faderift | [Open] The same old fears

Entry tags:

[Open] The same old fears

WHO: Hermione and OPEN
WHAT: Hermione comes back from the dark future and sees that she's short one best friend and has gained a whole lot of headaches.
WHEN: Backdated throughout Drakonis
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Sad things. If we didn't get to play out something in the dark AU but you want it to have still happened, let me know and I can handwave it.

To the Library

The library is, first and foremost, a place of refuge for Hermione. After returning to Skyhold and seeing her injuries seen to, she spends the majority of her first few days back in a place that could give her some semblance of normalcy. Of course, "normal" is a matter of perspective, given that things won't be normal until she's in her proper home, whether that means her parents' house or Hogwarts.

Still, she pores over various books to see what she can find on time travel, hoping that she and the others have indeed done the right thing by opting to return to the present and doing what they can to fix matters before they become unfixable. She'll have to be excused if she's, understandably, a bit distracted if she's interrupted.

Throughout Skyhold (or Hermione Granger and the Search for the Boy Who Lived)

More so than worrying over the morality of fiddling with time, Hermione comes to worry over how long it's been since she'd last seen Harry. She assumes at first that he's out on a mission, but when she finally brings herself to use her sending crystal to try and contact him, she receives no answer. But she'd only ever used it once before, and never for a private message; perhaps she'd done it wrong?

So she begins focusing more and more of her time walking about Skyhold, asking around to see if anyone has seen him. At first she doesn't seem concerned, but as the days wear on and she doesn't hear about him having gone off on any sort of mission, she begins to worry. People go missing all the time, but they weren't Harry. Where could he be?

Throughout Skyhold, Post-Kirkwall Announcement

Though her name isn't marked off as one of those who are being ordered to go off to Kirkwall right away, the fact that she's being forced to go at all doesn't sit well with her. She doesn't have a high impression of the place, but then, she'd only ever been there during a grim future that will hopefully never come to pass. Maybe the Seeker's disdain for it had been nothing but theatrics or a personal opinion.

Regardless, Harry's name isn't listed among those being forced to move, and that only makes her that much more determined not to go. After all, what if he returns from wherever he is and can't find her? So though her behavior doesn't change and she continues to search for Harry, there's also a side of steely determination and indignation in her eyes as she goes about her business, particularly whenever someone mentions the impending move.

Wild card!

Choose your own adventure (so long as it's somewhere in Skyhold)!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Part of Hermione doesn't want to be coddled, but she also appreciates not having to hear anyone try and convince her that Harry's gone and might never be coming back. That would imply that he'd found a way back home, and while that would be lovely, he wouldn't go through with it without making every effort possible to find Hermione and bring her back along with him.

Of course, it could also imply other things, such as him having been killed while on a mission, or mauled by a bear, or slipped and fallen down a treacherous path in the Frostbacks and not having been discovered in time. But she keeps telling herself that he's Harry Potter, and he wouldn't have survived all he had just to die like that. The universe might be ambivalent, but it isn't downright cruel.

"Yes, well, the Doctor is quite unique, but I think that much is obvious to anyone who has a single conversation with him." She still doesn't know whether to view that positively or negatively, really, given everything that had happened in the future. She counts him among her friends, but that's mostly because of Jamie. And he had only been trying to do the right thing by discouraging them from returning to the past, but it's so hard to be objective about that sort of thing when she'd already left her world behind, never mind her time.

But the Doctor is a complicated subject, and she has more than enough of those rattling around in her head already. "I think if he were still in Skyhold, I would have found him by now. I'm not sure I know which room you're talking about, though, so it's highly possible I'd just assumed it was someone's living quarters and overlooked it. Would you mind showing me?"

Even if it ends up being just another dead end, at least she'd have spent some time with Jamie before he leaves. Part of it might end up being awkward as she dwells more and more on what his future self had told her, but at least for the most part, he's still just a good friend to her. Anything more complicated than that can happen in its own time.

"Aye, I can do that."

