faderift | and I'm haunted

Entry tags:

and I'm haunted

WHO: Hercules & Leliana & Ruby & whoever would like a thread with them 8Db
WHAT: a catch all for February-March;
WHEN: the next monthish :|b
WHERE: Skyhold, Emprise, maybe somewhere else.
NOTES:
1. individual starters in el commentos
2. specific themes and warnings will be dropped into subject lines as necessary.
3. if you are threading with Leliana it would be amazing if you could reply to this post re: information she could know about your character.
4. if we have discussed doing a thread but there isn't a starter here, feel free to just barge in and set one up! otherwise prod me and I can add it asap, I have a to-do list but I am also scatterbrained ;u;
5. I'm not doing open prompts this time for Leliana, but if you would like a thread with Leliana, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me! I am just trying to do custom things because she is in a particular state of mind, at present.
6. I am sorry there are so many notes

apparently I am being pretentious this month

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She gnaws on her lower lip, a delicate little motion between her teeth, as she nods. "Yeah," she says after a few bobs of her head. Then she goes for another sip of wine, and takes a deep breath, and starts her pitch.

"I want to help." That much is very true. "And I go overlooked, most of the time. I'm small, after all, and I work as a barmaid, and no one looks at barmaids unless they're really stunningly beautiful." That's not said with any recrimination or bitterness, only flat practicality. Kitty is cute - she knows she's cute - but she's not one of the golden-haired, busty women that get the lion's share of the attention. Which suits her purposes just fine. Attention is more annoying than flattering. (She could do with the extra tips, though, sometimes...)

"So people talk around me. That makes for a good spy, doesn't it?"

"Both help," Leliana agrees, lightly tapping her finger against the base of her cup, watching the reflection of light off the wine. "Going unnoticed is a particular talent of mine." A flicker of her brow. "Or was, perhaps."

It is less easy in places where she is known and recognised, of course. There are days when she misses anonymity and its gifts, misses the Fifth Blight in the strangest of ways. Perhaps having so many of her friends alongside her again is making her nostalgic. The thought makes her frown, sweeping it away sharply, as she retrains the entirety of her focus on Kitty.

"Certainly those are fine qualities in an agent," she starts, tone cautious, words slow - steady. "But would you plan to listen primarily in Skyhold, monitoring gossip within our walls? Or did you intend to explore further afield? Spywork is not easy, Kitty, and must not be entered into lightly. Dangers are rife."

"I'm familiar with danger," she replies, her chin coming up. Her voice isn't loud, but it's firm. She makes herself stop fidgeting, stops herself from chewing on her lower lip - tries, generally, to look respectable and reliable and steady. Grown-up.

"I've faced it down before. I'm not afraid to face it again." A breath. "And while I'd go where you directed me, I'd do best outside of Skyhold. Dwarves with pony-carts often go unnoticed." She allows a bit of dryness when she says, "Humans seem to think we're all merchant caste. It's when we're not trading that they get unnerved by us."

This, of course, conflicts a bit with what she's told Leliana before. A firm willingness to leave Skyhold does not, perhaps, line up with her previous claims of having come to the Inquisition out of fear and desire for shelter. But - no matter, surely.

Sometimes people are far too willing to be grown up. Leliana had thrown herself into the bard life so young, and with no true grasp of what it meant.

"You mentioned coming to Skyhold for safety from said dangers," she starts, watching Kitty curiously. Minds could change, people adapt, they fought to survive in circumstances that would damn you to death if you should stand still. "Are you willing to give that up so quickly?"

Leaning forward, Leliana rests her elbows on the table. "Do not find my reticence disrespectful, nor an indication that I do not think you able. You are, I think, a younger than my other scouts, and this is not work that wears lightly on the soul or conscience. Scouting is first and foremost the gathering of information, but you must be prepared to defend yourself. There are times when plans do not go as they ought."

Still, it is not as though she has said 'no.'

"I'm prepared," she replies, though her gaze drops very slightly to the table in front of her. Her lips thin just a bit. "I've defended myself in the past. I'm not afraid to do so again."

And then she looks up once again. There's a seriousness in her face. Kitty, when she's working at the pub, keeps an expression that's friendly, even sweet, and a little vapid. Her face right now isn't anything like that. It's sharp. Intelligent, too, in a hard sort of way. Her eyes are keen and bright and unblinking. This isn't to say that she looks cruel; no. Far from it. But there's a hard intensity to her. It's not the face of a girl trying to look tough; it's the face of a girl who is tough.

"I'm not afraid of what I might have to do," she says, for once completely honest. "There's very little that I haven't done."

Ah. The drop of the gaze is enough, the rest simply adding to it all.

"Have you killed?" The question cold, perhaps, in wording if not in tone, which stays neutral. It might explain the eagerness to help, despite Kitty's mentioned fears in their earlier conversation, some mission for atonement. She has met such types before. She has been such a person before, even if she still had to kill while on that mission. Some deaths were more justified than others.

There's very little I haven't done. It would be a lie to say that does not have some impact on her, that it does not weigh on Leliana's shoulders, spark a mix of anger and sadness in her, tangled together. This is the very reason their world must change, so that women so young as Kitty might have their hands and their conscience clear, even if some part of her knows that is too idealistic, a dream that will never be realised, and this is not a time for such a soft heart. To be unrealistic is to leave oneself open for attack.

