faderift | [semi-open] I will be your shining light

Entry tags:

[semi-open] I will be your shining light

WHO: Rey, Obi-Wan, open
WHAT: a reunion, and open
WHEN: after the rifters get to Kirkwall, and throughout Cloudreach.
WHERE: the docks, the Gallows
NOTES: will add if they become relevant

The Docks - Obi-Wan

Rey is tired after the trip to Orlais and looking forward to taking a bath and sleeping in her own bed for a change. But she can't help opening her senses as she disembarks, feeling out the Force, looking for Ben. What she doesn't expect is to sense someone else, someone she had grimly accepted she would never feel again.

She stops where she stands, Padawan looking at her quizzically as she freezes, trying to zero in on where he is. Obi-Wan.

When she determines the direction she takes off running down the docks, the Force guiding her. She catches sight of him and pushes herself faster, even as her vision blurs from tears welling in her eyes. She doesn't slow down until she crashes into him, throwing her arms around him with a sob. She's been so unsure of so much lately, but she can't help the profound relief washing over her as she feels the presence of her master once again.

Open - Training yard

She's back to one lightsaber, not that she minds. It's easier to control one than two, and she's more comfortable this way. The lightsaber that she had come to think of as hers in her hand, her first line of defense against demons and whatever else stands in her way.

For the moment she's running through her forms, things she learned under Obi-Wan, and a few she'd improvised, modified from Kylo Ren's fighting style. She holds the ignited saber in front of her, sweeping it in a slow arc, pacing her breathing, before speeding up, taking herself through motions she's practiced what feels like a thousand times, now.

Her chosen training spot is a little out of the way, but the low hum of the saber usually attracts some attention.

Open - Rey's Workshop

Often in the evenings, unless Rey is working on something or wanting private time, she'll leave the door to her room open so that Padawan can come and go, and so that others who might need her services can pop in. Or just so friends can pop in. The usual organized chaos of her room stands regardless of the day, and she is usually sitting at her desk, bent over something or another.

Her current project is another series of mini trebuchets that can be used in the obstacle course, and they sit around her desk in a varied state of disarray, some fully constructed, others waiting to be finished. She will look up when someone walks in, and if it's someone she doesn't recognize her tools will go down and she'll stand, asking who they are. If it's a friend they'll just get a smile and a wave as Rey finishes whatever she's in the middle of doing. She can talk and tinker, she's good at multitasking.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He'd been lucky to get back to Kirkwall without being arrested, he thinks. Obi Wan could have turned him in, or worse - killed him. He hadn't even been able to touch him. Not only did it wound his pride but the entire exchange had left him in a state of anxiety for much of the trip back. When he saw Rey coming up to greet her Master he made himself scarce, not sticking around to listen to their conversation or even reach out to her to explain himself. He'd already decided how she would think of him. It was how everyone in his life had come to think of him.

You're a monster...

The last thing he expected was Rey showing up in the middle of the night. He'd tried easing some of the anxiety with reading some random book he'd picked up from the library, had even tried using his calligraphy pens, but nothing could keep his mind at ease. His thoughts were like a thundercloud blackening the sky, filled with regret and turmoil. The last thing he wants is to hear her say what he expects her to say. The thought was tearing him apart. When she knocks on the door and calls for him, he stares at the door, not sure of what he should do. He could turn her away, despite every instinct telling him that being around her always helped him.

Tugging on a shirt, having long since discarded his day clothes for just a simple pair of pants to sleep in, he moves to the door to open it and stare down at her. If he looked like he was expecting a pleasant conversation that would be a lie. Everything in his demeanor screamed that he was punishing himself, that he was expecting punishment for his misdeeds.

"Rey." His brown eyes look wretched and red rimmed, as if he'd been rubbing at them, either from tiredness or something else. The rest of him was as tense as ever, as if he saw shadows around every corner waiting to strike him.

She'd picked some things up from him, knew that he was hurting, but she'd needed a little time to gather herself before she sought him out. When she sees the state he's in, her heart aches, and she has to stop herself from reaching out to pull him into her arms.

It's strange, but she isn't angry with him for attacking Obi-Wan. Maybe it's because of how Obi-Wan had reacted, the way their conversation had gone, she feels a little more hopeful about how things could be. Maybe once she can help him with his desire to attack Jedi, they could all work together.