He has to admit, he's slightly curious to see what's become of the place. There'd been enough books in the room that he's not at all sure there's enough room to fit them upstairs...especially that oversized one. He'd not cared much for the look of that one at the time - it'd been open to a page with a symbol that was an uncomfortable reminder of a book he'd come across a long time ago, and if it'd been his choice, he would've gotten rid of it without a second thought.

But it hadn't been, and over time, he'd pushed the thought of it from his mind. Now? Well, it's entirely possible that everything's been packed up already, but it's still worth a look, and he turns to head back towards the keep proper, only to pause and glance back at Hermione with a faintly furrowed brow.

"There's a couple of different ways to get to it, though, so think the question is do you want the shortcut or the longer way around? The shortcut's through the kitchens, so we might have a wee bit of explaining to do if we go that way."

Then again, they might also be able to talk one of the cooks into parting with a bit of a snack, which he admittedly he wouldn't mind at all. But if Hermione didn't want to deal with the extra people right now - and if that was the case, he could live without that bite to eat. Especially if it meant spending a few extra minutes with her.

"That's up to you though. Which way would you rather go?"

"You just keep providing me with more options, don't you?" Hermione comments mildly, managing to offer a small, half-hearted smile.

Ultimately, she wants to find Harry as quickly as possible, both so she can stop worrying about his safety and also because she has so much to unload regarding everything that had happened in the future. She hasn't even been talking to most of the people she's come across, aside from rifters; while most native to Thedas may have lost someone to war or in a senseless act of violence, she doubts very much that they'd understand the unique pain and panic that comes from a rifter missing someone from their home, especially when they'd only just been reunited a few months prior.

But as far as non-Harry company goes, Jamie suits her just fine. That's part of the problem, really, but she's likely making this more complicated for herself than she really has to. Before stepping into the future, Jamie had been her friend, and so this vague sense of awkwardness is inappropriate and unfair, especially when he doesn't know the source of it.

So she takes a small breath as she looks down, not quite able to bring herself to make eye contact with him as she reaches out to take his arm. "I don't mind walking with you a few extra minutes. Especially since you won't be around for much longer."

Her smile's not quite right - and he's tempted, for a moment, to just pull her into a hug then and there. It might not do much to help when it comes to finding Harry, but it's hard to resist the urge to comfort her when she's obviously hurting so. At the same time, though, it would delay their search, and he pushes the urge to the back of his mind, giving her a brief smile of his own instead.

"Aye, well, maybe so. Thought I was doing good with only giving you the two, though."

Given a chance he could probably come up with quite a few more, and maybe if he could spend more time here, he would. As it is, the thought of having to go is enough to spark some grumbling from him, even though secretly he's more than a bit pleased when she takes his arm - and for a split second before the grumbling kicks in, there's a flicker of that in his eyes.

"Not like any of us have much of a choice if we go or not. Don't see what the point is to going to Kirkwall, anyway. Seems to me the things we do would be done just as fine here. And we'd not have to go by boat to do it."

"Well... you don't have to leave today, so there's time enough to search other places. Assuming the idiot hasn't just been hiding in some little-known room without so much as a word to me, but that's a whole other issue."

Because really, as much as she wants to find Harry and know that he's okay, she might need to be restrained from wringing his neck if they find him perfectly safe and sound and he'd just gone off to who-knows-where without leaving word. But she'd wring his neck out of love. Mostly.

She's quiet for a moment as Jamie starts grumbling about going to Kirkwall. She doesn't much like it either, but for entirely different reasons. The only time she'd been in Kirkwall had been in the future, and really... that hadn't painted it in the cheeriest of lights, regardless of what it may look like today.

Instead of imparting on him why it's an important place for the Inquisition to be in light of the information they'd gleaned from the future, she absently asks, "You don't like boats? If I knew whether or not my Apparating worked for certain here, I'd attempt to spare you, but most days I have enough trouble just getting a simple Shield Charm to work properly, never mind something that could result in a nasty Splinching even on the best of days."

If Harry is hiding in some little-known room, Jamie suspects he's in for a good talking to. Putting Hermione through something like that...well, he expects that she'll give him a piece of her mind when all's said and done, and then some, just because she's been worried so. That assumes that they're able to find him, though, and for the moment he decides not to say anything about that part of things.

