faderift | Truth or Dare: Side Party for Servants and Scoundrels

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Truth or Dare: Side Party for Servants and Scoundrels

WHO: Anyone!
WHAT: A party for people who might scare the nobility, are deathly afraid of chandeliers, or fled the soiree with cheeses hidden in their clothes and need to make a clean getaway.
WHEN: During (and after) the soiree.
WHERE: The valley beyond Skyhold.
NOTES: Drinking, revelry. People might make out or something. We're not responsible for your actions.

The soiree might be fun, if you're into that sort of thing, but that isn't what it's for. It's for impressing the powerful and opening their pockets—and, necessarily, some people aren't invited. In some cases that's personal. In others, it's just understood. When they're done helping to set up, most of the servants and workers who aren't needed to serve make themselves scarce. The usual trickle of refugees to and from the fortress slows. Some people used to sleeping in the stables may find their "beds" occupied by nobles' horses or the rooms they had been squatting in cleaned and prepared for someone else to stay in.

There's no resentment. (Or at least very little.) That's how these things go. And in the valley outside the fortress' walls, there are foot soldiers and refugees and a number of miscellaneous exiles who welcome the company with large fires, cheap but freely flowing alcohol, and whatever music can be wrung out of instruments exposed to such low temperatures. The crowd thins and dwindles as the night wears on, but even after the last person has left the Great Hall in Skyhold, there's still a sizable gathering near the river with no intention of going to sleep before sunrise.

No masks allowed.

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Going off alone with a murderer isn't the smartest of things, but Hermione's determined to hear Anders' side of the situation and besides, they aren't too far from witnesses, if that really becomes a pressing concern. So she concedes to walk along with him to sit and have their chat, even if she's sure she isn't going to like whatever she might hear.

The idea that he doesn't know his own proper name is a startling one, one that she doesn't know whether she can actually believe. There's no trust there, as whatever trust might have been between a pair of cordial acquaintances had disappeared the moment she'd first learned who this "Detlef" really is. But... if it's true, then she does feel for him at least for that.

That same passion that he'd exhibited when they'd first met comes out once again, and Hermione finds herself hating it. Either he's trying to paint himself as honorable but misunderstood... or else that's what he really is. She'd thought she'd been done with these blurred, gray lines when her own war had ended.

When she does speak, her voice is still low, though it's lost some of that calmness from earlier. "I know about the Tranquil, and I know more about the Circles. I might not know everything about everything, but I'm learning quickly. What I'll never understand, though, is how men who try so hard to make all the right decisions somehow keep making things worse for themselves and for everyone around them.

"People trusted you. They liked you and respected you, and then they found out that you'd been lying to them the entire time you were here. And before that, you-...."

She needs to take a breath, pause for a moment and regroup, before explaining, "You say every mage should be free, that we should be informed, that we should have equal rights. That's admirable. But you took away the basic right to life when you did that to that poor Chantry. This isn't about mages, or about Tranquil, or about the Inquisition. This is about people. We're all just people, and feeding into that 'us versus them' mentality is never going to do anyone any favors. It certainly hasn't done anything for you."

Unfortunately. She'd rather liked him, that first time. But now that he's still that passionately helpful fellow and also a known murderer, Hermione's finding these shades of gray even more problematic than before.

"I liked you, Anders. And it might not be my place to speak, since I hadn't been personally effected by any of this at the time of your actions. But even from an outsider's perspective, this is an incredibly poor situation you've made for yourself, and I'm surprised no one's taken drastic measures against you yet." She pauses for a moment before adding, "Not that I'd want them to. If nothing else, I don't think you did what you've done because you were a sadist."

He listens to her, raising an eyebrow at a few points, but letting her have her say. The part about somehow making things worse despite intentions is... closer to the truth than he'd care to admit, which makes him rather glad he's chosen to wait until she's done.

"It is an incredibly poor situation. I'll join you in surprise that no one's made a move as of yet. But I won't join you in calling the Chantry poor."

She's out of her depth here, and maybe he should slow the conversation down in case she actually has any desire to understand. Not that he exactly expects it, at this point.

"The context is, unless you've spoken with Bethany, Isabela, or Merrill, more than you've gotten. Have you had the Rite of Annulment explained?" Varric... He won't send her to question Varric. If he thought the Dwarf was tired before, there's no way he'll be able to keep up with Hermione's questions. And Fenris would be an idiot.

