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I won't— [ She'll just...corral the detritus into a pile. ]

What seems to be the problem?

There's no problem!

[Scrabbling blindly, he grabs her foot once, lets go with an uh, and keeps sweeping the paper into his arms.]

It's just work. A project. I'm, erm, writing... a thing. Like a paper, sort of. But not that scholarly. Er, I mean, it's not a paper, proper, it's a list, a bit. To begin with.

Right, so all these— [ She keeps nudging the wads of paper around. ] —are what? Paper replicas of cannon-balls?

They're bad lists. The ones that didn't sound right. It's all ink, and I can't bloody scratch it out, 'cause it's got to be perfect--and sound perfect--

[Surrounded by a ring of crumple papers, Matthias looks up at Athessa with pain. He has trimmed back the burnt fringe, which lopped his fringe too short, and so he'd tried cutting the rest as well. The result is uneven.]

You know. I want it to be really, really, really good. And look good as well.

Hmm.

[ She takes a moment to set her parcel of letters on whichever desk is nearest — Matty's, probably — before sitting down on the floor in front of her friend. ]

Well, if I know, maybe I can help. What's the list for?

[Well. Matthias shoots the door a glance, like he's worried someone else will walk in, someone he trusts less. Then he shifts so he's sitting cross-legged instead, and reaches up to his desk, groping blindly for the last version of the list he was working on.]

I dunno if you can. It's for learning magic. Like, what my goals will be and all. I can read it to you and you can tell me if it sounds completely daft?

[ Athessa follows the doorward glance, but she doesn't quite understand the need for secrecy. And she doesn't have to, just that Matty doesn't want someone else walking in and reading his aborted attempts.

She leans back on the heels of her hands and nods. ]

Sure. But...why's it gotta be perfect? Who's this for?

[Success. He grins as he grabs hold of the page and pulls it over to him, and all without him having to stand.]

Enchanter Leander. [He says it with quiet but very real pride.] For lessons. He asked it of me.

Enchanter?

[ Baffled. Incredulous. Leander's not an Enchanter. And the idea of Matty taking lessons from him...it doesn't sit right with Athessa. ]

Why him?

[Shaking out the page that he was working on, Matthias laughs.]

What d'you mean, 'why him'? 'Cause I asked him and he said yes. Anyway, listen--s' got a title, Things I Want to Learn, but I think things is sort of... I dunno. Stupid sounding. Right? But what else is there. 'Stuff'. 'Topics'. 'Magic'.

I thought you were gonna ask Enchanter Marcus.

[ Ya know. An actual Enchanter. And one who didn't stab Byerly. ]

Hmm. I wouldn't say it sounds stupid, but it doesn't sound perfect. Maybe you ought to make it a list of things you wanna accomplish, instead of stuff to learn? 'Cos like, if you say you want to learn...I dunno. This, that, and the other thing, but your reason for wanting to learn those is doing some bigger thing, you might be missing out on some important shit. Right?

Oh. Yeah. Hey, that's good--

[Pleased, he scrambles up so he can grab for his quill and manically dip it into the inkwell. The little tinc tinc ticn of the nib on glass sounds like a delicate bell.

Cheerfully--]

I would've asked Enchanter Rowantree, but I don't really know him, do I--and I'd be afraid to look a divvy in front of him. Whereas I know Enchanter Leander much better and he won't write me off if I do something stupid. I mean, I want to impress him as well, right, of course I do. But I reckon I can do with maybe getting Enchanter Rowantree to show me some things, like how Voss is showing me some Spirit magic, right--but the big bits of learning will be with Enchanter Leander. Sort of like as if we were at a Circle but much better 'cause, you know, it's not a Circle, it's just us.

[ She makes an uncomfortable face before she can think to guard it; why would she? She's never had reason to put on a front for Matty. ]

Sure.

[ The clinking of the quill nib against the ink pot is the only sound for a moment, and she lets out a little huff through her nose before standing up and starting towards Flint's desk. ]

The Commander's gotta have a stick of graphite you can use, 'stead of using up so much ink...

He might--but don't filch off of his desk!