But as it turns out, Hermione's given him a good reason not to dwell on that part of things - at least for the moment - and as he leads them towards the stairs that'll take them down into the space that leads to the old library, he grimaces, just a little.

"It's no so much that I don't like boats. Give me an oar and I'll do just fine. It's just...aye, well, if you must know, sometimes I'll not do so good on those longer sorts of trips." Especially when the weather's rough, and the grimace deepens for a moment before his expression shifts and he winds up giving Hermione a fairly quizzical look instead. "What's a splinching, though?"

Following Jamie down the steps and not much paying attention to her surroundings, Hermione listens as he attempts to explain his distaste for boats. "Ah. You mean you get seasick. There's nothing shameful in that. Lots of people experience that. You can get your inner ear checked and have something prescribed to you easily enough. Though I suppose that's not so easy around here. But ginger is supposed to be good for that sort of thing, and eating crackers can help with the nausea. Some people use meditation, but while I can see the benefit of focusing your attention on something specific, I'm not exactly the sort to recommend something like that." Shrugging, she adds, "For what it's worth, I don't much like flying. At least, not in the way that most of the wizarding world chooses to do it."

Ever since her personal experience with Splinching, Hermione's been extremely careful and conservative when it comes to Apparating, which explains why she'd never attempted it here despite being in Thedas for about a year already. The last thing she needs is to lose a limb just because she wanted to see if she could get fro one end of the courtyard to another without walking.

"Well, when you Apparate, you're basically transporting your body from one point to another, instantly. However, if you're not careful, you can get Splinched, which is when your clothes or even your body doesn't come back together properly at your arrival point. It could be for any number of reasons, from poor spellwork to not realizing that there would be a wall or a tree in what you'd thought would be an empty space. My friend Ron had failed his Apparation test because he'd left an eyebrow behind. Well, technically half an eyebrow, but since the missing pieces are random, it could just have easily been half of a limb...."

She hesitates, then, frowning a little before quietly bringing up, "I'd Splinched him fairly badly when we had to make a quick escape. A bit of his arm.... There was so much blood. He still carries the scar and claims he rather likes it, but I'd rather not risk something like that again. Understandably, I think."

Normally, the mention of Ron is something that'd get him to frown just a little. He's still not so keen about hearing about the other man, and deep down he suspects he knows why. However, he'd not realized that Splinching was that dangerous - and the frown that might have otherwise materialized for a moment or two winds up being replaced with a look of faint consternation instead.

"You mean if the wrong part doesn't come back it'd could be worse than that? Aye, I can see why that'd not be good, then."

Especially given there's no real way of knowing what might happen here if she tries. She could get hurt - or worse - and his brow knits for a moment before he stops and turns towards her, his hand reaching to cover the one that she'd threaded through her arm earlier.

"Look, Hermione, I know you say you'd rather not risk that again, but if something changes and you think you need to, don't. I- it's too dangerous, here. Not when you don't know how the magic here might affect it."

Hermione doesn't particularly like talking about Ron, if not because it makes a painful longing come over her on the best of days, then because it makes the confusion and uncertainty that underlines her relationship with Jamie all the more pronounced. But she remembers how terrified she'd been when she'd realized she'd Splinched Ron, and she doesn't want something like that to happen to Jamie. Not to anyone, really, but especially not to Jamie.

She's a little surprised when he stops and turns towards her, taking her hand as he speaks earnestly. If they were still in the future, she's not sure what she might have done at his warning - kiss him, possibly? At the very least, she'd try and lighten the mood with a joke. But having a clear indication that he really does care for her (as though that much had ever really been in doubt) makes her falter for a moment.

"Jamie...." After a moment, she slips her hand away, though it's only so she can reach out, giving him a hesitant hug that she hopes doesn't feel too awkward. "You don't have to worry about me. The worst I'd ever done was accidentally turn myself into a cat-person, and that had been temporary. I'm not going to do anything that might hurt myself or anyone else here. Especially not you."

