[CLOSED] baby Fade-touched shark

[illithidnapped]

WHO: Abby, Astarion, Edgard
WHAT: war table mission time, featuring kidnapping Fade-touched animals
WHEN: now tho, like right now
WHERE: Antiva
NOTES: some hypothetical talk of killing an animal for the assignment, will update with any other warnings if necessary

look it was the only Fade-touched animal content I could find ok

Comments

[illithidnapped]

Stop naming them! [It's hissed sharply from over his own shoulder, busy as he is intruding on the caged warding of one of the other animals, shadowed by his own dark silhouette. A keening sort of whine answering that he then has to struggle to speak over—

Alongside, you know, every other animal noise in this place.]

And for the love of the Gods themselves, Abby, kindly [this does not sound like a kind request at all] keep him from doing something stupid while you're both at it— the man's liable to get us caught if he keeps fretting over whether or not they all live.

Because, as a reminder: we're here as villains, not knights in shining armor.

[armd]

And how do you want to qualify 'like with like', exactly? (She would have put the druffalo with the badger as they're unlikely to eat each other, but is he thinking large with large and small with small? Is the druffalo going to stand so nicely with the fucking tiger??

The badger, which was two, promptly becomes one again. Abby really fucking hopes that's the only one that can do that particular trick.

Astarion's request is neither nice, nor possible. She ignores it, she's just had an idea.)

We funnel them out. That hall we came down didn't have any open doors. One of us can go ahead and guide them all the way down. (What could possibly go wrong?)

[muckspout]

Pretend villians! [He first responds to Astarion.]

Needs to be something to rescue later. And the names are useful, how else would you tell Berlioz and B- [He now notices they are one again.]

Nevermind. [He turns to Abby.]

And like with like! [Duh, Abby can't you read his mind?] Not Druffalos with badgers. Druffalos with [He points to the very loud ram.] rams!

But, Funneling might work so long as we keep like with like. [He's going to continue to double down on this phrase.]

[armd]

Do you know what else is like with like, Edgard? (Because Astarion is taking his sweet time and Abby has suddenly found herself beset upon by an unnaturally large and glowing raven, intent on bullying her,) My knuckles and the side of your fucking head–

Padme Amidala meme goes here

[illithidnapped]

[It takes entirely too long for Astarion to come back to meet them.

When he does, he doesn't look too particularly content, either: blood staining the cuff of one of his sleeves, black fur an utter mess across his front— all punctuated by the stormiest of expressions that somehow manages not to recede into the shadows of his hood.]

Right.

[Grouchy right. Acidic right. The kind of expectant right that means there's momentum attached to it, most likely. An urge to leave about as quickly as possible.]

Job's done. The man will undoubtedly weep once we've bolted.

[Don't ask.]

Tell me you've made some sort of progress out here.

[It's been like what, fifteen— twenty minutes? Surely that means everything's been going just fine and the mission's almost done, right?

...right.]

[muckspout]

[Edgard frowns not looking at Astarion.]

What did you do? [He tries to keep the tone curious, but it's a little accusatory. He still doesn't turn to look.]

[His gaze is fixed on a deer that is glowing slightly.]

This one [He says quietly, pointing at the deer.] is sneaky and I have to keep watching her. This is progress. Think we have most of them.

[He suddenly hollers.] Right, Abby?

[illithidnapped]

I did exactly what I said I'd do: I killed one of the beasts. A wolf. Pointless, noisy little creature. Nothing to be missed.

[He tugs lightly at his own sleeve, a gesture oddly fiddly— at odds with the fussiness of his present bearing, though it's minor enough that it could be easily lost in the commotion of shuffling what remains.

Which...does leave his attention fixed on that deer.]

...sneaky how?

[armd]

Almost!

(Abby has made a fair effort of corralling the animals into place outside of the cage. Everything that won't eat something else has been dutifully grouped together, ready to be moved. The raven from earlier won't be. It is perched on her shoulder, and trying to get its beak in her hood to peck her fucking ear.

The jab about the wolf makes her search her memory for a moment, wondering if she ever told Astarion that her old faction called themselves wolves. She's pretty sure that she didn't. But you never can be sure with him.)

Saving the best for last- (i.e the apex predators. Gulp.) Can't you subdue them with magic or something?

[muckspout]

[Edgard gives Abby a Look. Who does she think he is?]

Get right on that.

[He waves his arms wildly and mutters nonsense in Orlesian. He then takes a deep breath and points his fingers towards the remaining animals.]

KABOOM! [He shouts and then immediately and dryly,]

No. Can't subdue them with magic.

[In his small performance, the glow in the dark deer has vanished.]

Where'd she go? Did you see her, Wolf Killer?

[Sneaky, like that, Astarion.]

[illithidnapped]

Magic? You think any of us actually have—

[With a thunderous bark that shatters their present surroundings, both Astarion and the rest of the animals seem to jump out of their own skin (or pelts, to be exact) for a solid half beat, Astarion's expression twisting into a resentful snarl in the aftermath— yanking his own hood high so that it masks his face once more, fully displaying a vicious cut across the palm of his pale hand for a flicker of a beat.]

Oh you bloody fool, hush before someone comes rushing in and sees us!

[Which admittedly, after a noise like that, they might.]

I'll take care of the other carnivores. We predators always have a weakness for blood.

Find the deer.

[All that said, though, Wolf Killer is a name he quite likes in hindsight....]

[armd]

I was talking about him. (Obviously, not Edgard,) Aren't you a–

(The word 'vampire' is lost in the sound of animals reshuffling themselves, and the shriek of the raven in Abby's ear. She tries once again to shoo it away, and all it does is poop on her uniform to her audible disgust.

She's so done.)

Let's get the herbivores out first. (If there's going to be some kind of procession,) Fuck the deer, it'll show up again or it won't. (She's very conscious of how long this is taking, that's all.)

[muckspout]

Wait.

[Edgard is aware he missed something here. He points at Astarion.]

He's a what?

[He turns to Astarion.]

What are you, Wolf Killer? Can you do magic?

[If they could've done this in an easier way and Astarion was keeping it from them for some kind of secret reason, Edgard is going to be so angry!]