She'd taken his words from their first conversation to heart, which is why she'd dared approached him at all. When they're been discussing terrorists attacks, she'd thought he'd only been playing devil's advocate; as it turns out, he'd been attempting to explain himself. She might as well give him that chance now that she knows everything. Or, at least, most of everything.

She hasn't spoken to any of those people he mentions, and while she's never heard the Rite of Annulment by its proper name, she can figure it out by virtue of context. "Is it regarding what Templars are allowed to do to entire Circles with little more than the appropriate paperwork?" Sniffing a little, she glances away and remarks, "I know that terrible things have happened within the Circles. I still have no love for them. I wouldn't resort to terrorism to stop them, though. There are lines you just don't cross without becoming the very thing you're trying to fight against."

But again, Hermione isn't here to give him the same sort of treatment everyone else has likely been giving him. She'd heard awful things about him from the Council, things that hadn't lined up with the man she'd spoken with briefly. So in the interest of fairness, she stands there and looks him in the eye and tells him, "But if you'd like to respectfully disagree with me, by all means, convince me otherwise."

There's a beat before he tilts his head to the side for a moment. As much as he wishes he had the luxury of disagreeing, it's simply not there.

"No. No, I don't disagree. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed, and I crossed one. The term terrorist is accurate, and I wish I'd found any other way to stop the Circle in Kirkwall from being wiped out. But I saw nothing else, and like I said the other day, no one else has suggested any alternate solutions and it's been... It's closing on five years now."

Anders shakes his head. "The mages were going to die unless someone dealt with Elthina or Meredith, and if it was a half-measure, then someone else would simply rise up and finish the task. Like Cullen. Furthermore, the Chantry is what preaches Andrastianism, what teaches the people everywhere that mages should be locked up. It's a symbol."

And it's where his lover died, so many years ago, all so the Templars could try to kill Anders.

"I didn't..." He exhales. "I didn't want to kill. I just wanted to save. That doesn't make it right, but standing by wasn't right either and I was out of options." And possessed by a spirit that did want to kill.

She's a little thrown by the fact that he doesn't disagree with her, knocking down a bit of her defensiveness. How can she be defensive when he isn't trying to argue with her?

He seems genuinely remorseful for what he's done, but a murderer is still a murderer. At least, that's what she wants to believe. Hadn't she and Harry and even Ron posthumously granted Snape clemency upon finding out why he'd done what he'd done?

That had been different, though. Snape's victim had been willing, had even been the one who'd tied Snape's hands to his grisly task. The people who'd died at the Chantry... they hadn't seen their own death coming, much less had been accepting of it.

She's torn between wanting to hate Anders for what he'd done and being aghast by the fact that he seems genuinely convinced that he'd had no other choice than to resort to an act of terrorism that had left him isolated and reviled in its aftermath. If nothing else, he certainly seems to believe his options had been limited, and since Hermione hadn't been there, she can't really say. All she knows is that, however difficult things had been for mages before, he hadn't really helped to make them much better.

"There are always options." She leaves it at that for a moment before sighing and reluctantly bringing up, "We just don't always happen to see them before it's too late."

He could have spoken to someone. Used a friend with influence to try and make the situation a little more favorable. Helped the mages that were in danger escape their fates. If it had really come down to it, he could have killed a few key decision-makers, rather than have to annihilate so many people. But she doesn't know the little details involved in all of this, and without a clear picture of all possible factors and potential outcomes, it really isn't her place to judge.

"I wish... things had been easier. For you, for the mages, for this entire world. It isn't fair that anyone should be left feeling so burdened that his only choice is to kill his way out." Shaking her head, she concludes, "And I'm afraid that's all I can really say, because it isn't my place to judge you or your actions. I wish I'd known the truth earlier, but it's not as though it could have changed anything. Besides, you're under no obligation to tell some girl from another world anything about your past, especially when it's as checkered as all that."

There aren't always options... but he doesn't want to strip away her naivete. Justice does. But even Justice knows that right now their best option is to keep Justice's head down because otherwise the axe may be coming for Anders'.

"There's a great many things people wish they had known earlier. Most don't know it because their eyes are closed and they won't see it until they must. You didn't know it because you're new to this world."