Now that gesture he notices...not because she's hugging him, but because of the way she's hugging him. It feels almost like she's not sure if she wants to be going through with it, and the only thing he can really think of is that he's said something that's got her thinking about something else - or worrying about something else, maybe, which wasn't his intent at all.

That said, he's not about to turn down the chance to return the hug, which he does with no hesitation whatsoever, wrapping his arms around her in a way that he hopes will help ease her worry a little rather than making things worse. Without knowing exactly what's wrong, he's not at all sure he can help, but he means to a least have a go at trying to do something that'll hopefully ease her mind, at least a little.

"Hey, you don't have to worry about hurting me. I'll be fine."

He's been through a fair bit here, he'll admit, but he's always come out alright in the end. Even with the Venatori- but that's not something he wants to particularly dwell on, and he pushes the thought away, giving Hermione a reassuring smile instead.

"Look, something's bothering you, though. Something more than just Harry being missing, I'd wager. Can't imagine why you'd be worried about hurting people if it was just that. What is it? You can talk to me, you know."

She'd thought he might ask more about the cat-person bit, since that had been thrown in specifically to try and change the subject. But maybe he just associates witches with cats or shapeshifters, and so it just hadn't crossed his mind. Either way, Hermione feels a little ill at ease again when Jamie apparently notices that something's bothering her. She knows she isn't the best actor in the world, but she'd hoped she could at least hold off on making it obvious until she knew what she wanted to say.

Or if she wants to say anything at all.

"I... don't think that I can. Not about this." Her words are low, hesitant, and her eyes are downcast as she tries to figure out whether or not she wants this conversation to be happening. On the one hand, it would clear up so much if she knew how Jamie felt right in this moment, rather than how he'll feel five years down the line. On the other, it would force her to come to terms with her own feelings, and while she knows where she stands emotionally, there's still the problem of Ron. And of the future in general. Hermione doesn't believe in casual relationships, after all, and so if she's going to even consider being with someone who isn't even from the same reality or time as she is, it's going to happen only after a lot of thought.

"I mean, I know I can talk to you, but... this is about something that happened in the future. So I suppose that means it hasn't happened yet. And there's no telling if it ever will happen or if it was just some sort of fluke that came about because of the specific circumstances that had led to me being in the future in the first place, but I can't know that for sure if I don't talk to you about it but if I say anything it might influence you one way or the other and then it wouldn't be coming from you, it would be a matter of suggestibility. Unless you really do feel that way already, but again, it could just have been because I'd been missing all those years, so I don't-...."

Realizing that she's babbling, she cuts herself off and looks away, going over what she'd just said and wondering if she only managed to confuse and worry Jamie even more.

"Sorry. This is just... hard for me to talk about. It always has been, I suppose."

And if she hadn't added the hug, her turning herself into a cat-person might have actually worked to change the subject. But as it stands, it's not that much stranger than the time the Doctor accidentally wound up changing his face, and while he is a bit curious about the story, the rest of it winds up being just enough to get him to wonder about other things instead.

At least to start. However, it's not long before what she's saying catches his attention fully, in large part because he finds himself having to focus to try and make sense out of what it is Hermione is saying. It's not that he minds her rambling - he never has - but it is confusing, and his brow furrows as he listens. Some of it still doesn't make much sense, but it's the same level of not making sense that he gets from listening to the Doctor talk about time. He knows he'll never fully understand that part of things, though, so not worrying about that is something that's done easily enough.

Some of the rest, though...

"How do you mean unless I really feel that way already? Feel what way? Did I say something in the future that upset you?"

"No," she replies right away, rubbing awkwardly at the back of her neck. "No, you didn't upset me. You could never upset me. It... it wasn't so much something you said-... well, I suppose it was something you said, but more something you did... or something you felt...."

Hermione knows she's either not making any sense or clearly beating around the bush - or both - and so she presses her lips together, wishing she could time travel just a bit more and rewind this conversation. But she knows that if she could do that, this conversation would never happen, and with Jamie leaving soon....