"Can I come in?" She raises her eyebrows at him, a little hesitant. She's afraid he's going to envelop himself in the dark again, pull away from her rather than staying open.

He gives a bit of a nod, stepping to the side to let her in. His mind was swimming in darkness and self loathing, even as all he could feel from her was affection. There wasn't hate, but he doubted she was terribly happy with him.

When Rey enters his room, she'll find it just as neat in person as she's seen from within the Force and her brief visit in the night once before. He kept his things so orderly and tidy that it was hard to tell anyone lived here, save for the small touches of his personality that showed themselves. Books neatly laid in a pile, borrowed from the library, his calligraphy pens laid neatly beside them on the desk with a blank sheet of parchment laid out waiting to be marked. Her tools were still here too, neatly organized in their own little corner on the desk. Everything else he owned was given to him by the Inquisition - his clothes, save for the one she'd worn from home, were also neatly tucked away. After years of such obsessive cleanliness it was hard to break old habits.

"Welcome back." It was the only thing he could think of saying as he stands in front of her in his room, arms crossed over his chest as if he can protect himself from the inevitable displeasure that's sure to be directed towards him.

She gives the room a cursory once-over before turning back to look at him, taking in the defensive posture. She realizes he expects her to yell at him. Maybe she should. Instead she just lets out a breath.

"Thanks. I heard you went on a little trip, too. Do you want to tell me your side of things before I start assuming things?" It's a little uncommon for Rey to be this calm, but her connection to Ben has changed the way she looks at things. She knows there's more than one side to a story, and while Obi-Wan had seemed fairly dismissive of Ben attacking him, she's trying to understand why.

"I lost my temper. I attacked him. I lost." He can't help being defensive, still feeling like this is going to be a losing conversation no matter what he has to say in defense of himself. It was both that simple and more complex than he's making it.

His reason initially had been a loss of temper, but part of it had been that age old rage he'd felt for so long after Luke Skywalker had tried to kill him. He hated everything and anyone to do with the Jedi Order. Rey was the only divergence in that belief, given that she was hardly a Jedi at all. She was Rey.

Sighing, he runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face. Now that she was here, he could already feel her presence seeping into him through their connection like a healing balm. The rage and the sadness he'd been wallowing in was melting away into a calmer tempo.

"He dismantled my lightsaber right in front of me. That he let me live at all when he disarmed me is a miracle in itself." He'd never felt so devastated and ashamed, not for many years. He could already imagine Snoke's taunts about his failings, were the old Sith Master still alive.

"Obi-Wan is a teacher, it isn't his style to kill someone who might still be capable of learning something," Rey replies, a corner of her mouth lifting as she considers the possibility. Ben learning at her side instead of rejecting everything. Him losing his temper doesn't surprise her, and more or less lines up with what Obi-Wan said.

"If we keep having Jedi falling through rifts you may very well run into one who isn't going to give you that chance. You could have been hurt." There is a sternness in her tone, but she isn't trying to scold him. She had been terrified when Obi-Wan had held Ben's lightsaber out to her, afraid that she'd somehow lost him without even knowing. The Veil likely affects their bond in ways that they hadn't considered, maybe she wouldn't know if he were in pain.

"Maybe." He hadn't exactly met any teachers that held true to that statement. Yet Rey felt such hope as she said it, hope that Obi Wan could teach him just as he had taught her. It was certainly more than he deserved, a pipe dream at best.

"Then maybe my being here is the mistake." Rey had probably been much happier before he arrived, probably even more when Obi Wan had been around. He's sure that now that Obi Wan has returned to her then there would be no point in her trying so hard to wedge herself into his life. Even so, without her he would feel more lost and alone than he already felt. He'd already told her as much not even a day ago. He takes a breath, already regretting his words.

"It was... I don't know. At first I was just sizing him up. I'd seen how he was fighting, using the Force with ease. I asked his name. He caught my attention easy enough that I wanted to know where he was from. Instead of answering me, he took it for a challenge - in a way it was a challenge. Things escalated from there." He was sorry to disappoint her. Whatever goodness she saw in him was squandered by a quick temper and self depreciation.

