faderift | It's a fool who plays it cool

She watches as he slowly figures out what the problem is, her eyes darting between him and the table. Tofa has no desire to literally open her mouth and show him her limitations, as gruesome that it is. It's not just because it would be uncomfortable but it would put her in a somewhat vulnerable position.

Looking at the food again, she puts the goblet down.

Learning to eat without a tongue had been a challenge, but it's manageable. Not good, considering how little she can enjoy, but doable.

Lifting her hand to touch her mouth, she shakes her head, then begins to sign. It's going to get some getting used to, this difficulty in communication, but at least she is trying.

No tongue.

Jude's eyes darken as she explains, in the language of gestures and facial expressions, that something in her mouth is injured. Little bits of information put themselves together until he realizes what she's telling him.

She misses eating food. She doesn't speak aloud. This was an injury, and a more recent one.

His eyes follow the signs, thirsty now for their meaning, to see if he can understand. They aren't familiar. The hand signs his pack uses are more security-based, rather than following words, but he understands motion as language, even if old injuries are rare among shifters.

Shifters from a healthy pack, anyway.

He makes several leaps, while his wolf growls in the back of his mind.

His wolf protects the injured.

Jude makes the signs she made with her hands, back at her. He watches her for correction. They're imperfect, incomplete.

"Your mouth is injured?"

The attempt to understand her is a welcome one, given the nature of her interactions with people in the past. Riftwatch as a whole has been more welcoming and understanding, but that does not mean everyone has been so.

Her fingers brush idly over her jaw, to touch the back of her throat, and she bites back the urge to sigh, a sad little noise that she is far too familiar with these days.

It's an old wound, one she has long since grown accustomed to, but it does not stop it from being frustrating.

Lifting her hands, she repeats the motion, only correcting the slightest bit before she nods. She then holds her fingers over her mouth to create a cross, shaking her head.

He's got the gist, at least.

Jude follows the gestures. Inside her mouth, down her throat. Voicebox- no, he's heard her voice in her sigh.

Tongue, it has to be her tongue. It would impede the way she eats, too.

Jude makes the sign again, correcting himself the way she's shown him, and nods. He has to prompt himself to speak aloud- she's not Deaf, and the compulsion to mirror as a way to connect runs deep in him, even when it's not what's needed.

"Your tongue is injured, so you can't speak, and..." putting it together. "You can't eat most solids."

He sits for a moment with the knowledge, lacing his fingers together.

"Do you like smoothies?"

Thank goodness most people in Riftwatch have something of a brain - it helps Tofa when she is unable to explain herself without ink and paper in front of her.

Nodding her head, she smiles softly, hoping that is enough to show him that he has figured it all out. She has no desire to open her mouth and show off her injury, obviously enough, and instead she takes a very careful drink of her water.

When he continues, she pauses, blinking, before tilting her head curiously and flexing her fingers in a curl to shape them almost like a question mark.

Questioning - what is a smoothie?

Makes him wish thickened liquid was a thing here. He has no clue how to make it.

But give him a couple more instances of that sign -- which he immediately copies, along with her inquisitive head-tilt and expression -- and he'll realize what it's supposed to mean.

"It's a drink. Crushed seeds, greens. Mix it with crushed ripe fruit and some ice. Anything you want."

Tofa watches for a moment before she nods, thoughtful. It sounds pleasant enough, and while her taste isn't what it once was the smell is much the same - and a great deal of taste comes from smell.

It's why she tries to eat the most smelly foods she can when she can.

She motions to her water and wrinkles her nose, just a little - she's sick of it. But she motions then to the seat opposite her - he might as well join her.

It's surprising how much can be inferred through body language -- or maybe it shouldn't be. Jude spends a lot of time in a form that can't speak, and he wonders if that might be more comfortable for her, somewhere down the line.

Maybe.

He takes the seat as it's offered, responding with a warmer smile. While people have been kind, it's another thing to have his company openly welcomed.

"I'm Jude," he offers. "A newer arrival. Came riding in through one of the Rifts a few weeks ago."

It's a relief for Tofa to have someone seemingly understand her here without too much effort. In Talonhold it had been easier for her, with so many of her kinsmen doing their utmost to learn her language and communicate with her - but Riftwatch doesn't have that.

