faderift | Open | If you forget, is it like it never happened?

Entry tags:

Open | If you forget, is it like it never happened?

WHO: Cole and anyone who needs or wants him
WHAT: Cole's back. If he ever left. Who really knows?
WHEN: Now until end of February.
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: If you want a personal starter, drop me a PM or find me at

jemisard

Those sensitive to such things might notice that Cole is back. He's hard to remember at the best of times, and after such a long period, Cole himself expects virtually no one to remember who he is or that he's allowed to be here.

But it doesn't stop him doing what he does. Moving about, helping those he can.

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Felix pauses when he heard his name and looks toward the voice. He was used to being recognized by then but it was surprisingly comforting to hear it now. Even more when so when it was clarified with 'Dorian's friend.' That was at least something he'd never be ashamed to admit.

Then he's looking at a boy who tells him something about what he was thinking. "I..." he starts. "I suppose that's true." Then, after a moment. "I'm sorry but who-?" He wasn't like other mages in that he had never really encountered a spirit before. His own magic was too weak to attract them in the Fade.

"I'm Cole. I help people."

Felix might remember. He might not. Cole could never be sure who would and who wouldn't. "Loving you might have motivated him, but it wasn't his love which made him do it. And it wasn't you. He was desperate and he didn't care about anything except fixing what made him hurt. He chose to do that, not you."

Even spirit mediums had a hard time realising what Cole was. It was hardly surprising Felix was unsure what was going on.

Felix remembered talk of Cole and he nodded a bit, suddenly paying much more attention. He might not remember this encounter, if what he had heard about Cole was true, but it was still the first conversation he had had with a spirit. That experience was one he had always felt a little sad about not having, when other Tevinter mages spoke openly of it. It was one of those rare things that he had always been curious about.

The thought was one that even distracted him for a moment from his own guilt, but then he was focusing on Cole's words. "I could have done more to stop him. I didn't even confront him until after he joined the Venatori." Until after Dorian and the Herald were there to back him up.

"He's your father. You were raised to love him and respect him, to trust him. You made a mistake. You shouldn't punish yourself for not challenging him."

He leans in a bit more. "Standing up to someone you respect is one of the scariest things you can do. Lots of people never manage it. You did."

The truth of that touches him in ways he can't fully express. He feels his heart lighten a bit as the words settle on him. Maybe he had needed Dorian there to help him, but he had still stood up and told his father he was wrong. He had even tried his hardest to get him to face the reality of death.

However, there was still the fact that he hadn't died. "You don't think that he'll start to think it was all worth it because I lived?" he asked, wanting Cole's opinion on that subject. Would accepting the Joining lead to his father thinking that coming South with the Venatori had been the right choice to make.

"I don't know. Maybe he will. But he still knows in his heart what he did was wrong. He still lost you... maybe this way was worse, because he didn't lose your life, but he lost something more, snapped that thread between you."

He pauses and tilts his head. "You... aren't scared of me. And know think you know what I am."

Felix tilted his head a bit. "Should I be scared?" he asked after a moment. Tevinter mages were taught how dangerous spirits could be, but they didn't have the same level of fear. "You're unique, aren't you? If anything. I'm wondering how I can be so calm and not asking you a million questions." He had been rather distracted by the things Cole had been saying and the ways it had made him feel.

"No. You don't need to be scared. Solas said I was unique, and he seemed to know lots about spirits and the Fade."

And like that, Cole has refocused, Felix thinking about being distracted enough to pull him back to what he was doing. But... he seems happier now. "Because it helps to have someone not involved tell you that it's not your responsibility and not your fault. It isn't."

Felix smiles a bit at that and makes a noise that sounds a bit amused. "That's true," he says. He does feel so much lighter now. The taint is still there, but it's not weighing on him in a noticeable way.

Then, after a moment. "Do you mind if I ask you some questions? You're the first spirit that I've ever been able to speak too, and most altus do that every night when they sleep..." Though most of them did it to gain power and strength, those weren't things that Felix was very interested in. He did want knowledge though, and to experience something he wouldn't be able to otherwise.

Cole's eyes actually go round with surprise. Most people just started asking, so it was nice that someone... wanted to know if he wanted to talk about it.

"You can ask. I can try and answer. I'm not... just a spirit. I'm different from most of them."

"I know," Felix replies, his voice kind as he answered. "That's what makes this interaction even more important, right? The fact that you're unique..." He felt a little embarrassed then to sound so blunt about it. He didn't want Cole to assume that he considered him something to be consumed. Too many Tevinter mages treated spirits that way.