Where does she come from, where killing isn't a regular part of business? Does she know what the Inquisition does to bandits? Red Templars, mages gone fully Abomination, those are no longer human. But he wonders what she'll think if she's asked to go on one of the missions out of Skyhold where it's kill or be killed. She's not ready for Thedas.

He shakes his own head. "Is it safe to assume that a majority of the spells you've been taught aren't for fighting? Because that's what we're schooled in. How to be used for fighting, how to be used for killing. How to be used for making potions that are then often used for combat as much as anything else. The swords so many carry aren't simply for dealing with dragons and darkspawn. This is a world where killing happens, and it happens regularly. Including the killing of innocents. It's wrong, every time it happens, but the only reason people are worked up about it is because it was the Chantry, a symbol of the faith of most you'll meet, and a mage did it."

Anders looks at her, seeks to meet her eyes. "I sought to break one cycle of abuse and violence. To free one group, the only way I knew how. Seeing an end to people having to kill will take far more than that. It will mean options. Chances to avoid fighting, for people to simply live their lives so long as they're not hurting others, and right now the Dalish don't have that, the city Elves don't have that, and the mages are only just getting there and could topple back into captivity if people like Vivienne have their way.

"This is bigger than one man. Bigger than one chantry, bigger than one young woman from another world. It's about justice and equality, and it's simply not there yet."

He pauses and lets that settle in. "But perhaps what we need is someone who doesn't know this world. Someone who thinks that there's a peaceful way to continue. Maybe there's a use to the rifts, and our world can learn. ...And maybe not. I don't know. I can't say. I am, again, one man."

Hermione would insist that she isn't naive, far from it. She simply chooses to see the best in people, even while keeping her expectations grounded in reality. Some people can be redeemed, and some acts are redeemable, but without a clear picture of all sides of the situation, she can't really do much else but wish for the best case scenario.

That's getting harder and harder to do here, though. Killing doesn't seem to be as taboo in Thedas as it is in Europe. Back home, willfully killing a person damages your very soul. How much worse would it be for Anders, given what he'd done?

Luckily, that sort of thing doesn't seem to apply here. Or maybe it does. Maybe most people in Thedas have a mangled soul, which would explain the hatred and bigotry that seems to surround so much of society. She's often wondered similar things of her own world, after all.

"I know how to fight," Hermione professes. "But the Killing Curse is one of the three Unforgivable Curses. It's not even supposed to be used during wartime, and if it is, and it's used by someone on your side, you're fighting on the wrong side." That isn't to say that people aren't killed in war on both sides, but that specific curse is used only to end someone's life and cannot be defended against; it's the worst of all curses by far.

"Are you saying people wouldn't have been worked up about it if some random person walked into a Circle and began systematically killing mages? Because I find that hard to believe. According to you, you had your reasons, but there was no build-up to it from an outside point of view, as far as I've been made to understand. Senselessly slaughtering people without so much as a paper-thin explanation provided to the public will never go over well, and the fact that this particular instance involved a mage up against the Chantry? I don't imagine that helped in the least."

She meets his eyes, even if she sort of wishes she hadn't. He can be frightfully convincing in how passionate he is, but murder is murder, and while it doesn't necessarily make Anders irredeemable in her eyes, it's not something Hermione can simply gloss over. "Options are much easier to acquire with diplomacy. With talking. I admire someone willing to take action for a cause he believes in, but what you did didn't end an abusive cycle. If anything, some might say you actually validated it, and that things will be worse than ever if Circles are ever reinstated. I don't want that to happen, whether I'm here to see it or not."

It's all a matter of different worldviews; if Hermione had been born in Thedas, if she'd been taken from her parents and forced to live in a Circle with little or no contact with the outside world, would she still feel the same way about what Anders had done? Or would she be so desensitized to the thought of killing that she would have found herself in a similar situation as Anders? She can't help thinking that, had her situation been desperate enough in this hypothetical other life, she might have almost been grateful to Anders for the chance to escape a Circle and lead her own life, so long as there was no chance of her being found out and forced back into captivity should things end poorly for the mages.

But all of this is just that: hypothetical. "I can't say what you do or don't need, or if there's any reason that I or any of the other rifters are here. Divination has never been reliable field of study, after all. All I can say is that yes, you are one man. And I'm just one rifter. But that doesn't mean that either of us are limited in our potential. I don't know if you can ever really atone for what you've done, but the fact is that you did it, and now you're being given a chance to move on and redeem yourself in the eyes of the Inquisition, if not the world. Don't waste that chance, Anders."

