[open] it seems that all my bridges have been burned

[onlyhymns]

WHO: Cade and yoooou
WHAT: Cade's restricted to his quarters! Again!!
WHEN: early Solace
WHERE: the Templar quarters in the Gallows
NOTES: Visitors are likely restricted by at least a cursory guard, who would be there anyway because Templars.

It may have been a day, it may have been six. Regardless, Cade spends the majority of his time on his bed, facing the wall, his back to the room and curled in a fetal position. When he's not there, he's sitting at the small desk he and Simon share, staring hopelessly at a blank book, holding a pen and not using it. He doesn't seem to sleep much, and hasn't touched any of the food brought for him. Few would, on their own deathwatch.

Comments

[sulena]

If it isn't a good start, Saoirse doesn't show it and simply offers him a smile. She is proud of where she if from: both the city and the alienage. Lightly, she takes a another step and let's herself actually enter the space he occupies with a small look around her.

"I imagine that must have been wonderful. The houses along the river are always so beautiful," she says happily. "You should go back sometime. I like to visit whenever I can since my father still lives there. It is also nice to just go home, you know? I did when we first came back here since... it was hard being back here so suddenly."

[onlyhymns]

Cade tries to mirror her smile, but it barely reaches the sides of his mouth, let alone his eyes. Go back?
He's thought about it before, but the gulf has opened so wide between who he was as a boy and who he is now. He barely knows who his parents are anymore. "...I don't..." he begins, and purses his lips, fighting with what he wants to say. "...I don't think they'd want me to."

[sulena]

"They?" She repeats, curious and tilting her head at him. "I think what is most important is what do you want to do."

It wasn't an easy way to lead, Saoirse found. She had grown used to life in the Circles and sometimes life as it was now could be overwhelming. Finally, she shakes her head and decides it is perhaps best to lean away from the topics of home.

"Nevertheless, I am not here today for pressing such a issue. I am more curious to your state? Are they treating you fairly?"

[onlyhymns]

Silly. What he wants to do has never been important. Cade looks pained when Saoirse makes that suggestion, and is more than relieved when she changes the subject, even if he doesn't have an answer for her.

"...I..." he begins, unsure. "...I think so." What is fair, even?

[sulena]

For a moment, Saoirse is quiet and simply watches before nodding. She believes him, believes in the Inquisition and its leaders.

"I'm glad," she says finally. "Do you still visit the chapel here? I remember you from there before too, whenever they would allow us out and about. They've done a very good job giving life back to it."

[onlyhymns]

Relieved for the change of topic once again, Cade nods. "...I... yes," he says softly, "I did." When he was allowed. Before he was confined to await judgment. His face goes a bit pale as he drearily intones, "that's good." There are... perhaps things he cares more about than the nearby chapel.

"Did you," he begins, and trails off, looking ashamed. Never mind.

[sulena]

She hums thoughtfully, once more fiddling with the stone in her hand and Saoirse quietly wishing she had come with more ideas than simple rambles.

"Did I?" She repeats with folded hands, blinking and looking... confused by the ashamed look.

[onlyhymns]

It takes Cade a moment to build up the courage to finish the sentence. But it's something he's wondered, for longer than just to day.
"Did you..." he starts again, his voice low, "...fear us?" He knows they were hated, that was obvious. But in the way he truly knows fear, Cade has a hard time accepting that someone could feel it towards him.

[sulena]

The question earns him the sight of her taking in a deep breath of air, holding it before exhaling slowly through her nose. The look she wears is not mad, or anything negative but simply... one that looks tired. As if this heavy weight rests on her shoulders.

"No, I never did fear the Templars as a whole. I feared the men and women who just happened to wear Templar armor and used it as an excuse to hurt us," she mutters. "But the Templars are an Order I hold very dearly. For me, they are a light shining in the darkness that brought me somewhere safe to learn and understand my magic."

For a moment, her gaze flickers and she looks to her hands. "That isn't to say some things could not be improved. You are defenders of the Chantry light, and of the Maker's children. We mages are the Maker's children too... I believe some of your brothers and sisters in arms forget this."

[onlyhymns]

Her gasp is enough to put Cade on edge again, and he looks at the floor, preparing for the worst. But when it doesn't come, he's silent and still, thinking for several moments before he nods.
"I believe so," he agrees, his brow knitting unhappily. "But... I'm glad it hasn't been all bad." Self-consciously, Cade begins to rub the back of his neck. "I think... if our positions were reversed, I'd... probably be afraid all the time." Which, you know, he already is. But at least not of Templars.

[sulena]

"Templars are the reason I am still alive today. If it had not been for their actions, I likely would have died in the chaos that consumed Kirkwall and nearly destroyed it."

They were hard, terrible times but she does not forget the kindness that had been shown to her nor how much had been done to help her make in through that massacre.

"I cannot live in fear anymore. If I let it take me, it would consume me and..." Saoirse slows, biting her lip. "I cannot allow myself to give into it."

[onlyhymns]

The chaos that consumed Kirkwall still plagues Cade every moment of his life, waking and sleeping. He watches Saoirse almost dully, nodding, wishing he could say the same. Perhaps he was one of the Templars who helped her; it doesn't matter now. He killed more than he helped, and they were all trying to kill him too. Fear kept him alive, and perhaps continues to.