young woman looks enough like a Qunari that it catches her by surprise. As does lizards making noise. (They'd scurry away too fast over rocks or up trees when a girl climbed, iguanas mostly snort salt out their nostrils, that doesn't count.)

Lux puffs himself up, ears flattening back for a moment in alarm at a sudden stranger as his eyes get impossibly wider but if, this is him, a compliment, better sit up straight.

To think Araceli was only here for a meal in peace.

"Oh, this is Lux, please don't fall for any of his tricks he's shameless." Araceli is smiling too indulgently to actually mean any of that though, free hand scratching his face. "Have you lost Dixie Normus? He's very small and this hall is so large, it'd be easy to get lost on the way to a plate investigation but I don't know, can lizards eat... whatever this is masquerading as?"

[the_cleric]

"Hello, Lux," Jester says, with obvious relish. "He is so pretty, wow. I really like him. Is he yours? Can I pet him? Or is he shy? Dixie is not really mine--I mean, he is, kind of, I won him at the Grand Tourney--but now I am letting him and all his brothers and sisters go out and look for new owners! It is part of my work. I am a morale officer. And a Rifter--oh, and my name is Jester."

She squints down at Araceli's plate of food, considering it as a possible meal for Dixie. "Does Lux eat the food here? Or does he hunt for it himself? Or does he have special food? Dixie eats basically whatever. He really likes pastry jam. Me too."

[foxsays]

Up comes the paw because he is a dignified gentleman, of course there is a paw to shake for you madame. "He's been mine since I was twelve, you're an old man now aren't you?" Maybe? Who knows with mystery foxes your dad finds as a stowaway on an island. "He loves to be petted, it's his favourite thing alongside eating, stealing food, or Korrin wearing him as a stole so he can be petted and fed all at once. I didn't know they had things like this to win at the tourney - I'd never even been to one before, it's very good of you to find a family for-- how many did you win? Oh, it's good to meet you, señora Jester."

Even the confusion won't have her forgetting this but just how many lizards might there be? Was that a common tourney thing? She'd need to ask Korrin later, Korrin would know all things tourney with her parents being seasoned at such things surely.

"Normally I cook something and bring it but I'm up to my eyes with...everything." She sighs, flapping a hand to indicate the sort of paperwork liable to just swallow a desk if a person turns their back on it for too long. (It's not that bad really but sometimes you want to be dramatic about your problems.) "The only things Lux hunts are seagulls three days rotted under the hot sun, I think if he was ever hungry he could do it. Maybe. But the finer things such as pastry jam or paella? Those aren't in the wild. This was meant to be a stew that must've been boiled in someone's boots."

Hang on Jester let her just lift that up, get a good inhale of that boiled into nothingness but still somehow offensive mush on a plate. Delicious.

i

[gatheringstorm]

Korrin is grabbing a quick bite in the dining hall, making a mental to-do list that keeps growing despite her best efforts. Such it is that she's taken to multitasking, biting into a sandwich with one hand while jotting down a list in her notebook. For once, she's not really engaging with others, trying to stay focused. Despite her distraction, the slight weight on her foot doesn't go unnoticed and she glances down, cocking her head back at the lizard when she gets a good look at it.

"Well, hello there." The giggle draws her attention over to Jester and her lips twitch, mirth reaching her eyes. "Funny how that happens, eh? Though it might not want to be my pet, I have a partner with a fox who will definitely eye it as a meal."

[the_cleric]

"Not if they become friends," Jester says, with great confidence. She drops the croissant back onto her plate, so she can beam more directly at the lizard--and at Korrin, too. "Hugh is a very good lizard. He would probably be just fine with a fox."

If the fox would be find with Mr. Hugh Jass, who can say. Jester is apparently unconcerned. Without waiting for an invitation, she grabs her plate and pushes back the bench when she stands up, so she can move over and join Korrin.

"And I think he needs some protection. People are dicks to lizards, man. Innocent lizards, who never ever hurt anyone, they're just here to be pets!"

[gatheringstorm]

At that, Korrin raises an eyebrow. "...have you met Lux? Entitled little shit of a fox, bottomless pit, scourge of the Gallows? He's not very good with sharing the spotlight, or I'd probably have added a pet to our roster by now. It's more likely he'd be just fine with having the lizard in his stomach."

Sorry, lizard. You're kind of cute and all, but Korrin knows its chances of survival will be much higher outside her apartment. She strokes it lightly, though doesn't want to get attached. "You got these at the Grand Tourney, didn't you? I saw them being offered as prizes."

[the_cleric]

"Oh. Oh," Jester says, with dawning understanding, "yes, I have met him. He is very pretty, but I heard that same thing about him, that he might eat Hugh and his brothers and sisters. So-o-o..."

Carefully, she picks Hugh up and sticks him in the pocket of her pinafore. He makes a quiet nlurp, and rustles around a little as he gets comfortable.

And, since she is already here, Jester sits down across from Korrin, making herself right at home.

"They were prizes, yeah. Now they are pets! I have nine of them, but I started with ten. I got some other cool stuff, too. What did you get?"