After a moment of hesitation, Hermione meets Jamie's gaze again, the fingers on her neck absently fiddling with the necklace still hidden beneath her blouse. "Jamie... how do you feel about me? Right now, I mean? We're friends, I know that, so I know you like me, but... what would you do if I were to go on a mission and not come back for years?"

At first, what Hermione's saying doesn't make any more sense than the rest of it, and the lines in his forehead deepen even further. As she hesitates, his mouth starts to open, about to demand that she start to make some sort of sense - but before he gets the chance to go so, she goes on, leaving him to gape at her instead.

It's one of the last things he expects her to say, and a small, irrational part of him thinks for a moment she must've developed some sort of way to read his mind. Why else would she be asking how he's feeling? Then the rest of what she says sinks in, and a distinct look of alarm crosses his face.

"Wait, you mean they're sending you away? To do what? They can't send you somewhere for years like that! What'll happen to you if you're not with the other rifters? Look, there's got to be something we can do. It's too dangerous. I can go with you, maybe, or- och, I don't know, but I'll think of something."

"No, that's not-...." Trying not to get frustrated given that Jamie seems equally frustrated himself, she shakes her head and continues, "That's not it. I'm not going anywhere. But let's... let's pretend that I am. That I did. That I went for what should have been a routine trip and just never returned, with no word sent back, and people assuming that my team and I were... gone."

Asking if he would mourn her would be stupid, considering that he wouldn't be much of a friend if he couldn't do that much. But besides mourn, he'd have to think about her, and knowing how he would think about her without actually going through it would help her know for sure whether his future feelings had just been borne from missing her or if there had always been that kernel of affection for her, even before she'd disappeared from his life.

"What would you do?" she asks softly. "How would you feel? Would-... would there have been anything you'd... regret?"

Hearing that she's not actually going to be sent away helps with the frustration. In fact, finding out he's actually wrong about that sends a wave of relief through him, something that he doesn't even bother to try and keep from showing on his face. The thought of her being gone like that is something that he's not sure he can bear...and for a few seconds, that shows just as clearly.

However, any relief on his part is short-lived. Apparently she's not quite done with her thought just yet, and even though he realizes it's more of a hypothetical situation this time around, it's still not an idea he's keen on. The first question's one he can answer easily enough, though, and there's barely even a pause on his end before he answers her.

"I'd not believe them for a moment. You're too clever to let something out there get you, Hermione, and if anyone thinks otherwise, they're wrong. And I'd go looking for you, too."

Even if he has to quit the Inquisition to do so. If that's the way it has to be, then so be it. He can deal with that - for her, it'd be worth it. The rest...well, that's trickier. If it ever did happen, he knows there's a lot of things he'd feel. Admitting it, on the other hand, is a whole other story - and now, it's his turn to hesitate, glancing away for what may seem like a very long moment before he takes a breath and focuses back on her.

"Aye." The admission is a quiet one, but there all the same - and maybe an answer, in part, to her question about how he'd feel, even if he doesn't say it out loud as such. "There'd be things I'd regret. More than one, if you must know."

Jamie's response was almost exactly the same as what the Jamie from the future had told her had happened. He hadn't believed that anything had happened to her, and though he'd slowly come to accept that he might never see her again, he claimed there'd been a part of him that hadn't really thought she was gone. Because she was too clever.

She wanted to tell him that there was no such thing as being too clever to die, and that it wouldn't be very clever on his part at all to go looking for her out on his own, either. But she didn't say either of those things. Those weren't the main issue here. The main issue was in what he said next. Or what he didn't say next.

But what he didn't say was just as important as what he did say, and she nodded slowly. "Things you'd wished you'd said? Or... or things you'd wished you'd done? Or things you'd wished you'd done but you couldn't do because you didn't say the things you'd wished you'd said?"

Getting close to rambling territory again, Hermione forcibly stopped herself and took a deep breath. "Nothing comes from words left unspoken, Jamie. Especially since tomorrow isn't guaranteed to any of us." She'd learned that the hard way, never getting the chance to spend time with Ron as a couple because they'd both just kept putting it off. While she still didn't know what she would do if Ron ever found his way to Thedas now, it didn't seem wise to just assume that she or Jamie would be granted anything beyond their next breath.