She's quiet as he explains himself, her eyes drifting away from his face a few times as she processes what he's saying to her. She moves closer to him, pressing her lips together as she tilts her head back.

"You're being here isn't a mistake. The Force brought you here for a reason." She reaches out to gently lay her hands on his crossed arms, trying to get him to relax. "I'm still grateful for that, even if you attacked Obi-Wan. He can take care of himself, I was more worried about you when he showed me he had your lightsaber."

"You were worried about me...?" That wasn't something people often did, when it came to him. Perhaps his mother and father, but no one in the First Order ever paid him any mind unless it was to put their distance between him and them. He unfolds his arms, taking her upper arms in his hands to hold her close but not outright embracing her. It was an intimate gesture. He liked being close to her, when she wasn't trying to hack him to pieces at least. Just the two of them having their hands on one another was comforting to him. She was his ally, even if he didn't always prove to be hers.

"Did he put it back together already?" He was confused by that. Watching Obi Wan dismantle it in a matter of seconds and tossing the remnants into a bag like they were nothing had gutted him. The fact that he had shown Rey meant either he had intended to gloat or he had entrusted it to her.

"I care about you, Ben." Rey sighs, finding that easy to admit. She'd allowed herself that much even when he'd fought her in the throne room on the Supremacy. It's easier now, that they've had this time outside of the expectations of their own galaxy.

When his hands rest on her arms she shifts her touch, her hands resting lightly against his chest. That only lasts a moment and when he asks his question she nods, her hands dropping to the satchel tied around her waist. She pulls the lightsaber out, holding it up.

"He gave it to me."

The muscles in his jaw work, as if he wants to say something but can't quite find the words. He looks from Rey to the lightsaber in her hands, her touch still lingering despite pulling away. He was so pleased to see it in her hands and not Obi Wan's. He moves to reach out and take it, eyes silently asking permission. While it was his weapon, he wanted her to trust him with it.

"You could have kept it from me if you wanted to. I would have never known." And yet she had come here, probably to return it to him, and trusted that he wouldn't fail her again. Over and over she kept putting her faith in him and he'd not yet been able to prove he had earned it.

If he's allowed to take the weapon from her hands, he sets it aside for the time being. He didn't need it at this moment. It wasn't an enemy he was facing right now, but his greatest ally. Rey, despite their differences, knew all too well that they understood one another's loneliness. Losing such a vital part of himself had been crushing.

In a tender display of emotion, he brings his hand to her cheek before moving in to lay his forehead against hers. They had yet to talk of what transpired before and he hopes she doesn't think it was a dream. It had felt like it but when he woke the next morning it had been to disappointment that she wasn't still beside him while he'd slept.

"I trust you with it," she replies simply, letting him take the saber from her without a fight. Maybe she shouldn't, given that he'd attacked Obi-Wan, but she doesn't expect that to happen again. If it does, Obi-Wan has his saber back, it would still be an uneven fight and would likely end in Ben losing a limb or two. So she sincerely hopes he doesn't decide to try to attack the Jedi again.

Her breath catches in her throat as he touches her cheek and rests his forehead against hers and she rolls her tongue against her bottom lip, her hands settling again on his chest. She's been thinking about that night, and other nights, often. She'd had to meditate to distract herself from thinking about it, focusing on other things helped, but eventually her mind came back to him.

"Should we talk about this?" she asks quietly, her eyes focused on his.

"I'd like to, if you want to talk about it." Whatever it was going on between them, he still couldn't figure it out. It was important to him, and yet it wasn't as if it was something easy to give a name to. He wanted her more than anything, and yet he knew he wasn't ready to let go of all the hate and anger he felt. He couldn't ever be good in the way that she was.

"I want to be someone worthy of that trust, but I don't know if I can be. I don't know if I'll ever be worthy of your feelings for me." His hands rest on her shoulders, wishing more than anything he could be what she wants him to be. He'd made too many mistakes and would make many more before he could ever be good enough. He hadn't been able to stop his parents fearing him, how could she be any different? She would come to fear him too, just as everyone in his life did.

Edited (stupid grammar) 2018-04-15 02:36 (UTC)

She bites her lip, eyes steady on his.

