faderift | [OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

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[OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

WHO: Hermione Granger and YOU
WHAT: Hermione's seen some shit and is trying to get over it.
WHEN: Mid-Kingsway through the end of the month.
WHERE: In and around Skyhold.
NOTES: Takes place after this plot, so some threads will likely have mentions of child death and/or signs of depression. Please let me know if you'd like me to avoid any triggery topics.

Library

Though the curly-haired rifter has become a staple in the library over the past six months, Hermione has been relatively scarce there lately. She has no real heart for research anymore, not after the things she'd uncovered in those journals in that cave in Fromage, and there's so much more to Thedas than what can be found in books. She'd learned that the hard way, and now instead of reading and taking notes, she finds her thoughts wandering as they rarely do. For once, she can use a distraction from her failed attempts at studying.

Stables

Avoiding people isn't always as easy as she'd like it to be. But if she can preoccupy herself with animals, Hermione can withstand a bit of small talk. There's usually a kitten or two playing around the stables, and if not, at least helping to feed some of the horses will make her feel productive as well as distracted. And if that doesn't work, there's a certain dracolisk that she'd been slowly learning to get friendly with, assuming it won't sense her dour mood and become agitated.

Battlements

The battlements are actually quite pretty. She'd never really come up here before - if she wasn't in the library then that usually means she wanted to be social, and so the courtyards were where she'd spent more of her time - but now that she's looking for a change of scenery... well, there are worse places to get some quiet with a beautiful view. She's not always alone, since there are always people passing back and forth, but most people don't seem all that keen on hassling the young woman perched in between two turrets, staring out into the mountains. Indeed, unless someone happens to recognize her or just manages to catch her as she wipes at a stray tear, most probably wouldn't even know she's there.

Healing Tents

Returning from Emprise had been difficult, for more reasons than one. Beyond the obvious, Hermione still had a few physical injuries that she'd intended to ask the healers in her group to help with on their way back, but had clearly never gotten around to it due to the extenuating circumstances. Of course, she can't indefinitely deal with waking up with a sharp pain in her back and some of the bruises had begun to look particularly gruesome, so there's nothing wrong with making the occasional visit to the healing tents. If she takes care of one thing at a time and sees a different healer each time, it minimizes the chance of any awkward questions being asked, which is all the better; she's not ready to talk about that dreadful day and is in no rush to change that.

Wildcard!

She probably won't be quite so cheery until later on in the month, but Hermione still needs to eat, drink, bathe, and presumably sleep. She may be a little awkward around those that had gone to Emprise du Lion with her, but she isn't about to actively ignore anyone or send them off. Her nerves might be a bit frayed, but there's still such a thing as etiquette, after all.

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Bad reality.

[That's more blunt than she would have liked to be, so she glances back at him, expression vaguely apologetic.]

No offense. I know Thedas is your home, but I don't think I've ever wanted to leave a place as badly as I do here.

... aside from the time my friends and I were captured and I was t-... but that's neither here nor there.

[If she can't even bring herself to discuss her current concerns, there's certainly no way she'll be able to blithely mention the one time she'd been tortured. It's still a bit too fresh in her mind.]

[If she was expecting Bruce to be offended, she's going to be surprised. Rather than being offended Bruce's response is to let out a small sound of amusement and smile wryly - although his expression quickly softens up after that.]

I'll definitely be the first to admit that this isn't the best place to be in. [But still, not like there's much of a chance here. Up until the Rifters first arrived he had never thought of the possibility of other worlds out there. And now that he knows... its tempting to leave from this place, to find one that may accept him. But those are only ideas that he can only fancy while Corypheus is still at large out here.

And besides, his own wants aren't the thing here right now.]

Is this about Solas's announcement? [Can't exactly hide his involvement in that, after all.]

[That had almost sounded like a laugh, and she doesn't recall ever hearing Bruce laugh before. His explanation clears that up fairly quickly, though, and she only nods in agreement when he remarks that Thedas isn't exactly a prime spot for a holiday.

At the mention of Solas, though, Hermione looks away again, though she supposes there's no sense in hiding it. Bruce knows she's a rifter, so it stands to reason that she would have responded to Solas's message, even if not in a public forum.]

