[OPEN] Interview With A Mage

[sulahnan]

WHO: Athessa and you!
WHAT: Talking to Magefriends about Magic and Abominations
WHEN: August; Post-Abomination, Pre-Modplot
WHERE: Around the Gallows
NOTES: none yet

i. colin

It's one of the days that sees Athessa helping out in the apothecary, which means busy hands but a mind free to wander. She's separating the buds from dried, woody stems to place each into jars for their individual uses when she speaks:

"I've been thinking a lot about what happened..."

ii. kostos

This isn't a conversation that is going to happen organically. After reading through some esoteric writings on magic in the library, she gives up for a time and stalks off to find Kostos.

"Oi," she calls to him, jogging to catch up with him. "Got a minute?"

iii. isaac

[ Some late night crystal call when Athessa's eyes get tired of reading ]

Isaac, can I pick your brain a bit?

iv. derrica

[ They've had their fair share of difficult conversations of late, and this one bodes no different. The kicker, of course, is that it's far more personal to Derrica than it is to Athessa, so when the latter seeks out the former, she comes bearing gifts. Little spiced cookies and coffee over ice - does Derrica drink coffee? ]

It's not spice cake, but the flavor is pretty close.

v. wildcard/bring out your mage

[ either hmu on disco or plurk and i'll make a starter for you or wildcard me, whichever! ]

Comments

[keenly]

Colin looks regretful when Bene makes that face. This wasn't the time to make that statement.

"Um. When they first bring us in, they take a vial of our blood and cast a spell on it, it lets them track us down if we ever escape. We found a number of them, but I think it was decided none could be destroyed if they weren't claimed by the mage in question."

[sulahnan]

She's quiet for a time, processing what Colin has just said. And as she puts thoughts together, she clenches her fists against the counter.

"So they take you away from your families," she starts, slowly. "They throw you in prison, make it so you can't run or hide from them, force you to follow their rules, and then when everyone should be worried about a fucking world war, they make it so you have to willingly walk into their grasp and trust them not to capture you and hurt you some more if you ever want to be actually free."

It's not fair. It's not right.

[altusimperius]

Benedict looks down, contemplating the floor, his spirits low. These are all things he never had to confront before, and has been dealing with in earnest since he came south.

[keenly]

"You'd have to ask Derrica about the phylacteries. I'm not sure what the process is exactly, but she handles it for us."

His eyes veer toward Bene and he offers a little smile.

"But it's better than it was. That I got any sort of justice against a Templar proves that. That we have any sort of access to our phylacteries proves it, too. We've won some smaller battles, we just need to keep pushing and not let them out of what they've agreed on. Fight for our rights to...to stay with people we love, or keep our own children. As it was, any children born of a Circle mage was taken away and given to the Chantry. Sometimes the parents would be sent to different Circles. If that changes, and if people are allowed to visit their families in the Circle, that would make a massive difference--and it's something so reasonable, so harmless, I don't know why it wouldn't be granted if we pushed. Though most important, more important than inheritance rights, mages need to be allowed in the Chantry."

As oppressive as this subject has felt to Colin since the process of electing the Divine began, something like genuine optimism trickles into his chest now. That's something.

[sulahnan]

Just what she needs; another difficult conversation to have with Derrica while she's trying so hard to balance her feelings.

"Why?" Is what she asks, shoving her anger aside to try and make room for something — anything — else. Maybe hope, maybe optimism. "Why is that most important?"

[altusimperius]

"Because the Chantry runs everything," Benedict quietly interjects, "...all the rules of every country are beholden to it. Even if it's a different one in Tevinter, it's still a Chantry."

[keenly]

Colin aims a finger at Bene. What he said.

[sulahnan]

It should be embarrassing how long it takes for her to get it. And it is, well done. Athessa rolls her eyes at herself and nods.

"To change it from the inside." It makes sense, even if she's not altogether sure how feasible it'd be. But with the anger over injustice still lingering in that corner of her mind, she'd rather see it torn down. "I was thinking maybe we just don't have a Chantry anymore. But your way makes more sense."

[altusimperius]

"For that to work, you'd have to convince a lot of people to stop caring about Andraste and the Maker," Bene says uncertainly, rubbing the back of his neck, "...and... considering whole armies are still marching in their names, arguably including this one, that's probably not going to happen anytime soon."

[keenly]

"And the Chantry isn't the sum of the problem anyway, nor is everything it does bad. It just...probably started it going early by saying Templars and mages mustn't fraternize, that Templars are the holy swords of the Maker and mages are cursed. They were the first ones to pit us against each other, consistently favored the Templars through every conflict, and then got surprised when a war broke out."

[sulahnan]

"That sounds pretty thoroughly bad, Col," She says. If they forbade fraternization, that means they already thought less of the mages, and then by heralding the Templars the way they did, they ensured that anyone not privy to what was happening believed them.

"And that's not even including what the Chantry has done to other people."

It says something when not everything it does is bad still equates to bad enough.

[altusimperius]

With a little shudder, Benedict looks away again. His experiences with Riftwatch have included more than one foul-up, on both his part and theirs, and the discussion of Templars just dredges up more unpleasant memories.

He stares off toward the fireplace, feeling the urge to leave, but finding difficulty in moving his feet.

[keenly]

"That wasn't a defense. The Chantry just isn't the whole of the problem. You get rid of them, you have to negotiate with every country separately for terms. Good news for mages in Rivain, awful news for mages in the Anderfels."

He glances at Bene, noticing his discomfort. "We could...continue this later, possibly?"

With elfroot, probably.

