[ OPEN ] I Still Feel Alive

[sulahnan]

WHO: Character(s)
WHAT: Catch-all
WHEN: Drakonis (but other times welcome)
WHERE: Around
NOTES: Should be pretty tame, mention of trauma will ofc be labeled with CW. Starters in the comments.

Well then.

The month of Guardian came and went like a beating: brutal and cruel and over faster than the lasting pain it inflicted. Now, it's Drakonis, and the goal is a return to something resembling normalcy.

Athessa can be found studying and taking lessons with Ser Marcus in the library or in Enchanter Julius' office, snooping around Kirkwall, and trying her best to stay out of trouble around the Gallows. Her late night hypothetical musing via crystal has all but ceased, and gone are the days of icing the floor to skate on socks.

Maybe she could do with some cheering up, or a good tussle.

Comments

[justashotaway]

Oh. But it doesn't feel like enough, not knowing. Not when Athessa is crying, or nearly crying--not when she smells like saltwater closer and less fetid than the waves rolling along below them. Laura wants to have an answer for her, the way others have had when she's struggled.

"You had a mission and an objective." It's quiet, uncertain. Laura's unused to thinking aloud, and for all she organizes the world along these lines, she doesn't tend to use them with others. "The mission was to stop him. The objective was to kill him. You thought you had to fulfill the objective, and someone else did. But the objective--the objective...it was more than one objective. Find him. Kill him. The mission fails if you do not complete the first objective. You are the reason the mission succeeded. You will feel better when you look at both objectives."

It comes out faster and faster as she figures it out, though there's no guarantee it'll mean anything to Athessa. After all, it still doesn't actually solve the problem of why couldn't I kill him?--but it would make Laura feel better, which, frankly, means it's the best she's got in the way of comfort.

[sulahnan]

But I wasn't even the one who found him, she thinks, and bites her lip to stop herself from saying so.

"I'll try," It's all she can say without disagreeing, or outright lying. "I...I'm glad he's dead."

[justashotaway]

Laura isn't sure if she's helped or hurt Athessa; her response only makes her doubt. But she thinks she's probably supposed to be able to tell without asking. (Has she ever seen someone ask something similar, have I said the right thing? She can't think of an occasion it's happened.) So she sticks with what seems safesst. "So am I."

[sulahnan]

Athessa rubs her nose on her sleeve, mostly to warm it up than to wipe away any snot--because she's not crying and takes a deep breath.

Recentered, she glances sidelong at Laura.

"Have you um. Been practicing those braids? On Matty?"

[justashotaway]

"Yes." This is Athessa's way of saying I do not want to talk about murdering a rapist anymore, and Laura wants to respect that. She rests her chin on her forearms, so she's curled up like a stone. "He is patient. I think he likes that I am touching his hair, even if he does not like the braids."

[sulahnan]

She hums thoughtfully, and nods, but doesn't have much to say. The usual fare, that's good or he'll get used to it, just sounds...lame.

"What's not to like about them," she finally asks with a shrug. They're just braids.

[justashotaway]

A question to consider, one she has to pull at.

"They are small," she says after a short silence, deciding that listing out possibilities is her best bet. "They involve sitting still. They make him look different."

And there's one other thing that comes to mind, but she can't put it into words. She has to stop again and try to work it out. Something like the way he regards smiling at kittens, that sense of I am not supposed to enjoy this because I am not a girl.

"Men wear plaits, too. Sometimes." It's a statement, but it's also a question, a dubious in-between please confirm this for me Laura offers while looking at Athessa. Her own experiences of the world and the people in it, she's found, are anything but universal.

[sulahnan]

"Yeah, that's true. I saw plenty of men in Rivain with plaits in their hair, sailors who wanted to keep the wind from whipping it into their faces. The blacksmith in Kont-aar braided little glass beads into his beard. And Qunari wear their hair in plaits, too, of course." Limited hairstyles available when a good portion of your head is taken up by horns.

Buoyed by an idea, Athessa's eyebrows lift.

"D'you think he'd like braids better if he saw a Qunari with plaited hair?"

[justashotaway]

Laura thinks about the Qunari she's seen around the Gallows, the only ones she's ever encountered. They have been huge by her standards, imposing.

"Yes," she decides. "He would think it was cool."

[sulahnan]

Aha. She knows what she must do.

"I think I can arrange that."