Partially. [She almost leaves it at that, but decides to continue.] I had questions, he had answers. Answers that I didn't particularly like, even if I'd been expecting them.

[Well there's also the fact that he had been present for most of what had happened which led to this, but that's neither here nor there.

If she hadn't wanted to elaborate Bruce would understand, but since she does continue to explain Bruce supposes that the least he can do is to do the same. He takes a moment to pour water into his pot from a container he brought up with him, then starts to pick out the suitable herbs for the potion he intends to make.]

Truth is always bigger burden than we expect it to be.

Especially when it isn't a truth you want to hear.

[Most truths are like that, really, which she supposes is how lying got to be so popular.

After a moment of silence, she glances back at him, still not entirely sure what his relationship with magic is, given she'd only recently discovered he's a healer.]

Do you think rifters are demons, Bruce?

[To her first response all Bruce can do is to put on a wry smile. People always want truth but yet many times its something they can't accept so easily. It'd be funny if it also wasn't so painful and sad at the same time.

The next question has him pause, perhaps for a beat too long, and then he puts the last of the herbs into the pot.]

If you all were demons, it'd have been impossible for you to be possessed.

[A demon can't possess a demon, after all.]

[His pause speaks volumes, and his actual reply says more than Hermione initially realizes. But then, after a moment:]

"It would have been"? Don't you mean "it would be"?

[It's less about grammar and more about the fact that one of those implies that a rifter has been possessed, which she still hasn't actually heard about. She's kept largely to herself since her return from her mission, and while she's picked up enough idle gossip to have heard that one of her rifter friends has died, she hasn't yet heard the real specifics.]

[Ah--whoops. Bruce doesn't quite do the wincing thing on the outside but you can bet that he's doing it internally. So much internal wincing. And after the effort he put in himself to make sure that the truth wouldn't be so easily found...]

Yes. [He just says, mostly a token attempt of covering himself up now - he knows whatever he says here won't exactly fly by her after that kind of slip up.] The possibility has always existed, that is.

[Look, she's inquisitive enough by normal standards, but Bruce has just hinted that one of her worst fears has actually come true for someone. So no, she's definitely not going to let that fly, and she turns to face him fully, looking at him carefully in the darkness.]

Bruce. What's happened? If another rifter is in trouble, I deserve to know.

[Yeaaaaaah Bruce is. Most definitely not looking at her now. How can he, really? Not because she's a Rifter or whatever but just... its hard to really face her, considering how she seems to feel right now, and what she wants to know. And knowing that Bruce himself has a part in this, one way or another.]

It doesn't matter. The situation's already been dealt with.

[Just... trying to give her an out here, still.]

Dealt with? How? If someone's been possessed, was a ritual performed or was-....

[Was the person killed? is the question she means to ask, but she stops when she realizes it doesn't need to be asked. And if the rifter in question had been killed, and she knows of one rifter who's died....

Kain.

She doesn't want to believe it, and so she doesn't ask. Asking would mean he'd have to confirm it. But the question is still there in her eyes, despite the fact that she's not entirely sure she's ready to hear yet another gut-wrenching truth.]

[He still isn't looking at her but that silence is telling enough for him. Bruce bites down a sigh and rubs the side of his face. Really, this is not a conversation he wants to be having. Especially with Rifters, and doubly with Granger.

She's still so young, despite everything.]

Don't dwell on it. [Is what he says instead.] Solas is already taking measures to prevent this from happening. As long as you've seen him, you'll be alright.

[His non-answer makes her look down, and while she'd never do anything self-destructive, the thought of slipping off the battlements in the fastest way possible has its appeal, if only because she needs to be alone so she can properly react. But trying to move away might make her dizzy, and she's so close to the edge that her fingers clench painfully at the stone as she tries to keep herself some semblance of centered.]

He was possessed and killed-... killed by people he'd considered friends. So it really can happen to any one of us.

[As far as she's concerned, all Solas had done was wrap a bandage around a gaping wound. Nothing could close it up, not until that shard is gone.]