What sort of a world does she hail from, where all sides agree that killing is too far? Where there is wartime but no death? It sounds a dream, an impossibility. He hopes it actually exists. Right now, though, they're dwelling on the here and the, well. Not now, and not exactly in Skyhold, but close enough.

"If a Templar killed a mage when the Circles were intact, it was considered just. Acceptable. I saw it in the Circle where I was held, and Kirkwall was worse. Mages were being made Tranquil to be used." He hopes the word is clear enough; there's some forms of abuse that he doesn't want to go into details with. "I talked for seven years, Hermione. I spoke to everyone I could reach, sent letters, put writings out there, and they were ignored. The abuses were ignored."

Anders exhales, brushing a hand through his bangs. At least she's not someone from Thedas ignoring all that had been done. Her ignorance in what had gone on is entirely excusable, but he can't help but feel like she's dismissing what she hears.

"Kirkwall was known by mages in distant Circles to be the worst. To be dangerous and cruel. If we, who were kept within walls, knew it..." He shakes his head. "Those in authority knew it too, and turned a blind eye because it didn't harm them. There was a build-up that was viewable, noticeable, by anyone who had an ounce of compassion for the plight of mages, but the Chantry did its hardest to make sure compassion was in short supply. I am sorry that the truth is I exhausted the diplomatic option, that the truth is that no one who could have helped without violence did, that the truth is they knew or had full opportunity to know that their system had gone so wrong. But that is what it is."

His arms cross, he's done playing with his hair. "You stand here assuming I didn't try everything I could. But I did. Words, paper, bribery, Maker, I even joined in on helping the Chantry out a few times, the city guard, the city leadership, thieves, smugglers, every group save the assassins." Who tried to kill a friend of a friend, and then he and Hawke and others had gone and killed the assassins. "I spent seven years underground in that city, healing and working, trying to help those who were constantly being abused, who were having their very ability to consent stripped from them, and there was no change. There was no response."

One more breath. He's nearly done. She's probably nearly done with him, truth be told, but he doesn't know what else to do except try to shed light where others have deliberately left darkness. Time and time again this happens, because they'd rather see simple problems rather than complex realities. This world doesn't deal in simple. Ever.

"For now, at the very least, the abusive cycle is broken. Mages are self-governing, having a chance to make their own choices, to not live in fear of someone having a bad day, to see the sky, and that's not exaggeration. None of our lives should be wasted, and I've no intention of wasting what I've been given. And what I've helped give, overly high price and all."

There is definitely death during wartime, and Hermione can attest to that. It's just a matter of the sort of circumstances under which it happens, and who finds such things acceptable. From what Hermione's seen, no decent person has ever found wanton loss of life to be an acceptable side effect of war, even if they'd been forced to resort to all sorts of atrocities in the name of the greater good.

At first, Hermione doesn't see the hidden meaning in the word used, assuming that Anders simply means that mages had been taken advantage of in terms of their magic being used towards ill-gotten gains, or something similar. But then he mentions something about consent, and she looks as though she'd just been struck as the implication makes itself obvious. Oh... oh.

Does that excuse killing, though? At what point is one simply crossing a line rather than attempting to right a wrong? It's clear that Anders doesn't relish what he'd done, but he's still trying to make her see the value in it, despite the fact that they clearly come from very different points of view.

Seeing him cross his arms over his chest, Hermione shakes her head, trying not to get frustrated by how understandable defensive he's been. "I'm not-... not assuming anything. I'm trying not to, at least. Like I said, I've been hearing all sorts of things, and I wanted to hear your side of it, because-...."

And she has to pause there, because really, that's the main part of all of this that has been most upsetting for her.

Eventually, she takes a long, shaky breath before explaining, "I've just come out of a war. If our opposition had won, people like me - non-magical people and those who come from non-magical families - would have been exterminated. At best. At worst... at worst, someone like me would have ended up wishing for something as simple as death. I've been tortured, I've been-.... I might have ended up not much different than you. I would have felt caged, resentful, desperate. And that scares me, that my worst-case scenario is your every day."

Oh hell, there are tears in her eyes. She's too stubborn to let them fall, because this isn't about her, and she's not trying to make this about her. She's just trying to prove that, even though she doesn't understand, she's willing to try. Because if circumstances had been different, who's to say that she wouldn't have ended up being grateful to someone like Anders... or becoming someone not too different from him?