[sulahnan]

Athessa looks between Colin and Benedict, gauging their reactions to this whole topic, and feeling at once like she doesn't want to stop until she understands proper, and guilty for cornering not only one, but two of her friends into talking about it. With a sigh, she nods.

"Yeah, yeah of course, sorry," she says softly, and turns back to face the shelves for a third time. "I just wanna figure out how I can help. If I can help."

[altusimperius]

"It's fine," Bene says, pleasantly enough, looking back to them with his focus returning. "I should get upstairs anyway."

Offering a little wave, he steps away and proceeds about his business, which quickly takes him back out of the infirmary. It's nice that they talked about it, at least.

[keenly]

Colin waves goodbye, releasing a long breath. He goes to the fire to brew a cup of tea.

"He just...looked very uncomfortable. I wanted him to have a chance to escape. Um." He shakes his head. "And it's not a wonderful topic for me either, but I've been facing this music longer than he has. There's things I didn't want to say in front of him, especially given how much he's already had to deal with."

Chamomile flowers go in along with hot water. "It's not just about external things--freedom or captivity, seeing our families, being protected from abuses. Despair might be the most dangerous thing a mage ever has to face. Sometimes literally--that was the demon I battled during my Harrowing."

Stirring the flowers into the water. He doesn't care if he swallows a few.

[sulahnan]

"What's a Harrowing?"

[keenly]

...Oh.

Shit.

He'd figured by now the word was out about Harrowings, especially with Athessa so intimate with Derrica. With it being such a secret in the Circle, it's the one thing mages can destroy just by being loud about it, no negotiations necessary. Still. Athessa won't like this.

"It's the, um, thing I mentioned before. How an apprentice becomes a mage. You get sent into the Fade to be tempted by a demon and prove you can be trusted not to get possessed. Depending on the demon, sometimes you have to battle it. You're, you're surrounded by Templars who are ready to kill you if you become an abomination, or just if you've taken too long. And if you don't want to take the Harrowing, you have the option of being made Tranquil instead. Or. Sometimes it's an option, other times it's picked for you. If they...think you're weak."

He warms his hands with the mug of tea, then suddenly comes back to himself and casts about for another mug. He's not even sure if Athessa wants tea, but it gives him something to do.

[sulahnan]

Tranquility, at least, Athessa does know about, and the idea that so many of her friends must've had to go through this, knowing the stakes, knowing they might be lobotomized or killed...

Colin had to battle Despair. What did Kostos have to face in the Fade? Or Derrica?

"I hope the world never goes back to the way things were," she says quietly. The anger she feels is useless now; what's she going to do? There's nothing she can rush out and physically fight to make any of this better. How long has she been holding this jar of crystal grace? She puts it on the shelf.

[keenly]

Colin swallows, passing Athessa the mug of tea he'd made for himself before starting another one.

"It's...never been easy to have hope like that. Maybe because it hurt so much when things stayed bad, so I told myself to always expect more of the same. But even that, that way of thinking, I've never done anything good in that state of mind. The closest I ever came to being possessed was at my Harrowing. My teachers always told me demons would deceive me, tempt me with something, lie, trick, flatter, whatever it took. They never told you some demons can do the same job by telling you the truth, or at least what sounds like it."

He brings the cup close to his face, taking a moment to feel the steam and smell the flowers. A long exhale.

"It said to me the things I'd said to myself. No one cared about me, no one was ever going to protect me again, I'd be completely alone as I'd been for the last several years. Only, this time, I'd be in a private room instead of surrounded by dozens of apprentices. The lack of privacy had helped protect me from, from him. He'd had to be creative to get me places where he could do what he wanted. In a private room, he could just...sneak in and close the door. Then it said yes, I would die if I was possessed. But the same would happen if I hanged myself like I'd thought of so much. The difference here would be, I could take down as many of them with me as possible."

He sips his tea.

"Then I killed it. And now I've told you about it, which is something they forbade me from doing. And you'll tell other people about it, non-mages, people whose brothers, sisters, and children could be mages. And like in this city under Meredith, non-mages will be angry at how mages are being treated. Cat's out of the bag, Harrowings no longer a secret, it's less likely they'll ever be able to go back to them. That's why you asking these questions is important. It can't just be mages who cry out--the Chantry takes that as a sign they've done something good. But if everyone does?"

[sulahnan]

The tea he places in front of Athessa goes untouched, acknowledged only by a glance as she listens.

Because what else can she do but listen? The more she talks, whether it be with Isaac or Matthias or Derrica or Marcus or Kostos, she sees that her fervor isn't well received. It isn't for her to talk on things she knows nothing about.

So all she can do is listen, and ask questions, and try to bite back the anger she feels towards the world. When Colin poses that final question, if everyone cries out, asks questions, Athessa exhales and walks over to wind her arms around him, careful of his tea and pressing her cheek to his chest. (She'd rather hear his heartbeat than her own.)

"Then I'll keep asking questions, and get other people to ask them, too. If I can't make anything better, the least I can do is that."

[keenly]

The embrace reveals that Colin is shaking, but he clings back.

"You do make things better," he says quietly but sincerely.

[sulahnan]

"Will you tell me if I make things worse?"

It might not be as simple as it sounds, she realizes, to ask to be held accountable. But how else is she supposed to help, not hinder?

[keenly]

"Yes." Not an easy thing to promise, given how much he shies away from conflict, but better that than making her drag him back from the brink again. "But you'll always make things better more than you make them worse."

[sulahnan]

She tightens her hold on him slightly, perhaps to ward off his shaking, or just because she needs to hold onto him to be sure he's not going anywhere.

"I'm serious."