[To that Bruce... well. He can't really say anything. He knows where she's coming from and he can sympathize, but still--]

There wasn't a choice. We were attacked first and needed to defend ourselves. [And it was clear that the demon wasn't going to leave his body, so they could only do the only thing they could do. Considering any other alternatives, that had been the best they could do.

But was it mercy? It was hard to say. And Bruce doesn't think he's qualified to really make a judgement call.]

It could have, yes, but now it won't. [Or at least, now there might be better warning signs instead of what transpired with Highwind.] Dwelling on it isn't going to help - all we can do is make do with what we've learned and prevent any future incidents from happening.

He wasn't an incident! He was a person, a person who'd had everything ripped away and and did what he'd thought he had to do to survive because no one ever taught him any other way to survive in this world!

[She... may or may not still be talking about Kain, or the rifter who she assumes is Kain, or the young boy she'd watched her team murder before her eyes. It's hard to tell at this point, even for her, but she has to force herself to remember that none of that is Bruce's fault.

... even if he does imply that he'd been part of the group that had needed to defend themselves against a possessed rifter. She tries to look past that, eyes downcast as she softens her voice a bit.]

No one knows nearly enough about the shards to know what could and couldn't happen now. Not even Solas.

[It doesn't matter if she blames him or not, because Bruce is certainly blaming himself either way. There hadn't been a choice in the matter, but still--its still something he blames himself for. Times like these he wishes he didn't make the decision to come here, instead just staying low like what he originally planned. But here he was no a year later and perhaps in too deep with so many things here, for better or for worse.

He wishes he were a better person, though.]

It's why knowing every bit helps. [He moves past the first part, now - there's no resolution to that, and all they can do is to move on. Move on just as Bruce himself had to do eventually.] The more we know, the better prepared we can all be, and nothing like this can happen again.

[He's a good enough person, of that Hermione's sure. Most of the people who'd come to Skyhold are generally good people, trying to do what's right in the world. It's just the world itself that isn't fair, or easy, but... well, she supposes she can say the same for her own.]

You know that's not true.

[Her voice is quiet as she looks up at him, her eyes having seen too much and knowing all too well that they still haven't seen the worst of it.]

If there was a way for something like this to never happen again, someone would have figured it out by now. Abominations still happen, and now with red lyrium being a factor, never mind rifters, and certainly never mind rifters with magic....

[Hating how defeated she feels, she shakes her head.]

How long does someone like me have before the world at large decides we're too big of a risk?

[Of course he knows its not true, but--at the same time dwelling on that isn't going to help. These Rifters have suffered enough as it is, being pulled away from what they knew and thrust into this place that was so against them. He honestly wishes it wouldn't be this way for them, but yet...

If only, indeed.]

Abominations happened because people keep trying to push things beyond the boundaries of what should be done. [Old memories pass through his mind then - late nights at the Harlem Circle, arguments with First Enchanter Amsel, all leading up to that day.] And red lyrium... none of us really know a lot about it too. There's still so much we don't know, honestly.

[He wishes he had better things to say, really. But he's never been the best at this.]

I can't guarantee anything, but you and the other Rifters are here in the Inquisition, helping to make a difference. That's better than what we can hope to ask for, and that means something.

No one seems to know much of anything.

[She doesn't mean for it to come out as bitterly as it does, but she can't help it. Maybe Thedas is simply a comparatively new world compared to her own, and so that explains why technology and basic social civility isn't quite up to par. But that just makes it that much more frustrating when she comes across several people like Bruce who do understand just how flawed the world is, but it's not nearly enough of them to make a proper difference.]

I don't know that I can say the rifters are helping much of anything. If we're not preoccupied with finding a way home, then we're trying to make it through the day without someone thinking we're a threat to the Inquisition and to the world at large. [She pauses, glancing down at her hand again for a split second before looking away.] Not that I can blame them, I suppose.

[He can understand her bitterness. In a way he shares those same feelings too - not knowing enough is what landed him in his own situation after all. One that he can never come out from now. A destiny he's stuck to and without anything to change that. There was only one way once one became what he is now. At least there was a simplicity in that which he could appreciate.