[gatheringstorm]

Jester's understanding earns her a smile, as she watches the pocket rustle for a moment. The lizard will find a better home than hers, hopefully. She closes the notebook; her focus is broken, and it can wait anyhow.

"I got one of those wooden celebrants. You know, a replica of the blade they giver the winner of the tourney? I have it set up over my fireplace now, since it's too pretty to use for training. Honestly, even that only happened because I got eliminated in the events." Quicker than she'd thought, too. Her pride stung a little at that, but oh well. Next time.

I. welcome to hell

[pyrazine]

Luana sees the lizard too late, in her room, and she doesn't hear the person approach when she sees it. Instead she lifts her head, and fast as anything, she catches it, holding it in her hand and examining the thing. It looks like-

-well, it looks like a lizard. It also looks fucking tasty, thanks biological impulses. She doesn't want to shift, because then she'd have to catch it again, so the moment when she hears the word new followed by the word pet, she puts it in her mouth and turns-

-the head has popped off in her mouth, and she looks a little surprised. "What are you-" she starts, but her mouth is full of lizard head.

oh my god

[the_cleric]

Jester screams.

Jester screams bloody murder.

"AAAAA!" she screams, and the door bangs open against the wall as she rushes into the room. "BLOODY MURDER! DICK KOCK, NO--"

Panicked, she grabs for Dick Kock's limp little rag of a headless body, which is dangling from the hand of this awful person.

"Why are you eating Dick! Why would you do this? Dick was the sweetest, the kindest-- Dick, Dick, come back! No--"

[pyrazine]

Holy crap.

Luana is no stranger to giants, although generally they're not blue, and she falls over, right out of her bed and onto the floor. "Who the hell are you?" she yelps, and then kicks up, but she can't, so she shifts fast, her paws suddenly scrabbling over the stone, the comical look of a maned wolf sprawling over the ground for a long moment.

She yelps, and then shifts back, and stares up at her. "Was that your pet?"

[the_cleric]

Whoa, what. What. Jester has heard of werecreatures before, and she knows about beast-shapes, and so it's not like she is totally, totally going to freak out when--however briefly--the form of the murderer shivers into a wolf. And then back again.

Jester clutches the corpse of Dick Kock close to her chest. A little smear of lizard blood blooms on her blouse, from the place his head used to be.

"I am Jester," she says, somewhat tremulously, "and that was Dick Kock and no he wasn't my pet, not exactly, kind of, but he was good and only ever ate so many centipedes that he threw up once--and you bit his head off! Because why? And don't turn into a dog and run away, okay! This is serious stuff!"

ii. clearly.

[byblow]

He isn't here to pray. That's not really something he does. He's here mainly because someone—a serving girl, in passing—did a double take, and said she'd only just seen him in the garden, wasn't that strange, and at this particular moment he doesn't have much better to do than go have a peek and possibly express sympathy for whatever poor fellow looks enough like him to cause confusion.

And, you know, looks enough like him to cause confusion indeed.

He approaches at an angle, hoping for the element of surprise, but he isn't very quiet, and—

He looks at the wall. He looks at the lizards.

"What in the Prophet's name," he says, and nothing else, because that about covers it.

[the_cleric]

Uh-oh.

Uh. Shit. Jester-as-Alistair freezes, eyes very round. Her mouth (looking like Alistair's mouth) drops open. Uh, uh, uh--

Thank the Traveler that inspiration breaks over her like a fart in church. Risky, stupid, someone is going to have something to say to you, but it's kind of fun, too, and--

She jumps to her feet--or to Alistair's feet--that is to say, Alistair's twin jumps to his feet--and strikes a pose that mirrors Alistair's. As in, it should look a little bit like he is looking in a mirror.

"What in the Prophet's name," she says, in more-or-less his voice, matching his pitch. And then she just waits for him to move, or say something else.

Harry Johnson crawls onto the toe of her boot. Alistair's boot. She doesn't flinch, not even when he makes a plaintive nrllup? up at her.

[byblow]

"Oh," he says. "Oh, that's funny."

Is it funny? He and his tone and his face are not actually sure. Or at least not sure if it's funny as in something funny is going on around here or funny as in ha. The earlier freezing and gaping pretty well eliminate the possibility that this is a demon or something, but not the possibility that whatever it is will convincingly pretend to be him long enough for someone else to panic and put them both in cells.

He looks around, without moving much, because if he moves the other him will move and it's sort of disconcerting—eyes scanning until they land on the pink paint on the wall.

Uh-huh.

"Is Jester your real name? Or did someone pick it because you're so funny."

[the_cleric]

Jester, busily trying to rearrange her face to match Alistair's expression, misses out on repeating his words after him. Man, is it hard looking like someone and trying to convince them you're their mirror image.

Maybe she should stop pretending? She could also just make a run for it.

"Uh," she says, in that same almost-Alistair voice, "well, well, I don't know what you are talking about. But if someone's name was Jester, it is pro-bably because their mom thought it was a really pretty name. Just guessing."

The real Alistair is between here and the way out. If she smacks into him, he will probably fall. She is taller than he is. Bigger, too, even if he looks pretty solid.

She tries a grin. "Pretty crazy, huh? Us being twins? It is funny."