"Do you know..." He paused, uncertain how to word it politely because he still cared about not being rude - even to someone that others might not consider a person. He was used to being around people who considered others less than them, he didn't want to become one of them. "Do you know how you came to be that way?"

"I don't know if it makes it special, but it feels special to you. So maybe it is." He nods, content with his logic.

"Not... really? I came through the Veil because I had to. To help Cole. I had to be on this side to do it, but I don't know how I did it."

"But it was a choice you made then? You may not have done all that it would do to you, but it was an action you took to help someone who needed you?" He wasn't sure who they were talking about now. From what he had heard, the spirit Cole wasn't possessing anyone, but then who was the 'Cole' that he was talking about? He thought, for a moment, that he ought to bug Dorian for more detail about the companions who were closer to the leadership of the Inquisition.

"Yes. It was how I could help. Maybe the fact he was dying helped. He was alone and scared and suffering and he wanted someone there, he hadn't seen anyone in so many days, weeks, forever. He wished he could have a life without being cursed by magic."

And he had become Cole. Not this Cole. But a Cole.

"Cursed by magic..." Felix repeated and the implications of that phrase weighed on him oddly. Back home, he had been the strange one for not being strong enough in magic, and here, down South, children were abandoned because they showed any sign of it. He was getting used to the idea, but it still seemed odd and depressing. Then, after a moment, he found himself leaning a bit closer to Cole. He didn't touch him, because he wasn't sure that was allowed, but he did seem to want to offer some proximity of comfort.

"It's good he wasn't alone, then, in those last moments." He had been very close to his own last moments before he died, but he had had time getting used to the idea. Any fear he had felt about death had faded a long time ago, but he wasn't a scared young boy who was suffering alone. "Anything that comes to be because of a good action can't be all that bad."

"Yes. His father hated him. Hated his magic. He hated himself. Nearly as much as the Templars did." Nearly, because he had still fought to live. Despite everything. He cants his head. "You can touch me if you want, but I'll know more about you if you do."

Not everyone likes Cole knowing things.

Felix reaches out to touch Cole's arm lightly, careful to let the boy pull away if he wanted. He doesn't seem to mind his thoughts being responded to. If anything, it made communication more efficient.

"I'm sorry... I wish... I wish there was something that we could do for him." He means that sincerely, and for a moment he feels an odd sense of grief for someone he'll never meet. "I suppose, we can try to make the world one that wouldn't lead to the same thing happening over again?"

He can hear the song, louder in Felix than most of the Wardens, softer than in the dark caves where they hide and wait. And he can feel and hear the churn of Felix's emotions.

Cole's whole self seems to gain a bit more colour, a bit more real and his expression lightens. "Thank you." His voice is soft. "For... caring. For him. Me. Us. Yes, I'd like that."

"It seems to be the least that I could do," he says, his voice soft. "You don't seem used to people caring for you, though. Is that new as well?"

"... most people don't notice me. Rhys cared. Even when I hurt him, he cared. A few people have cared, I think, but they got to know me, spent time, said I'm someone they like."

He looks at his fingers, plucking at loose threads. "Most people are scared of me."

He frowns a bit. "From what I've learned, they don't trust spirits in the South." Then, after a moment. "What about other Spirits? Do you form attachments to each other?"

Cole frowns slightly, just looking confused.

"I don't understand."

Felix thinks that over, how to better word it. He's really worried that this comes off as rude. It's not that he's assuming spirits don't have feelings, but just that they might be entirely different than the emotions and attachments that humans have. "Can two spirits like each other? Could you be friends with another spirit? Does friendship even exist in the Fade in a way that a human would understand?"

"No."

Cole pauses and then realises it probably needs more explanation. "Spirits aren't complicated like that. They... are. Old spirits, complex spirits, they can, have more than just a simple self. But spirits don't really care about spirits. Spirits just are. They might act out a tragic romance, but after, they don't feel anything about it. They can't. Rage rages. Compassion cares. Sloth wants to laze."

Spirits can bond with humans. But with each other...

"I cared about Justice. But we weren't friends. I cared because Justice was suffering and so was Anders."

Felix can't help but feel a bit sad at that, but that's mostly because he's a human and has a human perspective. He tries to keep that in mind. "How do you feel about what happened to Justice?"

Open | If you forget, is it like it never happened?

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