Unconsciously he rubs at his wrists, a habit more than anything else when the uncertainty rises up within him, at times threatening to overwhelm. He wishes he could know more, had the knowledge to help... but the fact is that is not much he can do as much as he wants to otherwise. What can one like him manage besides the worst?]

Uncertainty and the unknown has always been what drove people to fear. [A fact Bruce knows all too well.] And I suppose understanding the unknown has never been the best trait of people here. They're more inclined to beat it dead first before actually trying to understand.

[Given what she'd seen in that cave, Hermione has a different sort of viewpoint on abominations than most others in Thedas might. They're dangerous, yes. But they're also people. They have family, friends. And she could easily become one of them. That's what scares her the most, really; the idea that she could turn into something that would mark her as a target for those who'd once looked at her as a friend.]

Like rifters. And mages. So I should be thankful just to be alive, never mind for having never seen the inside of the dungeons.

[Another moment of silence passes before she looks up, meeting Bruce's eyes once again.]

Or is that an inevitable next step? Lock up all the rifters and kill the ones who can do magic before they have the chance to turn into monsters?

[That... was not what Bruce was implying at all, or even saying for that matter. He really was bad at this.

He tries, but the frustration shows through a little still nonetheless, Bruce rubbing the back of his neck as he frowns. It's too easy to understand all her feelings and her bitterness and all that negativity, but he certainly can't add to it with his own feelings on the matter. It wasn't going to help either of them one bit. Being an abomination, having a demon lurking inside you, ready to strike at any moment--death would be a mercy for monsters like them.

For monsters like him.]

I can't--nothing I say can be a guarantee, or can make you feel better. [Because reality is harsh and Bruce is the last person who would try to sugarcoat something like this. He's never been one for false hope.]All I can say is that I know a good number of us are trying to help in whatever way we can. You and the other Rifters are something new, and new things mean change, and change is something that--Thedas doesn't do well with, most of the time.

[See what happened the last time somebody wanted to 'change things'. A blown up Chantry was a result.]

[It isn't Bruce's fault. This just hasn't been a particularly good month for Hermione. Or for rifters in general, it seems. She knows that he doesn't mean to imply anything so drastic towards rifters or anyone at all, but she can't help but feel as though the vast majority of Thedas would much prefer it if rifters were kept out of the picture. They have enough complications to deal with, after all.

As much as Hermione doesn't like to have things sugarcoated, she sort of wishes that Bruce or anyone else she's spoken to on this matter would just tell her that she's overreacting, that things will be all right, and that really, Thedas isn't nearly as bad as it seems right now. But it's as though she's only just discovered the true nature of the world she'd landed in, and no one has the heart to wrap her in false security anymore. She's not sure if she should thank them or begrudge them.]

Then maybe Thedas needs to change that. Because I can't imagine any place where everything will always stay the same. There will always be surprises, and variables, and general unknowns. If Thedas isn't equipped to deal with them as they crop up, then I'm almost more worried for the world as a whole than I am for myself.

[Almost.]

[Sort of a helpless shrug here. Really, there's not much he can do or say to make this better.]

When change happens here it tends to be-- [A wry twist of his lips here.] --explosive. Slow and steady is what is probably needed here, except I guess not a lot of us know how to do slow and steady.

[They're all too rooted in... this whole mess that the Dragon Age has been in general, really.]

Maybe after this fight is over something can be done. [But until then.... well, there's Corphyeus and his people to deal with.]

Slow and steady has been going on since the beginning of time, given what I've been reading in the library.

[She doesn't know if his choice of words is intentional, but it does remind her of what Anders had told her he'd done that he'd thought had been necessary to incite change, in a moment of desperation. From the looks of it, it had changed the state of the world, but certainly hadn't changed the mindsets of most. If anything, it just made more enemy for mages and widened a schism that had always been there.

Even so... she can still sort of find herself agree with it now. And that scares her.]

People have got to want to change. Not for their benefit, but for the benefit of everyone. Otherwise, it's just a lot of screaming into the darkness.

[OPEN] Heaven bend to take my hand

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ugh sorry i kinda crashed and burned for majority of nov

It's okay; I've been doing about the same for December, whoops.

/lies down

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