"I think I get to decide if you're worth my feelings." Her hands slide up to his face, her hands resting against his cheeks. She has learned of her own importance, both to those around her and herself. But Ben makes her feel unlike she's ever felt, and she's a little afraid of it, but she wants to see this through. She feels like he's meeting her more in the middle than before. They they can find a balance, together.

"I want to see where this could go. I think... We're better when we're together."

Edited 2018-04-15 02:38 (UTC)

He closed his eyes against the feeling of her hands on his skin. Her touch was warm and gentle. She left him reeling, not for the first time, over the fact that she genuinely cared about him. He kept telling himself that such sentiment had been what ended his grandfather's reign, that his own compassion for her hadn't been enough to make her stay. Yet he struggled against the loneliness all the same. He wanted this. He didn't want to be shut out again.

"I know we are. It's why I asked you to join me." Granted, it hadn't been love he'd been looking for. He'd felt her raw strength reflecting back against his and he'd known then that she would be his equal and that together they could shift an entire galaxy. He'd wanted her power and what that power could do. He hadn't wanted to rule over anything but with her he could do it. He could do anything.

It made no difference here. Here they were just two rifters, displaced from their home and trying to build new lives for themselves. She'd found her place here while he still struggled against where he felt his place was. He struggled against his own nature, the light and dark eternally at war with one another inside of him.

"Where do you want this to go?" He looks at her, the question hanging between them. He didn't know where this could go. He had no experience in a happy relationship. He had only ever been alone. That was enough to make him doubt that being with him could ever be a happy experience. Yet she was giving him the chance, showing how much she cared with words and actions.

Her brow furrows briefly as he brings up when he asked her to join him, not wanting to think about that. She knows she needs to, because that's still a part of their past. It was something that she'd maybe considered, in the moment. She's still not sure what made her reach for her lightsaber instead. It wasn't him. It had never been because of him.

Her thumbs brush along his cheekbones, calloused fingers mapping out the lines of his face. He's softer than she expects him to be, though when she'd first met him she'd thought that the mask might be concealing some horribly grotesque creature. Now that she's had the time to process, she's realized she finds him physically handsome, even with the scar she gave him. Maybe especially with it, that isn't something she cares to look deeper on.

"I don't know. I've never... I don't let myself get this close to people." She finally responds, her eyes darting from his for a moment. "I think that's part of why I want to see where it might lead us."

He hoped that it hadn't been easy for her to refuse him. It had hurt back then and it still hurt now, having her turn away from him. Yet she had chosen to trust him this time, giving him back his lightsaber. That trust wasn't something he took lightly. It made him hope that someday they might meet in the middle.

Her hands on his skin were gentle, calloused skin marking the years she'd lived as a scavenger. It felt freeing that the two of them had come far enough to be able to touch one another without hesitation. They knew one another's souls already. When she speaks of her reluctance to get close to others, he understands it. It had been the same for him after years of trying to be the son his parents had wanted, someone whose power wasn't feared.

"I'm honored that you'd break your habits for me." It was the same for him, really. He was breaking his own habits. It was terrifying and new but he had already taken steps down this path. It was too late to turn back, even if he wanted to. They were tied together.

His hands move down her arms and then drop to her waist with a careful hesitance. If she didn't want him touching her he wouldn't. It was different, compared to when they first met and he'd had no issue with prying into her mind without permission. He wanted her to want his touch, no matter how innocent or otherwise.

"Can I...?" Kiss her, he wants to say. He'd been thinking about it almost all day after that first kiss they'd shared. He leans in a bit, not quite closing the distance. He was so curious how different it would be to kiss her for real versus through the Force. While that had certainly felt real it wasn't a substitute for being here with her in person.

She smiles a little at his comment, though she doesn't know that it should be an honor. Daughter of junk traders, a child that had grown up lonely on Jakku, she sometimes wonders why people waste their time with her. It's flattering to hear, though, and his hands moving down her arms and settling on her waist draw her in. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment she looks back at him as he half asks a question she knows the answer to before it's even out of his mouth.

Rather than answering him with words her hands on his face hold him in place so she can rise up on her toes a little, tilting her face to kiss him. The height difference was less obvious when they'd been laying down, but she doesn't care. He's already bent to rest his forehead against hers, so it's not so drastic as it might be if he weren't, but something about his size and the way she fit against him just seemed to make sense to her.