"Aye."

He could leave the answer at that, possibly, because it is a case where that one simple word works just fine for her questions - except maybe for that last one, because he's gotten a bit lost by the end of that particular ramble. It still doesn't change the fact that Hermione has a point, and he knows it. He's been in that same situation before, years ago, and there's still times where he regrets the things that've been left unsaid.

Those sort of thoughts have prompted him to take a chance here before - but it hadn't gone well, and ever since there'd been a part of him that's been reluctant to try again. When he looks at Hermione, however, that part of him wonders if maybe it wouldn't be so bad to take that chance again...even if it turns out that his feelings and her feelings aren't the same. It still takes him a few seconds before he's able to muster the courage to admit it, even so - but once he makes the decision to go forward with it, the words come easier than he's expecting them to.

"Aye, things I wished I'd said, and things I wished I'd one. And- er, I'm no so sure I completely understand what you mean by that last one, but maybe it doesn't matter. I know I'd regret not spending more time with you, and not just because you're clever. You're one of the cleverest people I know, Hermione, but you're more than just that. You're kind, and you're pretty, and...aye, well, maybe I've wondered a bit what might happen if I said I fancied you."

There's a part of Hermione that feels badly, because she feels as though she's cornering Jamie and trying to force a confession out of him before he leaves. That's not what she wants to do at all. She just wants an inkling that there's something to confess, that what had been said and done in the future hadn't been part of an entirely alternate universe but of something that just hadn't unfolded yet.

This is why wizards are warned against time traveling. They do things like this that interfere with the natural progression of time.

Annoyed as she might be at herself, Hermione's breath still catches in her throat a bit when Jamie admits that he's fancied her. That's good. The way he said it makes it seem as though she hadn't just put the idea in his head and he was going along with it. That's what she'd most been afraid of.

"You wondered for a long time. Five years, actually." And Ron had wondered about the same amount of time, leaving Hermione to absently wonder if the fault lies with her. But at least she's trying to make this right, to make it work out sooner, even if she still feels conflicted about it.

Slowly, she withdraws the small pendant she's been wearing from underneath her shirt, glancing down at it as she leaves it in full view. "I feel as though I'm cheating, honestly," she admits softly. "I've been to the future. But I just had to know for sure. We're from two different worlds, Jamie, and two different times. There are going to be... complications. But...." Even knowing what she wants to say, Hermione still hesitates before taking a breath and looking up at him again, meeting his eyes.

"But I think you're worth it. You're brave, and loyal, and you're one of the few reasons I have to smile here. So while I can't make any promises as to the long run, I'm willing to give this a try. More than willing, really. If you are."

It's funny how just a few simple words can have such an effect. When she says she's willing - no, more than willing - for just a second he swears he can feel his heart skip a beat. Deep down he knows that's not technically true, but it doesn't change the feeling of that or the faint thrill that follows moments later any more than it stops the broad smile that crosses his face. He doesn't expect any promises, not at this point. Just the fact that she's willing to try is more than enough, and he gives her a small, but pleased nod.

"I am."

He's not entirely sure yet where to go from here, mind, but that's something he's fairly sure they can figure out together. For now, taking her hand seems like a good start, and he reaches out to try and do just that. Even as he does so, though, his eyes drift towards the pendant around her neck. The jacobite rose in the middle is unmistakable - and any thought he might have had that she'd just picked it up somewhere disappears the moment he gets a good look at the carving.

"I made that for you, didn't I? In the future. Is that- is that why you feel like you're cheating?"

Hermione hadn't exactly been expecting a negative response or any such thing, but the brightness of Jamie's smile still takes her a little by surprise. She'd assumed that any feelings he might have had were new, that he'd only felt the way he did for her in the future because he'd gone so long without seeing her. But looking at him, at how happy a simple non-promise has made him, she has to wonder just how blind she'd been to his feelings before this moment.