"I'm not just judging you over circumstances I can't begin to understand, Anders. I can understand. And I'd... I'd really rather not. Because killing does things to people, destroys our souls, and just leads us down darker and darker paths. Maybe it's different when we have good intentions, I don't know; I've never been good when it comes to metaphysical studies. I just... wish things could have been different. For everyone."

Though she's the one who has to subtly wipe a stray tear from her face as she turns away, she still shakes her head and tells him, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

And now he feels like shit, because he's making a young woman cry who entirely understandably doesn't want to feel like that much death is ever needed. Who would? He never had.

Anders drops his arms and holds a hand out without any real idea of what he's doing with it, whether just offering a hand or reaching for her shoulder. "No. No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you either. I... I'm used to a lot of people who have been here, who know how badly things can and do get, who have chosen to ignore it because it's easier that way."

He shakes his head. She apparently has confronted things like death and torture, she's not unfamiliar with them. And that she's faced the latter and still doesn't want to kill is impressive, actually.

"I hear so many call me monster, but I'm as much a person as them. They seek to deny me that the way they've denied all mages it for so long, because it's convenient. If someone is a thing, you don't have to worry about them suffering, you don't have to worry about ever being like them. I..." Anders exhales. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I don't really know how to, to bring the intensity down a notch, anymore."

In all fairness, Hermione would have probably broken down in tears if she'd ever had occasion to leave Skyhold and see just what Thedas is really like. The callous way with which so many people regard death and murder just... it makes no sense to her whatsoever.

She doesn't know what he means to do when he reaches out his hand, but she only shakes her head, gently brushing it aside. "It can't be easier to accept the world as it is. Not when it's as broken as people keep telling me." Her world isn't perfect, no. But at least the average person is aware that rounding a group of people up into Circles and allowing them to be killed simply because someone thought it would be for the greater good is nothing short of genocide.

"You were intense the last time we'd talked, too," she notes quietly. After a moment, she manages to look him in the eye again. She isn't quite smiling, but maybe it would look like she is if not for how sad her eyes look. "But you were never a monster. You did what you thought was right, and many people disagreed with it. And I'm sure some people agreed with it. But you're right, in a way. Worrying about ending up like you, ending up with few options because the state of the world has limited your choices and being forced to compromise your morals.... It's not something I'd like to think about."

Taking a deep breath, she shakes her head and concludes, "I don't envy you, Anders. But I also don't hate you. I wanted to, honestly, but... I can't."

"Hate is easy." It's another unfortunate truth of this world. "Thinking, realizing that situations are complex, is not."

That's not to say that everyone who hates him is entirely wrong. A few have the right. A majority have chosen the easy way, however, and they always will. There's nothing he can do about that simply fight for what is right.

His hand drops to his side and he nods. There's sadness, but it's not so much as if he'd hurt her. It's more like she's realizing that this world isn't a great place. "People choose to believe that if they have faith and follow the rules, the worst will never befall them. They're wrong, but they don't realize it until too late, until it has cost those around them everything, and then claims them as well. You'll find a great deal of denial and fear here. Rise above it, if you are able. I think you may be."

"Hate is the hardest thing in the world sometimes," Hermione counters lowly. "At least, that's how it is for most of the decent people I've met."

She's one of those people who'd always followed the rules, who had faith in the government and in being safe in Hogwarts and of having her parents there to always watch out for her. All of those things had proven faulty the past few years, and he's right, she had realized it too late, but even if he's rational and gives off all appearances of being sane, it can't really excuse the fact that he'd killed people. While some might have deserved whatever happened to them, surely not all of them could have.

But then, she's just categorizing him as a murderer again, and she knows enough about the world - her own and, now, Thedas - to know that things aren't that simple. Maybe he's right. Maybe hating is easier. Given the way it knots her stomach up whenever she thinks about it, though, it's hard to see it that way.

"You think a great deal of someone you've only recently met," she notes softly. "Besides, denial is easy, since it can be refuted with evidence. Fear is what's illogical, so it's not always so easy to bypass. Especially not in a place where danger can come in from any side at any moment." Even from people who don't seem quite so dangerous.

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Truth or Dare: Side Party for Servants and Scoundrels

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