He catches her as she rises up on her toes, holding her against him as they moved into each other's space. Her lips against his were soft and the reality of it was a shock to his system. It was as if they were made perfectly to fit one another. He knew he was taller and more lanky, making any kiss awkward, but it didn't seem to matter.

He pulls her against him, lips firmly against hers. This was different compared to their first kiss. He didn't feel as nervous or afraid of it. He knew how he felt and that she was as into the moment as he was. By the time he comes up for air, his arms are wrapped around her, holding her to him.

"So... I think I know where I stand with all this." His lips curve upwards in a smile, hands rubbing circles against her back.

Her arms move to wrap around his neck as he pulls her against him, holding him close just as he held her. She feels like her heart may very well burst from the emotion pouring out of her in this moment, but she doesn't mind it. It's a feeling she's not familiar with, but she'd felt it several times since coming into contact with Ben. The first time they'd touched, when they kissed in her tent, and again now.

When he smiles that's another thing that stops her heart and she stares at him with no small wonder, a smile slowly spreading across her face.

"I've never seen you smile before." One hand comes loose from around his shoulders and she presses it to his cheek, before arching up to kiss him again, briefly this time. "You should do it more often."

"I've never had a reason to." When he had spent more time frowning or in various states of emotional distress for the last six years, it made it hard to find the energy or the reason to smile. Rey gave him a reason to. Having it pointed out to him made him somewhat self conscious and the smile unconsciously left his face again.

"Sorry... I never really gave you a reason to before, either." They had been at odds but now it seemed they were starting to find common ground together. He had the Force to thank for that.

Growing up, Rey had rarely smiled around others. When she had, it had been a feral thing, when she triumphed over another scavenger trying to take advantage of her, or over a task that Unkar Plutt had deemed too daunting for 'the little girl.' Since coming to Thedas she's learned to smile more around others, allow herself to relax and be more open with her emotions. Still, some days she is more reserved than others. Now though, his smile fading isn't enough to wipe away hers.

"I'll help you find more reasons to smile."

"That might not be as easy as you think." Yet here he is. Smiling, his arms around her like they belonged there. Not for the first time he marveled at this girl in front of him. What he saw in her gaze was hope. That they had come together despite the opposing sides they had stood on was a miracle in itself.

It wasn't an easy thing for him to ever feel hope, and yet she had given it to him. After everything he'd done and was still capable of doing, she filled him with hope.

"I didn't think it would be easy," she replies, raising her eyebrows at him. She knows him, at least well enough to know that smiles won't come easy. Still, she imagines that once smiles came easy to him, and maybe one day they would again. Now that he's free of Snoke, and the expectations of the First Order.

Biting her lip she slides her hands down to press against his chest, pushing away from him gently.

"I have a present for you. I... if you don't like it you don't need to wear it, but--" She reaches into her pouch again, producing a polished blue crystal that's wrapped on one end in silver wire that seems to vaguely evoke a lightsaber hilt and hung on a chain. On the crystal in aurebesh the word 'hope' is inscribed. "I got the pendant from a jeweler in Orlais, I did the writing myself. I have one that matches it." She reaches into the collar of her shirt, pulling out a pendant that's only similar in color and make, the cut of the rock a little different but no less evocative of a lightsaber. "I know it's not your color, but the jeweler made these because he saw me fighting, once. He didn't have anything in red."

For a moment he's at a loss for words, his fingers lifting up the small crystal up from her hands. He takes the chain, turning the crystal over in his fingers to examine it, thumb tracing the etched in text done carefully by her hand. It was a small thing, but it lifted his spirits farther than they'd been before she had come to see him. His gaze drops to her necklace and he reaches out to inspect that too, running his fingers over the smoothly carved pendant.

"I didn't- I didn't think to get anything for you when we went to Amaranthine to help close the rift." And now he could feel anxiety rise up in him, ever so slightly, that he had only caused trouble while there - for her and Obi-Wan and probably for others too. He'd been so caught up in his old fears and prejudices that he'd missed an opportunity to do something to show her he'd thought of her while she was away.

"Thank you." His brows knit together as he tries to think of how to convey his feelings to her. Instead he decides to just put on the necklace. She was right that it wasn't quite his color, but it still gave him something of her to hold onto.

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