She's grateful he takes her hand, since it gives her something else to focus on besides feeling foolish. Giving it a gentle squeeze, she nods and replies, "You gave it to me just before you helped us all get back to our proper time."

But that's not why she feels like she's cheating. Jamie's feelings had been unmistakable in the future, and so there had been little guesswork on her part as to how he feels in the present. "You also gave me something else that told me how you felt, shortly after you'd first found me."

His fingers curl around the side of her hand, squeezing it in return. While he doesn't know what happened to him in the future, there's still been some talk about some of the general things that'd gone on - stories and rumors, mostly, but with bits and pieces that seem like they'd be plausible. If things were half as bad as what he's heard, he thinks he can see why he might have decided to carve something for her. Something to remind people of what they were fighting for...or something to remember him by, should worst come to worst.

That he can understand. But the fact that apparently there was - is? - something else winds up confusing him, at least a little bit. Had he made her something else? Had there been enough time for him to do something like that? Try as he might, he can't figure out what that might be, and his brow furrows together in a decidedly baffled way.

"I did? What could I have given you that would've done that?"

She can see the confusion on his face, and Hermione instantly wishes she hadn't said that last bit. She'll either have to tell him now... or show him. And while that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's always a bit awkward to make the first move, except in the cases of spontaneity.

So she only smiles up at him for a few moments, though she doesn't expect him to understand. Finally, after letting out a small breath for courage's sake, she leans in towards him, reaching up and lightly pressing her lips to his. She hardly expects him to pull back, but she keeps the kiss light and gentle, giving him every opportunity to do so if he wants.

It's not their first kiss, but at the same time, it is. That's why she's cheating. It as though she'd flipped ahead several chapters of a book and happened to have read something about the characters that she hadn't meant to, and so can go into the present situation with that knowledge that things were going to work out for them. Life isn't usually that simple and neat.

Maybe she has skipped ahead a few chapters, but for Jamie it makes for an unexpected twist. Sure, he's had idle thoughts about what it might be like to kiss her - more than once - but even with admitting how he feels, it's not something he's expecting to happen right at that particular moment.

That's not to say that it's an unwelcome twist, however. In fact, it's far from unwelcome, and even though there's a few seconds where his surprise at what she's doing shows, it doesn't take long for him to return the kiss at all. Admittedly, his kiss is a little tentative at first, almost as though he doesn't quite believe this is happening. But as the last of the surprise ebbs way he lets himself get caught up in the moment and just lets himself experience the kiss for what it is - something gentle, and sweet, and something he finds himself enjoying very, very much.

His fingers curl around her hand again, holding on briefly before they slide part of the way up her wrist, his fingers brushing lightly over the skin there - but that, too, is something gentle, and ultimately up to Hermione to decide if it's something she wants to continue or not.

She isn't used to being the one to initiate a kiss, not unless she's so caught up in the moment that she just doesn't think about it. So Hermione fully intends for it to be little more than an answer to his question, a way to show him just how it was that she'd known he had feelings for her. Even then, it's still a gamble whether or not those feelings had yet developed to that point, but it's too late to really withdraw.

She still considers doing just that, at least until he takes it upon himself to be an active participant in the kiss. It's obvious that Jamie isn't entirely sure of this yet, and so she doesn't take the fact that he's reciprocating as encouragement to get ahead of herself. After all, all she's really aiming on doing here is putting it out there, so that things can be a little less strained between them when he leaves for Kirkwall. She doesn't want to keep avoiding him, especially not when she finally does see him again and will undoubtedly have missed him.

As it is, she's found that she's sort of missed this, even if it had been something of a surprise when his future self had opened up to her. His touch to her wrist is light, gentle, and Hermione realizes that she's shivering a little in response. To the cold. She's shivering because she's cold. Right. And Jamie is just going away on holiday.

So as long as Jamie isn't stopping her, she'll lean in closer, tilting her head a little as her free hand comes up to gently cup his cheek. She's still conflicted about this, will always be a little conflicted about this, but that won't stop her from enjoying herself for as long as she can.

[Open] The same old fears

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)