After a pause, Leliana watching Kitty carefully, she elaborates. "I was younger than you when I began training to be a bard. To be a scout and to be a bard or an assassin are different things, but they are not without overlap. They bleed into one another - quite literally, in fact. When you are so young, it is far too easy to find yourself used. I would not wish that on you."

"I've been used." Her voice is quiet, but her words are blunt. She's not hiding anything, for once. "I know what it's like to be used. I know how to recognize it now. And I know how not to let it happen."

That much is true. Leliana is subtle. So's the people she works with - her spy-commanders, her allies, her contacts. But Kitty is quite confident now that none of them would be able to put her to purposes that she wouldn't be willing to be put to. She's a warier person than she used to be. She's a wiser person than she used to be. And she's proposing work done in the service of the Inquisition - the same force that Leliana serves wholeheartedly, devotedly. How could she be used?

Well. She could be pushed beyond what's she's comfortable with, sure. But, well...She's stubborn. It's damned hard to push her.

So.

"I've killed," she confirms. "More than once."

"All the more reason for caution." Even so, she nods her understanding. "If you are truly determined to become a scout, I will not dissuade you. You are a bright young woman, and you show initiative. Better that you are trained to become a scout and supported in the endeavour, than that you take risks without a network working to aid you through your determination to contribute."

Her voice is quiet, thoughtful, and though it does not show on her face, it does still trouble Leliana. That Kitty has killed, for that is not an easy burden to bear, and if it becomes so... well, it is indicative of things in the world spiralling out of hand, no?

"I do not enjoy making assassins of my spies," Leliana clarifies, "but all are trained in weapons, in a range of skills, for their safety. And I will need to know a good deal more about you."

A sip of her wine, and she straightens her already impeccable posture. "Have you any questions?"

She hesitates slightly. She supposes that was either easier than she'd expected, or harder than she'd expected. She'd expected Leliana either to be more hesitant due to her youth and presumed innocence, or to not care at all. One or the other. Well...This is fine. This is good, isn't it. This is what she wanted. And she's committed now.

"How much is a good deal more?" That's the first question. There are others, but most of them are things she'll find out in time. Like how much responsibility and trust is she actually going to be given. What sorts of missions will she actually get. That's not something Leliana can even know the answer to yet - after all, she hasn't proven herself yet.

Not committed yet. Not bound to it yet. And Leliana suspects that she will be trying to delay any such commitment as long as possible. She is simply well aware that determined young women have means of getting themselves into trouble when they want to make a difference but their hands are tied.

Canting her head, Leliana watches Kitty a moment longer. "Enough to satisfy me that you can be trusted. We all of us have secrets, Kitty. Some secrets mark us for a target, and some might mean that an act against the Inquisition would not be a betrayal, by your reckoning, but simply serving your true loyalties."

Quite how much that means she needs to know? Well, that rather depends on the person.

Ah. Her true loyalties. What are they? Not the Inquisition, to be completely honest - no. Kitty's true loyalties are...deeper. Different. If she'd joined the Inquisition a few years ago, or if she'd joined it without having had the experiences she'd had, maybe she would still be capable of being loyal to an organization. But her time with the Resistance in Tevinter had shown her how easily organizations can get corrupted, lose their way. No...Her loyalty is to ideas. Not to constructs. So as long as the Inquisition serves those ideas, yes. She'll be loyal to the Inquisition. But if it loses its way...

Probably best not to lead with all that.

"Well," Kitty answers, shoving her glass of wine around a bit rather than drinking from it. "Do you want to ask now, or...later?"

"That depends," Leliana asks, with a bit of a smile. "Would the answers change?"

Part of it is a genuine question. Timing, context, can change a great deal. Partly she is being just a little contrary, a little... playful, almost, though it is not an entirely carefree trading of banter.

"Do you present a danger to the Inquisition, or to yourself?"

People can always lie, of course, but there are times when choice is a precious indulgence, and trust must be embraced, even in this line of work. Especially, one could contend, in this line of work.

She shakes her head firmly. There's nothing uncertain about her answer there. She might have a higher calling than just the Inquisition, yeah, but there's absolutely nothing she's about to do to hurt the organization right now. And, honestly, she doesn't think that she'd be able to even do any real damage if she intended it.

So, firmly, she answers, "No." Then a firm nod. "Not to the Inquisition and not to myself. Not beyond...the normal scope of danger posed when someone thinks that there are things much more important than their personal safety."

Leliana listens, sips her wine, and nods. "Very well. If you are willing to report in the morning, we can commence some weapons training for you. I would not see you in the field without a means to defend yourself. if you are already... proficient then it would do well to assess your strengths and see where weaknesses might be turned to strengths."

It will be more complicated, of course, but small steps in the beginning. No good would come of hobbling Kitty before giving her a chance to walk at all.

"Does that sound agreeable?"

"Yeah. It does."

Kitty takes a breath, and then smiles a smile that's a little self-conscious - but a little eager, too. She ducks her head slightly to hide it. She knows that she's doing a service for Leliana. She knows she's volunteering to put her life on the line. But at the same time, she feels compelled to say, "Thanks. For being willing to trust me."

There is something in that thanks, the touch of earnestness to it which weighs on her heart. Each of her scouts lives a life of danger and risk, dedicating themselves to the Inquisition and Leliana's service. The decision is their own, but the responsibility for their safety and their well-being falls to her. She hopes against all odds that none of them come to regret their choice.

"Thank you for coming to me. I appreciate your initiative, and your interest." She raises her cup of wine, in a little toast, of sorts. "To your good health, Kitty."

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and I'm haunted

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