[--Urgently, before Athessa does too much rooting around. One last tinc and Matthias has a quill ready to use anyways, but now he has to stop her from poking around too much.]

It's better practice to use ink anyways. And what was that face?

[ She's not rooting around she's just looking with her eyeballs until she spots a pencil and picks it and only it up with two fingers. ]

I'll put it back when we're done, don't worry about it.

[ Athessa resumes her spot on the floor and takes one of the least crumpled up lists and carefully unbunches it, smoothing it out with the list that Matthias wrote pressed against the floor. It's the back-side of the page she's gonna use. ]

I dunno, Matty, I just... [ She shakes her head, thinning her lips as she scribbles out a few different variations of "Things To Accomplish." Her handwriting is much improved, in part due to practice but mostly because she's now using her left hand, not her right. ] I can understand being an Enchanter at a Circle and keeping the title because it's familiar, but to choose to take a Circle title now, with everything that's going on...feels wrong.

[Satisfied, at least for now, Matthias sits back on the floor opposite her. Now he's holding an inky quill and he hasn't got anything to do with it except sort of hold it in his hand and look at it.

That's when he's not looking at Athessa, that is--which he does now, his nose wrinkled.]

It's not that it's a Circle title. It's that he's going to show me things and help me-- [Half a hundred little horror stories flicker through his mind, the Harrowing; he looks back down at the quill.] --generally. And that's important, like the most important, so there ought to be something that comes along with that, as like a marker. You're thinking of it wrongly.

Then he should make a new title for himself instead of perpetuating Circle bullshit.

[ She manages to make it sound more weary than pissed off, the latter of which might be her general mood regarding the Chantry and Circles right now, but might also be a reaction to being told she's thinking wrongly. ]

Whatever, just... [ Athessa scratches her head with the blunt end of the pencil and frowns down at her working titles. ] I don't know. I don't trust him.

[A little prickle goes through Matthias.]

He can use whatever bullshit Circle title he likes. Any of us can. 'Cause we escaped them, and fought in a war to do as we like, which I reckon includes whether or not to be using a stupid title as well as anything else. What d'you care, anyways?

What do I care?

[ How can he ask that? She stares at him, struggling between hurt and anger on his behalf. Anger, of course, that he never asked for, but that she feels all the same. ]

How can I not care?? You're important to me, Matty, and I don't want anyone treating you like you're beneath them.

Well-- well, yeah, I know that, I don't mean why d'you care about me--

[His ears go a little pink. He runs his fingers along the smart edge of the quill, where the feather was clipped down and shaped.]

But, look, no one's treating me like anything. I mean, I am basically untrained. Or not completely. I mostly learned what I know during the war. So--and you can't say anything about this, all right--but I don't know half of what practically every mage here knows, so. And I know that doesn't mean I ought to get treated like nugshit, right--but I do need to learn things.

[ She wants to say something about it, but listens instead. Because what's the difference between the training she's getting to be better at her job and Matthias getting taught to wield magic?

The difference is that she trusts Bastien, and not Leander.

Athessa frowns down at her hands and sighs. ]

I'm sorry, you're right. And I do trust you to be smart about it. But I don't want you to get hurt.

[ Or become something you're not. ]

[Matthias' smile has a bitterness at the edges of it. He runs his thumb back in the other direction along the edge of the quill.]

Yeah, well. If you've not heard, I'm a survivor. Nothing kills me. Reckon I can survive some lessons.

We've all got loads and loads to be worrying about, don't add me to the pile as well. I'll be all right. I always am.

[ Athessa keeps her eyes downcast, hearing the bitter cant to his mouth rather than seeing it. Seems like no matter how hard she tries to be a good friend she just keeps cocking it up. (Selfish.) ]

What else is on your list?

D'you still want to-- Yeah, okay, umm.

[Matthias grabs one of the discarded pages too, shakes it so it uncrumples.]

Goals, like. I want to be more in control. Like, so I don't ruin everything if I try to cast a spell, and it goes wild. And so I don't get so bloody angry.

[ Athessa nods and scribbles with the pencil. ]

Self-control, discipline...accuracy, maybe?

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