At least there's kindness here, which she is sure to make note of, just in case.

Nodding along with his words, she leans forward and reaches around. Now that he's closer she can pick up her binding of parchment and begin to write.

Welcome. I am Tofa.

It's good that she has something, for when all else fails. Once Jude realizes what's happening he puts on arm on the table and leans in to see it properly, a softer look settling on his face.

He smiles often; always sincere. This look sits somewhere above that.

"Tofa," he repeats, looking at her to be sure he got the pronunciation right.

"Thank you. Everyone is kind here. But not everyone wants to have a conversation."

At least she doesn't have to contend with speaking a completely different language - she appreciates the understanding of Trade that people here have, and thankful she had seen fit to understand it well herself.

Glancing at Jude, her own expression softens, just for a moment. It's nice, to be able to make a friend.

Nodding, she turns back down to her paper to continue to right.

I will speak with you, when I am able. I do not mind who people are or what they do. I want to learn.

Jude is sensitive to that moment of softness, and it eases something in him that he didn't realize he was holding onto so very tightly.

It is nice. Having someone look for him, know him, enjoy being around him. He's felt the pain of the lack.

"As long as you're patient with me," he says, "I'd like to learn your signs, too."

But there is one more thing, something that he's finding not everyone looks kindly upon, and he prefers her to know, rather than surprise her with it later.

"Should warn, though-" he pauses, wondering how best to phrase it. "I don't always look like this."

Tofa already misses the comfort of home, the way it felt to be around people who understood her, in both movement and language, but at least she is making a place here. It's making her just a little bit more comfortable here, which before she might well have been bereft of.

Lifting her head, she manages a smile, something a little warmer before she begins to write, her handwriting chicken scratch.

I will try and teach you. I do not think it is hard.

Pausing, she tilts her head, letting her eyes flick over him.

What do you look like?

"Willing to learn."

Jude spreads his hands with a smile, which turns a touch... not apprehensive, but like he's bracing himself for the inevitable strangeness that'll need to be overcome.

"I'm a wolf shifter," he says simply, without preamble or games. "Sometimes, I look like a big, almost-black wolf with yellow eyes. I'm the same person, just furrier."

The legends of werewolves losing control and becoming slavering beasts on the full moon are a little more real here than he would've liked, so he feels it's important to make that distinction.

Thank you.

Tofa holds onto the parchment until he's done talking, watching his face with a tilt of her own head. It's not the strangest thing she's heard, and given the oddness of the people in Riftwatch it's the least of her concerns.

Leaning over her paper, she shifts a little, handwriting a chicken scratch.

You keep your mind? You must be a good hunter.

It's as simple as that.

"My pack taught me well."

It's both that simple and that complicated. Jude smooths his hand over the tabletop, physically grounding himself in that clear statement like a manta. Jude has other gifts, things that make him harder to shake than the others, but without the good foundation his pack taught him to build, he could well be lost.

"You've heard of shifters?"

It takes her a moment, and her hands move absently almost as if she's forgotten he can't quite understand her - but then she is reaching for the paper again and beginning to write.

Mages can turn into many beasts. Is it similar to that?

Leaning back, her head tilts, looking at him up and down for a moment.

Shift. Turn. Same thing?

He follows her signs as if that's all he's going to get, determined to grasp what he can and contextualize what he can't.

It's the question that makes him frown, though, wondering if there's a bigger difference between the words, a significance he's never had to contemplate before. There are no mages where he is- only the old stories of werewolves and curses. Things rooted in truth but distorted into poor shades of reality. His people aren't monsters, but they can be monstrous. Everyone can.

"Similar in that I can change my form, yeah. But I'm not human. I never was." He pauses, trying to think of how to explain that concept to someone who hasn't lived it.

"Shifters aren't our animals, and we aren't our humans." He pauses again, because that also isn't right. He can feel the stretching inside of him, his wolf baring his teeth in a panting laugh. He doesn't understand the human issue of needing to explain. They simply are. Humans make things too complicated.

"I should say, we aren't just our animals, or just our humans. We are two minds, two sets of instincts, that are both the same person at the same time."

Jude pauses again, breaking down with laughter at himself and reaching up to rub his hand over his face.

"I'm realizing," he mutters, "that I've never had to explain this before."

Edited 2022-07-03 17:14 (UTC)

You are both.

It seems a simple enough idea for Tofa. To be two things in one is the same as being an Avaar and a hunter, of being a mage and a person from a particular town, city or nation. They coexist and thus it doesn't really seem to baffle her as much as it might have been expected to.

Shaking her head, she waves her hand for a moment before she gives herself a brief time to consider, thoughtful. It makes sense to her, because magic and strangeness is becoming familiar to her the more time she spends with Riftwatch.

Her sister had been engaged to a queen from another world; very little might be strange after that.

Do you choose which form you take? Is it that simple?

There are nuances, but those will come later, if she keeps company with him long enough. But for now, he breaks into a sudden and very warm smile, happy for the understanding. He clasps his hands together on the tabletop, presses the tips of his thumbs together, and gestures to her with a nod.

Yes. She gets it.

"I do. It hurts if I change too fast, but it's not hard. I can do it on purpose, like moving my arm-" he does so, to demonstrate- "but it can come on by instinct, too. You startle somebody, they jump. Sometimes we jump into fur. Our pups start shifting as soon as they start saying their first words, taking their first steps."

Jude's voice softens instantly when he talks about pups.

It's endearing, the way he softens, the way that he cares. Tofa has never been particularly maternal herself, but there's no denying the fact that someone who cares enough to protect others, or want to protect them, sits well with her.

She had lost her tongue for the chance to protect others, so she can enjoy the way she sees herself reflected in others.

Reaching for her papers, she nods her head, writing carefully.

It is part of you, like magic, like breathing. I understand. I look forward to seeing how you appear in your other form, if I can, one day.

Jude watches her write again, watching her face as much as the words. He hasn't felt much peace since he's been here, but he already knows that he wants to talk to Tofa more. And in ways that mean she doesn't have to scratch out every word.

"You will," he answers, utterly assured. "And you'll know when it's me."

It will be very difficult to miss, and Jude doesn't hide his form away when it comes to Riftwatch. Soon, there'll be tales told of a monstrous wolf among their ranks.

"Do you have time to teach some signs? What's most important?"

Her smile in return is gentle as she nods her head - and she is genuine in looking forward to seeing him. She's never seen anyone turn from one shape to another, so she's glad that there might be a chance for it in the future.

The request makes her pause, though, blinking, before her expression transforms into something even softer. Not many people have tried to match her language like this before, and it's clear she appreciates it.

Quickly, she writes down a series of words in order - Tofa. Hello. Goodbye. Thank you. - then, one by one, signs them out in front of him, fingers moving into different shapes.

Jude is an attentive student. It's clear that he's learning because he wants to understand her in particular, but there's a look in his eyes that says he's thinking beyond this.

He puts his all into learning the signs that she teaches him, putting them together and signing them back, stringing them together as needed. He finds the humor in his mistakes, laughing at himself when he messes up before trying all the harder to get it right.

By the time they take a break, Jude's shoulders are loose and he's got an ease to his grin that he didn't start with.

"We use hand signs for perimeter security back home. Up north, there's a pack operating half in sign language. They've got a pup there who doesn't say much, but he signs up a storm. All the pups picked it up quick, and then the sentries, and then the ones who have a hard time being in skin instead of fur."

There are a lot of different types of wounds. Sometimes, you stumble into how to best help someone.

"Here's ours for safe, all clear."

His hands move- they're sentry signs, smaller movements, mostly just fingers, meant to be able to flash behind a back or without attracting attention.

"This one's for friendly, incoming and more to see, stay alert."

Edited 2022-07-05 16:52 (UTC)

Tofa appreciates the fact that he seems to be paying attention, and she is careful with her lessons. Each word has the action repeated at least a handful (hah) of times until she is confident that he has picked up the basics.

It's not enough to have a full conversation, but it is a start, and it warms her from the inside out.

When he begins his own explanation she pays attention, watching the way his own fingers move and copying them as he does so, nodding her head.

Safe. All clear. Friendly. See. Alert.

Nodding alone, she reaches for her papers.

I will use these. I hunt, so they will be useful. Good, easy signs.

It's a fool who plays it cool

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